by Jahquel J
“Stop fucking worrying about Chanel. She not worried about you. You going to rehab or something, Liberty.”
“I don’t need rehab,” I protested.
“Yes, the fuck you do,” he argued. Staten was probably right, I did need rehab, but that wasn’t what was on my mind right now.
I ignored him because my phone was ringing. When I saw it was Free, I prayed that this nigga hadn’t said anything to anyone about my drug of choice. “What’s up?” I answered already on guard for any of the bullshit she was about to hit me with.
“Dang, you don’t sound too pleased to speak to me,” she giggled. “What’s going on with you?” I sighed in relief because she didn’t know.
“I just been stressed with work. What’s going on?”
“Well, you know Justice’s birthday is coming up, so I was thinking we can throw her a dinner or something.”
“Jus don’t have no damn friends besides us,” I laughed. Justice was antisocial and didn’t trust many, so her guest list was slim to none.
“Well, that’s true. Still, I’ll invited G, Staten and Priest. Those two made up since she stopped fucking with Todd.”
“Wait, what?” I had been in my own bubble that I had no clue what was going on with my sisters.
“Yeah, she kicked him out of the apartment and everything. He’s staying with his mom now and trying to get back into her good graces. Libby, I think she’s done with him this time,” I could tell she was smiling because I was too.
“Thank God. Does mama know?”
“Uh huh. You know mama… she said she wanna see if this last before she gets her hopes up. Justice has done it so many times that she’s leery, so I understand.”
“She has. Hopefully she sticks to it because Priest is so good for her,” I laid back down on the couch. Staten pushed my feet off the couch and sat down. “Nigga, move,” I kicked him.
“Who is that?”
“Staten annoying ass,” I rolled my eyes. His ass needed to go because I was liable to snap. I just needed something to calm these nerves that I was feeling all of the sudden.
“Since when? You been keeping shit from me,” she was all too eager for details. “You know he had told me once that he would marry you one day.”
“No he didn’t.”
“I swear. It was at Mirror’s 11th birthday party. Remember you came and brought her Mac lip-glosses? You ignored the hell out that boy and he was still hell bent over you. You just never paid attention to him.”
“You told Free that you were going to marry me?” I looked over at him as he flipped through the channels.
“Chilllll,” he dragged his words out.
“Yep, you did. When niggas dragged their words out like that, they lying,” I poked him in the chest with my foot.
“Tell Free big mouth bass to mind her fucking business,” he barked. “Yo, order me some fucking food… I’m starving, and hurry up off the phone,” he barked orders like he paid rent in this bitch.
“Oh shit, let me get off the phone. I gotta go pick up the twins, Kiki and Love anyway,” she replied.
“Later,” I ended the call and tossed the phone onto the coffee table. “Why you came over here anyway?”
“Was thinking about you,” he admitted.
“And that made you come over here to my place?”
“Yeah, why the fuck you got all these damn questions? I was thinking about you and hadn’t seen you in a while, so I came to see what was up.”
“Hmph.”
“You gotta get clean,” he brought the subject back up and I tried to ignore him, but he wouldn’t let that happen. “You hear me.”
“Yes, I know. I need to get clean, but I’m not thinking about that right now.”
“You fucking should be. Liberty, you’re a fucking nurse and almost killed someone today. You fucking around with that shit gonna cause you to go downhill. What happens if you niece or nephew find out about that shit? You want your moms to find out too? Cause I’ll make sure that shit happens if that means protecting you.”
I wiped the tears that fell down my cheeks. “I have so many demons that I battle, and it helps me out, Staten. You or nobody don’t know my life and what I have to go through.”
“Help me understand that shit then. Let me help you face those demons, so you don’t have to put this poison in your body to fight them,” he reached over and touched my hand.
There was so much I battled with that no one knew about. I was so tired of facing the reality of my decisions, so this is what I did to cope with them. Still, I knew he was right. If I continued down the path that I was heading, there wouldn’t be any future for me. Today was proof that I needed to get my shit together and I couldn’t keep living the same way that I had been living for years. The question was… could I do it?
14
Freedom
“Go grab your book bags!” I hollered to the kids as they ran up the stairs. Kiss waddled downstairs and went into the fridge without speaking. Her mood these past few days had been crazy. I mean, I tried to blame it on the baby and how uncomfortable she had been, but sis was on thin ice when it came to me.
I understood everything that came with pregnancy, because I carried not one, but two big headed children. She was carrying one and acting like it was everyone’s fault why she was in this situation. I don’t know if she was having issues with her mystery baby daddy or what, but I knew she better had fixed her damn attitude because I wasn’t the one. Love and Kiki were a joy to keep an eye on. Although they were older than my babies, they were still respectful and loved that I helped them with certain things. Since Kiss was further along in her pregnancy, she didn’t do anything except stay in the bed all day. Pat had told Priest she had left a few times when no one was home. I didn’t understand how she could be so angry when she had all this support around her. How could one be so mad? I knew there were at least a dozen pregnant teens that would gladly switch positions with her. Priest was trying his hardest to be there for her and it was like nothing he did was good enough for her.
“I’m kind of sad,” Love said as she came down and plopped in the stool. Her hair fell into her face and I swiped it away.
“Why Love bug?” I pulled her hair back into a sleek ponytail.
“Because we’re going back home tomorrow. I like living here,” she sighed.
“Well, you knew that you had to go home. I tell you what, I’ll continue to pick up and drop you girls off from school. You both can even come do homework before Priest comes to pick you up at the end of the day,” I offered.
Priest was tired of living up under Ghost’s roof and I knew it. He was barely staying here. I also knew it had a lot to do with Justice. He wanted to lay up with his girl under his roof. “I mean, that sounds good,” she shrugged her shoulders.
“Kiss is about to have your nephew, so she needs to get settled home. He needs to have his bed and all that other baby stuff.”
“It’s always about Kiss,” she mumbled and headed toward the front door while Kiki sang as she skipped down the stairs. That little girl was so happy all the time. For a thirteen-year-old girl, she wasn’t concerned about her looks, hair or none of that. She loved dance and wanted to be a kid for as long as possible.
“Can you braid my hair this week, Kiss?” she asked as she grabbed an apple for her lunch. Kiss took a sip of her orange juice and rolled her eyes at her little sister.
“Do you think I feel like braiding your hair? I can barely sit for five minutes before I’m uncomfortable,” she complained.
“It’s fine. Sorry for asking,” Kiki grabbed her lunch box and left out of the kitchen. Kiki was the sweetest girl and for Kiss to come at her like that pissed me off.
“I’ve been nice and tried to help you adjust, but you’re uncomfortable because you were fucking when you should have been studying in those damn books. Stop fucking pushing people that care about you away while your nonexistent baby daddy gets all your attention when you’re on the ph
one with him,” I pointed my finger at her.
“Free, you don’t know me or my situation,” she snapped her neck as she rubbed on her stomach like the shit was cute.
“I know that your uncle has done everything in his power to make you comfortable. He bust his ass and risks his life every day so you and your sisters could have everything, and do you thank him? No, you’re so busy putting him down for not throwing you a stupid baby shower or giving you the guest room.”
“Did I ask him to risk his life? He could have gone to college and finished like he’s trying to force me to do.”
“Do you think he had a fucking option? Answer me this, how the fuck was he gonna raise three girls while in college? Who was going to pay the bills? Kiss, you’re not that stupid. You’re mad because he wants better for you? If that’s what you’re mad, about you’re more stupid than I thought,” I snatched the twin’s lunch boxes and headed out the door with the kids.
While she was so busy trying to make her uncle mad, she was just hurting the man. Priest had never done anything for himself for so long that he was scared to tell the girls about him and Justice. While Kiss lived to make him feel guilt, all she was doing was hurting him in the process. Even after finding out about her being pregnant, he still supported her, although she liked to act like he didn’t. He had reserved this exclusive ass birthing suite at Staten Island hospital for her. The shit cost six thousand dollars a night and he reserved it because he knew how much she hated hospitals and wanted her to be comfortable after having the baby. Instead of a baby shower, he asked me to throw her a small brunch with a few friends since she hadn’t hung out with them lately. He cared more than some parents would after finding out their child had been fucking and brought home a damn baby.
After I dropped the kids off to school, I headed over to Liberty’s condo. It had been a minute since me and my twin saw each other. We had been so busy with our own personal lives that we hadn’t had a moment to just sit and talk. I parked and headed upstairs. Letting myself in, I looked around and went into her room. Liberty and Staten were both fast asleep in her bed. Liberty was laid on his chest while he was knocked out. I knocked on the door and Liberty stirred from her sleep, while Staten remained asleep.
“Just because you have a key doesn’t mean to use it all the time,” she yawned and grabbed her robe before meeting me out in the living room. She peeked back into the room before she closed the door behind her.
“Sorry, I was calling your phone and you hadn’t answered. I’ll use my key for emergencies since I know you’re getting some dick on the regular.”
“It’s not even like that. We haven’t had sex,” she waved me off and went into her pantry and grabbed some gummy worms.
“It’s not even morning and you’re eating candy,” I commented, and she rolled her eyes. “Okay, I’m sorry,” I knew she was about to whine about how I was acting more like her mother than her sister.
“You come over here trying to be mama and I’m not in the mood,” she snapped. “Anyway, what’s up? You don’t come to my crib unless you have something on your mind.” Liberty knew me like the back of her hand. We were twins and knew everything about the other. She knew the only time I came over was when I needed to talk about something, and I did. My little fight with Kiss had me bothered, but had distracted me from what had been on my mind all week.
“I think I’m pregnant,” I revealed. My period was always like clockwork. When the twins were born, I didn’t get birth control because I didn’t believe in that shit. Putting all that mess into your body was toxic and it wasn’t something that I was interested in. I believed in keeping myself safe by using condoms, plus, I didn’t get around that much to be worried about getting pregnant.
“You told Ghost yet?”
I put my head down because I didn’t know who the father was. Me and Zoe had been intimate around the same time that me and Ghost fucked in Jamaica. Me and Zoe shared a quickie in my kitchen before his ass got crazy and started putting his hands on me. Here I was talking about how birth control was toxic, and my ass had fucked two men without any protection.
“What are you not telling me?” Liberty brought me from my thoughts. “Freedom!” she raised her voice. Liberty couldn’t stand when I ignored her, but she loved doing the shit to me.
“I don’t know who the father is, Libby,” I admitted. It had been something I had kept to myself, but saying it out loud made me feel like a cheap hoe.
“Bro, are you serious? You fucked Zoe and Ghost around the same time?” she damn near yelled and I quieted her down. “You don’t need to be worried about him,” she pointed to the bedroom door.
“Zoe came over and we hadn’t seen each other for a while so we started to kiss, and one thing led to another, and he was fucking me on my kitchen counter.”
“Eww, I ate on that same counter,” she remarked.
“After, he got all crazy and jealous over Ghost. I shouldn’t have fucked him that night. I should have acted like I wasn’t home,” I sighed.
“Well, do you blame him? You gave him some pussy and the nigga got crazy,” she laughed. “All you need to do is get a DNA test before you have the baby.”
“Okay, and how do you think I can do that? Zoe is the one who probably shot my damn house up.”
“Get Ghost’s DNA. If that shit comes back it’s not his, then…” she allowed her voice to trail off and I laid my head down on her counter. “Take a nap, I haven’t fucked on these counters.”
“Liberty Bell!” I called her by her entire name. “I’m going through something and you’re making a damn joke of the situation.”
“Well, what do you want me to say? I want it to be Ghost’s baby, but hell with our family’s luck, you having Zoe’s damn baby,” she laughed, and I sighed and went to lay on her couch.
“Anyway, what’s going on with you?” I needed anything to distract me from what I was going through.
I continued to say I thought I was pregnant, but I knew I was. My period was late as hell and I had been feeling nauseous, just like I did with the twins. The other morning Ghost sprayed some cologne on, and I couldn’t stay in the same room because it was making me sick. Ghost had been so busy that he hadn’t noticed, and I thanked God for that. Long as he knew me, the twins and Rain were good, he wasn’t tripping. I was enjoying spending time with Rain. She was trying to adjust to so much in a short amount of time. Her little sister died, and she was trying to understand that, all while wondering where her mother was and having her daddy not home. She loved being around Somali. She loved calling her, her bigger twin.
I didn’t mind holding down the kids while Ghost made sure that we were safe, but I craved for my own space again. I was scared to go home, still I missed having my own space. Living on my own for ten years, I got used to living on my terms. I hated living in a house that he shared with Shakira. Her clothes were still hung up in the closet. Even her body products were still in the bathroom. Ghost told me to throw them out, but I didn’t feel like it was my place to do that. I just wanted my own space.
“Nothing, just been working and trying to keep myself sane,” she vaguely ran down the current events in her life.
“And Staten? You gonna ignore that?”
“That? It’s nothing. Soon as Chanel finds out we’re gonna be done and over with,” she sat down on the accent chair and crossed her legs.
“Why the fuck you keep saying that shit?” Staten caused both of us to jump in our skins. He pulled his coat on and walked over to Liberty. Reaching down, he kissed her on the lips before grabbing his keys to his car.
“Because it’s true.”
“What’s good, Free?”
“Ain’t shit,” I answered and replied to a text message from my assistant. I made a mental note to give her a raise. She had been killing it since I was taking some time off. Everything I needed, she made sure to get done without a complaint.
“It’s not true, so stop telling yourself that shit. I’m going to g
o home to shower, and I’ll be back,” he told her and kissed her again.
“You sure?”
“I’m not going to fucking see Chanel, so chill with all that shit,” he replied and closed the door behind him.
“Wow,” I said and held in my laugh.
“Shut the hell up,” she warned. “I know it’s going to be over before it even ends. Chanel doesn’t want him to be happy if she’s not in the picture. Staten has always given that girl what she wants.”
“Have you ever stopped to think that those other chicks weren’t what he wanted so it was easy to let them go? You’re what he’s always wanted, but always kept it on the low. Do you think he’s going to allow Chanel to fuck that up?”
“We’ll see,” she popped another gummy worm in her mouth as her leg nervously shook. “Why you staring at me?”
“Something different about you,” I observed her. Something was definitely different about her and I couldn’t place my finger on it.
“You haven’t filled me in on Justice’s birthday dinner.”
“We’re going to the club. Her birthday happens to fall on the same day as Fat Tony’s birthday and he rented out Ultra so we’re gonna have dinner and then go shake our asses. It’s been way too long, Libby,” I shook my ass in the seat because I was excited to be out with my sisters.
“Ghost good with this?”
“Yeah, he know Fat Tony don’t do the bullshit, so it’s gonna be a good night. We honestly all need this night. Too much has happened, and we need a night to let loose.”
“I feel you. Well, you know I’m down.”
“Good, cause I feel like it’s going to be a night we’re never going to forget,” I smiled as I laid back on the couch. I had a world of issues going on, but this weekend I was going to put them to the back burner and turn up with my sisters.
I laid in the bed with my laptop on my lap while I watched six hundred pounds and counting. Every damn person on this show always had a man or woman. I needed to know how they managed to get cuffed and I was sitting here in this weird ass situation with Ghost. We shared the same bed, but we didn’t have sex since Jamaica, or put a label on anything. Not that I needed a label or anything, still it would have been nice. When I tried to sleep in a guest room, he told me to sleep in his room and I obliged. Was that a label, or was I looking too deep into things? As I continued to reply to emails and approve design details, I didn’t notice Ghost walk into the room and unclasp his Rolex. He sat it on the dresser as he continued to step out his clothes. The kids were asleep, and Priest took the girls back home, so the house was quiet. After spending the entire day at Liberty’s house yesterday, I stayed in the house and got some much-needed work done.
