“What happened?” Jagger asked softly.
“He told me it was wrong. That it was unnatural. He said I’d go to hell because God hated fags and that’s what I would be. He made me promise I wouldn’t ever act on it or mention it again. I was so afraid of losing him that I swore I wouldn’t. I hoped things would go back to the way they’d been, but he started making excuses that he was busy when I was supposed to go visit him. Whenever I did see him, he asked me if I was a queer.”
“How old were you?” he heard Ren ask.
“Thirteen,” Declan said. “He died just after I turned seventeen. When I found out he left me the cabin, I saw it as some kind of sign that he really did love me but I convinced myself I had to keep my promise. He was the only one besides Sylvie who’d ever really loved me but he hated that part of me so I decided to hate it too – to pretend it didn’t exist. So I never told anyone else, not even Sylvie, and I dated a few girls here and there when I started at the police academy. Then Sylvie got sick and it just didn’t seem important.”
Declan fell silent as he tried to regain control of his mottled breathing. Ren’s soothing touch continued and Jagger made no move to release him. And neither man pressed him to finish his story.
“After Sylvie got better, I went back to work and found out the officer I was assigned to train under was gay. His name was Mac and the other officers in the department used to say some pretty bad shit about him and treated him like dirt. I was afraid that by working with Mac that they would suspect I was gay too so I asked to be reassigned. My request was granted,” Declan said. Tears began to flow down his cheeks.
“I ran into Mac in the locker room the day my request came through. I was so embarrassed but he told me it was okay and that he understood. He told me he thought I was going to be a hell of a cop. That was the last time I saw him. He died that night in a shootout with some home invasion suspects because the backup he called for never showed up. The guys were joking about it the next day – they kept saying that the best kind of fag was the dead kind. Maybe if I hadn’t asked to get reassigned…”
“You were young and scared, Declan,” Jagger whispered. “It’s not your fault.”
“He had a boyfriend,” Declan said. “I saw him at the funeral. It was just him and me – Mac’s family had disowned him. I watched them lower his casket in the ground and I knew that if I ever said anything that that would be my future…Sylvie’s future. Me in a box and Sylvie standing alone over my grave.”
Declan reached up to wipe at his tears and a tissue was gently placed in his hand. “I wasn’t with another man for the first time until I was almost twenty-seven. I went down to a gay club in Portland and let some guy pick me up. After that I went to different clubs in different cities when I couldn’t deny the cravings. But the pressure of being discovered was too much so I stopped. I met Zane last year. He’s a defense attorney so we’d seen each other a few times in the courthouse and when he came to the precinct to meet with clients. He must have seen something in the way I looked at him because he confronted me one day in the parking lot – said we could give each other what we needed. He had as much to lose as I did so I agreed.”
At the mention of Zane he felt both Ren and Jagger tense up but neither withdrew from him. “We never kissed or really even touched,” Declan admitted shamefully. “We barely even talked.”
“Why did you come here tonight?” Jagger asked. “Is it because Ren and I both-”
“No,” Declan quickly said. “No. I wanted what happened at the cabin. I wanted it so badly.”
“Then why did you leave?” Ren asked.
“Because I wanted it too much,” Declan said again. “And because I’m scared that one time won’t be enough.”
“You’re afraid you’ll have to choose between us and the lie you’ve been living,” Jagger offered. Declan almost smiled at Jagger’s bluntness. Though what Jagger said was true, it was only a half truth and even though his brain was warning him to keep his mouth shut, Declan’s gut refused to start whatever this new aspect of their relationship was off with a lie.
“I’m afraid I’ll end up with even less than what I have now and what I have now isn’t much.”
“Declan,” Ren whispered. Declan forced himself to turn to look at Ren. “This whole thing scares the shit out of me and I have no idea what any of it means but it feels right.” Ren’s hand came up to circle around his neck and Declan sighed when Ren’s lips brushed over his. “Give this a chance, Declan.”
Ren released him and Declan turned to Jagger. “Nothing happened between me and Zane tonight. He can’t give me what I need,” he said and he glanced at Ren to make sure he’d heard him too.
Jagger nodded and rose to his feet and pulled Declan up with him. A deep, hungry kiss followed and then Jagger and Ren were kissing and Declan was sure he’d never seen anything more stunning then the two men wrapped around each other. Where there should be jealousy, there was only a burning hunger.
As Jagger reached for him to pull him into their embrace, Declan held back and said, “Not here.”
There was no way in hell he’d tarnish the memory of what was about to take place between the three of them by having it happen in this ugly motel room that had only ever served as an escape from his self-imposed prison…this place that had always left him a little emptier every time he left it.
“Your place,” he said to Jagger and then he reached for Ren’s hand and laced their fingers together before he dragged Jagger down for one more kiss.
***
Jagger reached up to adjust the rearview mirror and bit back a groan at the sight of Declan and Ren kissing as their hands roamed over each other’s bodies. Thank God his townhouse was only a few minutes away because at this rate he’d either end up getting into a car accident because he couldn’t keep his eyes on the road or he’d get arrested for the second time today for speeding and indecent exposure. He hadn’t been willing to risk Declan changing his mind, so he’d insisted that Declan ride with them and they’d return to the motel to get his car later. But he hadn’t considered the fact that Ren would climb in back of the car and that the two men wouldn’t be able to keep their hands off each other.
A sliver of doubt went through Jagger that he was the odd man out and that Declan and Ren didn’t really want or need him tonight but his next glance in the mirror nearly stopped his heart. Declan’s eyes connected with his in the reflection as he kissed Ren and they stayed with him as his long, thick fingers began stroking over Ren’s cock through his jeans. Ren’s moans and whimpers filled the car and Jagger bit back a curse as his own dick pressed uncomfortably against his pants. Jagger forced his eyes back to the road but couldn’t stop himself from checking the mirror every few seconds and each time he did, he saw that Ren’s legs were splayed open on the seat bench as Declan rubbed him. But what caught Jagger off guard was that Ren was watching him now too and every time Jagger drove underneath a street lamp, the light illuminated the pleasure that shone in Ren’s eyes as Declan’s caresses drove him higher. And then Declan’s hand slipped inside of Ren’s pants and Ren cried out.
“Declan, please,” Ren whispered harshly.
“Please, what?” Declan asked.
“Please, I need to come.”
“Jesus,” Jagger muttered as he shifted desperately against the seat but the move provided absolutely no relief.
“Should I let him come, Jagger?”
“No,” Jagger said softly. “Keep him there,” he ordered.
“Jagger!” Ren nearly yelled. But before he could say anything else, Declan’s mouth closed over his once more and Jagger pushed down on the gas. He was pulling the car into the garage less than three minutes later and he was out of the car before he’d even jammed it into park. He barely remembered to the hit the button to close the garage door before he was striding to the back door and yanking it open. He dragged Ren out and slammed the door closed, then pushed Ren up against the car and crushed their mouths together. H
e felt Ren’s fingers clutch his shirt and he barely registered the door on the other side of the car opening and closing. As he shoved his tongue down Ren’s throat, he felt fingers working between his and Ren’s hips and then he heard a zipper being dragged down. Ren cried out against his mouth and punched his hips forward and Jagger glanced down to see that Declan had closed his hand around Ren’s length and was stroking him slowly.
As Ren writhed against him, Jagger turned and sealed his mouth over Declan’s. Their kiss turned languid and slow but Ren’s escalating moans told Jagger that Declan’s hand had increased its pace. Jagger tore his lips free of Declan’s and dropped to his knees. He looked up and saw that Ren’s eyes were closed.
“Ren, look at me,” he said firmly. It took Ren several long seconds to respond and he actually didn’t until Declan stopped moving his hand. He seemed surprised to see Jagger on the floor and his mouth parted in anticipation as he registered what was about to happen.
“Tell me you want this,” Jagger said. As overwhelmed as Ren was by the all the new sensations bombarding his body, Jagger needed to be sure that he was okay with what was happening.
“Yes,” Ren whispered.
Jagger held Ren’s gaze as he bypassed Declan’s hand which was still wrapped around Ren’s nearly purple cock and instead licked over one of Ren’s lightly furred balls. He gave the other the same treatment and then sucked it into his mouth.
“Fuck,” Ren whispered, but he kept his eyes open. Jagger saw that one of Ren’s hands was hanging on to the door handle of the car while the other encircled Declan’s wrist on the hand he had resting on Ren’s hip.
Jagger licked and sucked each testicle over and over and then dragged his tongue up Ren’s length. Declan removed his hand and Jagger shuddered when he felt it stroke over his head and finally come to a stop on the back of his neck. Jagger traced the ridge around the head of Ren’s cock and then flicked his tongue into the slit on the top. He repeated the slow torture and then added to it by sucking just the tip of Ren’s cock into his mouth and making love to it as if it were Ren’s mouth. Ren groaned and tried to punch his hips forward but Jagger used his hands to keep him from moving. He shifted his eyes up and saw that Declan and Ren were going at it with rushed, desperate kisses.
“Jagger, please!” Ren shouted as he ripped his mouth from Declan’s. Declan’s mouth immediately began sucking on his neck and his big hands closed over both of Ren’s wrists to keep him from reaching for Jagger like he clearly wanted to. Jagger decided to take pity on Ren and sucked him in to the root, automatically relaxing his gag reflex. He took in a deep whiff of Ren’s musky scent as he pressed his nose against the wiry hair on Ren’s groin and then dragged back up, applying suction as he went.
“Declan, I can’t! It’s too much,” Ren cried out.
Jagger swallowed Ren back down and began bobbing up and down on him relentlessly. He released his hold on Ren’s hips and was rewarded with a hard thrust that had him gagging as Ren pushed in as far as he could.
“Come for us, baby,” Jagger heard Declan command and the husky order had Jagger almost coming in his pants. Seconds later, he felt the first splash of Ren’s release hit the back of his throat and Ren’s shout of pleasure ricocheted through the garage.
“Fuck!” Ren kept repeating the word over and over as his orgasm consumed him. When Ren’s release finally began to slow, Jagger gave him one final lick and then stood and reached for Declan. As they kissed, Declan licked the remnants of Ren’s come off Jagger’s tongue.
“I need you,” Declan said against his mouth. “Inside me,” he added and before Jagger could answer, Declan’s mouth was on his again.
***
Ren couldn’t believe that his sated body was capable of feeling anything after what Jagger had just done to him but sure enough, the sight of Declan and Jagger kissing had his dick stirring once more. And then Declan spoke his words to Jagger and a whole new bout of lust pooled in Ren’s belly.
“Inside,” Jagger said and he reached for Declan’s hand and snagged his arm around Ren’s waist.
By the time Jagger had dragged them into his bedroom, Ren’s original nerves returned. From the moment he’d covered Declan’s mouth with his back at the cabin, Ren knew what he wanted, but the unknown of being with another man, let alone two, had had anxiety mixing with his desire. When he’d first heard Declan and Jagger talking after Jagger’s return to the cabin, he’d feared he’d have to intervene because the anger in Declan’s voice had been palpable. And then Jagger had made his crushing admission about his mother and from Declan’s side of the conversation Ren had figured out that the man who’d put Jagger through so much hell growing up was another cop, someone Declan knew. Learning that Jagger had also been dealing with dyslexia since he was a child had caused several things to click into place for Ren including his mention of wanting to be a fighter pilot when he enlisted but not being able to and the fact that he always used an app on his phone to read texts back to him. Ren could only imagine how vulnerable the disorder must have made Jagger feel growing up or the challenges he faced in the adult world.
When he’d heard the pain in Jagger’s voice after he’d told Declan he didn’t want to be seen as a loser, Ren had nearly gone into the living room himself so that he could offer comfort. But it had only taken a few seconds of silence followed by soft moans to tell Ren what was going on and he hadn’t been able to stop himself from turning the corner and entering the kitchen where he had a perfect view of Declan pressing Jagger against the wall. The sight of the two men in each other’s arms had meant so many things to Ren…it had provided confirmation that Declan was into men as well as proof that whatever tension existed between Declan and Jagger hadn’t been about disliking each other.
They were utterly beautiful together and as passionate as their kisses had been, the emotion behind them had been something he’d never forget. And something he absolutely needed to be a part of. So when Jagger had seen him, Ren had remembered Connor’s words about fighting for what he wanted and he’d stepped into the living room and finally done just that. And when Declan had run, he’d been the one to tell Jagger they were going after him. The drive to the city had been done mostly in silence but when Ren’s nerves started to get the best of him, he’d reached his hand across the console and Jagger had been there to take it. But the last thing Ren had expected was to find Declan with another man and he’d felt a betrayal streak through him that was nearly as profound as when he’d learned Geri had used him.
Ren had never thought he’d see someone as strong as Declan look so broken as he sat there in that cheap motel room on the ugly, stained bedspread. And at that point Zane’s presence hadn’t mattered to Ren, nor had the fact that Declan had sought the other man out instead of choosing to be with him and Jagger. All he’d cared about was taking away Declan’s pain and after hearing about his grandfather’s cruelty, Ren prayed he and Jagger could do just that.
As he watched Jagger reach for the hem of Declan’s T-shirt, Ren stifled a moan at the sight of the two men’s bare chests pressing against each other. He wasn’t sure when Jagger’s shirt had been removed, but between the rippling muscles and seeking hands, Ren’s own body began to come alive again and he quickly stepped behind Declan and began trailing his fingers down Declan’s spine. Declan turned his head enough to seek out Ren’s mouth for a kiss and then Jagger was reaching over Declan’s shoulder and stealing a kiss for himself.
“Off,” he heard Jagger say as he reached around Declan and tugged on Ren’s shirt. Ren had never considered himself someone who would get a thrill out of taking orders in the bedroom but from the second Declan and Jagger had inflicted their game of sensual torture on him in the car, Ren knew he wouldn’t protest a single thing that either man wanted to do to him. He yanked his shirt off and began working on his pants which he’d managed to zip up but not button before Jagger had dragged them from the garage. As he toed off his shoes, Declan’s pants suddenly dropped to the floor a
nd were quickly followed by his underwear. The sight of Declan’s perfectly round ass had Ren’s heart in his throat and he couldn’t help but stop what he was doing and reach out to run his palms over it.
Declan froze up at the contact but pressed back against Ren’s hands a moment later. At some point, Jagger had gotten Declan’s shoes off and the pants were completely gone but Ren was too focused on the flesh beneath his fingers. When he let his pointer finger slip down Declan’s crease, he felt Declan’s hands reach behind him and search out Ren’s thigh. Another hand grabbed one of Ren’s and then a glob of lube was placed on his finger.
“Get him ready,” Jagger whispered an instant before he dropped to his knees and sucked Declan’s cock into his mouth.
“Shit!” Declan shouted and slammed his hips forward.
Ren watched Jagger’s fingers wrap around Declan’s ass, the tips biting into Declan’s pale flesh. And then he was pulling Declan’s cheeks apart and Ren got his first glimpse of Declan’s hole. It flexed over and over as Jagger worked Declan’s dick down his throat and it wasn’t until a bit of the lube dripped onto the floor that Ren woke up from his haze of lust. The second his slick finger brushed over Declan’s opening, Declan whispered a harsh “yes.” It was all the encouragement Ren needed and he began massaging the lube around the hole. He’d never had anal sex with any of the women he’d been with, but he knew Declan would need more preparation so he sucked in a breath and gently began pressing his finger into Declan’s body. The pressure and resistance that he met with were unexpected and a shimmer of uncertainty went through him. He was about to tell Jagger that he couldn’t do this for fear of hurting Declan, but Declan took the decision away from him and pressed his body back against Ren until his hole collapsed and Ren’s finger glided inside to the first knuckle.
“Yes,” Declan moaned and he pulled forward almost to the point that Ren’s finger slipped free of him, then shoved back again, sucking Ren’s digit deeper this time around. Declan’s whimpers of pleasure finally registered with Ren and he took over and pushed his finger in as far as it could go. Declan’s body was like a vise and his channel rippled around Ren’s finger as he worked the lube around.
Saving Ren (Barretti Security Series, Book 3) Page 12
