***
“Detective Hale, thought you were on leave,” Declan heard the desk sergeant say as he strode past the main desk.
“Captain in his office?” Declan asked.
“Uh, yeah, but I think he’s on a call with the mayor-”
Declan ignored whatever else the man had to say and climbed the stairs to the second floor. He bypassed his desk and headed for Mitchell’s office. He ignored the secretary who told him the Captain was busy and threw open the door. Mitchell was leaning back in his leather desk chair, his feet on the desk and his arms behind his head. His thin smile faded as Declan entered.
“Uh, Your Honor, I’m going to have to call you back,” Mitchell said calmly though his eyes flashed with fury. The sight had Declan’s blood firing.
“Everything okay?” came the voice on the phone.
“Everything’s good, Bill,” Declan said as he leaned over Mitchell’s desk and spoke just above the speakerphone that Mitchell had been using. “Just a minor emergency,” Declan added.
“Declan, that you?” the mayor asked and Declan smiled coolly as Mitchell’s eyes widened in surprised.
“Yeah, it’s me. How are you?”
“Good, real good.”
Mitchell slowly pulled his feet off the desk and straightened in his chair. His eyes never left Declan’s as Declan spoke.
“How’s Monica?” Declan asked.
“Keeping busy,” the mayor chuckled. “Keeps reminding me to invite you to dinner. You haven’t met our newest grandbaby yet, right?”
Declan enjoyed the sight of Mitchell tensing up.
“No, I haven’t,” Declan said. “Monica showed me pictures a few weeks back though. He’s a good looking kid, Bill.”
“That he is. How about next Saturday for dinner?”
“Sounds good. I’ll let you know for sure in a couple days, okay?”
“Great. I’ll let you get to it then.”
The line disconnected and Declan jammed his finger down on the speakerphone button. It was all he could do not to reach across the desk and grab Mitchell by his scrawny throat when he snarled, “You go after Jagger one more time and it won’t just be the Barrettis you’ll have to deal with, do you hear me?”
Mitchell gaped at him before his skin turned bright red. “Clean out your desk, Detective. You’re done!”
Declan chuckled as he straightened. “Do you really think it’s going to be that easy, Captain?” Declan drawled. “Didn’t you ever stop to ask yourself why none of the Powers that Be have entertained your efforts to get rid of me in the last twelve years?”
At Mitchell’s look of surprise, Declan shook his head in amusement. “Maybe we should just ask the Chief what he thinks about all this,” Declan said as he pulled out his phone. “I’ll make sure to also ask him how he feels about you locking up a man without cause,” he added as he found the contact he was looking for. He reached across the desk and hit the speakerphone on Mitchell’s phone again and dialed a number. A woman answered on the second ring.
“Good afternoon, Chief Gorman’s office.”
“Hey Sally Ann, it’s Declan.”
Mitchell paled and wiped a hand over his mouth nervously.
“Hi Declan, how are you?”
“I’m good, thanks. Hey listen, is Henry available?”
“Let me check. Hold on.”
Music came on over the speaker.
“How do you think the Chief will like hearing how you seduced the mother of a fifteen year old kid you pinched and then planted evidence on? How you blackmailed him for years by threatening to have his mother deported. Assault, false arrest, harassment-”
“What do you want?” Mitchell snapped.
“As far as you’re concerned, Jagger Varos doesn’t exist. You even look at him wrong and I will rip you apart. And if I even get a whiff of Immigration sniffing around his mother, you’re done.”
“Declan? How are you?” said a thick voice over the phone.
Mitchell gave him a quick nod and Declan enjoyed the satisfaction of watching all the blood drain from his face.
“I’m good, Henry. I just wanted to make sure you and Denise were going to make it to the benefit next month. Nadine’s trying to finalize the seating arrangements and she hadn’t heard from you yet.”
Declan only half-listened as the Chief answered him. As much as he would have liked to watch Mitchell squirm for a while, what he really wanted to do was get back to his men.
***
Declan couldn’t help but smile as he glanced in the rearview mirror at the seat he and Ren had been making out in last night like a couple of kids as Jagger had driven them to his place. He’d been too pissed about Mitchell to consider the memory when he’d borrowed Jagger’s car this afternoon after he’d declined the invitation to join Jagger and Ren in the shower after their most recent encounter. He’d said he needed to rescue the food he’d been cooking before he had joined in on the fun but his need to confront Frank Mitchell had overrode all other thoughts and he’d grabbed Jagger’s keys without considering the consequences. There was no doubt in his mind that both Jagger and Ren would be pissed at him for not answering the texts and phone calls he’d received in the hour it had taken him to get to the Precinct and bring Mitchell down a couple of notches, but he was more than willing to take whatever anger they threw at him because his only desire had been to end the torment that Mitchell had put Jagger through.
Last night had somehow been one of the most painful and one of the most incredible of his entire life at the same time. As hard as it had been to confront the truth about himself and the impact his grandfather’s emotional withdrawal had had on him, he’d felt lighter than he had in years after they’d left the motel. And while he’d expected the sex to be incredible, he hadn’t been at all prepared for it to change his entire life. But from the moment his eyes had connected with Jagger’s in the rearview mirror, he’d known that his future would include both men because there was no way he could choose between them.
His fear that one night wouldn’t be enough had come true and he’d known it the moment he felt Jagger slip completely inside of him. Between Ren’s soothing touch and Jagger’s strength, Declan had never felt safer or more wanted. His insides had no longer felt hollow and the ache that had plagued him since Sylvie’s death had eased. Words hadn’t even been possible in that moment so he’d just clung to Ren and marveled at the feel of their bodies lining up perfectly as Jagger made the rest of the world disappear.
Declan pulled the car into the garage and got out. He tried not to linger as he recalled how beautiful Ren had looked when he’d come apart against the passenger door but he couldn’t stop himself from letting his fingers slide over the cool metal as he walked around the car.
“Where were you?”
Declan looked up to see Jagger standing just inside the doorway that led from the garage to the townhouse. His eyes were dark with fury and Declan felt his stomach sink. He’d hoped to avoid this conversation for a little longer but his gut was telling him that Jagger suspected where he’d gone.
“I went to talk to Mitchell,” Declan said.
Jagger slammed his hand against the garage door opener on the wall and turned around and disappeared into the house. By the time Declan had followed him in, Jagger was pacing back and forth in front of the living room couch. “You had no right,” he snapped.
Ren appeared in the doorway of the bedroom but he remained silent. The look of disappointment in his eyes tore at Declan but he kept his focus on Jagger.
“I knew he’d never stop coming after you,” Declan said quietly.
“Jesus, Declan, what the fuck did you do?” Jagger bit out. “I had it under control!”
Anger went through Declan. “And that’s all that matters, right? Always the protector but never the protected.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” Jagger snapped.
“Never mind,” Declan responded. Anxiety went through him as he felt everything
he’d had an hour ago slipping away.
“No! You don’t get to shut down again,” Jagger yelled. “Say what you mean!”
“Jagger,” he heard Ren say.
“No, Ren!” Jagger said sharply though his eyes remained on Declan. “I want to hear this.”
“She never stood up for you, did she?” Declan whispered.
Jagger stilled at the words as his arms dropped to his sides.
“Every time he came after you, harassed you, hurt you…she sided with him, right?” Declan held Jagger’s gaze as he moved towards him. “Even when he did this,” Declan said as he stroked his fingers over the scar on Jagger’s cheek. He felt Jagger tremble beneath his touch but he wasn’t sure if it was because of anger or something else. Declan caressed the raised flesh for a moment before running his hand down Jagger’s face and settling it around the back of his neck. “You can hate me. You can curse the fact that you ever met me. You can tell me to fuck off. But I will always” – he tightened his hold on Jagger’s neck - “always protect you when I have the chance.”
Disappointment went through Declan as Jagger pulled free of him. He seemed agitated as his eyes shifted back and forth between him and Ren and he finally strode to the kitchen counter and snatched up the car keys Declan had deposited there.
“I need to get to the hospital to check on Cade. I’ll take you and Ren to the motel so you can get your car.”
Declan felt Ren move past him to follow Jagger to the garage. None of them spoke on the way to the motel and Jagger didn’t say anything as Declan and Ren climbed out of the car. He just drove off like they weren’t even there.
“I’m sorry,” Declan said softly to Ren before turning to unlock his car. He was surprised when Ren’s hand closed over his arm and turned him around and even more surprised when Ren kissed him. The fact that they were in a very public parking lot didn’t seem to bother Ren as he reached up to clasp Declan’s face as his tongue slipped into Declan’s mouth.
“I would have done the same thing,” Ren whispered briefly against his lips before giving him another kiss. “Next time though, leave a fucking note saying you’re coming back.”
Ren’s words startled Declan and guilt went through him as he realized what it must have looked like for him to have taken off without a word.
“God, Ren, I’m sorry. I didn’t think-”
Ren cut him off with another kiss and kept doing it until Declan got the message that Ren didn’t need any more apologies. He smiled against Ren’s lips after the fourth or fifth interrupting kiss.
“I’ll drive,” Ren said as he took the keys from Declan. “You drive like a little old man.”
***
“What the hell are you watching?” Ren heard Declan ask as he came into the living room.
“I think it’s some kind of cooking competition,” Ren answered.
He glanced over his shoulder to see Declan drying off his hands with a dish towel and then he was tossing it on the kitchen table. “Maybe it will teach you something,” Declan quipped as he came to stand next to the couch Ren was sprawled out on.
“Shut up. That was some damn fine lasagna.”
“Sure,” Declan said. “You do know you’re supposed to boil the noodles first, right?”
Ren chuckled as he reached out and gave Declan a light punch in his gut. Declan caught his hand and held it against his stomach. Even with the light banter, Declan’s expression still held the same haunted look it had had since they’d left Jagger’s townhouse. They hadn’t spoken much in the car or during dinner because they were both acutely aware that something was missing, but as the hours passed and there was no word from Jagger, Ren’s hopes had begun to fade that the two men would be able to move past what had happened that afternoon. Jagger’s temper typically ran hot, so it had been unnerving to see him so quiet after Declan’s declaration.
“Come sit with me,” Ren murmured as he drew Declan down to the couch and made room for him by folding up his legs. Declan sat but then he was pulling Ren up until he was kneeling next to Declan. But the contact didn’t seem to be enough for Declan because he dragged Ren closer until he had no choice but to straddle Declan’s lap. Ren lowered his weight down as Declan rubbed his palms up and down Ren’s thighs. It was Ren’s first real chance to explore Declan so he did what he’d been wanting to do for so long and ran his fingers through Declan’s hair. It was as soft as he’d thought it would be and he found that the length was perfect because there was just enough hair to grip to hold Declan still for a searing kiss. Declan’s hands moved from his thighs to his ass but instead of fearing the contact like he had the night he’d kissed Jagger, Ren welcomed it.
“What’s it like?” he asked as he pulled back from Declan’s kiss.
“What?” Declan asked.
“To have another man inside of you.”
“You mean does it hurt?” Declan said.
Ren nodded
“I think it depends on the guy you’re with. You have to trust him to take care of you.”
“Is that why you were with Zane?’ Ren asked. He felt Declan tense beneath him.
“I was with Zane because I knew it would only be about physical pleasure. I didn’t have feelings for him and he didn’t have them for me. He helped me forget…”
“Forget what?” Ren asked as he ran his fingers over Declan’s cheeks. He hadn’t meant for the conversation to get this heavy but there was so much emotion built up in Declan’s gaze that he had to know the cause.
“Don’t you know, Ren?” Declan whispered.
Ren froze and he felt his chest seize up. His mouth suddenly felt dry and he had trouble swallowing as he shook his head.
“You. I was trying to forget you.”
Oh God. Was Declan saying what he thought he was? Ren’s fingers trembled as he tried to process Declan’s words.
“When?” he asked.
“When did I know I loved you?” Declan asked softly.
Jesus. Ren could only nod.
“The wedding.”
The wedding? “But that was the first time we met.”
“Right,” Declan said.
Ren couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Declan had been in love with him for more than ten years? How was that even possible? How could he have not known? Not even suspected? Did he love Declan back? Was that what the endless ache in his chest was? Was that the reason he’d felt so broken this morning when he and Jagger had discovered that Declan had disappeared on them again? And what about Jagger?
“Ren,” Declan said gently. He felt Declan’s hand cup his chin and he realized he’d been silent for too long because he saw the fleeting disappointment in Declan’s eyes. “I didn’t tell you just so you’d say the words back.”
“Why did you tell me?” Ren asked.
“Because I’m done lying to myself about it or hoping it will go away. But you need to know that what I feel for you I feel for Jagger too. I didn’t expect it but I can’t change it. I won’t.”
“Declan,” Ren began to say but Declan silenced him with a kiss.
Declan loved him. His brain kept repeating the phrase over and over as Declan worshiped his mouth. But a chill went through him as he realized that Declan didn’t know the truth yet. About him. About what he’d done.
“Tell me again,” Ren whispered. He knew it was cruel to ask Declan to say something he couldn’t say back but he needed the words anyway. Maybe if he heard them enough, he’d find the strength he needed to admit what he’d done in the darkness of his prison.
“I love you, Ren,” Declan breathed against his lips. He said it again before Ren silenced him with a kiss but as he reached for Declan’s shirt, Declan froze and grabbed his hands. It was then that Ren heard what sounded like a door slamming shut. Declan pushed him to his feet and quickly rose. “Stay here,” he said before Ren could argue.
Declan didn’t even manage to reach the door before it flew open. Jagger’s haggard gaze connected with Ren as he strode towards
Declan. The apology was there clear as day but Ren knew that he wasn’t the one that needed it.
***
Declan hadn’t even heard the sound of the car coming up the road because he’d been too caught up in the fact that he’d admitted not only his love for Ren but for Jagger as well. Neither admission had been on his agenda tonight but it had felt so right to finally tell Ren the truth. Even as hard as it had been to know he wouldn’t hear the words back, he’d still felt lighter then he’d felt in a long time and he had no regrets. Nor did he have any desire to take back the admission that he was in love with Jagger too. The latter hadn’t even hit him until he’d watched Jagger’s car drive away from the motel. The loss he’d felt had been a hundred times worse than the pain his grandfather had inflicted upon him with his heartless defection but he didn’t regret what he’d said to Jagger either about always protecting him.
Hope went through Declan as Jagger closed the distance between them and he didn’t hesitate for even a second when Jagger’s lips covered his.
“I’m sorry,” Jagger whispered raggedly and then his mouth was back on Declan’s. Jagger released him long enough to give Ren a scorching kiss and then Declan lost track of everything else besides the two men whose hands freed him of his clothes and whose mouths set his skin on fire with kiss after blazing kiss. He wasn’t even aware they’d made it to the bed in his room until the mattress hit his back and Jagger’s mouth was wrapped around his cock. He cried out at the sensation but Ren was there to swallow the sound.
“Will you show me, Declan?” Ren asked against his lips. “Will you show me how you feel?”
Declan didn’t understand what Ren was asking until he felt a condom being rolled down his cock. “Do you trust me, Ren?” Declan asked.
“Yes. Always yes.”
It was all Declan needed to hear and he quickly rolled Ren onto his back. He immediately searched Jagger out for a kiss.
“Missed you,” he murmured against Jagger’s mouth. “Get our boy ready for us.”
Saving Ren (Barretti Security Series, Book 3) Page 14
