by Nicola Haken
“Yeah,” she agreed, nodding solemnly. “I almost didn’t recognise him.”
I nodded in agreement. Jared stayed quiet, probably feeling uncomfortable with the conversation I assumed. He didn’t really know Chris after all, and Jared is famous for not knowing how to deal with ‘crying chicks’.
“Do you guys want a drink?” I asked, trying to lighten the atmosphere that had suddenly grown so heavy it felt like I was trapped under a pile of rubble.
“No thanks, ho. My mum’s expecting us. Just wanted to pop in and see you first before we went.”
“Okay. Well I need to go to Sarah’s too so I’ll take you guys on the way.”
“No you won’t. It’s like twenty minutes out of your way. We’ll call a taxi.”
“I’m taking you. End of.”
“Wow, ho, when did you become all firm and masterful? You’ll be swearing next!”
“Fuck you,” I said, trying to be serious but ending up laughing hysterically.
“Man, Dexter must love this side of you! I think I’m dripping a little myself!”
I didn’t respond to Rachel’s comment out loud, but yes, Dexter totally loves it when I find my voice in the bedroom. I used to be so shy and nervous about it, but over the months Dexter has slowly teased out my inner sex kitten. Crap, I can’t believe I just said that. Sorry.
“Okay, I’ll just go and tell Chris we’re heading out and then we’ll get going.”
“Sure,” Rachel said. “If you hug him, squeeze him a little tighter from me, yeah?”
“Will do,” I answered, smiling. “But you can hug him yourself while we’re away.”
“I plan to. I plan to squeeze that sexy fucker till I break a rib.”
“Um… hi,” Jared interrupted, waving his hand over himself. “What about this sexy fucker?” he teased, referring to himself.
“Nah. You’re just a fucker.”
Laughing yet again at their banter, I made my way out of the living room and upstairs to Chris. When I reached his room I knocked lightly, pushing the door open slightly when he didn’t reply. He was curled up in a ball on top of his sheets, fast asleep. Walking over to him, I plucked his duvet off the floor and gently draped it over him. He stirred only a little before settling back into whatever dream he was having.
“I love you, bro,” I whispered into the air, ignoring the painful throb in my chest.
Then, I turned back to the stairs and got ready to go.
**********
“Princess,” my dad greeted, opening Sarah’s door when I arrived. Seemed he was really making himself at home here. “Would you like a drink?” Yep, definitely treating the place like his own. God I hated Rachel in that moment. I was suddenly over-analysing every move he made, every word he spoke, every glance he took in Sarah’s direction.
“No thanks. I’m good,” I replied, making my way further into the small house.
“Hey, you,” I said to Dexter when I reached him in the kitchen.
“Hey back,” he said, enfolding me in his arms and kissing the top of my head. Just as I raised my head to take the kiss I’d been craving all day, my dad and Sarah appeared in the doorway.
“Hey, Sarah.”
“Hey, honey. Are you all set for tomorrow?”
“Yeah, just about. I finished packing this afternoon so there’s just the essentials left for the morning – makeup, toothbrushes, that kind of thing.”
“Well, princess I hope you all have a wonderful time,” my dad chimed in, and then… no way… no seriously I did not just see that. Except I totally did. He brushed his arm against Sarah’s. It could’ve been an accident, and I might not even have thought anything about it if Sarah’s cheeks didn’t blush ruby bloody red when it happened!
“How’s things with Jocelyn?” I asked curtly, draining the blush from Sarah’s cheeks.
“Um,” he stammered, looking awfully uncomfortable all of a sudden. “We’ve agreed only to speak through our solicitors. To be honest, princess I think she needs help. The feelings she’s developed for you and your brother over the years… they’re not normal. I think she’s still struggling to come to terms with Olivia’s death.”
“So why aren’t you supporting her then?”
“Doll?” Dexter pressed, putting a worried hand on my shoulder and assessing my face with his eyes. “What’s going on with you?”
“Well I just think if she needs help, if all this isn’t because she’s just a complete bitch, then why has he abandoned her?” I explained – my tone so acidic the words left a vile taste in my mouth.
“Because I don’t love her, Emily,” my dad explained. “I never did. We’ve discussed this. In my messed up head I needed someone to replace your mother. That’s all Jocelyn was – a replacement. I’m not saying I don’t care about what happens to her. We spent many years together, or at least lived in the same house. But I can’t keep living this lie, princess. And neither can she.”
“Come on, doll we best get going,” Dexter intervened. I agreed and as I turned to grab my car keys I noticed Dexter shoot Sarah a ‘I have no idea’ shrug.
“Have a great trip,” Sarah said – nervously if you ask me – as we made our way out. “Call me mid-week and let me know you’re safe,” she added, turning to Dexter and kissing him on the cheek.
“Sure will, sweet cheeks. I love you.”
“Love you too, honey.”
“Bye.”
“Bye, honey.”
“See ya, Derek.”
“Goodbye, Dexter. And take care, princess.”
“G’night, John-Boy,” I chirped sarcastically. I couldn’t help myself. That had to be one of the longest goodbye sessions I’d ever been involved in! Obviously sensing my frustration everyone shut the hell up and I stormed off to my car. Once inside, I slammed the door closed and huffed as I forced the keys into the ignition.
“Whoa, doll,” Dexter said after sliding in beside me. He curled his fingers around my wrist, preventing me from starting the engine. “Wanna tell me what the hell’s gotten into you tonight?”
“My dad’s screwing your aunty,” I blurted.
“What! Don’t be ridiculous, what the hell makes you think that?”
“Rachel said something earlier and-”
“Em, you know Snickers talks shit. She was probably just trying to be funny.”
“I thought that too at first. But then why is he still living with her? Why is he so open and friendly all of a sudden? Why did he ‘accidentally’ brush her arm tonight and make her blush like a lovesick teenager?”
“I didn’t notice, but I’m sure it was nothing.”
“It wasn’t nothing. It was something. I’m telling you, Dex… they’re together.”
“Hmm,” he pondered, sinking back in his seat for a few seconds while he processed my rant. “Well even if they are, I don’t suppose it really matters. Aunt Sarah deserves some happiness. And yeah your dad isn’t totally off my shit list yet, but he’s working damn hard to prove himself so I guess he’s not the worst thing that could happen to her. Why are you so pissed?”
“Because they’re lying about it! Haven’t lies caused us enough shit already?”
“Doll, they’ve not known each other that long. If there’s something going on, maybe they just want to figure out where it’s going between themselves before they get everyone else involved.” I opened my mouth to reply but all that came out was a petulant huff. “I’ll take your silence as you realising that I’m right,” he said with a satisfied smirk.
“Whatever,” I tossed back. Because that’s what children do when they’ve ran out of comebacks. And yes, I was well aware I was behaving like a child. “Let’s go home. I’m knackered and we’ve got a long day tomorrow.”
“You’re cute when you’re angry, doll.”
I huffed again. He always says that and he knows damn well it riles me when I’m in this mood, and I suspect that’s exactly why he does it.
Chapter Sixteen
Dex
ter
“Who the fuck is that?” I groaned, sitting up in bed and rubbing my eyes. I glanced at the clock – 07:00 am – and someone was bashing shit out of the front door. “It’s practically still the middle of the night.”
“You’d be up by now if you had work,” Emily mumbled through a yawn, stretching her arms over her head.
“But I’m on vacation, which means it’s night time. Whoever it is can fuck off,” I decided, settling back down in bed and draping my arm over Emily’s waist. Less than a second passed before the knocking started again, shortly followed by the sound of Emily’s cell ringing on the nightstand. Rolling over, she picked it up and then turned the screen towards me with a smile. Snickers’ face lit up the screen. It was from way back when she had blue hair and a ring in her nose.
“Let us in!” Emily moved the phone away from her ear, wincing as Snickers’ voice bellowed down the line – so damn loud and screechy even I could hear.
“Gimme two,” Emily replied before swiping the call to an end.
“What the fuck?” I complained. “They’re here already?”
“Yep,” Emily confirmed with a smile that told me she wasn’t surprised by their eagerness. Emily crawled out of bed and threw on her robe from the back of the door. I followed suit, and then trailed down the stairs behind her.
“It’s holiday time!”
“Fucking hell, Snickers, it’s too early for all that singing shit.”
“You’d better get used to it, American – you’ve got a whole week of me!” she said, winking at me as Jared tipped her chair over the front step and into the living room.
“I thought we were picking you up from your mum and dad’s when we had the minibus?” Emily questioned. In the meantime Jared shot me a look that silently said ‘sorry, dude,’ before he headed back outside to grab their suitcases from the street.
“I couldn’t wait that long. I’m too excited!”
Man this is gonna be one long ass week.
“Okay, well you guys help yourselves to whatever you want from the kitchen – I’m heading upstairs to shower and get dressed.”
“You got any Pot Noodles in?” Snickers asked.
“That’s gross,” I piped up. “It’s seven in the fucking morning.”
“Well how about you don’t have one then, crusty cock.”
I surrendered my palms, smiling at her. It was way too early for a back and forth session with Snickers.
“They’re in the kitchen in the cupboard next the fridge,” Emily replied, shaking her head and smiling. “They’re high up. Jared you’ll need to get them.”
“No probs, sugar.”
And that was the end of the conversation, leaving Emily and I free to go and get ready… and maybe even have a quick play in the shower.
**********
After our shower together (which I’m sure you can imagine involved more than just cleaning ourselves), Emily dressed pretty quickly for a chick, and then headed downstairs to do her hair, seeing as she packed the hairdryer last night and left it downstairs with the rest of our things. I was just pulling my shirt on when I heard a crash in the bathroom. Immediately I flew towards the noise, where I found Chris leaning against the sink surrounded by shattered glass on the floor.
“What happened?” I asked in a panic. “You okay, man?”
“Just felt dizzy for a second. Knocked Emmie’s perfume off the counter. She’s going to kill me – she loves that shit.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s the tumor that’s going to kill you, dude – not your sister,” I said, bumping his shoulder.
“Thanks, mate. You’ve no idea how much it means to me that you don’t treat me any differently. I… well I kind of love you, Dex.” My heart sank, and so fuck the fact I was only an erection away from turning gay, I wrapped Chris in my arms and held him as tight as I fucking could.
“Love you too, man,” I agreed, patting his shoulder. “But you should know, if that’s a fucking boner I can feel pressing into me I’ll punch your fucking lights out,” I added jokingly, knowing damn well it was the knot tying his robe closed. “You sure you’re up to this trip?” I asked, turning the air serious as I pulled away from our bromantic embrace.
“I honestly don’t know,” he admitted. “But I wouldn’t miss it for anything. This is probably the last holiday I’m ever going to have – the last chance I’ll get to spend quality time with Emmie without work and real life getting in the way.”
“I get it,” I said, but I guess it was a lie. How the fuck could I even begin to get what this guy is going through. “Look, go down and grab some breakfast. I’ll clean this glass up and then you can come and get ready.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Thanks, Dex. For everything.” Well fuck if that didn’t make me want to cry like damn girl.
“Anytime, dude.”
**********
“Seriously guys I need a wee so badly.”
Blackpool is an hour drive away from our house, but with Snickers’ pee breaks it’d already been two. Swallowing down the huff I wanted to let out, I drove in silence until we reached the next service station.
“Thank fuck,” Snickers breathed when I put the minivan in park. Jared climbed out first and then helped Rachel out and into her chair. Emily got out next and in line with the protocol for our last five stops, she accompanied Snickers to the bathroom.
“Man, how the hell do you live with a pregnant chick all the time?”
“She sucks good cock,” Jared replied before winking. I clambered out of my seat too, stretching my legs by walking around the van a few times. Chris stayed where he was, leaning his head against the window and looking too exhausted to even speak let alone walk.
He’s going down fast and sometimes it’s so overwhelming I feel like I’m being crushed.
“We got drinks!” Snickers chimed, carrying a cardboard tray of steaming Styrofoam cups on her lap.
“I think fluid is the last thing you need,” I told her. “At this rate it’ll be time to come home by the time we get there.”
“Shut your gob, American or your balls’ll be getting a bath in this boiling hot coffee.”
“I’d remember who’s driving,” I shot back. “As the driver, it’s me who gets to decide whether you get to piss in your panties or a service station bathroom.”
“If you do that Emily will withdraw sex for a month!”
“Emily can’t go without me for a single day… Your threat means shit to me, babe.”
“Chicks before dicks, mate. She’ll always choose me first.”
“Ask her that tonight when she’s screaming my name.”
“Um, okay, guys. I’m right here. Think you can quit arguing over my sex life?” Emily interrupted, blushing furiously. She’s fucking perfect.
“Oh I wasn’t arguing, doll. I was stating a fact.”
“Ugh, Em… I think you need to rethink your future with this mould-infested dickwart.”
And on that note, we all got back in the van, laughing as we did. My friends are awesome – even Snickers. They make me feel good – happy, normal… They give me something to fight for. Along with Emily, there’s no way I would ever risk fucking this life up by succumbing to a line – no matter how tempting it might be at times. These guys are my family, and I’m not ashamed to admit I love the hell out of each and every one of ‘em.
**********
“This place smells like old lady piss,” Snickers grumbled as we made our way down the hall to find our ground floor rooms.
“It’s a B&B, saffy. What did you expect for twenty quid a night?” Jared answered, wrinkling his own nose up. Emily and I both told Jared to book him and Snickers in someplace nicer – he can afford it, we can’t. But Rachel insisted where Emily stays, she stays. So here we were – in a grimy bedsit with peeling wallpaper, stained carpets and a lady on reception who looked like she’d rip me a new asshole if I dared complain about anything.
“
It’ll be fine,” Emily chirped - the voice of reason as always. “We’ll hardly be here anyway. We’ll be too busy having fun.”
“Hmm,” Snickers said, narrowing her eyes. “Okay, ho, we’ll go and unpack and get changed and meet in your room in an hour?”
“Sure. Sounds like a plan. Chris, are you coming in our room for a bit?”
“Nah, I’m going to take a lie down. I’ll set my alarm and meet you in your room with the others.”
As usual Chris looked beat. The past few days I’ve noticed the wrinkles deepening in his skin, and in some lights it makes his face look like it’s made of leather. It’s fucking soul destroying watching somebody you care about deteriorate right in front of you. I’ve never had a brother, but if I could’ve chosen one it would’ve be somebody just like Chris.
Chapter Seventeen
Chris
When my alarm went off I wanted to smash the damn thing into a million pieces. I didn’t want to wake up. I was exhausted. Every time I moved, my head felt it was going to explode, and lately whenever I’ve tried to walk it feels like my limbs are seizing up. However, the light knock on my door reminded me exactly why I had to push past the pain and get my arse into the room next door. This was likely my last chance to spend quality time with my family and I was determined to enjoy it.
“Hey, man,” Dexter said quietly once I’d summoned enough energy to get out of bed and answer the door. “Just wanted to check on you. If you don’t feel up to tonight everyone will understand.”
“Did Emmie send you round?”
“No. I was sent out to grab some food,” he explained while lifting the carrier bag in his hand. “I just don’t want you taking on too much. Em and Snickers are pretty hyped up and I can’t imagine that will do your headache much good.”
“They sound happy.” I didn’t realise I’d said the thought out loud until Dexter nodded in agreement. “I need to see them happy, Dex. I need to make the most of this time away with you all.” Again he just nodded. I like that about Dexter. I like how he doesn’t get all soppy on my arse and bizarrely I feel like he’s the only one I can really share everything with.
