by Linda Ford
Her anticipation curled into anger. “It wasn’t a thoughtless risk. I knew Jud wouldn’t hurt me. I can read character pretty well, you know.” Only she wondered if she could. She’d been expecting Jake to say something much different.
“I’ve made up my mind,” he said. “You will accompany us to the ranch. You get along well with Mother, you can help her out, keep her company.”
“You’ve made up your mind?” She could barely get the words past the disappointment clawing at her throat. “In case you’ve forgotten, I have a hotel to run.”
“It’s a dead horse. About time you put it out of its misery and forgot the whole thing. If you’re concerned about money, I’ll pay you to be Mother’s companion.”
She jumped to her feet, forcing him to tip his head back to look at her. “Jake Sperling, I will not be ordered around by anyone. I will not be sold, or bought or controlled. I will only be accepted for what I am. I don’t need taking care of, as you seem to think. And I will run this hotel.” She raced across the dining room, barely avoiding the hole, and into her bedroom, slamming the door loudly enough to inform Jake the conversation was over.
She sank to the edge of the bed and moaned. How could she be so blind, so stupid? Jake didn’t think of her with love in his heart. He only saw her as another responsibility. Someone to order about. She dashed away tears stinging her eyes and stared straight ahead, right at the chiffonier. She thought of her father’s pocket watch and groaned. How could she have forgotten her goal—to honor her father’s memory by living up to his expectations of her?
Chapter 9
Jake helped his mother into the buggy and ordered the boys to settle down. He’d had glimpses of Hannah in the kitchen as they prepared to leave, but she seemed determined to avoid him. Stubborn, headstrong and far too independent, she’d made it plain he had no choice but to leave her here on her own. Even though it grated against his nature.
He wondered if she’d avoid him until they left, but she stepped out, her head high, smiling at the boys and his mother, avoiding his gaze. Yeah, it annoyed him. Even hurt him a little. He knew he’d made her angry last night. But sooner or later she would see he was right. She didn’t belong here alone.
“I’ll miss you,” she told the boys, ruffling their hair. They each hugged her and promised to come see her again.
“I want you to come visit us at the ranch next Sunday,” his mother said as she and Hannah hugged. “You will, won’t you?”
“Yeah,” the boys screamed.
Hannah hesitated. “I have no means of transportation.”
“Jake will come and get you, won’t you, Jake?”
Jake knew he was trapped. He couldn’t refuse his mother. Besides, maybe Hannah refused to obey him because she had no idea what the ranch was like. He’d never thought of that. “Sure, I’ll come and get you.” She’d soon agree when she saw how beautiful it was.
“Why not make it Saturday night so she can have a long visit?” Mother asked.
“Saturday then? If you can tear yourself away from the hotel.”
Hannah met his gaze then with her own silent challenge. “Saturday evening is fine.”
He didn’t miss the emphasis on evening.
“Mort will be here.”
*
It had only been five days, Jake reminded himself as he drove into Quinten. Five days in which he thought of Hannah off and on. Like about a thousand times a day. He had no trouble picturing her waiting for him when he strode into the house, sitting across from him at the hand-hewn table, waving as he rode from the yard to check on the cows. She’d never been in his house, or stood on his verandah or seen the hills of his ranch, yet in his thoughts, she fit right in like his world had been waiting all its life for her.
He pulled to a stop in front of the Sunshine Hotel and jumped off to go in search of Hannah. He found her in the lobby her bag at her feet. He skidded to a halt and twisted his hat in his hands. She was even more beautiful than he remembered and didn’t look any worse for wear, though he expected she had worked hard since he’d seen her, trying to prove she could do as well as a man. And although her eyes were guarded, he couldn’t keep from grinning his pleasure.
She smiled uncertainly, answered his greeting softly.
“You’re ready. Good.” He crossed to her side, grabbed the bag, and held out his elbow to guide her. “Mother and the boys are eager to see you again and Audrey is dying to meet you.” He noticed the dining door had been boarded over with fresh lumber. He could smell the newness of it.
He waited until she sat beside him on the wagon before he asked her the questions burning in his mind. “Did you get the place open?”
“I have four rooms rented out already. No one has complained about the lack of a dining room.” She gave a little laugh. “It feels good to finally be doing business.”
He wanted to point out she didn’t need to work. She could let someone else take care of her. She didn’t have to prove anything. He stuffed back his arguments, knowing she wouldn’t listen, moreover, would likely get angry if he voiced them and maybe refuse to accompany him. Then he’d have to face his mother’s displeasure and Audrey’s endless questions. Instead, he turned to the obvious. “Did you fix the floor in the dining room?”
“Not yet.”
“Seems you’ll have to do it one of these days. Wasn’t it on the warning from the town council?”
“You know it was.” Her voice sounded crisp, informing him she didn’t care for his questions. “I’m waiting until I have enough money, then I’ll hire some men to fix it.”
He chuckled. “I kind of figured you’d be measuring and sawing it yourself.”
“I probably could but I prefer to get someone who knows how to fix the floor so it isn’t a danger to my guests.”
He didn’t know how to respond. Her answers never satisfied him. He wanted her to admit defeat and give up the hotel. He believed she’d be singing another tune after visiting the ranch and experiencing a taste of life lived where a man was a man. He stopped himself before he finished the saying. And a woman was a woman. He always thought of women as his father had taught him to see them. Someone to take care of. Weaker than a man. Hannah refused to fit into that description. She insisted she didn’t need or want to be taken care of. What would it take to change her mind?
His only answer—learning to love the ranch. Intent on making that happen, he turned to point out things along the trail. She seemed interested as he identified the trees and birds.
As they approached his land, he made sure she noticed its beauties. He drew to a halt near a copse of trees. “I remember finding a calf there and when I got down to help the little guy, I found a baby rabbit.” He flicked the reins and moved on, pointing out a tall tree. “Every year a pair of hawks nest there. Have you ever seen a young hawk try out its wings for the first time?”
“Can’t say I have.”
“It’s a wondrous sight.”
She chuckled. “You have a special connection to the land.”
He grew quiet. His intention had been to make her see the beauties of the ranch, not how much he loved the place. But the visit had just begun. By the time she’d seen the sunset flare across the sky, felt the sun on her face in the morning, heard the coyotes singing at night, walked along the edge of a hill where she could see forever and a day…
*
Hannah had given herself a serious talk every day of the past week and a triple dose of caution today as she prepared for her trip to the ranch. This visit was a chance to see his mother, the two little boys and meet Audrey. Jake had come to please his mother. She’d almost allowed herself to fall in love with him only to discover he saw her as yet another of his many responsibilities. It made her feel burdensome.
Yet as she listened to the love and pride in his voice as he extolled the beauties of his ranch, she didn’t know whether to be envious of the land or angry he reserved his affection for nothing more than rock and dirt, plants and anima
ls. But one thing she knew for sure—she wished he would look at her with half the love she saw glowing in his eyes as he pointed out things.
When he indicated a herd of antelope racing across a field, she had to sit on her hands to keep from grabbing his arm and pulling his attention to her. She wanted him to see her. Not as a responsibility but as a person equal to him with different strengths and abilities, just as capable of making choices and decisions.
She jerked around to look away from him to the passing scenery. Why did she torture herself with impossible wishes especially when she had what she wanted back in Quinten? A hotel of her own. No one to tell her who she should be. So what if she was alone? It was better than being someone’s responsibility.
Jake pulled the buggy to a halt and pointed. “There it is.”
“So many buildings.” A big hip-roofed barn, several scattered outbuildings she couldn’t guess the use of, a long low building that Jake said was the bunkhouse for the men. But the house dominated the scene. Two stories with balconies outside the upstairs windows and a verandah on the west side of the first floor. Made of weathered logs, large enough to be impressive, it looked solid enough to defy anything the elements might send.
“There’s the church.” He directed her gaze past the house, past the barn, past the clustered outbuildings to a narrow, steep-roofed log structure tucked against the trees on one side just like he said. “We’ll worship there tomorrow.”
“I look forward to it.” More than she cared to admit. All her self-admonition, all her reminders of how proud her father would be were but whispers with this man at her side. Even though she knew he did not return her feelings, she could not deny her love for him. Spending time with him would be a pleasure laced with aching disappointment.
Jake groaned, “The boys have seen you.”
Hannah chuckled. The pair bounced up and down on the verandah. Even from this distance she could hear them screaming her name.
Jake flicked the reins and they made their way to the house. She waited for Jake to help her down. He remained at her side as the boys launched themselves at her. Only Jake’s steadying arm across her back keep her on her feet.
She darted him a grateful look. She thought his gaze would be on the boys but he stared at her, his eyes almost black and so bottomless she felt dizzy. She wanted to turn into his arms, but two bodies wrapped around her legs made it impossible. She pulled away, the world stopped spinning and she bent to pull Sammy and Luke into a tight hug.
Mrs. Sperling joined them and waited for Hannah to untangle herself from the boys. Laughing at the joyous greeting, Hannah reached for Mrs. Sperling’s outstretched hand.
“I’m so glad you’re here, my dear,” the older woman said. She then told the boys, “Better let Hannah go so we can go inside.” The boys raced ahead, and Mrs. Sperling took Hannah’s hand and pulled it through her arm. “Audrey is eager to meet you.”
Hannah glanced back, saw Jake still watching her, looking as if he wanted to say something. She hesitated. She couldn’t keep from hoping he’d wanted to convince her things could be different between them. She’d accept anything as a starting spot. Anything but responsibility. But his expression changed, grew harder, determined even, and he swung back to the buggy seat and drove away.
Inside, a young woman bounced toward her and screamed. “You’re Hannah. I’ve heard so much about you. I’m Audrey. I understand you rescued my two little imps. Thank you. I do my best to keep them out of trouble, but they still find it.”
Hannah held her breath waiting for Audrey to run out of steam. It was obvious from where the boys got their rambunctiousness.
Hannah looked around the room—she didn’t know if she should call it a living room or a lobby. It rose two stories to the log ceiling. A balcony rang along three sides on the second level. Beyond the rails she saw doors she guessed opened to bedrooms. She lowered her gaze to the huge windows at the far end of this room and gasped. Her heart felt ready to explode at the sweeping view of hills and trees. Slowly she brought her gaze back inside to the furnishings. A sideboard big enough to hide in. Three leather sofas formed a square with one open side. A book case eight feet high, filled with books and collectibles—a globe of the world, a carving that looked to be from some Indian tribe, a perfectly round rock, and a china statue of a young woman with her skirts flared at her ankles.
As she looked around, the family slowly moved her across the floor to a large dining room featuring a long table of polished split logs. She brushed her fingers over it. Smooth as glass.
“Have a seat, dear,” Mrs. Sperling said.
Hannah chose the closest chair. Sammy and Luke climbed up on either side of her. Mrs. Sperling sat at the end and Audrey hurried around to sit opposite Hannah. A woman hustled in through the swinging door. Hannah caught a glimpse of a big kitchen; then Mrs. Sperling demanded her attention.
“Hannah, this is my dear friend and the one who keeps our household running, Sarie.”
The big-framed woman with a mop of grey curls leaned over and hugged Hannah. “Any friend of this family is a friend of mine.”
A few minutes later, Hannah met Audrey’s husband, Harvey, who had a bullhorn of a voice.
Sarie brought tea and a huge tray of cakes and cookies.
Hannah enjoyed meeting Audrey and Harvey and seeing Mrs. Sperling and the boys again but she kept hoping Jake would join them.
He finally did, and suddenly she felt awkward in his presence and wished he would leave.
She let the conversation flow around her, adding replies when required, but she felt like a spectator. Several times she felt Jake’s gaze on her, but when she met his eyes, he jerked away. She almost sighed with relief when Audrey said it was time to put the boys to bed and took her family home. Mrs. Sperling turned to Hannah. “I’ll show you to your room.”
She rose to follow the older woman to the stairs, then paused. “Good night, Jake.”
He glanced up from his study of his teacup. “Good night, Hannah.” Their gazes locked. His burned through every argument, every reasonable defense she’d built. She felt the power of his look right to the bottom of her heart and knew a moment of panic followed swiftly by shame. She was a strong independent woman, but God forgive her, she knew if at that moment, he’d asked her to give up everything she had and was and wanted, she would have gladly done it.
But he didn’t ask. He wouldn’t. Oh, he might order her to do certain things but she would never allow herself to be ordered around. She had far too much spunk for that. She had an independent spirit.
She was the first to pull away from the fire of their gaze. With a nod she left the room and followed Mrs. Sperling to the second floor.
“I hope you’ll be comfortable.”
Hannah chuckled at the idea of anyone being anything but comfortable in this house. “It’s a beautiful room.”
“I put out a selection of books if you want to read. But don’t feel you have to stay in your room. We rise early so I’m going to bed now, but if you want to go downstairs and sit by the fire, please do.”
“I think I’ll go to bed and read. Thank you.” After Mrs. Sperling left, Hannah glanced through the titles of the books and chose one. But she didn’t read. She went to the windows and looked out. The ranch was beautiful. The house itself, spectacular, as big as her hotel with a warmer feel. It was a home, a home belonging to the ranch as much as to the family. She closed her eyes. She could almost feel the solidness of the place. She breathed deeply and opened her eyes.
The balcony outside her room looked so inviting, she slipped out. She shivered in the cool evening air and let the peace of her surroundings fill her. She could almost imagine belonging here. The sound of boots crunching on the ground below and the bulky shape she recognized as Jake sent her back against the wall.
How could she be so foolish to love a man who didn’t love her back? She wondered if he knew how to love without being in charge? She slipped inside and prepared for bed then
opened the book she’d chosen and forced herself to read the words.
*
Hannah sat at the table with Jake, Mrs. Sperling, Audrey, her family, and Pastor Rawson. Last night she’d finally fallen asleep once she’d made her mind up to avoid being alone with Jake. How else was she to make it through Sunday without her emotions getting all knotted up?
So far she’d been successful. Jake hadn’t joined them at breakfast. His mother said he’d gone to speak with some of the crew so Hannah enjoyed a visit with Mrs. Sperling.
She managed to get Luke and Sammy on either side of her at the church. Audrey and Harvey had followed her into the pew, leaving no room for Jake. He sat behind them. Hannah caught glimpses of him as they stood to sing. She continued to be aware of him and wondered if she would ever not feel his presence whether he stood close or rode miles away.
It had been a beautiful service in a beautiful building and she tried not to picture herself coming down the aisle with the light catching the threads of a shimmering veil. She’d had to close her eyes and pray for strength to keep herself from seeing Jake in a black suit waiting for her at the front. She concentrated hard on the sermon. Knew it had been sent straight from God’s heart to hers when Pastor Rawson read the text. “The spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak.” As Pastor Rawson talked about how flesh warred against spirit, desiring things that were temporary, tempting the believer to settle for momentary pleasure, Hannah vowed to stick to her principles. She would keep the vow she’d made to her father, a vow given at his graveside. Even though he hadn’t heard it, she had meant it. She’d promised to live up to his expectations. She would not compromise her independence. Not for the joy of living on this ranch. Not for the sight of Jake every day. Not for the hope his feelings would grow into love.
Unless he accepted her as she wanted, there was no place for her here.
Pastor Rawson accompanied them home for supper, as apparently was his custom. Audrey, Harvey and the boys joined them, too, so the conversation jumped from one topic to another. Audrey tried to keep the boys quiet but after Sammy spilled his cake on the floor and Luke tipped over his third glass of milk, Audrey stood. “I think it’s time to take this pair home and let them run off steam. Boys, say goodbye to Hannah.”
