“But…but—where is the baby to go?”
“That’s none of your concern, Ms. Hirsch. Prepare the baby to be transferred to her new foster home.”
“Couldn’t I keep her just a little while longer? Until the end of the week perhaps?” Rachel darted an anguished look in the direction of Chrissy’s crib. The baby was sleeping peacefully, completely unaware of her fate.
“I’m afraid I don’t have time to discuss this further. That’s all, Ms. Hirsh.”
Rachel stood holding the dead phone. She thought she might be sick.
She wanted to tell Joe. He wouldn’t want the baby to be taken away to an uncertain situation. He would demand that Madeline Ewing tell them exactly where Chrissy was going. Joe could fix anything, couldn’t he?
She dialed his home number, his office number and his pager. He didn’t answer any of them, but the receptionist in his office said that she’d pass the message along when she heard from him.
That wouldn’t do. Rachel didn’t know how long it would be before they came to get Chrissy, and she knew that Joe would want to see her before she left. In desperation she dialed his parents’ house, and Mary Marzinski answered the phone.
“No, I don’t know where Joe is working today. But they’re coming to take the baby?”
Rachel was nearly in tears. “Y-yes. They won’t let her stay.” She didn’t get into the whole story of how she had once been a foster parent and how she had been married once. She didn’t have time for that.
Mary was all concern. “You shouldn’t be alone, Rachel. I’ll come over, maybe some other members of the family will come with me. Sit tight, dear. We’ll be there soon.”
Rachel couldn’t sit; she had to be in motion. She fought a slow-rising panic as she mechanically moved around the apartment filling extra bottles with formula and rounding up clean diapers. Chrissy was still asleep, thank goodness. Rachel didn’t think she could bear to look into those trusting eyes and tell the baby that she was going to have to let her go.
Rachel almost let the answering machine pick up the phone the next time it rang, but she hoped it might be Joe calling and so she snatched it up at the last minute.
“Rachel?” The caller wasn’t Joe. It was Ynez Garcia.
Rachel wearily pushed her hair back from her face. “Yes?” As she spoke she tried to recall all the things she needed to send with Chrissy. She didn’t want to forget the rattle that Joe had given her for Christmas, and she’d better disassemble the mobile over the crib.
“Have you see Ivan and Gladys? They’ve gone somewhere, I think together, and I want to ask Gladys if the community theater is having play practice this week or if it has been canceled due to the holidays.”
“No, I haven’t seen either of them. Ynez, I have to run. They’re coming to pick up the baby.”
“Who? Who is coming?”
“I don’t know,” Rachel said. “The HSS are sending people. I’m to have her ready when they get here.”
“Take our little Christmas miracle? Our Christmas Noel? How dare they?” Ynez, quiet, mousy Ynez, sputtered with outrage.
“They are the agency in charge of abandoned children,” Rachel said hopelessly. “They have to take her, I’m afraid.”
“Rachel, I am so sorry. I will be right there.”
“No, I’m coping, Ynez. There is no need.” But she wasn’t coping. She felt raw and battered and, yes, defeated.
“Nonsense. I will be there very soon.”
It was only minutes after she got off the phone with Ynez that the phone rang again. This time it was Gladys Rink.
“I heard,” she said. “Ynez told me. I think it’s terrible.”
“I do, too, Gladys.” Rachel was sure that she sounded as grim as she felt.
“Does Joe know?”
“Not yet.”
“I want to be with you when Chrissy leaves. You shouldn’t have to face those people all by yourself. And I’ll bring Ivan.”
It was with a heavy heart that Rachel woke the baby, who was grumpy because she wasn’t ready to get up, and while she tried to get Chrissy to take her bottle, Rachel fielded several more phone calls from Joe’s sisters and Sherman, who had been clued in by the condo grapevine.
“It’s just a shame,” Sherman kept saying. “Just a damn shame.”
“There’s apparently nothing to be done about it. Will you call me as soon as you see the HSS car drive up?” Rachel said distractedly. Outside, rain had begun to spatter against the sliding-glass door in big drops. The day had turned gray and gloomy, which seemed highly appropriate to her mood.
“Sure. I’ll let you know when they get here,” Sherman said.
Rachel dressed Chrissy in her red velveteen dress, the one Joe had bought her for Christmas. The baby cried so hard that Rachel couldn’t think. Chrissy refused her pacifier, Rachel gave up on trying to get her to take it.
“I know, I know,” Rachel said, rocking Chrissy in Mimi’s plush yellow swivel rocker. “We all hate it that you have to go.” This only made Chrissy cry harder, and if Rachel hadn’t known better, she would have believed that Chrissy understood every word she was saying.
A knock at the door heralded the arrival of Gladys and Ivan; Ynez was not far behind.
‘There, there,” Ynez said, taking the baby from Rachel’s arms. “Dear little Christmas Noel. We love you, querida, you know that?”
“It’s been like a breath of fresh air, having a baby at the Elysian Towers,” said Gladys.
Ivan put his arm around her. “We’ll all miss her,” he said comfortingly.
Rachel favored them with a bleak smile. “I’m going to miss her most of all,” she said. She got up and stuffed the mobile into the diaper bag. A cursory look around the apartment showed no signs that a baby had even been there. “Well, Chrissy is ready. Even if we’re not.”
As if on cue, Sherman buzzed. “That car is here,” he said. “The one from HSS.”
“Oh, they’re here. So soon,” Gladys lamented.
“If only they’d come the first night, Christmas Eve. We wouldn’t have gotten to know the baby so well,” Ivan said.
“I’m glad I got to know her,” Rachel said. And she was. She was grateful for having given every feeding, changed every diaper. She’d been reminded by this experience that babies were special, and she’d learned that she still knew how to be a good mother. Her confidence in herself—and her self-esteem—had been restored as a result, and that was no small blessing.
But the time had come to give the baby up.
“I’ll carry Chrissy,” Rachel said, holding out her arms.
“You should, Rachel. You found her.”
“Yes, yes,” said Ynez. The gravity of the occasion had apparently inspired Ynez to liberate her hair from its pink foam rubber prison, and she had fluffed it into a becoming halo around her face. She was even wearing makeup.
“Rachel? Are you ready?”
Rachel drew a deep breath. She didn’t dare look down at Chrissy. She didn’t think she could stand it. She had well and truly bonded with this baby, and she would have given anything not to be turning her over to people who didn’t know her, who didn’t care about her and perhaps never would.
Ivan, always the courtly gentleman, opened the door, and all of them proceeded to the elevator. They wore solemn faces. “This is too much like being a pallbearer,” Ivan said suddenly.
“Hush, Ivan,” Gladys told him, but Rachel noticed that they were holding hands.
The elevator landed with a muffled thump on the ground floor, and the doors soundlessly slid open to reveal a lobby full of people. Rachel was stunned at the turnout; there were Mary and Jim Marzinski as well as all of their daughters, each of whom had brought her children. And Gina was there, too, but there was no sign of Joe.
“We couldn’t locate Joe,” Mary said. “We left messages all over the place. Oh, Rachel, I know he’d want to be here.”
Rachel was so overcome with gratitude for everyone’s support th
at she couldn’t speak. She could only gaze at them mutely, trying not to let her tears overflow.
“I don’t want the baby to go anywhere,” said one of the kids, who, if Rachel remembered correctly, was named Todd.
“Me, neither,” piped Emily, who was four. Her mother, the enormously pregnant Lois, pulled her daughter close by her side.
Rachel managed an awkward smile of thanks. The Marzinskis were the kind of people who would always be there for you, and they had proved it today. She was glad for the Theatrical Threesome, too. She had been alone for a long time, but she wouldn’t want to have to do this alone as well.
Outside the full-length glass door, under the portico with rain streaming off it in sheets, waited a white car bearing a government logo. Two people climbed out, a man and a woman. Looking grim, surprised to see all the people standing around, they walked into the lobby.
The man advanced first. He pulled an identification card out of his pocket “I’m Hugh Saleevy, State Department of Health and Social Services. Are you Rachel Kirsch?”
Rachel swallowed. Chrissy stirred in her arms, making a little mewling sound.
“I am,” said Rachel. Her heart was beating much too hard, and her throat was dry.
“We’ve come to take the abandoned infant,” he said.
Rachel tried to swallow past the lump in her throat. “I know.”
The man stepped forward and the group around Rachel moved even closer, flanking her. Mary Marzinski slid an arm around Rachel’s shoulders.
As the man held out his arms, Rachel said a little prayer for the baby. She hoped that Chrissy would be placed in a good home and would eventually be adopted by parents who would love her as a child deserved to be loved—unreservedly.
At the precise moment when Chrissy was actually transferred to the HSS man’s arms, Rachel glimpsed a streak of blue denim flashing through the rain and past the car outside. She recognized the tall, muscular figure, the deep suntan. The man burst into the lobby.
“Joe!” Rachel said, “I knew you would come!”
He went straight to Rachel and put his arms around her. He was damp and smelled of the rain, and his hair was plastered across his forehead, but Rachel was so glad to see him that she didn’t care. His mother moved away, but her hand remained on Joe’s shoulder in a show of solidarity.
“You can’t take this baby away!” Joe growled as he glowered at the people from HSS.
This caused an eruption of agreement among the onlookers, a development which caused Hugh Saleevy to look momentarily disconcerted. “Those are my orders.” The woman with him had the good grace to look doubtful, but she reached for the baby’s bag and took it from Ynez, anyway.
“This baby is coming with us. If you have any questions, you’ll have to call the local office,” Saleevy said officiously. With the baby in his arms, her small fists flailing the air, he turned and began to walk swiftly to the car. It was no small satisfaction that Chrissy chose that moment to spit up profusely on his burgundy blazer.
Rachel clung to Joe, not wanting to watch but unable to look anywhere but at the baby, who was now being buckled into a child safety seat. After she’d finished fastening Chrissy, the woman slid into the car beside her and sat gazing straight ahead, ignoring the indignant group who had gathered to watch Chrissy’s departure. The baby continued to cry, great gulping sobs that were heartrending in the extreme.
Rachel had gone numb. She was aware of Joe’s arms around her, but just barely. To think that she would never see the baby again…to think that she would never know the joy of watching her grow up… It was an unbearable pain. She knew that Chrissy’s face would be indelibly carved on her heart, right alongside the faces of her own lost children.
The car started and began to move. Rachel bit her lip, trying not to cry. But it wasn’t Rachel who had the greatest reaction. It was Gina.
She fainted.
MIMTS LITTLE APARTMENT was as warm with people. Gladys had produced smelling salts, Ynez was crying quietly as she cowered in a corner, and Ivan paced the floor. A gaggle of Marzinskis muddled around, chasing children, getting glasses of water, exploring the refrigerator.
Rachel sat beside Gina, chafing her wrists. Gina was propped up on the couch, her feet on the coffee table. Joe sat on the other side of her, his expression dark with concern.
“Maybe you should see a doctor,” he said to Gina.
“No! I’m fine.”
“It was awfully hot and humid in the lobby,” said Gladys. “I was farming myself with a newspaper. Wasn’t I, Ivan?”
“Yes, the crush of people was claustrophobic. Too much excitement”
“I couldn’t get any air. I couldn’t breathe,” Gina said. She struggled to sit up straight. “Can someone take me to my sister’s place? I feel okay now.”
“I’ll take you, but not until later,” said Joe. “I want to make sure you don’t pass out again.”
“I won’t,” Gina said, and it was true that color had returned to her cheeks.
“Is the baby going to a nice family?” Megan wanted to know. She sported a different artificial tattoo today, this one on her hand.
“I’m sure she will,” Rachel managed to say.
“Will she get to come visit us?” Todd’s big blue eyes focused on her with worry.
“I don’t think so,” Joe told him.
“You mean we’ll never see her again?”
Mary Marzinski slid an arm around one of the twins—Liza? Katie? “Perhaps not,” she said.
“We’re going to have our own new baby soon,” said Lois’s Jamie with an air of self-importance.
“Nobody will come get our baby, will they, Mommy?” asked his younger sister.
“No, darling, of course not.”
“But the HSS takes babies away.” This was Jamie again.
“Wait a minute, fella,” said Jim Marzinski. “They only take babies that have nowhere else to go. They find homes for them.”
“Our own baby will always have a home, won’t it?”
“Yes, Emily.” Lois caressed her daughter’s cheek.
Rachel felt heartsick at this conversation. She hadn’t thought about the effect the baby’s leaving would have on these kids. She doubted if their parents had, either. A glance at Gina told her that the teenager was also upset by this talk; she supposed that wasn’t so surprising considering that Gina had been a throwaway kid herself. No one had wanted her and her sisters. This whole episode probably brought back memories that Gina would rather forget.
Rachel decided that it was time for everyone to cheer up. Not that losing Chrissy to HSS was easy, not to trivialize their loss, but it was important to make an attempt at normalcy for the kids’ sake. “Tell you what,” she said, rallying with effort. “There’s a big container of Rocky Road ice cream in the freezer. Who wants to dish it up?”
Megan volunteered, and soon everyone, even Ynez, was eating ice cream.
“One thing I don’t understand,” Joe said conversationally after a while. “Why didn’t you qualify to keep the baby, Rachel?”
“Because she isn’t married,” volunteered Gladys Rink. “Isn’t that right, Rachel?”
Rachel’s mouth was full of ice cream; she couldn’t answer.
“Yes, they’ve got this silly rule. There have to be two parents in a foster home. Never mind that we’d all help,” Ivan said huffily.
“Never mind that I had not yet had a chance to babysit little Christmas Noel,” said Ynez, sniffing and dabbing at her eyes with a hanky.
Joe stood up abruptly. “Is that true, Rachel? Is that the only reason?”
Rachel swallowed the ice cream. It was painfully cold and sat in her chest in an icy lump.
“I’m not sure that’s the way it was before, or maybe it’s the difference in counties, or…I don’t know. But that’s why they took Chrissy away,” she said.
“Well, I have the solution.” All eyes focused on Joe, who looked expansive and confident.
“It’
s about time someone did,” said Ivan.
Joe stood looking down at her, hands on his hips. “We’ll get married. They can’t take her away then.”
Rachel’s mouth dropped open, and then she shut it. All around the room Marzinskis stood watching and waiting for her answer.
“Why not get married? I’m nuts about you, Rachel.”
“I’m thinking. I can’t think. Oh, I don’t know,” she said.
“Of course you do. We’ll be a family—you, me and Chrissy. I care about her almost as much as you do, and we can’t let her go to people who don’t love her. She was abandoned once. I’m not going to abandon her again.”
“Oh, yes, you could keep the baby,” breathed Gina. “If you got married, I mean.”
“Will you, Rachel?”
Rachel opened her mouth. She closed it again. No words came out.
“Of course she will,” said Gladys Rink. “She’s madly in love with you. Anyone can see that.”
“Rachel?”
“Could I have a word with you, Joe? In the kitchen?” She didn’t want to discuss marrying him in front of all these people.
She got up and marched into the kitchen, where she shut the door and leaned against it. Joe regarded her across the kitchen table, and she thought he had never looked so handsome. But how could she possibly marry him?
A long intake of breath shuddered through her. “Are you serious? Are you out of your mind? We’ve known each other all of five days, and I can’t imagine what you’re thinking.”
He took two steps across the room and pinned her against the closed door with his full weight. She heard the hammering of his heart beneath his shirt; she heard her own pulse beat in her ears.
“I’m thinking we should get married,” he said his breath warm on her cheek. “There’s Chrissy, and I could get more specific as to other reasons. I could kiss you, like this,” and he demonstrated, “and like this.”
This wasn’t the kind of summit meeting she’d had in mind, and she wished he wouldn’t do that. She pushed at him furiously. “There are people on the other side of this door,” she hissed. “Your family is there, for Pete’s sake. How can you—”
Baby Christmas Page 18
