by Alexa Davis
“Yes, I am.” Meghan nodded enthusiastically. “She will play games with me, won’t she?”
“Yes, she will.” I smiled reassuringly at my little girl. “I’m sure you two will have lots of fun. You’ll play games, do crafts, go out for the day… It’ll be great.”
“I can’t wait.”
Once Meghan had finished eating, she started yawning and rubbing her eyes, so I scooped all the garbage off the mattress and lay her down to sleep. She flopped backwards as the exhaustion got her, which was exactly how I felt myself. It’d been a very long day, and it would be again tomorrow as we got all set up.
“We will get your bedroom set up tomorrow, I promise you, but we’ll be okay here tonight, won’t we?” I asked Meghan, but I was speaking more to myself than her. She was almost fast asleep, snoring lightly. “Yeah, I think we’ll be okay here.”
The question referred to everything, really. I wanted us to be alright here in New York, not just tonight. I wanted all of this to just work out. The first step of that would of course be making this apartment a home for us both. Once that was done, I hoped everything else would simply fall into place. The job, the babysitter, everything…
Chapter Three
Zack
Sunday
Urgh, shit!
My leg was stiff as I turned on my side to wake up in the morning. The dull ache radiated through my calf, right up to my hip, instantly putting me in a bad mood. I knew that I needed to get into the shower to help ease some of the agony, but the idea of walking from my bed into the bathroom felt like climbing a mountain. It was out of reach, too far away.
Still, I was going to have to if I didn’t want the black cloud to swallow me up whole.
“Son of a bitch,” I muttered as I put some weight on it. “Fuck, why?”
Nope, I couldn’t think of the why, I had to get in the shower. I hobbled over to the bathroom and turned the shower on. The sound of the water racing and pattering on the shower floor while I waited for it to heat up irritated me. I felt it banging into my brain as if it was trying to develop into a headache on purpose.
Things eased off once I got into the water and the heat from it eased some of the tension in my muscles. I needed to get it to a position where it was comfortable enough to walk on with ease, then I had to go for a walk. My physical therapist was always on me to keep working in my muscle. She said it was important to relax, but also vital to move it. I got the impression that she didn’t really believe me when I told her that I was doing my best – but to be fair, more often than not she was right.
Today I would, though; today I was going to be good.
I got out of the shower and dragged some sweatpants up over my legs and a tee shirt over my head. That was agonizing and tiring, but determination flooded me. Once upon a time, I was one of the fittest men on the planet. I could overcome this – I had to.
Right, Zack, I told myself determinedly as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My dark hair was messier and longer than it used to be when I was a Seal, and my freckles were more prominent for some reason, but aside from all of that, I was still the same person. Just go for a little walk; really, how hard can that be?
But as I turned to make my way towards my front door and the pain flew through my body, I was reminded of just how challenging it was. Everything was harder these days.
I pushed the door open and slammed the elevator button, but when it didn’t immediately light up, I knew it was on the fritz again. It wouldn’t be long until it was fixed, the building manager was pretty good like that, but today, I would have to tackle the stairs. I wasn’t much in the mood for it, but I didn’t have any choice.
“Fuck,” I muttered as I felt my knee give way just as I heard the clicking sound of another door opening. I was distracted, not thinking properly, and that made my leg cave. The floor started hurtling towards me, but before I connected with it properly, a pair of arms wrapped around mine to hold me up. The person catching me wasn’t strong enough to fully hold me up, but it was enough to stop me from crashing right down. “Oh, thanks.”
My eyes moved upwards along the body, and my blood ran ice cold. It was her – the red head. I didn’t help her because I was afraid of looking weak, and now I’d gone and done just that – and now it was even worse because I felt completely helpless.
“Are you okay?” she asked quietly, concern filling her voice. “Are you hurt?”
A blush filled my cheeks, this was so fucking embarrassing. I hated that the first woman I actually found attractive in a very long time was seeing me in such a vulnerable fashion. It wasn’t me at all.
“Yep, I’m fine,” I snapped back.
“Why did you fall?” a small voice called out from behind me. I didn’t even need to turn to know that it must have been the kid. She saw it, as well, which somehow made it worse. I turned to look at the girl and plastered a fake smile on my face. “I didn’t mean to,” I chuckled thickly. “Just one of those things.”
“I’m Meghan,” she announced proudly. “We moved here yesterday.”
I know, I thought, suddenly really ashamed of myself. I didn’t acknowledge it, though. I wanted to brush right over it. “I’m Zack.”
“I’m Olivia,” her beautiful mom joined in, causing me to stare at her. The funny thing was that close up, she was even more stunning. Her eyes were big and round, her smile was sweet, her skin looked soft enough to touch…and damn, I wanted to touch her. She made me crave that human touch all over again. “Nice to meet you.”
She was being very kind since I was such an asshole when I saw her moving in. Clearly, she was giving me a second chance, so when she extended her hand to me I took it and shook it. As fission of excitement raced through my body as our skin connected, and judging by the way her eyes opened wider, she felt it too.
I had no idea what that meant.
“You need to be a bit more careful,” Olivia announced in a teacher-style warning. “Your leg must be weak, you shouldn’t push it.”
With that, all the good feeling zapped from my body and I felt like shit. I fucking hated being this weak, pathetic person, and to have the one person I’d liked since the accident see right through me just reminded me of who I was. I was a man. I was supposed to be the fucking strong one. I didn’t need this bullshit. Plus, I despised being told what to do.
“Thanks for your vast medical knowledge,” I replied pissily. “I’ll bear that in mind.”
With that I brushed past her and continued on my journey down the stairs. I did tread more carefully, but that was only because I didn’t want the hassle of falling again. I didn’t want Olivia to see that she was right.
A burning hot rage bubbled in my heart and didn’t cool at all until the cool fresh air from the outside world filled them. It was only then that I realized I wasn’t really angry at Olivia – I was actually angry at myself. I hated the slow speed of my progress. It filled me with rage to know that my life would never be the same again. I felt silly, breezing through life with nothing, no aim, no goal, no nothing.
I glanced back up at the building and bit down on my bottom lip, but there was no point in going back in there. I needed to keep on walking, instead. At least now I had a destination in mind. Vi’s Café: my favorite place to get coffee. Plus, it helped that it was near the subway station, which was why I went there a lot.
I got my coffee quickly and grabbed a newspaper off the counter to read as I drank. I wasn’t much in the mood for small talk today, and since I was a regular at Vi’s, most people knew me well enough to just come and sit with me without being invited to do so. Usually that was okay, but today I just wasn’t feeling it.
But fate wasn’t on my side. I couldn’t get away from chatter today, however hard I tried. No sooner had I taken my seat and turned to the first page, than a familiar voice rang through my brain.
“You’re so predictable,” Lark joked. “You have to be the easiest person in the world to find.”
“You kno
w I have my routines now,” I quipped without looking up from the page. I wasn’t reading, I just didn’t want Lark to know that he’d gotten to me. “I have to do certain things to keep myself going.” I hated how depressing that sounded – it almost made me want to race back home to bed, to block out the world completely.
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” I risked looking upwards as he fell into silence. As soon as he saw me, he gave me a bright grin. “Did you want some cake to go with your coffee?”
I glanced towards the counter to see all kinds of delicious-looking treats calling my name. My mouth watered desperately, and my stomach growled. “Yeah, I guess so.”
Lark leapt up and tugged his wallet out of his pocket. “I’ll get it.”
I gave him a confused look. Why the hell would Lark want to pay for the cake when I could more than afford it? He knew as well as I did that I had more money that I knew what to do with. “Why would you do that? You know I have it.”
He shrugged and smirked. “Just because you have the money, doesn’t mean you have to pay all the time. You are allowed to save it, you know.”
“I’m sure some cake won’t break the bank.”
“No, and it won’t for me, either, so just let me get it.”
As Lark walked up to the counter, I narrowed my eyes at him. I didn’t think I’d be able to spend all the money I had in my life time even if I was actually trying, so I wasn’t sure why he was being so weird about it. I didn’t spend much, so it wasn’t like worrying about saving was the top of my priority list…
“What are you thinking about?” Lark asked as he placed the cake down in front of me. “You look like you’re putting the world to rights.”
I didn’t want to tell him my actual train of thought because I couldn’t be bothered to get into an argument with him, so instead, I decided to tell him about Olivia. “I met my new neighbor today.”
“The hot one with a kid?”
“Yeah. She’s called Olivia. It was an awful meeting, actually. My leg gave way, and I fell right onto her.”
“Ooh, sexy.” He wiggled his eyebrows as he taunted me. “That’s a bit meet cute, like in the movies.”
“No, it wasn’t like that at all, it was horrible. So embarrassing.” I shook my head in dismay at the memory. “And then she tried to give me some bullshit medical advice…”
Luckily before I could get into too much of a rant about things, Lark’s cell phone blasted out and distracted him from me. “Oh sorry, it’s work. I have to take this.”
As he left the room, I sucked in a few deep breaths of air to calm me down, and as I did, the memory faded somewhat. It didn’t matter too much, Olivia obviously hated me now and nothing was going to change that. I needed to forget all about it – and her. Yeah, maybe I found her attractive, but surely, that would stop now that I knew she was a bossy know-it-all? I thought.
“Sorry, Zack.” All of a sudden, Lark broke into my train of thought. “I have to go. I have a competition in Vegas that’s just come up. I need to prepare for it, but I’ll see you soon okay?”
“Yep sure.” Perfect, my quiet coffee on a Sunday morning, just how I wanted it. “I’ll see you later. Good luck with everything!” I waved him off and opened up my newspaper, getting back to the story on the very first page, finally enjoying the exact way that I’d wanted this visit to Vi’s to go.
Chapter Four
Olivia
Monday
I was practically shaking as Drea walked into my apartment for the very first time. My eyes kept roving up and down her as I tried to work out how competent she would be looking after the most important person in my life. She was a few years older than me, with long blonde hair tied back into a knot and a kindly-looking face. I knew her résumé well. I knew that she’d done the job for a long time, but the nerves coursed through me regardless.
That was until she started up her very first conversation with Meghan. She knew just how to talk to her, more like an adult than a child, but with a very firm tone. I adored my daughter to bits, but I knew she was a handful, a wild child that needed taming from time to time. Judging by the way Meghan’s eyes lit up as Drea talked about what they were going to do together, I knew for certain that I’d made the right decision.
I was going to have to thank my new boss, Ms. Simms, for her recommendation.
“Are you excited about starting work?” Drea asked me as Meghan raced from the room to get a painting to show her new sitter. “Today is big day.”
“I am, but I’m nervous, as well.” I shifted from foot to foot. “This is my first job in a major practice, and I’m a little scared about screwing it up.”
I’d done the degree and the assistant jobs, I’d done the shadowing, but I hadn’t ever done the job for real. It was good of Ms. Simms to hire me, and I truly didn’t want to screw it up.
“Ms. Simms is a great lady,” Drea nodded knowingly. “You will do just fine; she will look after you.”
“Is there anything you need to know about Meghan?” I asked her, rapidly changing the subject before I fully succumbed to the panic entirely. “I’ve left a list of emergency numbers on the bulletin board, plus all the things that Meghan is allergic to…”
“Don’t you worry,” she grinned and reassured me. “You told me everything during the telephone interview. I’m sure we will be fine. I have been doing this for a while now, so I know what I’m doing – you don’t have to worry about anything.”
“Yeah okay.” I breathed out deeply. “I will keep my cell phone on all day with me anyway, so if you have any questions, please ask.”
“Of course, of course, now off you go. You have the subway to catch, am I right?”
“Yes.” I clapped my hands together and smiled through the terror. “Okay, I’m just going to say goodbye to Meghan.”
I found my daughter and tightly wrapped my arms around her, holding her close to my body before I left her for the first time in New York. I knew she’d be okay, it was obvious she’d be fine with Drea who appeared to be very competent, as able as I thought she’d be, but still the strings on my heart tugged painfully.
“I’ll see you later, okay, baby?” I said into her hair. “You be good for Drea.”
“I will, Mom. Love you,” she muttered distractedly into my ear. “I promise that I’ll be good.”
“Love you, too.”
I had to literally tear myself away, but eventually, I managed it and forced myself out the front door. I walked in a haze of sadness and fear into the elevator, and I wandered out the front door towards the nearest subway station. My last job had been within walking distance, so this commute was going to take some getting used to, but I hoped it’d be alright.
The station was crowded with people, but I nestled myself in between everyone and got swept along with the crowd onto the train as they all moved. I didn’t manage to find a seat, but I got a hook to hold onto, which would be fine since it was only a four stop journey.
All in all, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Once outside the building which housed the physical therapy office, I paused for just a moment to calm myself down. I couldn’t take too long, though, because the last thing I wanted was to be late on my very first day. I knew that Ms. Simms was taking a huge chance on me and wanted to prove myself worthy.
Surprisingly, Ms. Simms was outside the door of the office, all ready to greet me. It was nice actually, a touching personal gesture that helped me to relax. I recognized her crinkly eyes and his warm smile from our Skype interviews. She had more white hairs than I would’ve thought, though.
“Hello there, Olivia.” She smiled warmly and held out her hand for me to shake. “I’m so glad to finally meet you in person.”
“You, too. Thank you for this opportunity.”
She opened the door for me and let me inside. “Come on in, I’ll show you the room that you’ll be working in.”
I followed her, while trying to listen to her and drink everything in
at the same time. It was strange to think that this building would soon be very familiar to me…if it all worked out, of course.
“So, as you know, this is shift work, so the schedule will be different every week. If there is any time that you need off, I will try my best to accommodate that, but I do try and keep patients with the same therapist. It just makes sense for their treatments because everyone knows where they stand better. I hope that’s okay with you.”
“That sounds perfect,” I beamed. “Thank you. So, what sort of injuries do you get here?”
“Mostly athletes,” she told me as she led me into my room. “Some military men, some with long-term conditions. It varies.”
“So this is my room?” I looked at everything and smiled to myself. I never thought I’d land a first real job at a place like this – it was so clean, so professional. It was awesome. “Looks great.”
“Yes. I mean, there may be times when you need to move rooms or share your room, but primarily, this will be your room. So, do you have any questions?”
So many questions flooded my mind, but I didn’t really need to ask any of them. I knew what I was doing, I could do this job – I just needed to have full confidence in myself. “No, I think I’m okay. Thank you.”
“Well, the phone is there. If you need me I am on extension six oh three. Please feel free to contact me about anything. I am happy to answer any questions you have.” She checked her watch smiled at me. “Now, your first client will be here soon so I better get going.”
I knew it wasn’t my office exactly, but as soon as Ms. Simms left I pulled out a photograph and rested it on my desk. I wanted the place to feel like mine for the time I was here. The picture was of Meghan and my parents, taken at our old home. It gave me a pang for everything that I’d left behind, but luckily, I didn’t have time to focus on it.
