by Alexa Davis
“Making good progress?”
“Yeah, not bad.” I shrugged as I spoke, trying not to give too much away. I didn’t like to reveal weakness when it came to my pain, especially with my father. “Some days are worse than others, but overall, I think things are better.”
“Good...good.” He glanced down at the paperwork he had brought with him, signifying that was the end of our heart-to-heart about my pain. “So anyway, let’s get started; we have a whole lot to get through.”
***
Emotional exhaustion raced through my system as the morning rolled into afternoon. We were doing good, but there had already been a lot of arguments on the best way to run things. I wanted my father’s advice – I didn’t want him to do everything for me. I wished he could understand that.
“Will you just pick up your phone already?” he finally snapped angrily at me. “It’s been bleeping away for ages.”
“It has?” Because I could be quite terrible at hearing my phone the first time around, I had a setting on which made sure it alerted me every so often when I needed to look at things. Clearly, it hadn’t had any impact on my today though.
As I grabbed the phone I spotted the email icon on it, which instantly had me confused. I didn’t get many emails, and I thought I’d filtered out all the junk.
Ooh... it was from Olivia, from the physical therapy office.
“Dear Mr. Taylor, I would just like to remind you that you have an appointment with me at eleven a.m. tomorrow morning.” I furrowed my eyebrows. I didn’t usually get a reminder email about my appointments because I hadn’t ever forgotten. “And please remember what I asked of you, keep your mouth shut. Olivia Larson.”
The smile flew back up to my mouth – she was very insistent that she didn’t want anyone to know about us, which only made it more delicious. I actually liked having a secret for just the two of us. It created a little web between us.
“Who was that?” Dad interrupted my train of thought. “Someone has brought a smile to your face, that’s for sure.”
“It’s...” I didn’t really want to tell him, and not just because Olivia wanted to keep it just between us, so I took a different tactic instead. “Dad, what does it mean if a woman keeps telling you not to talk about something?”
“Ah, a woman.” He looked very pleased about that prospect. “Well, it means that something is very important to them.”
Important? Me? I didn’t want to get a rush of hope at that thought, but it washed over me like a wave anyway. It had been such a long time since I’d felt any excitement about anyone, so this felt even more powerful than it probably would anyway.
Just as I was about to tap out my reply, someone else banged on my door. The excitement was thick in my system, so I instantly pictured Olivia coming back to see me again, to remind me once more to keep my mouth shut, but as I pulled open the door, it was Dolly on the other side of it.
“You should have told me that the girl has food allergies,” she insisted wildly while pushing a plate of baked goods into my hands. “I’ve been trying to persuade Olivia to model for me with bribes, and now I see why they aren’t working...”
As she pushed into my apartment, my dad gave me a look as if to ask if it was her. I shook my head quickly, not even wanting to entertain that idea. I adored Dolly, but it was Olivia that filled every inch of my mind.
“Dad, Dolly, Dolly, this is my father...”
As Dolly started talking at him at a hundred miles an hour, I had a feeling that our organizing was done for the day. Dolly had the power to shut even the strongest man down, which was exactly what she was doing.
Chapter Twelve
Olivia
Monday
“Thank you, Drea; honestly, you are a life saver,” I gushed. “I know you aren’t a housekeeper, and I will put more in your paycheck for this, it’s just... Well, my parents are coming into town today, and I haven’t had chance to clean up properly, and I can’t cancel my appointments today...” However much I want to. “It’s fine, Olivia, honestly. Meghan and I will get it all looking nice today, won’t we?”
As I finally left the apartment, I rolled my eyes at the Out of Order sign on the elevator again. It seemed to be up there every single time I was running even the slightest bit late. Today it wound me up even more that usual because today I really needed everything to run smoothly.
It wasn’t just my parents coming into the city to see how I was getting on that had me stressed out; it was the idea of seeing Zack again. There was so much fear racing through my body at the idea of it, I felt a bit like I was going crazy.
The last time I saw Zack, I had burst into his apartment and basically used him to satisfy my carnal needs. I used him for a one-night stand, and I honestly had no idea how he was going to act today. I had tried to communicate with him twice about keeping it all to himself, but there was no guarantee that he would do that. He hadn’t replied, and for all I knew, he could be waiting for a moment to take me down. He could go to Ms. Simms with the information and get me fired.
Urgh, God, stop panicking, I tried to convince myself. It’ll all be fine. Stop worrying.
But of course, I couldn’t turn off my fear that easily. However hard I tried, the image of his twisted smile while he ruined everything I had worked so hard for filled my mind. After all, he hadn’t exactly acted normally with me. One minute he was cold and uncaring, the next he was trying to kiss me and send me wild… What sort of man behaved that way? I honestly didn’t know.
But it was time to find out…
***
“You are doing really well, Tiana,” I smiled at the teenage girl with a newly-fitted prosthetic arm. “I am really pleased with your progress, and you should be, too.”
But she didn’t seem that way. As she frowned at me, I could see the level of frustration there. It was natural for patients to want to speed the process along; it was a challenge for people to accept that it would take time for their bodies to ever behave in the way that they wanted them to again – especially for the younger ones. Girls like Tiana had to see all their friends doing exactly what they wanted to do, while they were virtually trapped in a prison of their own bodies.
“Keep up with the exercises,” I continued undeterred. “And, I will see you next week for our next session.”
As I walked Tiana out, I expected to see Zack in the waiting room. If I was honest with myself, I had been perched on the edge of my chair all day long waiting for the moment where we would lock eyes again. Eleven o’clock could not come around fast enough, just to get it over with. So it was a massive shock to see the waiting room virtually empty, aside from an elderly gentleman who was not my patient.
I frowned and looked up at the clock. It was one minute to eleven. Zack was usually here by now.
“Is there any sign of my next patient?” I asked the receptionist, being careful not to mention him by name.
“No, not yet,” she replied in a bored sounding tone of voice. “Shall I let you know when he’s here?”
I didn’t think I could wait in my office for him to arrive. I couldn’t sit still, I needed to keep moving around, so I moved behind her desk and pretended to hunt through some files, all while keeping one eye fixed on the front door.
“No, I’ll get some filing done while I wait.”
Time ticked by agonizingly slowly. Each second felt like an hour and as each one passed I felt my lungs constrict tighter and tighter. Any more of this and I wouldn’t be able to breathe at all…
But then he staggered through the front door, and everything fell away from me: all the stress, all the anger that was slowly starting to boil, all the panic… Judging by his pale skin and he tightly pursed lips, the reason that Zack was so late was because he was having a terribly bad day with his pain, and he probably shouldn’t have come. A lot of places didn’t understand the severity of chronic pain, but physical therapists did. We didn’t mind when people had to cancel appointments at the last moment because th
e pain was too much because we understood.
I shoved the file back on the shelf and raced to Zack’s side to help him. None of what had happened between us mattered now – he was in agony and I was here to assist him.
“Come here,” I cooed while tucking myself under his arm. “Let me help you.”
For such a proud man to fall against me, accepting my help, it showed just how much he was struggling. “I’m sorry I’m late,” he practically whispered. “As I’m sure you saw this morning, the elevator is out of order again, and I stumbled on the stairs. My knee locked up, and I lost control of my body. This time, I didn’t have my knight with shining red hair to save me.”
Despite myself I chuckled. “Oh dear, what a mess.” I moved him towards the seat in my office. “Well, I know that it’s frustrating, but it’ll get better soon. It doesn’t help living where you do, but the process will be over before you know it.”
I examined his face as he nodded sharply. He wasn’t up to any exercises today, especially at the rate I’d been pushing him. It was going to be one of those days where massaging him was all I could do.
“Hop up onto the table,” I said while nodding behind him. “Let me take a look at this leg of yours.”
“Always trying to get me into bed,” he muttered, trying to flirt. If his voice had been less strained, I might have taken offence considering what had gone on between us, but instead, I laughed and shook my head. “Any minute now, you’ll have your hands all over me.”
“If you’re well enough to flirt, then maybe you’re okay to get into the exercise room…” I warned him.
“No, no,” he winced. “I’ll be good, I promise you.”
Surprisingly, he did just that. He lay there in silence as I ran my hands over his flushed flesh, trying to work out how to ease some of his pain. That helped me to settle into professional mode…mostly. I couldn’t stop the flashes of him from slipping into my brain from time to time, almost knocking me from my feet.
This was exactly why it was a terrible plan to get involved with patients. It was hard to do something that was actually pretty intimate to help a person, when you’d been intimate with them in a different way. It was much more challenging than I thought it would be to separate the two.
At least he had headed my warning and hadn’t brought it up. If Zack had mentioned anything about our spontaneous crazy night, I might have fallen apart right there and then. Maybe if we could just keep it on the level, then we could both move on with our professional relationship, just like we were. Maybe. All I needed to do was switch off all the inappropriate thoughts and everything would be fine.
Easy.
***
“Mom, Dad!” I cried out with mock enthusiasm. “It’s good to see you here…so early.”
They weren’t supposed to arrive until later on. I was supposed to get some time in between work and dealing with them. The fact that they were already here was almost overwhelming. I had to really force the fake smile to remain on my face.
“We caught an earlier plane in the end,” Mom declared as if it was nothing. “And, I’m glad. It has been good to meet Drea.”
Oh God, poor Drea. I gave my babysitter a pleading look, but she smiled blandly back as if she hadn’t been tortured too much. Hopefully, that meant my parents had managed to keep themselves in check. I hope Mom didn’t tell her that she didn’t approve of my use of her at all. That would be very difficult to come back from.
“Is there anywhere good to eat around here?” Dad asked while running his eyes up and down me. “You look tired after your long day of work. I’m sure you don’t want to cook?”
The idea of getting in the kitchen to cook from my mother who was almost as chef standards herself sent a shiver up and down my spine. No, we needed to get the hell out of this apartment if I was going to stand a chance in hell of relaxing.
“Can we go where Lark and Zack took us?” Meg asked me excitedly. “It was nice there, and there was loads that I could eat.”
“Yes, of course.” I smiled at her and ran my finger down her cheek. “That’s perfect.”
“Who is Lark?” Mom asked with wide eyes. “Who’s this Zack?”
Of course… A comment like that couldn’t be made without a million and one questions to follow. I had to keep my eye roll inside while I took my eyes off of my daughter’s face.
“Erm… I think I’m going to go,” Drea interjected, saving my life for me. “Shall I see you tomorrow? Same time?”
“Yes, please.” I gave her a grateful look. “Thanks again for everything.”
Mom was still giving me an imploring look as Drea left, so I decided to act like I had forgotten her question entirely. “Right, I’m going to get dressed, then we can go…”
“Yes, and you can tell us about these two men.”
“Zack lives across the hall!” Meghan jumped in, not understanding the point of keeping things to herself, at all. “You can meet him if you want…”
“Not right now,” I smiled thinly. “We’re going out, aren’t we?”
Meghan didn’t answer me, and neither did Mom. They fell deep into a conversation about the two men I would rather not ever discuss with my parents, but since I didn’t have a choice in the matter, I exited the room and fell into my bedroom to breathe a sigh of relief. I knew this visit wasn’t going to be an easy one, but now I could feel that more intensely than ever. I would have to bat off a lot of questions and passive aggressive remarks about my life choices not necessarily not being the right ones. And that was just from Mom.
Dad hadn’t even said anything yet. Who knew what way this night would go once he did?
Right, I thought determinedly. Get dressed, get through dinner, try not to fall apart in the process. That shouldn’t be too hard, should it?
But I already felt like I wasn’t good enough. I already felt like I should have done things very differently. It might have been my own insecurities more than anything else, but that didn’t make them any less real. It was going to take all the inner strength I had not to crumble by the end of the meal.
Chapter Thirteen
Zack
Tuesday
I sat outside a lawyer’s office with anxiety racing through my veins. This was the first step towards setting up my charity. I needed some legal advice, and I already felt well and truly out of my depth. If I felt that way before even setting foot in his room, how was I going to cope once things really began to happen? I wanted this, I really did, but I wasn’t totally convinced that I could do it.
What happened to the confident son of a bitch that you used to be? I asked myself angrily. Where did that guy go?
Of course, I already knew the answer, it all happened at exactly the same time as my accident. I could still be that guy again, the one who didn’t question any of his decisions whatsoever. I just needed to give myself time to get back to that place. I needed to find some of that patience that I so desperately lacked.
Without even meaning to, my eyes kept darting over to the receptionist sitting behind her fancy desk. She was beautiful enough, and she’d made it very clear from the second I set foot in the office that she liked me, but there was nothing about her that attracted me to her. Well, nothing apart from the shock of red hair that ran down her back. It was more orangey than Olivia’s, and clearly dyed rather than natural, but it was the closest link that I had in this place, and since she was all I could really think about, I couldn’t stop myself from looking.
I felt upset yesterday as I had to go to the physiotherapist office in such pain. The night before I had laid up in bed planning how I would torture Olivia over what happened without actually revealing any details. I wanted to flirt her up into a frenzy, even if I knew it meant that she’d push me to my limit. It would hurt, but it’d be totally worth it. Then I had to go and fall down the stairs like an idiot, leaving me vulnerable and sore.
Still, it all worked out pretty nicely. It was kinda sweet to see Olivia in a new light, and damn,
her hands all over my body made me feel incredible, and not just because she helped with the pain. It made me realize that somehow or another, I had to make her want me again.
“Mr. Taylor?” the receptionist called out in a sultry tone of voice. “Mr. Nova will see you now.”
“Thanks.” I stood up and fixed my eyes on my feet as I walked. I could feel the redhead’s eyes burning into the back of my neck, but I couldn’t even give her a cursory glance. I didn’t want to do anything that might be considered leading her on.
“Hello there, Mr. Taylor,” the lawyer’s official-sounding voice dragged my eyes back upwards. “It’s good to see you.” He was a buttoned up type, with serious dark eyes and very pale skin to match. He looked like the sort of person who was chained to a desk, which made a lot of sense given his line of work. “How may I help you today?”
“You got my initial email, about the charity that I wish to set up?” I really didn’t want to go through all the boring details again if I could help it. “I guess I just need some advice about the best way to move forwards.”
“Ah yes.” Mr. Nova adjusted his glasses while he brought up what I presumed was my email on his screen. “You don’t know whether to focus on helping soldiers who are coming home or vets that are down on their luck.”
Dad and I argued about it for hours. I knew that I needed to concentrate on one area in particular, even if I wanted to help everyone. It was the only way that the charity would work and I could keep it going long term.
“Yes,” I agreed as I took my chair. “I want to sort out housing, food, benefits, that sort of thing, but I need to define exactly what I want to do.” I laughed a little awkwardly. “I guess I’m a little out of my depth here.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Mr. Nova tried to reassure me. “Everyone is at first; we all have to start somewhere, after all.” I let out a deep, relieved breath that I didn’t even realize I was holding as he said that. It was nice to know that I wasn’t the only one in this boat. “Now, with the windfall that you have described to me in the email, it might be possible to do both.”
