by Kitty Parker
"No, no," Parker stood, stepping up to the table, "I'll take her; I just didn't want to do any more damage by carrying her."
"Son, I've been watching you with her all afternoon; you'd never do anything to hurt that girl."
Parker nodded and closed his book. He put an arm under Tessa's neck, and the other under her knees. Lifting her was easy, she was petite, but maneuvering her through the house with the cast on her leg was a bit more difficult. He struggled up the stairs, watching her face more than where he was going. Another wave of guilt washed over him, he could have prevented all of this, he just knew it.
He laid her down on the bed, then carefully arranged the pillows before propping a sleeping Tessa up against them. He got some cushions from the sofa in the room and put her leg carefully on top of it. There was no point in bothering with the quilts, seeing as it was the dead of summer and the room was rather hot already. He noticed that her hair was falling into her face and sticking to her wounds, so he went in search of some hair pins. Normally Lizzy wouldn't like him snooping in her room, but he knew she would want to help Tessa in such a situation, and her room was closest.
They were easy enough to find, sitting in a small box in her night stand. He grabbed a handful, not knowing how many he would need, and returned to his patient. Sitting beside her on the bed, he twisted her curled brown locks away from her face and carefully secured them with the pins. When he finished, he heard the door downstairs close softly, hushed voices accompanying the noise, it was his mother to be sure, and she'd want a full account of what had happened while she was gone. Assured that Tessa would stay asleep for quite some time, he left her, pulling the door to her room closed behind him.
Chapter 13
"Tessa!" Emma screamed, running into her bedroom after yanking the door open with force. "Luka chasing me!"
Tessa opened her eyes groggily, trying not to appear as though she had just woken up, despite the fact that she had. She felt like she slept all the time though, so she didn't mind waking up for her little sister. Emma jumped onto the bed, carefully avoiding Tessa's broken leg, which still hurt quite terribly.
"He is, is he?"
"He won't look here!" the little girl said in excitement.
"Well if he does, we'll hide you under the covers." Tessa tickled her with her good arm and Emma squirmed with excitement beside her. She suddenly heard creeping feet outside the door in the hall and shushed her sister, who quietly giggled beneath Tessa's gentle hand. The doorknob turned slightly and Tessa threw the quilts over Emma, who stifled another wave of laughter. Lucas walked in the room, his eyes first searching every inch in a sweeping glance, then focusing on Tessa who was sitting up, and awake.
"Oh hi, Tess. You awake?"
Tessa laughed, "No, Luke, I've taken to sleeping with my eyes open. Neat trick, huh?"
Lucas laughed and joined Tessa at the foot of the bed, once again, carefully avoiding all of her injured parts. "I wish you could come downstairs with us."
"I do too."
"The Sullivan's are real nice people. Parker plays cards with us, and Ben and Dillon let me play with their toys! Dr. Sullivan let me listen to his stethoscope the other day and Mrs. Sullivan bakes the best sweets. Dinner is more fun than playing, they laugh all the time!"
"I'm glad you're having so much fun," Tessa smiled.
Lucas' expression grew sad, his shoulders slouched and his head hanging. "Tessa, did we used to be this happy? Before Momma died? I can't remember."
Tessa fought tears as she watched the pain splayed across her little brother's face. He was so young when they lost their mother; he had none of the memories she did. Playing cards in the parlor on the floor, caring nothing about the propriety society dictated. Dad would tell the best stories and Momma made hot chocolate whenever Tessa asked. They went to the park and on adventures, just the three of them until Sadie came along. Even the grief of miscarriages didn't seem to spoil Momma's spirit or Daddy's pride in their family.
As Tessa's tears threatened, another voice came from under the covers. "I don't remember either." Emma said sadly.
"There you are!" Lucas squealed, digging in the blankets to find his younger sister. He stopped when he found her with tears falling from her bright, round eyes.
"Come here, both of you." Tessa opened her good arm, and waited for both to snuggle beside her. Emma was closest to her, laying her head full of curls on Tessa's shoulder, and she gripped Lucas with her hand on the far side. "We were very happy, and Momma and Daddy loved both of you very much."
"Until I made her die," Emma said shortly. The expression forced a gasp out of Tessa's lungs, and Emma looked up anxiously, as if she had accidentally bumped one of Tessa's bruises.
Tessa turned herself, wincing at the pain it caused, but not caring. She would look her little sister in the eye for this pronouncement. "Emma Mae Evans, you did not kill Momma. What happened was very terrible, and we all miss her, but you my darling, are not responsible." "I am,"Tessa thought, but decided not to add.
Emma nodded, seemingly convinced, "Will you tell me a story about Momma?"
"Yes, please, Tessa!" Lucas said with sad excitement.
Tessa nodded in agreement and began telling one of her favorite stories about her mother. Whenever Emma was listening, she made sure she told one about when she was pregnant with Emma. That way, Emma felt like she had been a beautiful part of her mothers life, which she was. She told them the story of the day Momma found out she was pregnant with Emma. Tessa had been in the parlor, working on a quilt. She was struggling with her stitches and was growing impatient when Momma raced into the room. After a stitch, she grabbed for Tessa's hand and pulled her outside. In the garden, she whispered the secret into Tessa's ear, then began to dance and sing. She had been such a joyful woman.
When Tessa was finished telling her story, Lucas began with one of his own. Telling Emma about a time when he had become terribly ill, and Momma had sat by his bed for an entire day. She fed him soup and told him stories, and whispered into his ear how much she loved him. "She called me handsome, I remember that. It always made me feel special," he grinned
Tessa was surprised to look down and see a huge smile on Emma's face. "And what are you smiling about, Love?"
"I don't need a Momma, cause I have you. You do what a Momma would." she smiled, squeezing her tightly around the middle. She put pressure on several of Tessa's bruises, but it didn't matter.
"I love you, Emma."
"I love you, Essa."
They sat and snuggled for a few more minutes and then they were interrupted by Parker. The children slid off the bed and threw their arms around Parker, Emma squeezing his knees and Lucas hung around his waist. He lifted each one of them and gave them a quick spin around the room. Emma giggled with joy, and Lucas laughed happily. When he was finished, he pushed them playfully out of the room and advanced toward Tessa.
"Good afternoon, Tessa," he smiled. He picked up the thermometer and put it in her mouth before she could say anything to him. Flashing a small light in both of her eyes, he was every moment the doctor. Moving his inspection along, he felt the area of her broken clavicle, commenting that the swelling had gone down significantly. Respectfully, he moved on to her ribs and reported that they were also doing well. Finally, he checked her cast, making sure that her skin wasn't irritated.
"Well, Tessa, for all you've endured, you are doing quite well. If you don't mind, I'd like to take you for a walk around your room. It's been a couple weeks since you've walked, and I don't want anything to happen to your good leg from laying here so long."
"Do you think I'll be able to?" she asked, anxiously.
"With my help, certainly." Carefully, he tightened the sling around her arm, then helped her out of bed. The splint on her leg was secured as she moved over the side of the bed. Parker stopped dead as she gasped. "Are you alright? What was it?"
She laughed, reassuring him with a smile, "I think I moved my leg too quickly, I'm fine."
"That should do it for today. Are you getting tired?"
"Yes," she admitted, letting him pick her up to lay her back in bed.
He tucked her back in carefully, and even brushed some stray curls from her face. "Do you have everything you need? I can ask Julia to come in if you need some help. Or, I can get you some more water, lunch perhaps?"
Tessa laughed at his thoughtfulness, "No, thank you, Parker, I'm fine. There is something I wanted to ask you though."
"Anything."
"Lucas and Emma would really like for me to join everyone at dinner. They feel badly that I'm up here all alone."
"I feel badly that you're up here alone as well."
"Well, I was wondering if you thought I was well enough to join you all for dinner. I don't know how I would get downstairs, but, if there was a way... I would really enjoy eating with them, I miss them."
"I can certainly carry you downstairs, that's not a problem. What concerns me is you having somewhere to put your leg while you're sitting. I think you would be in quite a bit of pain to sit with your leg hanging unsupported. Let me check with my dad, I'll see what we can come up with. If I can manage it, I'll send Julia up to see you. She can help you get dressed and whatever else you ladies do to get ready," he blushed.
"Thank you, Parker."
Parker nodded in acceptance of her thanks. She suspected he was tired of saying you're welcome, and equally tired of hearing her thanks. Several times she had said that her thanks were not necessary, that he and his family had truly wanted to help. Still, Tessa felt guilty that her family was taking advantage of their good nature. Not only that, she didn't know how she would ever pay the family back for the food they had offered to her siblings and herself. Tessa did not want to find herself in debt to anyone, after all; being in debt is what had caused her all this misery in the first place.
Chapter 14
Parker struggled to keep his eyes focused on the house around him. With Tessa snugly in his arms, he wanted nothing more than to stare into her beautiful sapphire eyes. Of course, giving in to his desire would undoubtedly cause him to stumble, ending with himself and Tessa in a pile at the bottom of the stairs.
Julia had certainly done an excellent job with Tessa this afternoon. He had thought Tessa to be beautiful the first day they met when Lucas was inured, but tonight she was stunning. The sparse makeup was used perfectly to draw attention to those features that were already exquisite.
"Thank you for tonight," Tessa mumbled, her good arm tightening around his neck.
"Of course! We loved having you at dinner, your brother and sisters were so excited. I'm sorry that you had to put up with my family's banter."
"Well, thank you for fixing the wheelchair so quickly. I have no idea how you did it in one day. And, I enjoyed eating with your family; it's been much too quiet in my room."
Parker pushed the door to her room open and carefully positioned her on the bed. "Sometimes I wish for quiet but when I was living in my grandparents' home, I ached for the noise."
"I think I grew used to all the commotion living in the shanty. I was constantly surrounded by noise, even in the dead of night. Then of course, there was always Luke and Emma, who can be quite rambunctious."
"I imagine Julia and Ben are quite similar in that respect," he laughed.
Tessa leaned back against her pillows and sighed, "I really enjoyed seeing your parents together. They are truly in love."
"Very much, I've learned so much from them throughout my life. I, unlike most children, had the good fortune to watch them fall in love. And now, after all these years, and all the difficulty that came with the market crash, they truly enjoy each other." He pulled the chair that sat beside her bed a bit closer. "I see so many patients where husbands and wives barely speak. I can see the resentment in their eyes."
Tessa grew quiet. The spark that usually lit her eyes seemed to almost extinguish. "Did I say something inappropriate?" he thought nervously. Afraid to say anything else that might upset her, he waited for her to speak. When she kept her own lips closed and the grim expression remained, Parker spoke.
"Are you alright?" Did I say something?"
She graced him with a forced smile, "No. I mean, you did, but it wasn't wrong. I was just remembering. My parents were just like yours. My father adored my mother and she loved him desperately. I remembered the way he used to look at her, like he was looking at the most beautiful picture he had ever seen. Whenever he looked at her like that, she laughed like a flattered new bride. I think I could have learned a great deal more from them."
"It sounds like you learned an awful lot. From the way you handle your brothers and sisters, I'd say you learned enough," Parker said carefully.
"Daddy grew so bitter when the market crashed," Tessa said, shaking her head in remembrance. "Mama tried to act the same. She showered him with love and affection, but it wasn't enough for Daddy, he just couldn't get out of it. Then, when she went into labor..." Tessa choked on the words. Parker resisted the urge to cradle her petite hand in his. He waited patiently for her to continue, knowing that she needed to say whatever it was. Tessa had mentioned her mother's death once before, but briefly.
"When she went into labor, Daddy was indifferent. He didn't even care!" she cried. "Mama struggled through so many pregnancies, and when I asked him to call the doctor, he told me we couldn't afford it. I understood not having money for a doctor, but he didn't even look concerned!"
Parker couldn't stand her emotions anymore without offering support. He stretched his arm across the bed and took her hand. She didn't seem to notice, but he held it tight. Tessa continued, "I did my best, but I didn't know enough. She was bleeding so heavily and I couldn't do anything. I begged Daddy to call the doctor, but he just shook his head. He didn't even look at me! Just shook his head and sucked on his pipe like it was any other evening."
The tears continued to roll down her cheeks as she harshly sucked in breath. Parker watched as she winced. It was clear that her sporadic breathing had jostled her clavicle. He pulled himself closer and encouraged her to calm down. Gently, he brushed his fingers through her hair, hoping the action would slow her breathing. Eventually she calmed and fell back into her pillows.
"Mama died shortly after. It's my fault she died, but I still haven't forgiven him for his cold attitude toward her."
Parker was stunned by the words that came out of her mouth. He understood her inability to forgive her father, though he believed she needed to for her own good. The thing that surprised him was the ease with which she expressed guilt for her mothers death. It was obvious that she had believed that to be true for some time. As a doctor he knew she wasn't responsible. Wanting to make sure she heard everything he was about to say, he took a seat on the side of the bed.
"Tessa, your mother's death was not your fault," Parker said, looking deeply into her eyes. She stared at him blankly, taking a shuddering breath. "You did nothing wrong. Your mother's body was distressed. In all honesty, having a doctor there might have helped, but it might not have. Believe me, it is the most horrible experience to lose a mother in labor; I've lost three."
Tessa looked at him in unbelief, then sniffed roughly. "I waited for my dad to tell me it wasn't my fault, but he never did. After Mama was gone he grew even more depressed and indifferent. He didn't really acknowledge any of us. At first he went out looking for work, then he gave up on that too. I thought it would pass, I thought he would get better."
"Depression has affected a great deal of families since the market crash, men, women, even children. Unfortunately, there has be
en nothing to lift it."
Tessa nodded, "After we got evicted, Daddy rode the rails for a few months. I didn't know if we'd ever see him again. When he died, the first thing I felt, was relief. I didn't want the kids to be around him anymore. You're going to think I'm horrible, but part of me wishes that he had died the day the market crashed. All I can seem to remember is the last year of his life. I can't remember how wonderful he was before it all."
"Well, why don't we try to remember?" Parker suggested.
He started by questioning her about her dad, pulling strangled memories from the recesses of her mind. Then, she seemed to remember all on her own. They talked for more than an hour exclusively about Dean Evans. Tessa broke into laughter as she remembered piggy back rides and train trips. He uncovered her favorite memory which was simply baking something called mystery cookies, her fathers recipe.
The pain in her eyes had slowly dissolved and was replaced with joy. If Parker's assumption was correct, all Tessa needed to forgive her father was to remember the good. With a few more similar conversations Parker knew she would find the ability to forgive.
Tessa yawned elegantly, causing Parker to smile again. "I should let you go to sleep; you were tired when I brought you up."
"Park..." she said softly.
He almost melted as she used his nickname, "Yes?"
"Thank you for listening to me. I'm sure I look a mess and probably sounded like a bigger one. I've never told anyone that. I don't want to sour my siblings' opinion of my dad, and I'd never forgive myself if Emma thought Mama's death was her fault."
"You're very welcome," he smiled.
"And, thank you for saying it wasn't my fault."
"I just hope you believe me, because it's true."
Tessa nodded her head and Parker took his leave. As he walked through the quiet house back to his own room he was unable to get Tessa from his mind. He couldn't understand how a father could let his daughter think she was responsible for her mother's death. Throughout the course of the evening, Tessa Evans had woven herself even deeper into his heart. And now, he was almost certain that she would remain there forever.
