“Are you hungry princess?”
I give him a little nod. “Thirsty too.”
“You’ve had a long day,” he says softly. “I have dinner warm and waiting. Why don’t we go eat before it gets cold?” River stands, stepping to the side, making sure not to step on me as he offers me his hands. “And just so you know, from here on out, you won’t be alone with Kade anymore. He may keep his job, but that is as far as it goes, Lola. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Daddy.” I tell him as I follow him to his dining room. There goes the schedule I made. I should have seen that much coming.
I’ve been going back and forth with myself for a better part of the day about…well, about everything. Lola and me. Kade. My brain hasn’t shut up long enough for me to concentrate since the tiny rib tattoo I did about an hour ago. Maybe it was the significance of the tattoo that got my mind working. Someone had their wedding date permanently inked near their rib cage. I’d actually been the artist who'd put his wife’s tattoo on her ring finger a few weeks before. Lola and I really didn’t know the meaning of slow when it came to our relationship. Things went from zero to sixty in three-point-four seconds with us and have been that way since we met. It’s safe to say to say that I have very strong feelings for her. And I’m sure it’s the same for her. She’s already mentioned that she has feelings for me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love her at this point. Which is why I'm trying to protect her. But protecting her could mean hurting her since she's still so adamant that Kade is her friend. She’s said it a hundred times and while she may very well believe that he is…I know better. Kade is… well, Kade isn’t what he says he is, that’s for sure. He has pulled the wool over Lola's eye for years. Blinded her with sob stories from his past, that more than likely aren’t even true, to win her affections. I am willing to bet, a lot of what he’s told her has been fabricated or had the truth bent in some way. While I'm one-hundred percent sure that Lola has confided in him. Told him the painful and gut-wrenching truth about her past with her mother. By doing this, she feels like there is some special bond. They’ve opened up to one another, confided about their traumatizing pasts. I’d be willing to bet that Kade never had a traumatizing past. That mommy and daddy spoiled him to the fucking core. The older half-brother he claims to have had was probably the one that was beaten, by his step-father and eventually his own mother. I know people like Kade. I can see the dishonesty in his eyes. He only says what he says and does what he does because he thinks it’ll pull Lola even closer to him.
I let out a breath and look at the clock. Now all I can think about is getting home to Lola. She truly is an incredible woman. With a heart of gold, might I add. She genuinely believes that people are good and trustworthy. I on the other hand, can sniff out a fake person a mile away. I've been setting rules for her that she complies with, even if she does pout. As my sub, she's been doing wonderfully. She listens and understands the lifestyle a little more each day. She does listen to the rules that I've set down involving Kade, but some piece of her still believes that he is truly her friend. I worry about the day when she finds out the truth about him because one day, it'll happen and she'll be crushed.
I lean against the counter, crossing my arms in front of my chest, and one foot over the other. Since Lola is at home, taking some time off while Kade and I are covering the shop. It’s just been a ball of fucking fun here at Skin Deep today, let me tell you that. Kade and I both fucking suck at faking being nice and sadly a few customers have been able to pick up on that. It’s not my problem Kade has a stick shoved up his ass.
“Are you good to her?”
I look over my shoulder at Kade, who is scowling at me. “I know you’re not opening your fucking mouth to me.”
“Actually, I am.” Kade snaps. “I’m trying to figure out what the fuck she sees in you.”
I let out a laugh. “Why don’t you ask her that?”
He gives his head a shake. “I think you’re a fucking douche bag who suckered her into dating you.”
I laugh again, giving my head a shake as I keep my back to him. “Oh, yes. I made her date me. Held a knife to her throat and forced her.”
“You did something to her,” he growls.
“She’s a big girl. She made a big girl decision for herself when you left her high and dry.” I tell him. “What kills you more? The fact that she’s mine or the fact that I replaced you?”
“She’s not yours, she’s not some piece of property.” He says, moving from behind the counter to stand in front of me.
“Actually, she is mine. You can ask her that yourself.” I shoot, “you left her and she made a choice.”
“I came back,” he tells me, “besides, aren’t you the one who’s an expert on leaving?”
I laugh again. “It’s cute how you think you know me. Really, it is. Don’t hurt yourself there, kid.”
“I know a worthless piece of trash when I see one.”
“Says the man who left her high and dry,” I say, keeping my eyes set on the wall in front of me.
“I can take her from you,” he warns. “I can have her back in a second.”
“No, because she was never yours to begin with.” I glance over my shoulder at him, “she’s told you several times that she sees you as nothing more than a friend.”
“And you really believe that she means that?” Kade laughs, shaking his head.
“You’re telling yourself anything to make you think that you can take her from me,” I shoot, “you know full damn well that you can’, and won’t. You better drop any grudges that you’re holding against me.”
Kade looks down and shakes his head as he walks in front of me, “I’m the kind of person who holds a grudge for the rest of my life.”
“Well, then you’ll never know peace in your life, will you?”
“Let me find out that you’ve hurt her…” his voice trails as he pushes himself in my face. Brave for a man who’s smaller than me in both height and build.
“I treat her like a fucking queen,” I say looking down at him, “you can ask her that yourself as well. I’d never do anything that would hurt her, in any way. I’m not that kind of person, regardless of what you think, or have been told about me.”
“You’d be surprised at what I know about you…River.”
I shake my head, “You better check your sources, kid because that’s not me.”
“What? You mean to tell me mommy had you all wrong?” He cocks his head to the side, giving me an almost thoughtful look. “I’d bet millions that you haven't told Lola the fucking truth.”
“Lola knows everything she needs to know,” I say.
He laughs, “I bet you left out someone important.”
“I think you need to shut your mouth, kid,” I snap. “It’s taking every ounce of control in my fucking body not to drag you to the fucking street and kick the living shit out of you.”
Kade laughs as he starts walking down the hallway to the break room. “When she finds out, take a guess at the first fucking place she’ll go.”
I bite down hard on my tongue and clench my fists. I know I promised Lola that I'd behave in this shop, but the next time that kid crosses me, I'm wiping the street with him, and I don’t need her permission to do it.
I sink deeper into the corner of my couch as I click the remote a few more times. I’m not really watching anything to be honest. I’ve been so comfortable that I’ve been aimlessly clicking the remote for the past five or ten minutes. River and Kade are closing the shop tonight and since I haven’t gotten a call from River, I can only assume that it’s still standing. The tension between the two of them has been astronomical. I can’t even begin to explain it. I haven’t seen two grown men act like this with one another before in my life. You’d think they were teenagers. Keeping control of my shop is one thing. I have always vowed to make it drama free and a great place to work. But, it’s complicated. River is my Dom and while I know I’m the one who submits to him, I feel obligated to put my foot do
wn at work. Which he insists that he understands. I want to keep him happy as my Dom, but I feel like continuing to call Kade my friend is the wrong way to go about it. River has made it clear that I'm only to see Kade at work, but I feel so horrible, it’s as though I'm just kicking Kade to the curb because River said so. Kade…well, Kade had such a shitty past that he sinks into these little, depressed pits of misery. I’ve been the only one to ever pull him out of those pits. For some reason, I’m worried that he’ll sink and I won’t be there to offer him a hand. Something bad could happen and I'd feel like it was my fault because I could've prevented it. While I admit I don’t like Kade in a romantic way, the man is my friend and has been there for me. Sometimes I feel like my mother is still breathing down my neck. You know, she was so controlling and abusive while growing up that I had nightmares well into my twenties. I could look at her wrong or cook a particular food the wrong way and I'd be punished. And, believe me, punishment in my house was pure hell. I still have a few scars on my back from her beating me with those old wire hangers. I'd be shoved to the ground, face down, she’d sit on my legs to keep me from moving as much as possible, and beat me over and over until my back bled. I haven't admitted that to too many people. Kade was one of the first people I ever told. I think that’s why I feel like I have some sort of special bond with him. The two fucked up kids coming together to beat their pasts and grow from it. I still haven’t quite told River everything about my past with my mother. It’s not exactly one of those things you just feel like bringing up. I hate mentioning it just because I’m forced to remember it. And I don’t like to ruin our plans and turn into some blubbering mess, which rest assured, I would. Gives me a headache just thinking about it now.
I click the remote a few more times and glance at the clock behind me. River should be here soon if he and Kade didn’t burn the shop down in some testosterone fueled fight. I bring my fingers up to my neck and trace over my day collar. I feel a sense of relief for a moment and let out a breath. I take the lock between my fingers and rub it lightly. It’s strange how it’s turning into a stress reliever. By having it, I’m reminded that River is in control. He takes care of me and that’s that. I don’t have to worry or be afraid. I’m His. And it’s comforting to have that reminder. It’s like a security blanket.
The sound of the deadbolt clicking makes me look at my door. I’d finally remembered to give River a key. He said it’d be easier in case he got here and I was asleep already. Since I had the night off, he’d planned on staying here tonight. It worked out since once I got comfortable I really didn’t feel like going anywhere. He locks the door behind him and I smile. “Is my shop still standing?” I tease.
He chuckles and flops next to me on the couch, wrapping his arms around me, and pulling me onto his lap to hold me. “It’s still standing. We survived.”
I nestle my head into his chest and let out a little sigh. “You didn’t try to kill each other?”
“Oh, there were words exchanged,” he admits, “but that was all on his end.”
I look up at him and pout. “What happened?”
River gives me a little shrug and pushes the hair from my eyes. “He asked me if I take care of you.”
“So you two fought about it?” I ask confused as I raise my eyebrows.
“Well, he fought,” he tells me, “I just sort of replied.”
I make another face and shake my head. “You two can't do that in the shop. It’s just bad news for business.”
“No one saw or heard a word. I promise you,” he reassures me. “It won’t happen again. Things will level off when we’ve gotten to know one another.”
“And just when will that be?”
“He and I just need a little more time,” he tells me, lifting my chin with his fingers. “Trust Daddy.”
“I do trust you,” I say, “I just…” My voice trails and I look up at him with sad eyes.
Kade and I've been through a lot. I feel like he’s really going through something. He left NYC Ink’d for God’s sake. I’m terrified that he’ll get into a slump and will have no one to help him out.
“You just what?” He asks, tenderly tracing his fingertips along my jaw line.
“It’s just…Kade…”
“Princess, you have to talk to Daddy. Tell me what’s wrong. You have full say in your shop. You know that. It’s your business to control. I control everything else.”
“Kade really had it rough and I've always been there for him. I feel like he’s going through some phase.” I lick my lips and take a deep breath. “I don’t want him getting thoroughly depressed and then something bad happening because he didn’t have anyone.”
“He isn’t completely alone,” River tells me.
“I know, but up until now I’ve been his closest friend,” I say, “not even Archer or Cas knew about his past.”
“Lola, I made my decision.” He says sternly. “I told you that you are not to see him outside of work without me and that's final. Now, as I said before you have control of your shop. That is your business to run, not mine. And if you see fit that Kade remain an employee that is fine by me, but you will not go parading around with him as you did before.”
I find myself choking up as I try to speak. My eyes become misty as I realize the full blow of his words now. Kade and I can’t just be friends anymore. There will be no more mornings at No Doze together. No more nights hitting up the local White Castle for an after work snack. No nights where we kick back on his couch with a beer and complain about our abusive parents. Which we found to be the best therapy we’ve ever had. This is really it.
“Don’t make that face, Lola,” I hear River say, “I told you how it was going to be. I don’t like repeating myself. You can still be friends but if you see him outside of work, I will be with you.”
Now I just feel horrible. I’m really losing my best friend and I have no say because my Dom says so. How could Kade feeling comfortable sharing his past in front of River? Suddenly I don’t know how I feel about anything right now. I’ve gotten close to River. We’ve started to develop a strong bond, part of which comes from our nights in the dark room. But Kade is my best friend. How would River take to me telling him that he couldn’t talk to one of his friends? Would he simply smile and agree? Is that what I’m supposed to do? Just sit back and listen? What really happens if I don’t listen to him? I've done a hell of a job paying attention to him. I've listened and complied with every word that he's said to me. I've trusted him enough to let him tie me up and do inexplicable things to me, but he can’t let me keep a close friend. All because he thinks that Kade loves me as more than just a friend. If I could just talk to Kade, smack some sense into him, and make him see I'm not the one for him. Then he and River could get to know one another. What the fuck am I doing? This is in insane. Why am I really submitting to this man? Everything has happened so damn fast that I just fell into line because I wanted him so much. The sexual attraction and tension were too much for me to bear. I can’t even think straight. My nerves are shot all to hell. And now, I feel like shit because I feel like I've disappointed River. Fucking hell. One minute I’m questioning my submission to this man and the next I feel like shit because I've disappointed him. I do have it fucking bad. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
“Look, maybe he is going through something and maybe he’ll snap the fuck out of it.” River says, lifting my chin with his fingers to make my eyes meet his. “But until then just trust me, Lola. I'm only doing what's best for you.”
I give him a little nod. I’m not exactly happy about this, I can’t believe that I'm just going to sit back and listen to River at this point. I guess I didn’t fully understand what being a submissive entailed. Next time I’d better read the fine print.
Two days later and I’m still sulking about Kade. I know he’s been having a rough time. Since he and Cas had the night off last night, they’d gone out for a beer together. Cas walked in the door this afternoon to relieve me and immedia
tely started telling me he was worried about Kade. He told me that he sounded really depressed and that when he asked if there was anything he could do, Kade simply told him that he couldn’t talk about it with him. I’ve actually been running through River’s rules all day. I know full well that I'm only supposed to see Kade here at work. But, I’m worried. Doesn’t that get a free pass? I’ve been pacing back and forth in my office for the last twenty minutes. It’s been such a long day and my brain is exhausted. All I can think about is Kade doing something stupid. He’s never wanted to before, but with me not there to lend an ear, I don’t know how bad he’ll get.
I reach for my cell phone and send Kade a short text asking if he’s okay. I feel my heart rate increase and I take a breath. I’m only checking in on him. Surely River will understand that even if he can’t stand Kade, I still don’t want him to hurt himself. And right now, I'm afraid he’s in a position where he might actually try. My phone beeps and vibrates a few moments later with his reply telling me that he’s feeling awful. Having a conversation with him by text message can’t be all that bad. I’m not physically with him, right? I shoot him another fast text asking if he needs an ear as I look up at the clock. River's off today. He had some errands to run and other little things to do. He told me that he wanted me to call him around lunch time, which I did, he reminded me to eat and I did that too. I’ve honestly been listening. I believe I’ve been a good sub. My phone lights with another text from Kade. I look down and read that he needs an ear, he’s been having some issues, and his mother has been trying to contact him. Fucking hell. I send him another message, this time asking why his mother is suddenly attempting to reach him. His mother hasn’t talked to him in years, much like my own. Why in the hell would she want to speak to him now? I push away from my desk and bite my lip as I pace back and forth for a bit rolling ideas around in my head. Kade is my friend. I know that I've been ordered to stay away from him unless we're at work. But this could be a matter of life and death. Kade has issues and when he gets low, he could easily do harm to himself. I’ve always been there for him. I need to be there now. River would understand that. I look down at my phone and see two words. No Doze? He wants to meet at No Doze. I bite my nail and make a face. I rattle River’s rules off in my head. This is different. This has to be the exception. I slide my finger across the screen and without thinking I realize that I've typed, “Meet me in ten.” Well, there’s no going back now. Besides, Kade needs a friend, one that knows what’s going on, and River wouldn’t know until I told him. If I ease him into the idea, it’ll be just fine. I grab my purse, toss my cell phone inside, and head for the door.
Skin Deep Page 16
