by Serena Janes
“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t realize.” He found her dress and she shook off the dust before slipping it over her head.
Then she put on her shoes, watching Tor pull on his robe. When he had it straightened out, he said, “Ready? Let me find the key. If I’ve lost it we’ll be stuck here.”
“Not the worst thing that could happen,” she said with a grin.
He pulled the key out of a pocket and held it up in front of her, smiling. “I’m afraid we have to go back to the real world now. Allow me to escort you home.”
They didn’t say much on the walk back to the Palm Guesthouse. Julie felt tired and she wondered if Tor did, too. They’d certainly sucked a lot of energy out of each other.
But the main reason for her silence was because she was becoming emotional. She didn’t want her one night stand to have any inkling of the silly things going around in her head. The very idea that she would never see him again threatened to bring tears to her eyes.
When she tried to rationalize her feelings, she found she couldn’t. She knew she should be celebrating what had just happened, not mourning because it would never happen again. But she wanted it to happen again. Really, really wanted it.
To break the silence she asked him to tell her about Aleppo, in the northern part of the country. She’d never been there, and wanted to hear about it.
He described the fabulous old souk, the crazy drivers who kept trying to run him off the road, and the magnificent citadel in the heart of the city. Although she was genuinely interested, she found she wasn’t really paying attention. She kept thinking about whether she could ever see him again.
When they reached her hotel they turned to each other and Tor said, “So you’re leaving for Damascus tomorrow?”
He looked into her eyes.
Blinking hard to control her tears, she found it difficult to meet his gaze.
“Yes. We’re catching the ten o’clock bus.”
“I hope you enjoy the rest of your tour, then.” His voice was flat.
Her stomach sort of fell. It was a completely impersonal statement. He could have been talking to anyone.
“You, too. Keep safe. And don’t try to drive in that dress.” She smiled, even though she felt like sobbing. That was when he kissed her.
Instantly her arms were around his neck and she rammed her body into his. He responded with equal force and she felt his erection rubbing against her hipbone.
“We can’t do this here,” she whispered. “If anyone sees us we’ll be stoned.” She was all too aware of the strict Muslim rules that forbade public show of affection between men and women.
“Let’s go up to your room,” he said, panting.
“We can’t. My mom’s there. What about your place?”
“No. I’m sharing a room with two other guys. No privacy anywhere.”
“Fuck!” She groaned into his chest, reaching up to entwine her fingers in his hair.
“Yeah—fuck,” he said as he released her. “You’d better go in before I throw you down in the street and have my way with you.”
“Oh, baby, how sweet that would be. I’m so sorry…”
He pushed her away, then raised a hand to tenderly touch her cheek. “Good night, Julie. It’s been more than great. It really has.”
She looked up at him. The street lights backlit his tousled hair, turning it into a bright halo. His grey eyes looked soft. She swallowed the lump in her throat and forced a small smile. She knew her eyes were shiny with tears, but at the moment she didn’t care. “Good night, and goodbye.”
Then she turned on her heel and bolted through the door, not looking back.
Julie tried to be quiet when she let herself into the room she shared with her mother. But of course Hannah heard her.
“Julie? It’s so late. I was worried!”
“It’s okay, mom. I know. I’m sorry.”
“Where were you?”
“Just walking in the ruins. With Tor.” She heard the tears in her voice and made an effort to control herself. “I’ll tell you about it tomorrow. Please go back to sleep.”
Normally, she would have jumped in the shower before going to bed. But tonight she wanted to keep Tor on her as long as she could. His sweet saliva on her face. His sweat on her skin. His dried come everywhere between her legs. It was all she’d ever have from him.
After brushing her teeth she climbed between the sheets and began to replay the evening from the moment she first saw him waiting downstairs. She wanted the sweet indulgence of reliving everything—every gesture, every word, every nuance of sensation.
A few minutes later she heard the water pipes running in the wall behind her head. Then the sound of someone vomiting. Through the thin walls, it was almost as if the sick person was heaving right next to her.
More running water. Someone moaning, then a toilet flushing. After thinking about it, she remembered who her neighbors were.
Tina and Tanya. Sick as dogs. Oh great—I sure hope they’re over it by the bus ride tomorrow.
“Mom?”
“Mm?”
“Have you had to listen to this all night?”
“Uh huh.”
“Christ. Will either of us be able to get any sleep?” She folded the thin pillow over her ears and tried to turn back time.
Julie must have slept in fits and starts because she didn’t feel all that bad when the alarm rang at seven. By eight-thirty she was showered, fed and packed. Now that she’d seen everything she wanted to see in Palmyra, there was nothing more for her to do but sit in the lobby until it was time to board the bus. She tried to write in her journal, but people kept interrupting her.
Tina and Tanya hadn’t come down to breakfast, so Hannah checked on them to make sure they were both still alive and ready to travel. The two of them finally showed up just as everyone else, including Bish, had gathered outside in front of the hotel.
The sisters both looked pale and drawn. Julie hoped her mother had stuffed them with enough Immodium and Gravol to get them to Damascus. Bob and Rhonda had fared much better, as did Peggy and Sharlene. All of them said they were over their discomfort and ready to roll.
As she waited for everyone to organize their luggage, Julie couldn’t help gazing up and down the street to see if she could catch a glimpse of Tor. Or at least his bike.
Then she looked at the ground, studying the various tire tracks in the dust. She saw a chaos of different treads. Even if he had driven by, he’d left no discernible evidence. It was as if she’d blinked and he was gone. Disappeared. Just like a mirage.
Yesterday, he’d been real. He’d filled her body, and her heart. But that was yesterday. She knew that for the rest of her life he would recede further with each passing day.
“Are you feeling okay, dear?” Hannah asked as they began to follow Bish to the bus stop. “You don’t look well.”
Julie smiled at her mother. “I’m fine. Just a little tired, that’s all.”
There was enough room on the bus for Julie to have a seat to herself. Hannah was happy to sit with Marc, and that gave Julie an opportunity to think about her lion man for almost three hours straight. It was an unproductive, indulgent waste of time, she knew. But at least it was better than wasting time thinking about Richard.
Besides, she knew that remembering every little detail of making love to Tor would etch them more deeply into her mind. Then she would never forget what was probably going to be the greatest sex of her life.
How could anything top what he did to me? How I responded to him? It was beyond anything I ever imagined I could feel for a man.
But like the night before, she couldn’t just let herself be happy for having had the experience. There was a big hole where her heart used to be. He’d taken it, and left her empty. She didn’t like the feeling. It hurt.
I have to find him again.
That was all she could think about as she rode through the deserted landsca
pe toward the capital city. There was little to see. Just miles and miles of barren, rocky wasteland. She saw a few tiny green shrubs, scattered across the landscape like a flock of lost chickens. But no trees, no animals, and no people.
Whenever the bus stopped, a few passengers got on, mostly women—covered head to toe in the standard black abaya. She saw curious eyes watching her and the other women in her group, but no one spoke to the foreigners.
Once or twice she noticed Peggy was looking at her, a curious expression on her kind face. Whenever she caught Julie’s eye, Peggy smiled at her. It was a smile of friendship.
Or commiseration. Does she suspect what I’m going through?
Attractive for her age, Peggy had the wistful, lonely look of the single woman who didn’t want to be. She, too, had been looking at Tor that first time in front of the restaurant. Julie had seen the almost salacious look in Peggy’s eyes as she watched him jump onto his bike and ride away.
Julie smiled to herself. Peggy has no idea what I got last night. And if she did, she’d probably explode with jealousy.
When they approached the suburbs of Damascus, Julie began to see olive trees, date palms, and small vegetable plots. It wasn’t a beautiful city, but the sky was blue and the air clear.
Their hotel was in a central location, walking distance to the market and most of the important mosques. After they got settled in their rooms, Bish planned to take them out to a nearby restaurant for dinner, and then a short walking tour of the neighborhood.
But when they went to check in, there seemed to be a problem.
Bish and a severe-looking man behind the front desk were having a heated argument in Arabic, both men gesticulating wildly with their hands, voices raised. It ended when a third man rushed over and threatened to grab hold of Bish, who immediately backed off and walked quickly out onto the street.
He motioned to Hannah through the glass doors, and she went out to join him. Julie could see him talking rapidly, shaking his head, frowning. Hannah nodded, frowning, too, and came inside.
“What’s all that about?” Julie asked.
Everybody clustered around Hannah, staring at her. Julie knew they were hot, tired, hungry, dying to shower and get some rest. All they wanted was their rooms. Hannah took her daughter’s arm and steered her away from the rest of the group.
“It seems Bish isn’t permitted at this hotel. He’s going to go home, and sleep there.”
“But why?”
“He won’t tell me. But judging by the look on that guy’s face,” Hannah pointed with her chin to the man glowering behind the desk, “I’d guess it’s serious.”
“Never mind, Mom. We don’t need him to show us how to shower and dress for dinner. Let’s get our room. We’ll meet him later.”
Marc was hovering nearby, and Julie overheard him say that he’d get to the bottom of the mystery by dinnertime.
Sure enough, later that night, after a few drinks, Marc, his face flushed its customary red, leaned across the dinner table toward Julie and her mother and whispered, “I found out about Bish.”
“Do tell,” Julie said with a smirk. She had no idea what to expect, but she guessed that Bish was guilty of some sort of scandalous behavior.
“It seems that a few months ago our Bish, or Bashar, as he’s called around here, took a fancy to a little Finnish girl. A guest at the hotel.”
“And?” Julie looked down the table at Bish, seated between Tina and Tanya, using his hands with great enthusiasm to punctuate whatever it was he was telling them. She really wanted to hear this.
“Apparently the girl was traveling with another tour group, but staying at the same hotel as Bish and his group. The manager caught him in her room in the middle of the night. A big no-no, for obvious reasons.”
Hannah and Julie shook their heads, turning simultaneously to look at Bish. He must have sensed he was being talked about because he glanced at them then quickly looked away.
“Well it doesn’t look like he’s going to get very far with the twins after all,” Julie said with a smile. “First, food poisoning. Then this. Poor Bish.”
“You’d think he’d learn,” Hannah said, disapproval in her voice.
Then they both looked over at Marc, who was dousing his broiled chicken with Tabasco. He just shook his head and smiled. “A guy’s gotta’ keep trying…”
Julie found it difficult to engage with anyone over dinner. The hummus was creamy, the bread fresh and the olives excellent, but she wasn’t hungry. After a couple of beers and a bowl of lentil soup, she just sat quietly, lost in her thoughts.
Afterwards, when Bish took everyone out for an orientation walk, she went back to the hotel. She couldn’t stop thinking that Tor would probably arrive in Damascus in a day or two. She was going to be in town for a few more days and, conceivably, their paths could cross. But why rely on chance? She should go out looking for him. The more she thought about it, the more sense it made. Track him down. Find him, and…
One more time. That’s all I want. Just one more.
She rubbed the tips of her fingers across her swollen lips. She had to find a way. She just had to.
Once she’d made up her mind to spend the entire next day searching him out, Julie tossed and turned in the narrow bed. Where should she go? She tried to guess what he might be interested in as a first-time visitor to Damascus. Of course her best chances of bumping into him would be if she hit the main tourist attractions. The souk, naturally, even though it was enormous and exploring it could swallow up her entire day. And perhaps the larger mosques. By three AM she had a plan in place, and drifted off only to be awoken a few hours later by the adhan from a loudspeaker outside her window calling the faithful to early morning prayer.
Over the standard Middle Eastern hotel breakfast of hard boiled eggs, fresh bread, tomatoes, cucumber, butter, jam and Nescafé, Hannah told Julie she was going to let Bish go. Marc had joined them at the table, but the rest of the group hadn’t sat down yet.
“I’ve had just about enough of him. He’s been almost useless since we got back to Damascus. Last night he dragged us through the souk as if we were chasing a fire. Rose and Margery could barely keep up. And then he just left us, saying he had a previous commitment and that we knew how to get back to the hotel on our own.”
That was inexcusable, Julie thought. He deserved to be fired. “I’m glad you’re going to give him the boot. But do you think you can manage without him?” They still had two more days in Syria. She looked from Marc to her mother. Both were smiling.
“I’m sure we’ll be fine. We already have everything booked. It’s not like he’d be doing much to earn his wages anyway. He’s now officially redundant.” She cracked an egg on the edge of her plate. “Marc has been kind enough to offer his help, if I need it.” She threw Marc a warm look and began to peel her egg.
“He won’t be happy. When will you tell him?”
“As soon as he shows his simpering face this morning,” Marc said, as if it was his privilege to give Bish his walking papers.
“Do you want me to help?” Julie hoped her mother would say no. She didn’t like conflict.
“I think Marc and I can handle it, sweetie. Don’t worry.”
Relief spread through her body, and Julie realized this was her opportunity to ask for the day off. Her mother, it seemed, didn’t need her anyway. She waited until Marc got up to get a second cup of coffee, then leaned toward Hannah and asked in a low voice, “If you have everything under control, do you think you could spare me for the day? I’d really like some time to myself.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea, dear? You know I worry about you being on your own.”
“I’ll be fine, Mom. I’ve got a good map. And besides, I might just hang around the hotel most of the day anyway. I’ve got laundry to do.”
Julie felt a flush of shame creep across her cheeks. She hated lying. And she knew her mother usually caught her.
&n
bsp; Hannah leaned closer toward her daughter, her expression serious. “It’s that Dane, isn’t it? He’s done something to upset you. What’s happened?”
“No. Nothing. He was great. Really.” Her face felt really hot now. “I’m just wanting some alone time, okay? You know I don’t like chasing around big cities.”
Hannah backed off. “All right. If that’s what you really want. You’ve got your phone if you need to get in touch with me. But don’t forget our dinner reservation for eight. Do you think you’ll be back by then?”
She grimaced. Of course she’d forgotten.
“I’m not sure.” Not if I have my way, I won’t. “Don’t worry. I’ll call if I’m not going to make it.”
Once everyone had left for the day, Julie got to work. First, she dressed carefully, so as to attract as little attention as possible. She chose the black dress she’d bought in Palmyra, and covered it with a high-collared blue silk shirt with long sleeves. After donning a patterned silk headscarf and walking sandals, she was ready to wander the teeming streets of Damascus without fear of standing out too much.
Women in the capital tended to be much more liberal in their dress than elsewhere in the country, she knew. Some even sported skin-tight jeans, stilettos and low-cut blouses. Julie had also seen quite a few attractive young women overdoing their make-up, their eyes surrounded by so much black eyeliner they looked like starlets from the Hollywood B movies of the ‘50s. She didn’t want to look like she was on a man hunt, so she was modest with her own make-up.
First stop—the Umayyad Mosque, also known as the Great Mosque of Damascus. She had to go to the change room and put on the grey hooded cloak all women were required to wear before stepping into the sacred building. In a moment of pure vanity, she hoped this wasn’t the way Tor would first see her again—wearing a polyester sack. On the other hand, if he was actually in there, she knew she’d be so relieved she wouldn’t care what she looked like.
The mosque’s inner courtyard was breathtakingly beautiful. She remembered it from her visit last year. Inlaid with thousands of gold mosaic tiles, its gracefully arched ceilings glittered in the morning sun. Dozens of pigeons wheeled in the open center, their fluttering and cooing adding to the beauty of the scene. The light was perfect for photographs, so she took some time composing a few great shots. She explored carefully in her bare feet, sandals in one hand, trying to avoid the dollops of white pigeon poop, scanning the crowd for a tall man, with hair the color of a lion.
