by Cydney Rax
“We need to talk,” he informed her and took a seat.
“Um, hi, hubby. You look nice today.”
“That’s not why I called you to meet with me, Nicole.”
Her face fell. “Babe, alright. You’re not in the mood for jokes. But if it’s about the tires needing to be rotated and balanced, I swear I will make it happen this weekend.” She picked up her smartphone, opened up her calendar, and added the appointment for the tires.
“There,” she said. “Done.”
“Stop wasting your time, Nicole. This ain’t about car maintenance. It’s about us.”
“Alright. What about us? Like, what do you mean?”
She noticed that he stopped giving her eye contact. She lifted Rashad’s chin and made him notice her.
“Talk to me, babe.”
“Nicole, I’ve been thinking . . . and . . . I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“You don’t want to do what anymore?”
“Be together. Be married. To you.”
She shook her head as if she’d heard him incorrectly.
“I’m sorry, Nicole, but . . . my attorney has drawn up the legal paperwork.”
“Huh? Seriously? Paperwork? Rashad, I know you didn’t just say what I think you—”
“We’re through.”
“What you talking about? How can we be through? It’s only been a month.”
“I know.” He knew she could easily persuade him to change his mind, but he wanted to be firm. “I tried, Nicole. I really did. Tried to be patient, be understanding. But too much has gone down. Maybe it was the accident that did it for me. I had to fall flat on my head to think clearly. And I hate to say this, but I’m not sure you are pregnant. It sounded like a desperate lie. And if you’re pretending to be pregnant just to keep me with you, it lets me know you need serious psychological help. That’s why I want out.”
Nicole was stunned beyond belief. “I thought it was for better or for worse. Not for better or forget it.”
“When ‘worse’ is this bad, I don’t want to do it anymore.”
“But it’s so sudden. Is there anything we can do to work this out?”
“There’s nothing to work out because I’m not changing my mind.”
“So, Rashad, you’re saying you won’t even give me one chance to talk about this? I’m sure there has to be something I can do to make our relationship better.”
Rashad didn’t know how to tell her that he wanted an annulment so it could be as if they’d never been married.
“Um, I don’t think so.”
“But don’t you love me?” she asked.
“Love has nothing to do with it.”
“Then what I’m hearing is that you do love me?”
“I love Kiara” was what he wanted to say, but he knew his admission would destroy her. He looked at the door and made sure he had an escape route.
“Love can mean many things,” he carefully answered. “The ability to love someone is not an easy thing.”
“But it should be easy enough, because of the fact that I am your wife.”
“It’s easier when you’re deeply in love with someone. But I don’t have those feelings for you.”
“What did you just say?”
“I-I’m in love with someone else.”
“Who?” Tears quickly filled her eyes. His words hurt her so bad that she felt it must’ve been some weird joke. Surely Rashad couldn’t be serious. How could a husband love any other woman besides his wife?
“All I can say is that you’ve met her before.”
“And who the fuck would that be? One of my coworkers? Or a woman who attended my wedding?”
He quietly watched her reaction.
“Who is she, Rashad?”
“I don’t want to say.”
“And you’re full of shit. I don’t believe this. How can you keep that type of information from me?”
“I’m not trying to hurt you.”
“That’s so considerate of you.”
She wondered if it was Remy Davis, a young chick whom he had mentored at one time.
“Rashad, please tell me that you’re just being silly.”
“I’m being real. It’s no joke.”
“No, this can’t be the real you. I refuse to believe it.”
“Nicole, all I can say is that I thought about it and thought about it. I care about you, but we maybe would have been better off as friends. I had fun with you in the beginning, but I honestly can’t see myself being with you for the rest of my life. You spend money like it’s going out of style.”
“Oh, okay. Is that what’s bothering you? You’re right, babe. I’m a shopaholic, but if that’s why you’re pissed at me, I can quit right now.” Feeling relieved, she opened her purse, dug in her wallet, and slapped her Visa, Amex, Discover, and MasterCard on top of the table. “You can have all these fucking credit cards. Go on, cut them up. I’ll stay out of the malls. God knows, I have bought enough things and don’t need anything else. But it’s the baby I’m mostly concerned about.”
“Your shopping sprees have nothing to do with Emmy. She’s my heart. Whatever she needs she’s still going to get. But, Nicole, can’t you see we come from two different backgrounds?”
“Are you judging me? I can’t help how I was raised.”
“I know that. But we are so different in how we look at things, important things like money and material goods.”
“What are you talking about? You act like I worship the almighty dollar or something.”
“Some days you do. You act like if you can’t have something you’ll have a nervous breakdown. I work hard for what I get, and for you to treat it like it’s a game and like money is so easy to come by, well, it makes me sick. Now, that’s just how I feel about the matter whether you understand it or not. Look at this.”
He pulled out credit card statement after credit card statement from a sheaf of papers that she hadn’t noticed he’d been holding when he first walked in.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” she muttered.
“Look at this. Pages and pages that itemize things you’ve bought, or ordered online, and tried to hide from me. I feel like I’m a victim of identity theft. You didn’t respect me enough to even ask before you went and bought all kinds of stuff.”
“Rashad, now I know you’re kidding.”
“Am I smiling right now, Nicole? Can you face the truth for one day in your life?”
The stack of papers sat on the table in front of her. She had to close her eyes for a moment to help ease the nausea she felt in her belly. Rashad looked angrier than she’d ever seen him. And the party atmosphere had swiftly turned into the cold air of a funeral. As reality set in, Nicole could tell by the weary look in his eyes that her husband meant every word he said. He spoke his truth. But what about the words he’d announced in front of the minister the day they got married? Were those words filled with truth, too?
Just that quick, Nicole began to resent Rashad. Why did it seem he always got his way? And why couldn’t she have the husband that she’d always wanted?
This would be Rashad’s second divorce in less than a couple of years. Obviously he didn’t take marriage seriously. How could this man toy with her heart as if she were a twenty-minute game? Her soul was involved, as well as her pride. She thought of all the people who came to see her at her wedding. My God, she had just finished mailing the thank-you cards for the gifts they received. And part of her ceremony was even loaded up on YouTube; it had gotten thousands of views. Sure, maybe she could have exercised more wisdom and not have uploaded the video clip. But hell, it was the happiest day of her life, her proof that dreams did come true.
“I’m sorry for anything I’ve done. It was not intentional. Please, please don’t do this.”
“I’m sorry, too, Nicole, but I want to go on with my life.”
“But what about my life? This sudden decision is ridiculous. At least you gave Kiara ten years. Why did I
get the ten-minute marriage, huh? This proves that I’m not good enough for you.” Tears streamed down her face. “Even that awful Alexis got to deal with you for a few years in secret. But me? Why am I the woman that you discard like trash?”
“Whoa, I’m not calling you trash. It’s not that bad. We just don’t click as much as I thought we would. Nicole, like I said, I’ve given this some thought and I didn’t go into this marriage lightly. It ain’t your fault. Blame me, because I think I rushed into this. Yeah, back then, things were going well. I thought I could handle it, but I can’t.” He paused. “The love I have for this other person is the kind that I want to have. And I learned that my heart is not big enough for two women. You know this. Side chicks know this shit don’t always work—”
“Hush, just be quiet. You’re making things even worse than what they already are . . .” She wanted to reach over and slap his face. She wasn’t a side chick. She was a wife. And she could not imagine another woman getting the love that she wanted for herself. Rashad was hers. No way he’d love another woman.
“So, who is this woman you’re in love with, Rashad? You say I know her? Is it Alexis? Did she connive her way back into your bed? She hates my guts. And if she gave you some pussy, it’s only because she wants to hurt me.”
He laughed but didn’t say a word.
It was almost as if he was hiding something. And the fact that he was talking to her about loving someone else, she almost wanted to doubt him. Because if the man really loved another woman, why was he still here talking to her?
Rashad quickly stood up. He had gotten everything off his chest. “Nicole, sorry to have to do this, but there is no other option. I suggest you consult an attorney.”
“So you’re serious?”
“I am. Get yourself some representation.”
“If I do, I’m making you pay my attorney fees.”
“You can try but it’s probably not gonna fly.”
“Rashad, how can you be so cruel? I don’t have money for an attorney.”
“I look at this marriage like I’m the CEO of Eason and Son. My employees are either an asset or a liability. If they’re making me lose money, I get rid of them.”
“What the fuck? I don’t work for you. I’m your wife.”
“And as my wife, if you’re not adding to me, you’re taking away from me.”
“That’s some cold ass shit, Rashad.”
“The world is cold.”
“And you’re much colder than this fucking shitty world.”
By this point a few more people had entered the restaurant. It was time for him to leave before things grew ugly. “Um, Nicole, I thought you should know that some of my stuff is already gone from the house. I had it moved.”
“What did you say? Like, why? When? How?”
“I had it done while you were at work today.”
“So you moved your shit out behind my back?”
“Nicole, you can be very unpredictable. If I had told you this at the crib, or told you first and then wanted to go back in the house for my stuff, you might’ve tried something crazy.”
“You actually believe I’d set your shit on fire or something like that?”
“Maybe, you never know.”
“I wouldn’t do that. I don’t care about any of that.”
She stood up. Hate and love had the same intensity. And as much as she hated him, she knew the love was still there underneath her wounded feelings. But what about him? This man had to have loved her, right?
Every part of her body trembled. She knew she might have sounded and looked pathetic, but she wanted to fight for her marriage. “I-I don’t understand why you’re acting like this, but I love you, Rashad. I-I may have made mistakes, but why would you go and be with someone else when you know I love you as much as I do?”
He gave her a blank stare, as if love from the wrong woman could never make a difference. He decided he just needed to leave the restaurant. Leave her alone. Leave her to fend for herself. Again.
* * *
Rashad had just arrived at Lily Tangaro’s office for another consultation. He waited in her office while she tried to end a phone call with another attorney.
As Rashad thought about the morning of his second wedding, he reasoned that his chances of getting an annulment were good. They had to be. Because, right or wrong, he wanted his dignity, his sanity, his money, and everything else that their union had confiscated from him.
On Saturday, March twelfth, the day he was to marry Nicole, Rashad’s close friend, Delbert, noticed how Rashad made a trail across the carpeted floor of the hotel room that he’d rented the day before. Rashad had ambled over to the window and stared out over the city. He walked over to the bar and sloshed around a glass of ice water, he then went into the bathroom to stare at his reflection in the mirror. Then he started the process over again.
Finally, he returned to the table filled with fruit and cheese and took a seat.
“Rashad? You good?” Delbert asked.
“Man, I wasn’t even this hyped when I married Kiara.”
“Yeah, dude. I remember. You were way more chill on that day. So, what’s up with you now, running around this room like you on crack?”
“That’s just it. I don’t know why I can’t sit still for long. Nervous energy, maybe?”
Delbert thought Rashad sounded skeptical. “You getting married today, dude. You sure you wanna do this?”
“Yeah, yeah, bro. It’s a wrap. This girl is cool. She’s an around-the-way girl. Maybe not as seasoned as Kiara. A little young for me to take as a wife, but she’s crazy about me and our kid.”
“Dammit, Rashad, I’m about to ask you one more time.”
“Look, Delbert. I told you I’m good. My little ride or die is the submissive type. I think she will do whatever I say from now on. I need a woman like that. Someone who looks up to me, who openly loves me instead of denying her love.”
“Alright, fine. Do you love her, though?”
“Ain’t no way I’d be here if I didn’t feel something for her. I just need to wind down a bit. Then I’ll be straight.”
Delbert shrugged and asked Rashad to wait a second. He fished around in his pocket and produced a tiny pill.
“What’s this?”
“It’ll calm you the fuck down. And make you look and act normal, hopefully. ’Cause right now you look like you about to walk down a long, dark hallway to face a firing squad.”
“Oh shit, it’s that bad?” Rashad laughed. “Yeah, I might as well wash down a pill so I can be ready to make this commitment.” He thought for a moment. “I can’t believe I’m about to tell a woman who’s not Kiara that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”
“Dude, go ahead and take that pill right now. I’m sick of you talking ’bout Kiara. Remember, she can’t stand your black ass. She kicked you out your own house. You need to forget her, man. For real, for real.”
“I don’t know if I can ever forget Kiara. But yeah, I need to focus on the future. Stop chasing a woman who’s running away from me. Making Kiara my wife was the happiest day of my life. But the past damn sure ain’t trying to repeat itself today.” Rashad opened his mouth, shoved the tablet down his throat, and quickly swallowed a shot of vodka. It burned so bad that he began to cough.
“You swear to God that this little pill won’t kill me, right?”
“Nah, man. It won’t kill you. But see, it’s going to make your stomach feel fucked up for a minute, and you might feel as sick as a dog, throw up a little bit, but you’ll live. You’ll bounce back, though, a little later.”
“I hope you’re right.”
The wedding would begin in two hours. Rashad knew that the effects of the pill would impact him real soon.
“Look, man. I need you to do a good job of recording my ceremony and reception, alright? Get lots of footage from the very beginning to the end. Just follow us around with the camera, getting different shots of us, the vows, the wedding party, t
he guests, the families’ reactions, all of it.”
“Sure, I got you.”
Delbert kept his promise. He trailed Rashad throughout the wedding, capturing the peculiar way he slurred his words during the vows. Delbert got scared for a second, thinking that the pill had worked a little too good, but it turned out to be alright because before he knew it, Rashad Eason repeated his vows well enough to earn a new wife. Delbert alternately laughed at Rashad and videotaped him turning up at his reception; Rashad drank like a college freshman, walking around with bloodshot eyes and laughing hysterically. Delbert just figured Rashad was happy to get it over with and was ready to party. Or maybe the man was trying to forget his first wife.
And after becoming a second-time husband, when Rashad realized that his marriage was over and he held his first consultation with Lily, she asked him if he could think of anything that had proved he was under duress at his wedding. That’s when he remembered the recordings that Delbert had produced. And Rashad got excited. He told her yes. He brought the DVD to Lily, and she shook her head as she watched.
“My goodness, you were wasted. You could barely stand on your feet.”
“And what does that mean for my case?”
“It could mean that you really didn’t know what you were doing . . . You were too drunk to actually know what you were agreeing to when you stated your vows. We’ll figure out something.”
“Good.”
“Rashad, it’s none of my business—”
“If you want to talk me out of it, don’t. I’m trying to regain my life, Lily. I need you to work your legal magic. Get those papers ready so she can be served like she’s never been served before.”
“As you wish,” she said. Rashad hopped up and handed Lily a three-thousand-dollar cashier’s check and told her he’d see her soon.
