After doing her normal delivery to the café first thing, she had traipsed around town, picking up a few things for her bakes next week, some pregnancy essentials (which she had secretly really enjoyed doing after waiting so long to finally be able to buy them) and dinner for this evening, which she had decided would be a little celebration dinner following their amazing news yesterday. And finally, returning home to an empty house, she decided to clean the kitchen.
Cleaning was her go-to thing to do when she was stressed. A tidy house; a tidy mind was her motto. It was also the way, her friends had learned, that everyone kept tabs on how Pippa was feeling. They knew that when the house was sparkling, Pippa had something on her mind or was feeling stressed about work-related things – not that she would ever admit to it. She took pride in everyone thinking she was the perfect housewife and business owner. Funnily enough, no one ever questioned her marriage. She supposed that was because, on the surface, Pippa had a fairytale marriage. She and Jason had met in high school and got together when they were just fifteen. They split up for a bit when Jason had got itchy feet about being tied down and she had caught him texting another woman. She later found out he had been having an affair with her. But after a few years apart, he came back to her, claiming to have got it out of his system. He missed her and wanted to settle down and they had got married the following year. Jason had been at his job at the communications company since he started when he was seventeen and had worked his way up the career ladder to manager. Of course, when he started, he was simply an assistant to the assistant of the regional manager. Their friends would joke that he was an assistant’s assistant and would tease him about having such a mediocre job. But he worked hard and had now worked up to being regional manager himself. He worked long hours, but it was financially rewarding and meant they could buy their dream home out in the Shropshire countryside that they had both always dreamed of. It also meant that they were financially stable enough so that Pippa could take a step back from work temporarily when she had the baby. This had been the case for quite some time now, but she just hadn’t fallen pregnant. But now, she had finally conquered that stage and was now well on her way to fulfilling their dreams and starting the family she had always wanted.
Except, behind the perfect marriage image that she and Jason portrayed, things were falling apart. He was spending more and more time at work recently and she hardly got to see him. He would come home stressed and, as a result, they would argue and whenever he had time at home, or if they went on holiday, after a couple of days of niceties, he would become distracted and distant and she felt she had to fight for his attention away from his mobile phone. ‘It’s work stuff’ he would tell her, ‘I can’t just leave them at the office fending for themselves without me; the place would fall apart if I wasn’t there.’ Which was lovely, knowing how important he was to the company, but when you are out for a romantic meal on holiday and your husband keeps whipping out his phone, it is hardly the romantic dinner a girl dreams of.
How’s it going? Will you be much longer? Xx
She sent the message and waited another half an hour before trying to call. Voicemail. She left a message for him to call her when he got it and finally, at six-thirty, she heard from him.
‘Hi, sweetheart, sorry I took so long. Things have been manic here. I swear, without me, this place would go under!’
‘Well they are incredibly lucky to have such a hardworking employee. I didn’t think it was going to take so long today. I thought you would be home by midday.’ She was being totally honest when she said this. When he said to her yesterday that he had to go in and sort some things out, she thought two, maybe three, hours maximum, and then they could go out and spend some quality time together. He had been working so much recently, it was actually a miracle she had even fallen pregnant. Had they not had that crazy weekend last month, she would have claimed miraculous conception or even tested the theory of ‘there must be something in the air’.
‘Yeah, well, so did I, but as soon as I sorted one problem out, another one materialised.’
‘Is it that Patrick again?’
‘Yeah, the guy is a liability.’
She sighed. This bloke who worked there, Patrick, seemed to be at the bottom of everything that got messed up at Jason’s work. Pippa was a very forgiving person, but this Patrick was really starting to get on her nerves. ‘How comes he hasn’t been fired by now? This guy has been causing you so much extra work; surely he’s had his quota of mistakes by now?’
‘You would think, but it’s out of my hands. I’ve told the guys up in head office about him but apparently he’s really good at his job, in general, so they seem to overlook all these little mistakes he’s making. It doesn’t seem to matter that it creates a whole barrage of work for other people.’
‘So it’s not just you, there are other people that have to go in of a weekend to catch up?’
‘Yeah, there’s a few of us here. The guy has a lot to answer for, causing this much additional work.’
Pippa gave up. There was clearly no point in this conversation. She really disliked this Patrick for taking up so much of their free time together. She could only hope that the guy would trip himself up sooner or later and she would get her husband back. ‘Anyway, never mind that, are you coming home now?’
‘Yeah, I’ll be home soon.’
‘I’ll wait for you then. I bought some bits in town today. I thought we could have a nice dinner together, you know, to celebrate?’
‘Sounds great. I’ll call you when I leave.’
Pippa hung up and after looking at the time, decided to put the dinner on hold. She went upstairs and pulled open her wardrobe. It had been a few weeks since they’d had some quality time together. She pulled out a little black dress and her make-up bag and quickly typed a text.
Let’s make this a night to remember and go out to celebrate. Text me when you leave and I’ll meet you at the station xx
She typed another message to Zoe.
Do you want to meet up for some celebratory dinner with me and Jason? You can bring the new boyfriend?
*****
Pippa had been sitting on the sofa watching the clock for the past hour. Every minute that went by, her mood worsened. First irritation (he’s always bloody late), then frustration (why can’t he be on time, just once), then anger (he’s taking the piss) and now, worry (oh my God, what if something has happened?) She took one last glance at the clock as it ticked over to 11pm and then pressed call on her phone.
It took Jason two separate calls before he finally picked up.
‘Pip?’ he called out, shouting over the loud music in the background.
‘Jason? Is everything okay?’
‘What? Oh yeah, fine. You?’
A surge of rage bolted through her body. ‘Where are you?’
‘What? I can’t hear you properly, hang on.’ She listened as the music gradually died down to a dull hum in the background. ‘That’s better, what’s up?’
‘Where are you?’ She was now pacing the living room.
‘I’m at the Bull and Hound; they’ve got live music in tonight. The band is fucking awesome!’
‘What are you doing there? I sent you a text asking you to let me know when you were on your way home.’ She was throwing her arms about as she spoke, not caring that he couldn’t see her. ‘I arranged for Zoe and her new boyfriend to meet us – I told you this!’
‘I know and I will. I’m not leaving yet, so I haven’t texted. Jeez, chill the fuck out.’
‘Why have you gone to the pub? I got dressed up; I thought we were going to celebrate tonight?’ The anger was subsiding but Pippa found herself getting emotional now. Bloody hormones.
‘I am celebrating. What’s the big deal?’
Annoyance dripped through her tone. ‘I meant, together!’
‘Well come down here, then.’ He had clearly started to make his way back into the pub as the music was getting louder again.
&nbs
p; ‘Jason, I don’t want to be in a pub full of drunken people and loud music. I thought we could celebrate together, you know, a meal or something.’ Like she was going to let everyone see Jason treat her like shit because he was drunk. No chance. She needed it to be just him and her when he was like this. She didn’t want to give anyone fuel for gossip.
‘What?’
‘Go back outside, it’s too loud!’ She was shouting now. She hated it when he had a drink. He was supposed to be cutting down now that she was pregnant. Guess there was no chance of that happening.
‘Listen, I’ll be home by midnight and I’ll bring in a takeaway, yeah? We can have our meal then.’ He then raised his voice to be heard over the music, calling out to a friend, ‘Yeah, get me another one. Same again!’
‘Jason, please. Just come home.’ She knew what he was like when he drank too much and she really didn’t want to have to deal with him later on.
‘Oh get off my case, Pip; I’m having a few drinks with mates. I’ll be home at midnight.’
And with that, he hung up. And Pippa knew he wouldn’t be home at midnight, so she took herself upstairs and after getting changed out of her dress and taking her make-up off, she got into bed and let the tears fall, where no one could see her. She looked through her phone messages to Zoe, cancelling the meet because of ‘nausea’. She hated it when Jason’s selfishness meant she had to cancel things and lie to her friends. If she didn’t want this baby so much, she would just walk out the door and never come back. She hated the financial hold he had on her.
Chapter 7
‘Morning, sleepy head.’
Ellie opened her eyes as a stream of sunlight shot into the room as a result of Zoe opening the living-room curtains. She groaned and pulled the cover up over her face.
‘Here, I made you a coffee. It’s decaf, mind.’
‘Why?’ Ellie’s voice was muffled by the cover.
‘Because you need to reduce the amount of caffeine you are drinking. It’s not good for the baby.’
Ellie pulled the cover off and sat up a little, making room on the end of the sofa for Zoe to sit down. ‘No, I mean, why did you bring me a coffee?’
‘Listen,’ Zoe perched on the edge of the sofa not far from Ellie’s feet and passed the cup. ‘I am sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean to upset you with all that talk about Dad. I just wanted to make you see that he’s not a monster and it would be good for you to have him around, you know, especially now.’
The reality of why she was here at her sister’s came crashing back down and she was forced to think about everything again. She sipped at her coffee for something to do, it tasted bitter.
‘You know that I will always be here for you and that I will do everything I can to make things okay, but just don’t forget about Dad. I know he misses having you around and I miss having my family. It’s bad enough Mum not being here, but having to see you and Dad separately all the time drives me crazy. We should be sticking together, not pushing each other away. It makes it really hard on me – I hate having to choose all the time.’
‘I’m not asking you to choose.’
‘You kind of are, Ellie. You two not being able to be in the same room together without creating tension means I have to split myself. It’s not fair on me. Plus I know Dad would want to be involved with you having a baby – he’d love to have a grandchild!’
Ellie shook her head. ‘Let’s not get too carried away.’
Zoe huffed. ‘Honesty, it’s like talking to a brick wall sometimes.’
Ellie shrugged, reverting to acting like a child. Sometimes when she and Zoe were together she found herself behaving as she would’ve done at eleven years old, having her annoying fourteen-year-old sister around.
‘How comes you slept on the sofa and not in the spare room?’ Zoe peered at her over her coffee cup.
Ellie avoided eye contact. ‘I was watching a film and I must’ve fallen asleep.’
‘Fair enough. So, I’ve been thinking. We need to sort a plan out so that we know what we are doing and how we are going to do it. First things first, you need to tell Chris.’
Ellie groaned and dropped her head back so that it rested on the back of the sofa. ‘Not this again.’
‘Come on, you owe it to him to tell him. What have you got to lose?’
‘Err, let me think. My best friend, my job, my freedom… my sanity!’ She listed them on her free hand, one finger at a time.
‘Oh you’re such a drama queen. You will not lose your sanity and the rest we can sort out. You can’t just hide away at my place and pretend nothing is happening. You need to go and see a doctor, get the ball rolling with a midwife, put things in place ready for when the baby comes…’
Ellie felt her chest tighten listening to all this talk about the baby. ‘Look, I haven’t even decided what I am going to do yet. There’s no point in involving Chris in this until I know what I am doing.’
‘What you are doing? Ellie, you’re not going to do anything stupid, are you?’ Zoe eyed her suspiciously and Ellie had to turn away again.
‘I don’t know what I am going to do. I need time to think. It’s all happening too fast and I’ve got work appointments next week to sort out and I need to do a new order for this film I am doing next month and –’
‘Ellie, I am afraid that’s life. When shit gets thrown at you, you have to suck it up and deal with it. Not brush it under the carpet and hope that it will go away. And this definitely won’t go away; this will become more and more prominent in your life, so you need to work out what you are doing. I will help you. You don’t have to go through this alone, but you do have to tell Chris.’
She knew she had to tell Chris, but she was so scared of losing him. ‘Zoe, what happened between me and Chris – it was a mistake. A huge mistake that should never have happened.’ And it shouldn’t have happened all the other times too. What was she thinking? Nobody can have a sexual relationship without the possibility of it getting complicated. She wished she had learnt this lesson before she got pregnant.
‘But it did!’
‘Don’t I bloody know it!’
There was a long pause, where both girls didn’t know what to say next. Ellie thumbed the mug and stared down into the shiny brown liquid. She knew her sister would be like this. Maybe, subconsciously, that’s why she came up here. She needed her sister to take control of the situation and tell her what she needed to do. This is exactly what she did when their mum died. She pulled Ellie back onto the straight and narrow and yet here she was again, nearly ten years later, and asking her sister to do the same. Would she ever learn? The thought of her being such a burden weighed down in her stomach and she felt guilty. ‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled, taking another sip of coffee.
‘What are you sorry for?’ Zoe had now leant back and had her feet up on the coffee table, her long legs bare, with just a small pair of bed shorts on.
‘For always being such a mess. For always relying on you to pick up the pieces when I make a mistake… for being a crap sister.’
‘Don’t be silly, you aren’t a crap sister.’
‘I bloody feel like one. It’s never the other way around, is it? It’s never you coming to me and needing help to sort your life out. You’re so confident and clever and… just… Zoe. You never make mistakes; you never do anything wrong.’ Zoe looked away from Ellie and seemed a little uncomfortable. She was playing with her cup and looked awkward. ‘What’s wrong?’ Ellie asked, eyeing her sister suspiciously.
‘Nothing.’ She didn’t look at her.
‘Well, it doesn’t look like nothing.’ Ellie nudged her with her foot from under the cover.
‘Ellie, everyone makes mistakes. Even me.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean? You’re Little Miss Perfect, you don’t make mistakes. Everything seems to fall into your lap and you make things happen.’
Zoe turned her head to look at Ellie, her expression more serious than she had been for ages. ‘Everything doesn�
��t just fall into my lap. I work bloody hard for everything that I have.’
‘I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying, some people are really lucky in life and others, well, others seem to get all the bad luck. Like me.’
‘I get bad luck too. I have my moments of weakness and I do things wrong. It’s not what happens to you in life; it’s how you deal with things. That’s the difference.’
Ellie eyed her suspiciously. Zoe looked uncomfortable, sad. ‘What aren’t you telling me?’
‘What do you mean?’ The colour had drained out a little from her face.
‘You’re not telling me something. Why do you keep saying how you aren’t perfect, how you get things wrong?’ She paused, but didn’t drop her gaze. Zoe, however, wouldn’t look at her. ‘Zoe? What aren’t you telling me?’ she pressed.
Zoe exhaled and shuffled in her seat, turning round to face Ellie front-on. ‘Listen, I don’t want you to get rid of the baby. I think you will regret it for the rest of your life.’ She looked away. ‘I did.’
Ellie felt her stomach flip. The air suddenly became tight and she felt her throat close slightly with anxiety. ‘What do you mean, ‘you did’?’
‘Ellie, things happen in life that you can’t control and sometimes you have to make a decision based on what you can control.’
‘I don’t understand.’ She kind of understood, but she didn’t want to.
‘I have been pregnant before.’ The silence in the air that followed this revelation was both uncomfortable and strange. Zoe looked back up at her. ‘I didn’t have a choice. It was a volatile relationship and I had got myself into a situation I couldn’t get out of. And then I found myself pregnant.’
The First Time Mums' Club Page 6
