He sighed.
She’d disappointed him and part of her wanted to give him what he wanted, but she was afraid.
“Why?” he said.
Because I think I’m falling in love with you, and I want you to love me. She would not admit it. If she revealed her feelings and he said nothing, she knew it would crush her. “It’s not that I don’t want to consummate our marriage,” she said. “I just have this feeling that all the romance will disappear if we cut short the courtship.”
He leaned back in the chair, but he said nothing.
“Will, I know it probably doesn’t make sense to you, but it is important to me.” Surely he would understand.
He toyed with his fork, but he didn’t pick it up. “We need to talk.”
His voice had sounded flat and resigned.
Her heart beat a little faster.
He pushed his plate of cheesecake away, uneaten. “Eat your dessert.”
Her stomach clenched. “I’m not hungry.”
He gave her an enigmatic look. “Neither am I.”
The back of her neck prickled.
He stood and pulled her chair back. “Let us go upstairs.”
She took his arm and winced when her hand trembled. He was bored with her already. His expression was grim as he led her up the stairs. She disliked this feeling that he held all the cards in their relationship. He’d agreed to the wager, but he’d already tired of courting her. Their marriage had begun on shaky ground, and she’d wanted with all her heart to find happiness with him. Now she feared their marriage was already on the brink of collapse.
He was frustrated with her. Was it too much to ask that she let him make love to her without all these barriers?
He’d agreed to the wager, because the challenge amused him. For her, it wasn’t merely fun and games. Tonight, she’d admitted she feared the romance would disappear if they consummated the marriage.
She knew going into this marriage that it was not a love match. Of course, he’d comprehended that she really wanted love when she’d said that she needed to feel something for him. He understood needy women all too well. More than a few had pretended they only wanted to bed him, and then a point would come when they started to cling. He didn’t like it when women tried to smother him. Inevitably, they would push him to form an attachment.
When he reached her door, she looked at him. “Knock when you’re ready.”
He shook his head. “We’ll talk now.”
Something flickered in her eyes. Then she lifted her chin. “Very well. Please come in.”
He led her to the bed. “Let us sit on the edge.”
“I’ll sit where I please.”
When she started to walk away, he caught her arm. “No games tonight, Amy. We need to talk.”
He hoisted her up on the mattress and sat next to her.
“You’re angry with me,” she said.
“I was frustrated and didn’t like it when you said you felt the romance would disappear if we consummated the marriage. It felt as if you were holding back in the misguided belief that it would engender tender feelings between us.”
“God forbid,” she said.
“Sarcasm won’t help matters,” he said.
She looked at him. “But consummating the marriage will?”
“Why do you wish to continue dangling it like a carrot?”
Amy’s mouth thinned, and then she spoke. “What happened when you pursued a woman and she finally let you catch her?”
“What does this have to do with our marriage?”
“Just answer the question,” she said.
“I bedded her.”
“For how long, Will? How long before you grew bored and went looking for the next challenge?”
He hesitated and told her the truth. “A fortnight at most.”
Her smile held no warmth.
“You turned the tables on me,” he said. “You challenged me to that wager to keep me interested.”
“No, Will. I asked you to court me, because I wanted to do everything possible to make this marriage a happy one. The sacred vows I took meant something to me, and that is why I resolved to do everything in my power to see to your comfort and happiness. But I also realized that we needed to get to know each other, and that is the true reason I wanted you to court me.”
He sighed. “I admit the courtship aspect has brought us closer together. We have talked a great deal because of it, and I’m not altogether sure I would have realized the importance of communicating with you without it. I do see that now.”
“Will, I need to know you better. I love your kisses and touches, but unless there are some feelings between us, the intimacy will wither quickly.”
“I don’t know what I’m capable of feeling,” he said. “All of my past relationships were fleeting and shallow. But it is different with you, and it all started that night we were locked in the wine cellar. For the first time in my life, I had protective feelings—for you. I worried you would catch a chill, and I hated that you were so scared. I’ve never felt that way about a woman before.”
He saw the tears welling in her eyes and drew out his handkerchief.
She dabbed the handkerchief in the corners of her eyes. “Thank you for telling me. It helps.”
He took her hand. “We are only beginning to know each other. Everything else about our marriage has been rushed, but the feelings can’t be. You told me what you’d always wanted, and you deserved to marry for love. But we can’t change what happened, and I don’t want to mislead you.”
“No, that would be wrong.”
“I can honestly tell you that I like you. I can honestly tell you that I’m proud to have such a talented and well-dressed wife. I can tell you that I enjoy spending time with you, because you’re clever, and you make me laugh. And I can honestly tell you that I desire you. It’s important to me, and I think it is to you as well.”
“If you want to end the wager, we can,” she said.
“You have trouble trusting me,” he said, “and given my reputation, it’s understandable. That’s the reason you insisted I mend my wicked ways.”
She nodded.
“I think you need some kind of proof,” Will said. “More important, I think the courting business is helping us to understand each other.”
“I want us to find happiness in this marriage,” she said. “I don’t want us to live separate lives, and it scares me that you may not feel the same way.”
“I’ll be honest. I went into this marriage believing that we would end up living separate lives, because of the circumstances and because it’s so common in the ton,” he said. “My brother said something that I think is true. The circumstances of our marriage don’t matter. It’s what comes after the wedding.”
“I think your brother is very wise,” she said.
“It occurs to me that no one expects us to succeed, and you know how I love a challenge.” He smiled a little. “Let’s prove everyone wrong.”
“I want you to promise me something,” she said.
“What is it?”
“Promise me you will be faithful to me.”
He swallowed. “I promise to be faithful to you.”
She threw her arms around him. He could feel her shaking, and he knew there would be times when he would be tempted. But if he failed he would dishonor her and himself. They were for better or worse bound for life in this marriage.
Chapter Eleven
Will awoke the next morning to find Poppet perched on his chest. “Deuce take you.”
Poppet squeaked at him repeatedly. Hell. She was probably hungry. The cat got right up in his face and squeaked as if demanding something. Then it occurred to his wooly brain that he could ring for a servant to bring Poppet’s breakfast to his room.
He set Poppet on the bed and got up to put on his trousers from last night. Egad, it was only eight o’clock. “You need to go back to bed,” he told the cat.
Poppet swished her tail and squeaked
.
“Yes, I know you’re in bed, but it’s mine.” He slipped on his banyan and rang the bell. After the footman arrived, Will gave him instructions and slumped in the leather chair. Then everything that had transpired last night flooded his brain.
“The devil,” he grumbled.
Poppet squeaked at him.
Will worried about the implications of their conversation. He’d been honest about his feelings for her, but now he wondered if she expected him to fall in love with her. He’d been smitten a time or two, but generally his interest in women had been based solely on lust. He wasn’t the sort of man who needed or wanted close relationships of any kind. God knew, he’d dodged his family members most of his life.
The only person he’d ever stood by was Bell. He wasn’t even sure why, other than that he’d seen his friend dying alive right in front of him. As he watched the cat’s tail twitch, it occurred to him that he’d rescued stray animals all his life. He’d also rescued Bell.
It was an arresting thought. He told himself it didn’t signify and put it out of his mind. After he’d finished dressing, a knock sounded at the connecting door. “Come in, Amy.”
His valet left the room, and Will felt a little uncomfortable with her for some strange reason, but he figured it would pass. “Are you ready for breakfast?”
“Yes, today is my shopping expedition with Julianne.”
“Right. You’re taking sketches to the dressmaker.”
She sort of froze for a second, and then she smiled. “Yes, I hope Madame DuPont likes them.”
He thought her initial reaction was a bit odd, but he dismissed it. “I’m sure the dressmaker will approve.” As they walked downstairs together, he looked at her. “I’ll take you in my curricle to Ashdown House, since I’m meeting my brother. Then you and Julianne can spend the day shopping.”
“I’m looking forward to it. We haven’t spent much time together this season, but now we’re sisters,” Amy said.
After breakfast, Will drove them to Ashdown House and escorted her inside. Julianne met them in the foyer. “Amy, if you’re ready, we can leave now.”
Will kissed Amy’s cheek. “Have a lovely time.”
“Marc would tell me not to spend too much money,” Julianne said.
Will said nothing. It troubled him that he’d needed Amy’s fortune to cover his debt, because today he carried a check for twenty thousand pounds signed to his brother. He tried to shrug it off, but the deception bothered him more than a little.
Amy caught his hand. “Invite your friends for dinner. Tell Fordham I’ll serve roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.”
He grinned. “He’ll come when he hears that news.” He waved and strode off to his brother’s study. Two hours later, Will concluded his meeting with Hawk. There wouldn’t be any challenges with the account books, but he looked forward to meeting the tenants and riding about the property.
After leaving Ashdown House, Will drove his curricle to White’s, where he found Bell in the coffee room and took a chair across from his friend. “Good to see you,” he said.
“Well, how is married life?” Bell asked.
“Better than I expected.”
Bell arched his brows but said nothing.
A waiter brought Will a cup of coffee. He took a sip and eyed Bell. “Where is Fordham?”
“Probably passed out from one too many bottles,” Bell said. “He likely forgot he was supposed to meet us.”
Will grinned and sipped his coffee. “So, what is new in your life?”
“Not much. I pensioned off my mistress.”
“No scene, I hope,” Will said.
“Of course there was,” Bell said. “I got tired of the same old accusations about how I ignored her and took her for granted. It was deadly boring.”
Will set his cup on the table. “You found someone else?”
“You know me too well.” Bell drank his coffee and set the empty cup aside. When the waiter returned, Bell waved him off. “So you’re satisfied with your bride.”
Will smiled. “She invited you and Fordham to dine with us this week. If you see Fordham, tell him she’s planning to serve roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.”
“Very well.” He paused. “Speaking of invitations, Elise, my new mistress, is hosting a private card party tomorrow night. Join us,” he said.
Will shook his head. Ladies did not attend parties given by courtesans. “No thanks.”
Bell let out an amused huff. “Unbelievable.”
“What?” Will said.
“You’re refusing because you’re married.”
“The deuce take you. We’re newlyweds.”
“You’ll get bored soon enough,” Bell said.
Will glared at his friend. “Careful, Bell. She’s my wife.”
Bell inhaled. “Right. My apologies.”
“Accepted,” Will said.
“You surprise me,” Bell said. “No offense, but you’re not exactly known for long liaisons.”
Will traced his finger round the rim of his cup. “It’s different when the woman is your wife.”
“Having no experience, I can’t say as I understand.”
“I feel a responsibility to her.” He frowned, thinking again of the check he’d given his brother this morning. After their discussion last night, the deception weighed heavily on his mind.
“I know you,” Bell said. “Something is bothering you.”
“Her father cut up nasty when I formally asked his permission to marry her. I promised the man I wouldn’t hurt her.” Will looked at his friend. “Hardwick gave his permission only because she would have been ruined if we hadn’t married.”
“You didn’t intend to compromise her at that card party.”
“You know I previously tried and botched it,” he said. Desperation had led him to that clumsy attempt. Now he was glad he’d failed. If he’d purposely compromised her, she would have known and her father would likely have wanted to kill him. Their marriage would have proved miserable indeed.
“Does she know you lost a fortune gambling?”
He shook his head. “I didn’t want Amy or her father to know. Hawk paid the debt to keep it quiet.” Will frowned at his coffee cup. He’d gotten her fortune and repaid his brother. All had gone in his favor. Why then did he feel as if he’d eaten something rotten?
“Why the glum expression?” Bell asked.
“This morning, I repaid Hawk the twenty thousand pounds—from her marriage portion.”
“You would have gotten the money from the marriage settlement even if you’d married her under ordinary circumstances,” Bell said.
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved that she had fifty thousand. She doesn’t know that a substantial portion of her fortune went to pay my gambling debt.”
“You’re hardly the first man to marry an heiress.”
“The incident in the wine cellar was an accident,” he said a bit too gruffly. “If she ever found out about the debt, she’d conclude I meant to compromise her.”
“You hushed up the gambling debt,” Bell said. “How would she ever find out?”
“Of course you’re right.”
“She’s your wife, and you feel a bit of guilt,” Bell said.
“There’s a part of me that thinks I should tell her.”
Bell cleared his throat. “I have a story that may help you with that decision. Five years ago, we went to a gaming hall. Do you remember? We were both green as grass and full of ourselves.”
“I remember,” Will said. “I puked half the night after drinking too much brandy.”
“You were flirting with a tavern wench. I was watching a high-stakes card game. The play went on for hours, and then I saw a gentleman cheat. He netted a tidy sum.”
“What happened?” Will said.
“The gentleman, who shall remain unnamed, was my late father’s friend.” Bell shook his head. “No one else caught it. I felt it was wrong to keep silent, but I knew the man.
I couldn’t get up the courage to make the accusation. That night, I couldn’t sleep. I had a dilemma, and I didn’t know what to do. The next morning, I went to my father and told him what I’d seen, but I didn’t identify the man. My father told me that in such circumstances, there are three key questions to ask before revealing something. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?”
“What did you do?” Will asked.
“I knew it was true. As for the kindness part, I felt the man didn’t deserve it. I did, however, feel it necessary to reveal the man’s identity to my father. He told me I’d done the right thing, and he cut the man’s acquaintance.”
Will pondered the three questions. “Well, it is true that I gambled, but it wouldn’t be kind to tell Amy. I think a confession is not only unnecessary, but it would do more harm than good.”
“You’ve made your decision,” Bell said. “Now let the matter go.”
Amy felt a bit nervous as she and Julianne entered Madame DuPont’s shop.
Madame DuPont greeted them with an elegant curtsy. “Welcome to my establishment.”
“I know you wish to confer with Madame DuPont,” Julianne said. “I want to have a look at the bonnets and trims.”
Madame DuPont inclined her head and faced Amy. “You have brought your latest sketches?”
“I have, thank you.”
Amy followed the modiste to a worktable and laid out the new designs. “For this one, I recommend a red satin and the trim would be red velvet just above the lace flounces.”
“One moment,” Madame DuPont said. “I believe I have a silk that will work well for this design.”
When the modiste returned, she brought both a blue and a red satin. Amy reviewed the fabrics. “I prefer the red with the matching velvet.”
“Excellent,” Madame said. “I agree.”
Amy showed her the next one. “I envision a blond silk gauze, silk ribbons, and tulle.” Amy laid out another sketch. “This one is an ivory silk ball gown with gold lamé borders. Notice the flounces are a bit more understated.” She showed Madame several more designs. “And finally, this one is somewhat different. It is a silk taffeta with long sleeves and lace at the wrists. I paired it with a sheer silk shawl with black embroidery and a black netted veil.”
How to Ravish a Rake Page 21
