I pull back, needing to get ahold of myself.
“They were both wrong,” Jane says, her voice so low and gentle I almost miss the words.
I take a bite of steak, waiting for her to elaborate.
“They should have worked it out,” she says, picking up a fry and studying it like it’s harboring the plague. She seems to be enjoying her food; she’s eaten half the steak and a huge chunk of the fries. I love that she has an appetite. Her eyes tick to me as she continues speaking. “Both adults should have worked it out. He shouldn’t have ran; he should have forced her to get help to get clean and sober.”
I stare at her in shock. It’s like I’m having a conversation with a much more attractive – and female – version of myself.
“That’s what I told them,” I say, “that Olivia was the most important thing, not their stupid addictions or petty issues. That little girl needed both parents. She needed them to work together and be the fucking adults in that situation.”
Her smile lights up her face. “So, how long are you going to be here, Connor?” She asks while taking another bite of her salad. She’s taken to dipping bites of steak in the blue cheese dressing and I can’t help but love it. She gives zero fucks about what everyone else might think; she’s fucking enjoying herself.
“Until I decide to leave,” I say and her whole body stills except her eyes, which study me closely. “I think I’ll stay the rest of the week,” I say, wanting to make sure she knows I’m not just blowing her off.
“Me, too,” She says, her whole body moving as she shifts in her seat and smiles up at the waitress who pops by to refill our drinks and asks me how the food is. “It was great!” She tells the woman, who continues to ignore her.
“The food was amazing,” I tell her, noticing how her eyes light up. “However, your continued rude attitude to my date leaves me feeling like I need to speak with your boss about how you treat customers.” I lift my glass to my lips, refusing to even look at her.
My chilly dismissal seems to leave her stunned and confused. It dawns on me that perhaps guys enjoy being the only one she sees. Perhaps she knew Jane wasn’t the kind to stand up for herself. Or maybe she just doesn’t give a fuck.
Whatever the reason, it seems to change. She turns to Jane with a soft, “I’m sorry,” and a smile that’s pretty, yet not genuine.
“Me, too,” Jane says, her genuine voice a relief as she speaks. “I didn’t take into account that maybe you’ve had a bad day. I hope that everything is going well for you.”
Jane looks at me and says, “What? Everyone has bad days. We don’t know that she isn’t having a bad day.”
The waitress escapes and I see tears in her eyes. Startled, I glance at Jane, who lifts her shoulders a fraction of an inch. “When Zac cheated on me, I hated all women. I wanted to hit on all guys to feel better. I wanted to know I was still attractive.”
“He cheated on you?” Holy hell; how was she still with him?
She nods like it’s something everyone knows. “It sounds stupid, I know, but I feel that daddy’s going to be disappointed in me; he likes him.”
“I doubt it.” A good father would support his daughter regardless of his own feelings. And I bet that’s what happened here. But Jane shrugs again, clearly not agreeing with me.
“I think he wants you to be happy,” I say, imagining how Kieran feels about Olivia, how I feel about my niece. Even if I hated her boyfriend – thank fucking god she’s too young for that shit – I’d want her to be happy.
“Maybe,” Jane says, still not sounding sold. She nibbles through her salad and I study her. “I don’t normally eat-” she looks up at me the words cutting short. “What?” she asks, sounding out of breath. Her eyes are wide and worried, as if she’s nervous what I’m thinking.
“I’m enjoying myself,” I tell her, feeling a bit of surprise. Generally, people annoy me. There’s a reason I have a policy of love ‘em and leave ‘em. Typically, if someone near me talks for more than two minutes, I want to wring their necks.
People are generally stupid, rude, or shallow. Jane is none of that. Sure, she’s far from perfect, but her ability to talk and stay civil even when things seem ugly is something I admire.
“Me, too,” She says, her smile lighting up her face. Then, as if she remembers the pretense we’re here under, her expression seems to dim a bit. She lowers her head and looks at her plate, shifting a fry that got surrounded and drowned in steak blood.
It’s heartbreaking to see her remember that she’s not here on a date. That I forced this against her will. That we can never come back from where we stared. It’s heartbreaking to experience. Even if I fell in love with this girl, I could never be part of her life. I fucking kidnapped her, forced her to talk about the other girl I’d kidnapped. There’s no coming back from that. There’s no trust that can be built to withstands the fear that I may betray her at some point in the future.
It’s all a god damned shame.
Chapter 21
Jane
“So, how long are you going to be here, Connor?” I ask, popping a bit of blue cheese in my mouth. I love the bite of it, the tang it adds to the flavor of the steak and fries. I wonder why blue cheese fries isn’t a thing. Or is it? I want some, now.
Well, maybe not now. I’m nearly full.
“Until I decide to leave,” Connor says, his tone so sharp, I feel my whole body respond. Wondering why he’s so short tempered all of a sudden, I study him.
His tone is a bit softer when he speaks again. “I think I’ll stay the rest of the week,” he says, and I wonder why he’s choosing to stay if he could leave any time. It’s not like this place it the hot vacation spot. The hotel sucks, obviously, and there’s not much around to do unless you’re looking to go play on the beach with everyone else who came here for the beach.
No, thanks. Too, many bodies for me. I’ll stay in, watch TV or my Netflix, and pretend the world outside doesn’t exist for a while.
“Me, too,” I say as the waitress stops by. I give her my brightest smile as she refills my sprite and Connor’s water.
“How as the food?” she asks Connor in a seductive tone and I try to bite back my frustration.
“It was great!” I tell her, realizing that maybe me being kind to her is what she needs. Maybe something has been going on in her life and she needs affirmation that not all women are backstabbing bitches. She continues to ignore me, but I’m fine with it. I don’t know what the fuck is going on in her life, and I’ve no right to judge.
“The food was amazing,” Connor says, his tone all honey and fire. Everything about him sets my body alight, and I really want to kiss him again. Thoughts of how sexy he’d been back at my place, his lips on mine, his whole body blocking me in the corner behind my door…
How I manage not to moan is a mystery to me. I feel I’ve earned a medal for it.
Connor isn’t done yet. “However, your continued rude attitude to my date leaves me feeling like I need to speak with your boss about how you treat customers.” His gaze moves past her toward some point behind me and he takes a sip of his water. The indication that the conversation is over isn’t subtle. I stare at him, wondering why the hell he’d stand up for me like that. Zac would have been flirting with her and maybe even getting her number on the down low while I was in the restroom or something.
This guy who kidnapped me has more regard to how I should be treated than the guy I’ve been dating for more than year. What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The waitress turns to me with the fakest smile I’ve ever seen. “I’m sorry,” she says, but I’m not going to stoop to the level of cat clawing and hissing that often comes with this kind of bullshit.
“Me, too,” I say, genuinely sorry for whatever is making her act this way. I’m sure she has a reason. Just because I don’t know what it is doesn’t make it lass valid. “I didn’t take into account that maybe you’ve had a bad day. I hope that everything is going well for you.”
Connor stares at me, his eyebrows furrowing a bit, as if he’s trying to figure me out.
“What?” I ask, “Everyone has bad days. We don’t know that she isn’t having a bad day.”
The waitress leaves quickly and I see Connor’s surprise as he looks into her face and back at me again. And I feel the need to explain myself.
“When Zac cheated on me, I hated all women. I wanted to hit on all guys to feel better. I wanted to know I was still attractive.” Even now, the memory hurts. I’d trusted him, I’d gone to bat for him against friends that I don’t have anymore. He’d betrayed me deeper than anyone ever has before. I’d lost friendships over it. I’d lost a hell of a lot of myself, too.
“He cheated on you?” Connor’s looking at me like he hardly believes anyone would want to sleep with Zac, period. Which is kind of amusing.
But he doesn’t understand all of the issues I’m going to be facing. “It sounds stupid, I know, but I feel that daddy’s going to be disappointed in me; he likes him.” Once he finds out I dumped Zac, there will be hell to pay. I’m sure there already is, actually. I just don’t know it yet because my phone is back at the hotel room.
God, I hope dad doesn’t drop everything and come out here because Zac tells him I’m cheating. How humiliating.
“I doubt it.” Connor says, but he doesn’t know my dad. “I think he wants you to be happy,” He says.
But there’s more to it than that.
“Maybe,” I say, not feeling like it’s possible. I mean, I’m sure he wants me happy, as long as my happiness fits into his narrow view of things that should make me happy. Which generally don’t line up with things that actually make me happy.
I take a bite of salad and comment on it, “I don’t normally eat-” I look up and he’s staring at me like he’d like nothing more than to spread me out on this table and eat me instead of the rest of his dinner. “What?” I ask, feeling lightheaded with all the excitement swirling through my body at the thought of his lips on the most sensitive flesh I have.
“I’m enjoying myself,” He says, his tone serious. The words make me happier than they really should. It’s such a simple compliment, but coming from those lips in that voice, it feels like an honor of the highest sort.
“Me, too,” I say, smiling like an idiot. I bet he’s thinking about what an idiot I am right now. But that’s okay, because I am an idiot. Not just because I’m grinning like a fool, but also because we’re not here on a date. I’m not here because I even want to be. Not really. I’m here because he’s protecting himself and making sure I’m not a threat.
It doesn’t matter how much I’m enjoying myself, this man would never even seriously consider a girl like me. After meeting Zac, he likely thinks I’m too stupid to live, much less date. I stare at my plate, hating myself and the mess my life has become as I mess with a soggy rogue fry.
It’s not fair. I like Connor. I mean, really like him. The deep conversations we’ve had shows a side of the man that not only makes him more attractive, but more frightening. He’s willing to do evil things for the people he loves. More than I think most people would. And while that’s scary, it’s also kind of nice.
Especially since I feel like my dad would do anything for Zac. When he hears about what’s going on, I bet he blows a gasket at me.
As if we’re deciding together, we both rise from our seats.
For a moment, I expect Zac’s voice to say “Oh, babe, I forgot my wallet, would you get this?” But no, I glance over at Connor who drops a couple hundreds on the table and takes my arm. I arch an eyebrow at him and he lifts his shoulders.
“I’m taking a bit of your philosophy here,” he says, his arm around my shoulder in a protective manner that’s likely meant to keep me from running, but it feels so very protective. “I don’t know if she’s having a bad day. Maybe that will help.”
I smile, but inside, I’m aching. He’s amazing. And not mine.
Chapter 22
Connor
We both stand up as if of one mind. I take out my wallet, not even considering allowing her to pay. I bet that piece of shit Zac made her pay for their meals out many times over. If not every damn time. While it’s not really a date, I feel more of a connection with her than I have most of the women I’ve taken out for real.
I take two hundred dollars out of my pocket. It’s overkill for the bill, which is only seventy for our meals. The place isn’t glamorous by any stretch, but that’s why I like it. It’s a solid reminder of how very lucky I am. And it’s kind of a relief to not be in a place where everyone suffers affluenza and better than thou attitudes. It’s nice to pretend to be normal.
Jane looks at me as if I’ve lost my mind and I realize she’s aware that I’m over tipping. I worry she might think I’m flirting, so I decide to be honest for honesty’s sake. What she said resonated with me and reminded me to remember that other are also human. And to error is human. None of us are perfect, and it’s always better to be kind than angry.
“I’m taking a bit of your philosophy here,” I tell her, draping an arm around her shoulders because I want her closer. There’s just something about her that’s wonder and pure, sweet and flame. “I don’t know if she’s having a bad day. Maybe that will help.”
A sad smile lights Jane’s face and I know something is bothering her. As we walk out, I decide to do something I would never have dreamed of before; I ask what she’s thinking that’s making her sad. Well, kind of.
“Something is bothering you,” I say and she looks up at me in surprise.
The shadows in her eyes darken and I wonder if she’s going to be honest or blow me off. I wouldn’t fault her for blowing me off. I get that it’s hard to be honest and discuss things that aren’t pretty. Especially with a near stranger.
Then again, if I think about it, maybe it’s easier to talk to a stranger. If she’s being judgmental about my life I can still comfort myself knowing she’ll be gone in a week and I’ll never see her again.
The thought hits me like a blow to the gut and I realize I want to see her again. I want this connection I feel between us to be real.
“Just… this,” She says, gesturing to us. And I get it. She’s aware this is all a sham. And as much as I don’t want things to end, I also know that it’s a good idea to let her go. She’s not a threat. The only reason I’m still clinging to her is because on some level, I hope I can make her realize that there’s something between us that we should explore.
But I can’t force her. If she’s not feeling it, or doesn’t want me, I should accept that. Right?
As we head back toward our rooms, I decide to do the right thing, as much as everything in me argues against it. I could keep her. I could intimidate her into staying. I could force her to stay, to keep up the appearance of dating. I could, given enough time, make her fall in love with me.
I need to let her go before I give into the thoughts pummeling me.
“Thank you for the date,” I say gently as she looks up at me in surprise. The flash of heat in her eyes at my calling it a date is unmistakable. It's also almost enough to undo me.
I push forward before I can change my mind. “You’re free to go. I only ask,” I say, feeling her whole body stiffen, “That you not discuss my personal life. And I, of course, won’t discuss yours.”
We walk on and she pulls me toward the dock that leads out into the ocean. I notice the place is nearly empty as the skies look like they’re going to open up and pour at any moment now. The waters are rolling and crashing against the wooden posts holding the pier in place and overhead, gulls laugh at the people moving away from the beach for fear of rain.
To my surprise, she pulls out of my grip and throws her arms around my shoulders. Her lips meet mine and I feel every inch of her pressed to my body. She feels like heaven and hell, sweet sin and beautiful wickedness.
Her tongue meets mine and I feel every part of me responding to her. This wasn’t part of the plan. But fucking
hell, I’m loving it.
Her lips move against mine and I plunder her mouth like a starving man. It’s all I can do not to drag her back to my place and shove her onto my bed to take what she’s so sweetly offering. She’s a god damned drug and I’m desperate for a fix. My hands find her ass and I forget we’re in public as she breaks the kiss to pull my lower lip into her mouth.
Just as quickly, reality snaps back and thunder rolls through the air. The impending storm makes Jane begin to tremble, and I feel the change in the air before the rain begins to pour on us. A flash of lighting splits the sky and she lets out a little squeal before I give her a quick kiss.
Her hair begins to mat to her head and I feel the heat rising off her body as the rich scent of wet earth and ocean overtake my senses.
“Connor,” she whispers, the sound almost a moan that proves she’s lost to this as much as I am. I give her another quick kiss and know it’s time to leave. If I don’t, I never will.
It feels like losing everything as I turn and walk away from her.
Only when I’m safe in my room do I begin to think on what’s happening in my life. The hopeful sense that maybe the horrors are finally over fills me. Cami isn’t a threat. She’s clean, she’s sober, and she’s the first one to say she’s fucked up but won’t again. And while I don’t trust her at her word, I pride myself on my ability to read people.
She’s not someone I’m going to worry about any more.
But it goes beyond that. I need to make amends for what I did to her. I think I know how; Jane made a valid point.
I strip out of my wet clothes and head toward the shower, a plan forming in the back of my mind. Jane was right; both parents need to be there for that little girl. Olivia deserves both her mother and father in her life.
It's going to take some serious work to get Kieran to pull his head out of his ass and work out some kind of co-parenting plan. But if I leverage things just right, he’ll come to see that I’m right. That Jane is right.
Billionaire Bash: The Complete Steele Series Page 56
