by Hazel Kelly
“Right. But now I don’t know what to do. I mean, how am I supposed to tell Ben how I really feel about him? It was going to be awkward enough before all this shit, and now that his mom is-”
“Take a deep breath.”
I did as I was told.
She pursed her lips.
“Honestly, Brook. I’ve had fucking nightmares about her hairless pussy. How can I ever look him in the eye again?”
“Lots of people don’t get along with their monster in law.”
I cocked my head. “That’s different, don’t you think?”
She shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely hideous to imagine that you might ever have to be in the same room with either of them again-”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
“But how does Ben feel about it?”
“What do you mean how does he feel about it?”
“Well, obviously if he tries to defend her actions in any way, he has to be dead to you.”
“I’m listening.”
“But just because his mom is a slag doesn’t mean you should take it out on him.”
I swallowed.
“Especially if you like him as much as you say.”
I craned my neck back. “I’m kind of shocked. I would’ve expected you to be first in line to convince me this shit wasn’t worth it and that I should forget about him and move on.”
“Yeah,” she said, twisting the cap on her wine. “I think in any other situation I would do that.”
“So why not this one?”
“Because,” she said. “You said it was the best night of your life.”
“Yeah. It was.”
“So I don’t know if it makes sense to throw away a chance at another best night of your life just because the guy’s mom is a horrible person. I mean, we all have family member’s we’re not proud of.”
I furrowed my brow.
“Plus, at least you don’t have to worry about her trying to sleep with him.”
“That’s fucked up.”
She raised a finger at me. “Maybe, but it’s true. Shit, if I had my choice between two men who were crazy about me-”
“I don’t know if he’s crazy about me.”
“Fine, but let’s say he is for now-”
I nodded.
“Anyway, if I had my choice between two guys and they were perfectly equal except one of them had one less slut after him, I would consider that a bonus.”
“I really want to see where you’re coming from, but I’m not sure I’m in a strong enough place to pretend I’m not completely disturbed by this situation.”
“What did he have to say about it?”
“Who?”
“Ben.”
I shrugged. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“I mean, he might’ve said something if I’d stuck around, but I sort of went straight into flight mode and didn’t give him a chance to say anything.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’m not even sure he realized it was her presence that shocked me. For all I know, he might think I freaked cause of Simon.”
“Oh god.”
“I know.”
She laughed. “So he might just think you left cause you’re embarrassed that you made the world’s worst first impression on his mom?”
“Maybe.”
“Unbelievable.”
“It’s possible, though,” I said, letting another sip of cool wine coat my tongue.
“Those are nice,” she said, pointing to the diamond earrings on the coffee table.
“Yeah.”
“Where’d they come from?”
“Ben gave them to me.”
She raised her eyebrows. “He gave you diamond earrings?”
“And a matching necklace.” I lifted my chin towards the hall. “It’s in my room.”
“To wear to the wedding or for keeps?”
“For keeps. But I think I have to give them back.”
“Why?”
“Cause they’re too sparkly,” I said. “And I fear they may never match my mood again.”
Chapter 6: Ben
“I came after you because I wanted to make things right,” she said, looking down at her feet.
“How exactly did you think that was going to work?” I slumped into the chair beside the coffee table. “Seriously, walk me through your thought process on that one cause I’m at a loss.”
“Well,” she said, taking on a motherly tone that she used to employ when she thought I was being an unreasonable teenager. “I figured the least I could do was apologize for the unfortunate coincidence.”
I scoffed. “You’re not sorry.”
“I am actually.”
I shook my head. “No you’re not. You fucking love that this happened. It’s exactly the kind of drama you hoped you’d stir up by bringing someone my age- Ella’s age- to dad’s wedding.”
“On the contrary, I thought it was very mature of your father to invite me, and I tried to show my reciprocal respect by keeping a low profile. I can’t help the fact that your girlfriend fainted and caused a scene.”
“Would you have preferred to humiliate her in private?” I asked. “Oh wait- you already did that.”
“Humiliating her- or anyone- was the last thing on my mind today.”
I nodded. “And yet you keep hurting people on accident.”
“Exactly,” she said. “This is just a big accident.”
“Even so.” I wrapped my hands around the armrests of the chair. “It doesn’t change the fact that you have to stop seeing this guy.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“You heard me, Mom. If you’re really sorry, you’ll stop seeing this clown before he hurts you, too.”
Her lips fell apart.
“Or are you waiting for him to propose before you cheat on him cause that’s how you get your kicks?”
“I’m not that person anymore.”
I raised my eyebrows. “I think you are.”
She shook her head. Her frustration was evident, but I was still confident it paled in comparison to my own.
“So what’ll it be?”
She tilted an ear towards me.
“You going to end it or what?”
“I’m not going to end it,” she said. “I can see whoever I damn well please.”
“So much for the sacrifices you’re willing to make for me, huh? Looks like that was just more of your wasted breath.”
“Look, Ben. I get that you’re angry and that you feel the need to defend the honor of your little girlfriend-”
“Carrie.”
She opened her mouth to speak.
“Of course, you probably knew that because betrayal is more fun for you when it’s personal.”
She clenched her jaw.
“Well?” I raised my eyebrows. “Did you know her name or not?”
“I-”
I waved my hand in front of me. “You know what? Never mind. I don’t even want her name in your filthy, lying mouth. She’s too good for that.”
“Careful,” she said. “She might be your girlfriend now-”
It fucking killed me that she wasn’t.
“But I’m going to be your mother forever.”
I took a deep breath. “A cross I’ll have to bear.”
“Oh please. In time this will all blow over.”
I pulled at the collar of my shirt in an effort to get some air on the back of my neck.
“And she’ll get over it. She will. Trust me.”
I laughed. “That’s the last thing I’m about to do.”
“You’re being ridiculous. Everything will be fine once she cools off.”
I leaned forward and looked down between my feet. “How will it be fine? Please, enlighten me. Cause from where I’m sitting it looks like you and your boyfriend are the last people on Earth Carrie wants to see, much less be reminded of. So unless I can figure out a way to break up with you, it doesn’t feel like i
t’s going to be fine at all.”
“It will be. Eventually she’ll realize I did her a favor by taking him off her hands so she didn’t marry the wrong guy-”
“So you admit you’re not as blameless as you let on?”
“It takes two Ben. It always takes two. So if she doesn’t want to see you anymore, there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“It’s not me she doesn’t want to see! It’s you! And that motherfucking-”
“Ben!”
“And I don’t want to see you either.” I pushed my hands against the armrests of the chair and stood up.
“Don’t walk out, Ben. We haven’t resolved this.”
I stopped at the door. “There’s only one way to resolve this, and that’s for us to not see each other anymore.”
“Don’t say things you don’t mean,” she said, straightening up. “She’s just a woman.”
“Yeah,” I said, squeezing my hand around the door knob. “That might be true.” I looked over my shoulder. “But she’s more of a woman than you’ll ever be.”
Her mouth fell open.
And I walked out.
“Martine,” I said, poking my head in the open room down the hall. “I’ll just leave your key on the cart here.”
She came out of the bathroom mopping her brow with her forearm. “Thanks,” she said, snatching it and slipping it in her pocket.
I nodded and went back to my room.
I don’t know why. Maybe I thought being in that room where Carrie and I had so much fun would make it seem like she was less lost to me as I came up with a plan.
But as I lay down on the bed and leaned against the pillows, I wasn’t having any bright ideas.
Probably because I was so overwhelmed with disgust at my mother’s complete lack of remorse. Had she always been so cold and selfish? How could I not have recognized that?
What’s more, now that I knew she’d been fooling around with that asshole for months, I felt even worse for Carrie, who was probably ignorant to that information.
Should I tell her?
I had no idea. I guess it depended on whether I thought that news would make her feel better or worse than she already did.
And I could argue it either way. Worse, because she’d probably feel foolish for not realizing what a deceitful sack of shit he was, and better, because it would increase her certainty that she did the right thing by breaking things off.
But what the hell was wrong with my mother that she could claim to have fallen for a guy that would do something so shitty to a woman he supposedly loved?
Frankly, I could only think of two explanations.
Either she was seriously damaged or she was a complete bitch.
Then again, I suppose she could be both.
Shit. Maybe she and that jerk deserved each other.
I sighed and rubbed my eyes.
Having these horrible feelings about my mother was exhausting. I hated it. She was my mom. I didn’t want to cut her out of my life. And if it weren’t for the way I felt about Carrie, I wouldn’t even consider it.
But Carrie was special.
And being the guy she smiled for made me feel special.
She was the kind of woman that was worth impressing, the kind of woman that was worth fighting for, and with every passing minute, I felt like I was losing the fight.
But I still wanted her more than ever.
I just hoped to god she wasn’t somewhere talking herself out of any feelings she might’ve had for me.
And then I heard another knock at the door.
Chapter 7: Carrie
“How loaded is this guy?” Brook asked, taking a swig of wine.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Why?”
“Cause I’ve never had a real boyfriend buy me jewelry that nice, much less a pretend one.”
I furrowed my brow. “What’s your point?”
“My point is that this situation might be even more fucked than it seems.”
I laughed. “That’s about the only thing that wouldn’t surprise me at this point.”
Brook craned her neck forward. “Seriously, Carrie. What if this guy is really into you?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, think of how fucked in the head he must be right now.”
I squinted at her. “Go on.”
“What if the situation were reversed and you were really into him and then found out that your dad screwed his ex fiancée and broke up their engagement?”
“I’d be pissed.”
“Of course you’d be pissed.”
“That doesn’t mean we can be together or keep doing whatever the hell it is we’ve been doing.”
She pursed her lips.
I raised my fingers to my temples. “God I’ve really messed up this time, Brook. I mean, I can’t help but feel like I have the crappiest luck on the planet.”
“I know.”
“It’s like the whole universe is conspiring to tell me I should run the other way.”
“Mmm.”
“What?”
“I’m not convinced that’s what it’s trying to tell you.”
I scrunched my face. “No?”
She shook her head.
“Why not?”
“Because. Besides this hideous bombshell, has this guy done anything else shitty to you?”
I leaned back against the armrest of the couch and watched my relationship with Ben unfold all over again. I remembered him walking into my office damp from rain, putting his arm around me in the liquor section, kissing me on the curb, teasing me in the closet, taking me to dinner, showing me around the club and- I shook my head. “No. If anything, he’s been too good to be true.”
She nodded.
“Surely that’s just as worrying though.”
“Yeah, I much prefer thinking all men are scumbags and that there are no decent bachelors left.”
I rolled my eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“I’m not sure I do.”
I sighed. “What is the universe trying to tell me then?”
“Maybe it’s just trying to remind you what a dickless snake Simon is so you don’t blow it with this Ben guy cause you’re hung up on a guy who was never good enough for you in the first place.”
“But he was perfect for me!”
She shook her head. “He wasn’t.”
I fell towards the back of the couch and leaned my head against it. “How was he not again?”
“He had a mouth full of cavities for one.”
“First of all, he only had three cavities. And second of all, that sounds like a reason why he wasn’t perfect for you.”
“And he never tipped enough.”
“True.”
“And one time when you guys came over, he clogged my toilet.”
I lifted my head. “You never told me that.”
“Well, I can’t prove that it was him, but I’m pretty sure.”
“That reason doesn’t count. I’m throwing it out for lack of evidence.”
“Trust me,” she said. “I saw the evidence and nothing ever came out of either of us that looked like-”
“Brook!”
“Sorry.”
I shook my head.
“Your kids would’ve had bad eyes.”
“Maybe.”
“Oh yeah, and he cheated on you.”
I swallowed.
“So it doesn’t matter how much you loved him, Carrie. He didn’t love you enough.”
“I know.”
“And even if you could forgive him-”
“Which I can’t.”
“Right, but even if you could, it would be like building a house on a fault line. No matter how great things went for a while, there would always be this nasty crack under you, threatening to shake your trust in him all over again.”
I pursed my lips.
“And eventually you’d be reduced to a paranoid mess.”
“I know.”
“B
esides, after you were married, what would’ve kept him from reoffending?”
“So you think I should just pretend this morning never happened?” I asked. “Just keep doing whatever the hell I’m doing with Ben, see where it goes, and try to forget the fact that his mom is the other woman?”
“I don’t think anything. And I certainly can’t tell you what to do.”
I let my head fall back. “What good are you to me then?”
She raised her eyebrows. “I brought wine.”
I lifted my bottle and saw that it was empty. “Not enough, unfortunately.”
Brook leaned towards her purse and pulled another bottle out.
“You’re like Mary Poppins for adults.”
She handed it to me with a shrug. “It’s the silver lining to your life being a soap opera.”
“What is?” I asked. “Having an excuse to drink in the afternoon?”
She nodded. “But you are over him, right?”
“Who, Simon?”
“Yeah.”
“I mean, I’m over him as a person. But what he did to me still hurts. And it’s worse because it doesn’t make sense, because it might never make sense-”
“I know.”
“And the fact that I don’t know why he strayed makes me afraid that I could make the same mistakes again-”
“You didn’t make any mistakes!”
I raised my eyebrows. “I must’ve. It’s naïve to think I was completely blameless. I mean, if I’d kept him happy, he would’ve been here waiting for me instead of-”
“I know what you did wrong.”
“You do?”
“I do. Would you feel better if I told you what it was?”
“Maybe.”
“You picked the wrong guy.”
I blew air out from between my lips and reached to the floor to set my empty bottle down.
“That’s it. I promise,” she said. “You know if I thought you did anything else wrong I would tell you.”
“Yeah, cause you’re not at all biased.”
“I’m the most biased person in this situation, which is why I’m so relieved you didn’t marry the guy.”
I unscrewed my second picnic sized bottle.
“And why I’m so excited about the fact that there’s someone new who’s already shown you that there are more eligible fish in the sea.”
“But his mom-”
“I know.” She shook her head. “I still don’t know what to do about her, but I know you shouldn’t punish Ben for what she did.”
