by Erin Osborne
“Like what you see?” he asks, picking me up out of the tub and setting me on the toilet. He’s already placed a towel there for me to sit on while he uses a second one to dry me off.
It’s like this is our new brand of foreplay now as he rubs the towel across my sensitive skin. I’m ready for him to carry me into the bedroom and have his way with me, but I know we have to leave soon. So, I keep my thoughts to myself as he finishes up with the towel, so I can pull my yoga pants and socks on before putting the boot back on. Shadow doesn’t leave my side the entire time as he watches my movements closely.
“As a matter of fact, I do like what I see. Maybe a little too much,” I finally answer him while strapping the boot up, so I can get my shirt on before heading into the bedroom to finish getting ready.
“Why too much?” he asks, handing me the bra and shirt I picked out last night before bed.
“Because, we’re trying to take this slow and not jump right back into it. If we keep going the way we have been the last few weeks, I see us in bed together before the day is over with,” I answer, not doing anything to try to hide the blush that’s creeping across my skin as memories of the last time we were together flash in my mind.
“What’s goin’ on in that head of yours?” Shadow asks, knowing that I can’t hide anything from him.
“If you have to know, the last time we were together. You’ve always been on my mind over the last year no matter what I did. That’s why I avoided everyone and different places in town. I didn’t want to risk running into you or seeing anyone associated with you. I hated that I couldn’t pick the phone up to call one of the girls, but at the same time it made it possible for me to get closer to Kim. We’ve been in constant contact over the last year. Well, until my accident. I haven’t told her about it and I feel horrible about that. But I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around you being back in my life and how to avoid getting attached again,” I tell him, while I fiddle with the hem of my shirt. “Trust doesn’t come easily to me and that’s why I push people away. Kim doesn’t let me get away with that shit though and I’m surprised she hasn’t beaten down the door trying to figure out what’s going on.”
“She knows. Harley talked to her not long after you got home. She’s been givin’ you time to adjust to everythin’ and figured you’d call when you were feelin’ up to it. You’ve had a lot goin’ on even if you couldn’t do all that much movin’ around. Now, she knows you’re in rehab for your ankle and has been waitin’ not so patiently for you to call her. Better do it soon,” he tells me as he pulls the shirt out of my hands and passes me the crutches.
I nod my head and make a mental note to call my friend. Kim was there when I didn’t have anyone else to talk to. She understood what I was going through and completely got my reasoning. Even if she didn’t necessarily agree with what I did by pushing the girls away too. I’ve been to Benton Falls to see her a few times and she’s been here. I believe Shadow when he says that she’s about ready to beat the door down to find out how I am. I’ll have to call her as soon as I get home from the doctor. Hopefully I’ll have good news for her.
I can finally start taking the boot off a little bit during the day and when I go to bed at night. The doctor still wants me to wear it for the most part, but I’m never going to completely build strength up if I’m constantly in the boot. So, while I have to remain using the crutches, I do get some breaks. It will feel good to wear normal shoes on both feet.
Shadow has just dropped me back off at home with Darcy, so he can go train. So, the first thing I do is sit on the couch and take the damn boot off. Placing it by the end of the couch, I watch Dylan play with his toys in front of me and grab my phone to call Kim. After listening to it go to voicemail, I decide to send her a message.
Me: I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. When you get a chance to call, I’ll explain everything.
I place my phone on the stand next to me and tune into Darcy puttering around in the kitchen. I’m not sure what she’s doing, but it’s like she is ignoring me and doesn’t want to be here. Before I can say anything to her, my phone alerts me to a new message. Picking it up, I see Kim has responded.
Kim: In the middle of something. I’ll talk to you soon. You definitely need to let me know what’s going on.
I sigh with the thought of the talk we’re going to have. Kim is one of the best people I’ve ever met. She’s loyal, sweet, and will have the back of anyone she cares about for life. She isn’t just a friend to me, she’s family. And I’ve fucked that up by avoiding her. Hopefully she’ll understand when we have a chance to talk. Maybe I can get Shadow to take me to her one of these days. He still doesn’t want me going anywhere by myself and I can’t blame him. Besides, it’s not like I have a car right now.
I look behind me and see that Darcy is still in the kitchen. She’s been cleaning the same spot on the counter for more than ten minutes now. So, I grab my crutches and make my way in to talk to her. Whatever is going on needs to be brought out into the open. Or I’ll just call and have someone else come over so she can leave. If she doesn’t want to be here, it’s not a big deal. I just don’t want to make her stay if she has something else to do.
“Darcy, you okay?” I ask, trying to take my time going into the kitchen.
I watch as she jumps a little bit and turns to face me. Her face is scarlet red and I can see her eyes filling with tears. What the fuck? Hobbling closer, I lean up against the counter next to her and give her the time she needs to compose herself before giving me an answer.
“Oh, um, I’m fine. Did you need something?” she asks, turning her back to me.
“Either you’re not fine or you just don’t want to be here. I can have someone else come here, or you can just leave. I’m mobile now and don’t need anyone to help me constantly. If I did something to piss you off or hurt you, I’m sorry. But, if you don’t talk to me, I can’t fix what I did,” I tell her, grabbing my crutches and turning to leave the kitchen.
“Listen, I know that you don’t need us here to help you as much anymore. That’s what makes me upset. We just started talking again and I feel like you’re just going to cut us out once you fully recover,” she tells me, letting a tear fall unchecked down her face. “I can’t stand the thought of not being friends again.”
I carefully turn back around and motion for her to sit down at the kitchen table. She follows me over and pulls out a chair for me before taking one herself. It’s time that I fill these girls in on what happened and why I’ve acted the way I have. They have no clue about my past and the way that I guard myself against everyone that has a chance to hurt me. The three of them were innocent bystanders in my rush to push Shadow out of my life.
“Darcy, I’m so sorry. You girls didn’t deserve being cut out like that. But, you all have a shared past with Shadow and I couldn’t have him in my life for a time. I have a coping mechanism where I don’t give anyone a second chance. Once I’m burned, or in fear of being burned, I cut my ties and go on with my life. The day that I saw that club girl staking her claim on Shadow, I decided that it was time to move on. My thought was that he was just having fun with a random girl outside the club before he found someone to make his old lady. I never counted on losing you three in the process. So, I’m very sorry for that, but when everyone you’ve been with has cheated on you, used you, or hurt you any way they could, you kind of get used to running away when you see that shit. I didn’t just hurt Shadow this time, I hurt you girls, and my son,” I say, reaching over to cover her hand with my own as I try to go into as few details as possible about my past.
Darcy looks at me as if she’s trying to tell if I’m hiding anything else or lying to her. Once she’s satisfied that I’m not going to say anything else, she finally responds. “I get that it was the first time you’ve had to worry about club girls. It was a fucked-up situation to walk into that day. But you should’ve talked to one of us. Especially Riley since she’s over everyone as Gage’s old lady. It wou
ld’ve been taken care of and you wouldn’t have lost a year with Shadow. Or us.”
“I know. But, like I said, my head says cut and run so that’s what I do. It’s better than finding out later on that you were being cheated on. Darcy, I walked in on Dylan’s dad fucking my best friend from back home. She rubbed it in my face that it had been going on for quite some time before I finally caught on. The worst part was that I caught them in my house. We weren’t even living together because he didn’t want Dylan. Lisa was supposed to be babysitting for me. Instead, she thought that she’d fuck his dad in my bed,” I tell her, not having said that part of my life to anyone. Melissa doesn’t even know that. As far as anyone was concerned, I found out Trenton was cheating on me and broke it off before moving.
“Fuck! That’s rough. I’m so sorry, Renee,” she says, sitting up and facing me. “Please, don’t push us away again. We’ve all enjoyed being here to help you and Dylan out and I don’t want to stop being able to come talk or visit with you.”
“I won’t, I promise,” I tell her, leaning in for a hug before grabbing some drinks so that we can visit and talk properly for the rest of the afternoon.
Shadow
I left the house earlier after telling Renee that I was going to train. While I didn’t exactly lie, I’m not going hard with the training today because I have a fight tonight. Renee will find out as soon as I get home. It’s important for her to see what I do and how protected I really am, so I’m going to bring her with me. All the attached guys are bringing their old ladies. Then we’re going to have a party at the clubhouse after the fight.
“You ready for tonight?” Colin asks as I walk into the gym.
“I hope so. I’m more nervous about bringin’ Renee tonight than the fight. We find out who I’m facin’ yet?” I ask, knowing that tonight is not normal. I usually know a week or two in advance who I’m going up against.
“All I know is it’s some guy that requested the fight tonight. His manager told me that he owed you and you’d know who he was when you saw him,” Colin tells me, grabbing his notepad to see what I need to work on today. “I think you’ve been doing really good the past few weeks. The only thing I want you to do today is hit the speed bag, a few weights, and then work on your legs. Don’t go overboard.”
“I won’t,” I assure him and walk into the locker room so that I can get changed into my shorts and tank.
Ever since Renee and I decided that we were going to give this thing between us a real try, I’ve taken to wearing a tank top while I’m at the gym. Colin doesn’t work exclusively with men and I know that I’ve had more than one female hit on me before, during, and after my workouts. I’m done with that shit and I don’t want to give anyone the wrong impression. So, if it means wearing a shirt for Renee’s piece of mind, I’m down for it.
As I walk back onto the floor, I see a few guys walking in. They look rough and like they’re in the mood for causing trouble instead of getting a good workout in. So, I keep my back to the wall as I begin working with the speed bag. The guys walk around the floor, looking at every individual as they make their way over to me. I know these men are here for the guy that I’m facing tonight. You can tell by their appearance.
I go about my business as they continue to walk closer to me. The closer they get, the bolder they get. Any equipment that’s not bolted down to the floor gets knocked over, women get grabbed until they scream and run away to the nasty words coming out of their mouths. I continue to go at the speed bag until the first one gets close enough for me to reach out and yolk up. Grabbing him around the neck, I hold his back to the front of me. His friends stop their movements and wait to see what my next move is. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as Colin and a few of the other guys that workout here on a regular basis surround us.
“You got an issue?” I ask, not letting go of the man currently in my hold.
“No issue here,” the guy standing in front says, taking a step closer to me. “Well, we didn’t until you grabbed my man here.”
“You had an issue the second you walked in here and started fuckin’ with shit that ain’t yours,” I answer, tightening my grip just a little bit around the guy’s neck. “Say what you want and get the fuck out of here.”
“You’re gonna throw the fight tonight. My boss has a lot of money ridin’ on the guy you’re facin’. You lose, and you get to walk away,” the same guy answers me, sitting down on the bench near me like we’re having a normal conversation.
“I’m not losin’ nothin’. If I lose, it’ll be because I earned the loss. I’m not some pussy that’s gonna do what your boss wants,” I say, nodding my head just enough for Colin to notice me. “Now, you delivered your message, so I’d say it’s about time for you to leave. I’ll let this one go once you’re out the door.”
The guy that’s been talking to me looks at me for a minute, trying to decide which direction he’s going to take this. I wait patiently while he makes his decision. You can tell from looking at the rest of the men surrounding him that they aren’t going to make a move until they’re told what to do. I can easily take him on, but I don’t want to do this shit in here. I’ve got more respect than that. The fights are at night and that’s where I get my point across.
“We’ll leave. Just know that this isn’t over. You throw the fight and crawl home like the pussy you are, or we’re goin’ after that pretty little piece you’ve been shackin’ up with,” he finally says, standing up and nodding to his guys to follow him.
“What the fuck you talkin’ about?” I ask, needing to know how they know about Renee.
“My boss has kept tabs on you since you were a fucking little boy. He knows that you’re the one that killed his brother and you’re goin’ to pay for that crime,” he says, walking out. The cocksucker is stupid enough to walk with his back to me, and if I were any other kind of man, I’d be charging him. But, I’d rather my opponent see me coming and have a fair fight. Well, as fair as you can get with the underground scene.
Colin and the rest of the guys walk over to me and follow me closer to the doors. The guy in my arms is getting close to passing out and I know if I don’t let him go soon, he will pass out. As soon as I get to the door, Colin and Jimmy open the doors, so I can throw this asshat out them. We stand guard as they climb in their SUVs and leave. Fuck! I knew that shit would come back to haunt me.
I need to call and check on Renee and then get a hold of Pops. He’s the only other person that knows what happened the night I ran away from home. I had to tell someone and, eventually, he was the man that earned my trust enough to tell him my darkest secret. Now, it looks like I’m going to have to let everyone else in on my dark past before people start getting hurt. I’m not losing this fight no matter what they say to me.
“You good, man?” Colin asks, putting his arm around me as I make my way back to the locker room, so I can change back into my street clothes.
“No, I’m not,” I answer honestly as I practically run to my bag and grab my phone to make sure everyone is okay.
The first person I call is Renee. She lets me know that Dylan, Darcy, and her are just fine. They’re sitting around talking and playing games. I can hear Dylan’s excited voice in the background and it’s killing me to know that someone could be after them. Is whoever this boss man the one that had Renee’s car tampered with? I’m lost in my own thoughts until Renee finally grabs my attention again. She asks if I’m okay and I tell her that I’ve got a lot on my mind, but I need to know that they’re going to stay home and keep an eye out.
“Shadow, you’re scaring me,” Renee says, letting me hear the tremble in her voice.
“I’m sorry baby, but I need you to trust me right now. I’ll tell you what’s goin’ on as soon as I get home. My past is comin’ back to bite me in the ass,” I tell her, sitting down in defeat. This secret could get me kicked out of my club and push Renee away for good. I really can’t blame her though.
We hang up and I take a few minutes
before I have to call Pops. He’ll know what to do and how I should handle the situation with the club. I never thought about the past coming back to bite me in the ass so that’s on me. My only option now is to find a solution that takes the blowback away from the club and causes the least amount of damage.
“Shadow, what’s goin’ on my boy?” Pops asks, answering the phone in a good mood.
“I need help. Are you sittin’ down and alone?” I ask, letting him know that this isn’t a conversation that I want anyone to hear. Even Colin leaves the locker room after holding up a sign that it’s closed temporarily.
“I’m alone now. What’s wrong? Is Renee okay?” he asks, letting me know that I have his full attention.
“Remember that story you know that is between us? The reason that I left my mom’s house that night and have looked over my shoulder ever since?” I lay the question out on the table, so I don’t have to go into detail over the phone with him.
“Yeah, I remember,” he says hesitantly.
“It’s back to bite me in the ass. I asked Colin who I was fightin’ tonight and he said an unknown that said I would remember him when we got in the ring. Then a bunch of thugs walked in the gym I train at. They know I’ve been stayin’ with Renee and they threatened her if I didn’t throw tonight’s fight. I can’t do it Pops, but I need to know she’s protected. Especially after someone cut the breaks on her car to cause her accident,” I tell him, knowing that he’s going to need a few minutes to process the information that I just dropped on him.
Pops takes so long to think about it that I have to check my phone to make sure that he didn’t hang up on me. Finally, I hear his gravelly voice begin to tell me what I need to do. “Renee home right now?”
“Yeah. Darcy is with her and they’re in the house. I told her not to leave and to watch her back. She’s scared and wants answers,” I answer him, standing up and pacing the length of the locker room.
