by Haley Jenner
I drop my face, joining our foreheads, running my nose along the smooth line of hers and kissing her almost hysterically. My lips caress hers heavily, our shared tears dropping into the wetness of our kiss, making me frantic.
I pull back as severely as our kiss started, breathing laboriously, the pain in my chest magnifying with every agonizing inhale of air.
“Please.”
Her indigo eyes stare into mine, the color glistening under the thick flow of tears falling from them. Her breaths hit me sharply, the quick, stuttered sound echoing the loud rasp of mine.
“I can’t,” she whispers, her teeth biting into her bottom lip to stop it trembling.
“FUCK,” I roar, my fist meeting the wall beside her face and crushing through the plaster. Pulling it from the hole I’d created, debris falls along her shoulder and I grab my hair in frustration, moving away.
Codi doesn’t move, her body stuck against the wall, arms glued by her side, the eruption of my anger sitting not an inch away from her beautifully, sad face.
She’s afraid. This should add to my guilt. To the revulsion I feel for myself. It doesn’t. If anything, it fires my hope that maybe she’ll understand the weight of my plea and leave.
“What the fuck do you have to stay here for?” I scream, continuing my desperate attempt to get her to listen. “We can’t be together, fuckin’ trust me when I tell you that. Your mom is a sociopath and your dad’s a fuckin’ criminal.”
Fire spikes in her eyes and I know I’ve hit a nerve. Just the wrong one. She’s no longer afraid, cautious of me or my words. No, now she’s angry, her eyes narrowing.
“Get out,” she grits, finally stepping away from the wall, her fists clenching.
“Tell me what’s keeping you here,” I challenge, every word I speak, seething with frustration.
“Camryn, call the police,” she glances to her sister then back to me. “Get. Out.”
I hear the tell-tale sound of a dial tone and I know Camryn’s eagerly given into her sister’s demand. Why would she not? This probably reminds her of every bad decision she made in her past. The ex Codi so artfully avoided giving me full details on. She would, without doubt or hesitation protect her sister whatever the cost.
Fuck.
This was not how this was supposed to go down. Shit, they should’ve been gone by now, having put as much distance between themselves and Rocco as possible.
I take a tentative step toward Codi, my voice soft. “Codi—”
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE,” she shouts, the shrill sound of her voice cracking her vocal chords. It’s also the first time I’ve ever heard Codi swear. Outside us fucking and even then, it’s only been when I’ve demanded it from her, wanting to hear the sweet, soft desperation of her voice turn dirty.
I hear Camryn’s quick fired words in the background.
Ex-boyfriend. Aggressive. Violent. Threatening. In danger.
It hurts hearing the demise of our relationship vocalized. I’m not an idiot, our relationship was well and truly over, just hearing the words sliced into my already broken heart in a way I wasn’t ready for.
I’m fucked. If I stay here, I’m beyond fucked, so I move to the door. Slowly. Sick with the feeling that I’ve failed everyone.
My mom. For trying to steal away her vengeance with my own selfish desires.
My father. For being so fucking weak and not being strong enough to follow through with the one thing in life he wanted, needed more than anything.
Rocco. For working to pull the one chance at peace he has, away from him.
Codi. For loving her and taking her love in return.
Myself. For losing everything important to me with my own stupidity.
Every accomplishment I’ve set out for has been an implosion of disaster.
I’m a God damn fucking mess.
My heart sent me on a path for peace and in the end it turned out to be my downfall. The part of me that was supposed to hold something true, something real, fucked me over so badly its taken the life it anatomically gives me away.
Pulling open her front door, I glance back, my soul aching with the heartbreak sliced along Codi’s face.
“Go to your dad for me, Sugar. Tell him my name, who my dad was and tell him you’re in danger. If you won’t let me keep you safe, he can.”
With that I step through the doorway, letting her door slam heavily behind me.
I drive slowly back to the loft, trying to work out in my brain how I tell my brother that he can’t kill Codi. I can’t ask him. I can’t beg him. He’s already told me it’s the one thing he won’t give me. It doesn’t leave me with any other option. I’ll tell him that if he needs her dead, that he’ll have to kill me first. That I’ll shadow her for the rest of her life if necessary, ready to move into the line of any bullet he aims her way. And if by some miracle, he manages to get around me, I’ll kill him. With my bare fucking hands. I’ll choke every last breath of life from his body and stare into his eyes as I do it. I’ll make sure that the last thing he ever sees is my betrayal.
He’s sitting on the couch when I walk into our loft. Staring at nothing. Still as a statue. Rocco’s way to centre himself. He doesn’t look up or acknowledge my presence and I know he’s pissed. Shit, I knew that days ago when I started ignoring his calls. But now, I can feel it vibrating off his frame.
I take a seat on the coffee table in front of him, the wood groaning under my weight. Bracing my elbows along my knees, I massage the palm of my hand, eyes focused on Rocco’s profile; on the tick of his jaw, the heavy pulse in his neck.
Finally, he turns, meeting my stare and in amongst the fire, the anger in his eyes, I see the hurt, the pain my disloyalty has caused.
“Been try’na call you.”
I nod.
“For days.”
“Yeah,” I cough out.
“Phone’s off now.”
“Not off, just smashed into about a million pieces.”
He snorts out a disinterested laugh, but asks, “What happened?”
Dragging a palm along my face, I sigh loudly. “Guilt at ignoring your texts and calls got a little much.”
He pushes forward, his body’s stance mirroring mine. Our faces sit close enough that I can feel the warm push of air from his lungs dance across my face.
“I threw it against a wall. At Codi’s. When I was try’na convince her to leave town. To run.”
My confession is quiet, said without remorse. An honest statement of fact.
Nothing more. No emotion crippling or spiking my words. Maybe he’ll read that in my eyes.
The anger.
The guilt.
The hate.
The sadness.
The acceptance.
“I can’t let you follow through with this, Roc. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry,” I breathe working to force myself to keep his eyes and not look away from his wounded scowl.
“I can’t let you kill her. It’s not an option,” I shake my head, swallowing the feeling of betrayal threatening to spill from my mouth.
The animosity in his eyes darkens, drilling holes into my head as he sits there, silently. He doesn’t utter a single fucking word, just stares me down, demanding I take my words back.
Finally, he stands and my neck tips back to keep his face in view. The look of disgust that transforms his features is eerie as all hell and I brace myself for impact. For a swift, fast fist to my jaw. But it never comes. He moves out of the living area, pacing aimlessly as he works to quell the uncontrollable anger radiating from him.
He stops, turns toward me, fists clenched, but stops. He cracks his neck side to side, breathing forcefully through his nose.
“You think you have a say in this, brother?” He spits his last word, making certain I don’t misinterpret the repulsion in the term. He’s making this about family, about loyalty. Something I can no longer let myself be controlled by.
I stand, moving only a few feet away from him. “Yeah,”
I nod. “I do. I love her, Roc. I fucking love her. I can’t live in a world where she doesn’t exist. I won’t do it.”
“We had a plan. A. Rock. Fucking. Solid. Plan. You don’t get to back out now. Not when we’re this close. No fucking way.”
“You even look in Codi’s direction, you’ll see me. I’ll be there. Rain. Hail. Fucking shine. Night. Day. Whatever the fuck. I’ll be right there.”
He laughs, his thick shoulders bouncing with the sarcastic sound. “You’re gonna keep her safe. From me?”
“I won’t need to. Only thing you need to know is that to kill Codi Rein, you’ll be forced to go through me. Know that the moment you pull that trigger, I’ll move into its direct line. I’ll take the bullet you meant for her and I’ll let it kill me.”
His nostrils flare and the self-assured smile that graced his lips only moments before, drops away, replaced with a thin line of disbelief, of pain, of heartfelt betrayal.
He shakes his head, forcing out a shaky breath, his throat working overtime. “You promised me this. After everything I’ve fucking done for you. You promised me this.”
I nod, my jaw wired shut as I’m thrown back eighteen years, eyes locked with Rocco as our mother was lowered into the ground. He’s looking at me, boring into my eyes with the desperation in his, begging me for solace, for support. Only this time, I can’t give it to him.
“I know,” I rasp, giving him nothing more. Really, what is there to give? A half-assed apology for taking his chance at freedom. It would mean shit. Nothing. Because as sorry as I am for taking something from him, it pales in comparison to what I’m taking for myself.
“And if I kill her anyway?”
Truth be told, I had hoped he wouldn’t go here. I’d hoped he would’ve stormed out of the loft ranting like a fucking psychopath and save me from this. From this last stab to his blackened heart. The final and most likely the most painful part of my betrayal.
“I’ll kill you. You won’t just be dead to me in the figurative sense. I’ll hunt you down and when I find you I’ll steal every last ounce of life from your body.”
A single tear runs down his face, along the left line of his jaw. Just one. But it’s more than I’ve ever seen from him and I know I’ve irrevocably killed any bond that we shared.
My love for Codi Rein has forced away the one single person in life who fought for me harder than I fought for myself. Worse part is, I can’t even regret it, because it’s the right fucking thing to do.
Rocco turns, walking toward the door, he pauses, hand to handle, not looking back as the rough cut of his voice hits me. “You’re asking me to choose between my love for you and my love for mom. You’re asking me to choose between the person who gave me life and the person who just threatened to take it without hesitation. Makes it harder knowin’ your love ain’t with me. Means I gotta choose between the person who showed me what love was and the person who no longer cares enough to give me theirs.”
With that, he’s gone, our front door closing with a loud bang that sends a shiver up my spine. Problem is, right now, I’m no better off in knowing how safe Codi is. Sure, Rocco knows I won’t be a part of this plan for revenge we set out for months ago, but doesn’t mean he won’t continue on his path. He admitted that much. And what hope do I have he’ll concede to my threat when he now knows my loyalty is no longer with him. My heart has succeeded in derailing my allegiance. There’s now no question, Rocco was always right to doubt me, because in the end, my loyalty to family never stood a chance. Not against Codi. Not against the things she forced my heart to feel.
I’ve sealed my own fate to a life of solitude. Of loneliness. I’ve irretrievably damaged my relationship with Rocco and I’m destined to live without the woman I’ve given my heart to.
Twenty-Two
Codi
I stare out the window blankly as Camryn drives. I feel her stare, the quick, worried glances hitting my profile every few seconds. I should turn to her, reassure her with a smile or carefully chosen words. But I can’t bring myself to even pretend.
What I want more than anything is to tell Camryn to turn the car around. To stop. That I don’t want, or need to see our dad. I want her to drive me to Parker’s, I want him to explain, to finally divulge the monsters in his mind. I want a reason, a solid reason as to why our relationship seemed doomed from the beginning. I gave my heart to him and whether he wanted to admit it to me or not, he gave me his back. So how does that work? How do two people who love one another, lose out so bad. I want answers. I want a justified reason as to why I have to feel as heartbroken as I do right now.
“You okay?” Camryn’s voice finally hits me, the skittish glances no longer satisfying her need for reassurance.
“No,” I drop my head against the window, closing my eyes.
“Babe,” she prompts and I turn my head, opening my eyes to bring her into focus. “You’ll have answers. Dad knows Parker’s family, he made that clear before he left this morning. We’ll make Dad tell us.”
She turns back to the road, weaving through traffic and I watch her. “What if I don’t want to know? His dad was a criminal and he’s right, so is ours. Do I really want to know?”
She shrugs, not looking back to me. “You can’t go on like this for the rest of your life, having zero understanding as to why the person you loved and who clearly loved you right back, couldn’t make it work.”
She’s quiet for a moment before she speaks again, this time glancing to me as she pulls into our parent’s driveway. “Maybe there’ll be a resolution. Someway to take back what you and Parker had.”
“He doesn’t seem to think so.”
“He’s a boy, Codi. They’re stubborn, set in their own stupid heads. He’ll fight reason just because he’s decided something else in his head. You’ll just need to make him see. If that’s what you want after we speak to Dad.”
I take a deep breath, nodding softly. “Thanks for coming with me. I feel weird, you know? Like, he told me I was in danger and he one hundred percent believed that, so I should feel afraid, I guess. I’m more confused though,” I shrug.
“Babe. Fuck. Parker was pretty hectic just now. Something big is going on, I need to make sure you’re safe. That’s our priority here, okay?”
She waits for my nod of approval, which I offer her on a sad smile. She reaches for my arm the same time I reach for my door handle and I pause, turning toward her.
“You’re allowed to be confused. You’re allowed to feel shaken by this. Shit, I feel this way and I’m not in love with the guy.”
Throwing my door open, I wait for her to move around the car before walking to the front door. It’s early, so we enter without knocking, our demon mother will no doubt still be sleeping off a hangover, so at least we’ll be saved from her insults.
“Do you want coffee?” Camryn asks and I nod, following her lead into the kitchen.
Coffee in hand, we move toward my dad’s office and I feel my heart moving up in my throat, choking me. I don’t feel as though I’m in danger. But Parker assured me I was. That I needed to be protected. I just wished he had explained the who, and the why. What have I ever done in life to make someone want to cause me harm? Exist? That’s about it.
“Hi, Daddy,” Ryn greets softly, her knuckle tapping quietly on his office door.
“Girls,” he glances to his watch, then back to us. “It’s early. You come for breakfast?”
He’s dressed for his day, even this early in the day. A navy button up shirt, rolled up at the sleeves is tucked into his dark dress pants, black polished shoes dressing his feet. He’s impeccable, not a single hair out of place. A complete contrast to the dishevelled mess of me and Ryn. I’m surprised we took time to change out of our pyjamas. We each threw a pair of jeans and a shirt on, stuffing our feet into our chucks before racing out the door minutes after Parker had left. Not a single word was spoken as the thick echo of our front door sounded through our apartment, Parker’s absence in the space stifling
, we couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
Moving to Camryn, then to me, our dad kisses our cheeks, embracing us softly. I hold on for a second longer than expected, squeezing his colossal frame against mine. His clean, masculine scent soothes my nerves and I step back from his embrace a little calmer.
“Need to talk to you, Daddy.”
His face morphs into one of cautious consideration, nodding solemnly as he gestures to the couch in his office. He waits for us both to take a seat, me next to Camryn, before he sits along the arm of the chair across from us, his hands moving to adjust the legs of his pants before meeting our eyes. Dropping my coffee onto the small table in front of me, a sick feeling crawls its way under my skin.
“The guy I’ve been seeing, Parker,” I start and he nods, the kindness in his face dropping away immediately at the grave sound of my voice. It’s scary, seeing this side of him, being given a glimpse into the man Parker so easily labelled a criminal. His lips move into a thin line, his nostrils flaring, the steel shade of his eyes swirling in paternal disquiet.
“He hurt you, baby?”
“No,” I placate, meeting his eyes to let him see the truth in my words. “He says he knows you, that you’d know him. He told me to come to you, to tell you his name, and his father’s and to tell you I’m in danger.”
Our dad glances to Camryn then back to me, leaning forward the concern etched along his handsome face only moments ago being replaced by a thick fury.
“He was talking in riddles about you being able to keep me safe. He tried to get Ryn and I to leave town. To run away. When we refused, he told us to come to you.”
“Name,” he cuts out the quick spoken demand and I swallow heavily.
“Shay. Parker Shay. His father was—”
“Kane Shay,” he speaks over me and I nod.
He stands quickly, his arm coming up to rub the back of his neck. “Fuck.”
A quick intake of air pulls my attention, our mother standing at the threshold of the door, eavesdropping. Her face is contorted in a way I’ve never seen; fear etched along every feature.
