“Just shut up. You think you can get around telling me what’s making you look like you lost your best friend by pretending to be on Dawson’s Creek and talking your way out of it.”
“Oh my God, did you just use a Dawson’s Creek reference? It’s been off the air for like a decade.”
Abby blushed and straightened another box of crayons. “I’ve been watching it on Netflix at night.”
“Okay, we need to get you out more.”
“I can’t help it.” Abby batted her eyelashes and stared off into space dreamily.
“If you’re picturing Dawson right now, I’m going to smack you.”
Abby looked appalled, and Jordan laughed. “Heck, no. Joshua Jackson’s Pacey all the way. Besides, Dawson always looked like his head was blown up wrong or something, like Frankenstein’s monster.” Abby tilted her head and gave her a serious expression as if their conversation had any merit in the real world.
Jordan burst out laughing until tears fell down her cheeks and her side ached.
“Oh, God, I needed that. True, Pacey was dreamy. I’ll give you that. I used to make Matt watch it with me.” That familiar ache settled around her heart, but it wasn’t as painful as it usually was. Maybe because she was thinking about actually getting horizontal with the man?
And then her stomach turned. Oh yeah, then she was leaving, probably not the best avenue for her thoughts to take.
“Okay, for the love of God, tell me what you’re thinking. I’m using my best stuff over here and you’re only laughing for like a minute.” Abby shifted on the little kindergarten seat, her body too big for the seat, but she still looked cuter than Jordan did with her long legs wrapped around two of them.
Jordan let out a breath, not wanting to talk about her love life. Or the fact that she even had a love life, considering the whole point of coming to Holiday was to find herself…not a man.
Stupid, stupid Cooper men and their sweaty bodies when they took off their shirts while they worked on her house.
“I think I love Matt,” she blurted out, trying to get the image of her tongue running down the hard ridges on his abs out of her mind. She could practically taste the salty goodness. Bad Jordan.
Abby blinked. “And?”
Jordan stood quickly, the little chairs sliding in every direction. “What do you mean and? I just told you I was in love with my old boyfriend, and all you can say is and? What the hell?”
Abby straightened and moved the chairs back in place. “Jordan, it’s not a secret. Anyone could have told you that you loved him. I’m pretty sure Matt could have too, though he wouldn’t because he’s an honorable man. You two were childhood sweethearts who didn’t get a chance to see where things would go. Your story is a legend in this town. Even I heard about it, and I was a few years behind you in school. It’s only natural that you’d come back and find yourself in love with him.”
Jordan crossed her arms over her chest, annoyed. She wasn’t that transparent, was she? Damn.
“The question is,” Abby continued, “what are you going to do about it?”
Jordan waved her hands in the air, holding back the tears that wanted to come with her frustration. “I don’t know. That’s the problem. Don’t you see? I can’t stay here, Abby. I can’t.”
Jordan sat down on Abby’s desk chair and wrapped her arms around her knees, her memories trying to take hold, but she couldn’t let them.
“Talk to me, Jor.” Abby knelt before her, her eyes pleading. “Tell me what happened. Why did you leave?”
“I can’t.” Jordan’s voice broke, and she shook her head. “Not yet.”
Abby nodded and brushed a lock of hair from Jordan’s face. “Okay, then tell me something else. Anything. Ease your burdens. It’s what I’m here for.”
Jordan took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. She hated crying, hated looking weak. It was a real indicator of how much she liked and trusted Abby that she’d broken down in front of her. Or maybe she just needed to cry a bit. Most likely, it was a mixture of both.
“What do you want to know?”
“Well, since you won’t tell me what is really bothering you, why don’t you talk to me about being a witch?”
Jordan froze, a metallic taste on her tongue. She didn’t talk about her craft with anyone. She used to be able to talk about it somewhat with Matt, but now she was afraid to. She’d seen the look in his eye when they’d talked about it before. It hurt, but she could work with it. Being a witch was who she was. Or who she was supposed to be.
Abby bit her lip and shook her head. “I’m sorry. That was crass, wasn’t it? Damn. I didn’t mean to make you feel worse. I’m just interested, you know?”
“Because I’m a freak?” Jordan bit out, angry at herself more than Abby. Why did she let herself get into situations like this? She should have known better. Any time she got close to someone in this God-forsaken town, they turned on her. They all wanted to know more about the witch and her powers and what she could do for them. If one of the townsfolk wasn’t scared she’d put a hex on them, they wanted to be her buddy so they could get a charm or a spell for themselves.
“What? No! That’s not what I meant at all.” Abby stood, her eyes watering. “I just know you’re a witch. I want to know things first-hand, rather than just what I’ve heard. It’s a part of you, and you never talk about it. I thought you’d want to since we’re friends. I mean I’m here for you.”
Jordan knew better. People didn’t want to know about her. No, they wanted to know what she could do for them. She’d seen it all before. She’d thought she’d known better this time about who she could befriend. Apparently not.
The best defense was a good offense. “Let me guess. What could you want from me? Maybe a love spell? Can’t get a man on your own, huh? So you had to come to the witch to get help?”
Abby paled, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Jordan…” Her voice cracked, and she backed up.
God, she knew she was overacting; she fucking knew it. Abby had done nothing wrong, but Jordan couldn’t stop. Years of frustration poured out of her. “Well, I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can do for you. You’re destined to be a virgin forever, aren’t you?” Energy pooled around her, her fingers sparking as magic swirled. She tamped it down, or at least tried to.
The unused magic in her system—the kind she’d been hiding since that fateful night eleven years ago—seeped out, ignited by her anger. Her magic had always been controlled by her emotions. It seemed, this time, her magic was the one fueling her emotions.
“Jordan, stop it, please,” Abby pleaded.
“I can’t get you Tyler, Abby. I can’t. I don’t know why you even tried being my friend, but I can’t create love with magic and supply you a lover. Get a man on your own.”
“That’s enough, Jordan.”
Tyler’s deep voice startled her, and her magic kicked up a notch at the sound, emitting a flame that licked the room, leaving a scorch mark on the wall.
She deflated, her body going back to normal. It was if the magic within her had built up with its lack of use and turned into something nasty and cruel. That wasn’t her. That couldn’t be her. “Oh, God, Abby. I’m so sorry.” She reached out to the other woman, tears running down her cheeks. What had she done?
Abby shook her head, her gaze on Tyler. Oh, fuck. How much had he heard? Damn, she hadn’t meant to say anything. She liked Abby. Fuck.
Abby wiped her eyes and straightened her shoulders before walking to the door.
“Abigail…” Tyler whispered as she walked past him, his hand out as if to touch her. Abby walked faster, not listening. When she left, Jordan sank to the floor, her mind rolling and her body shaking.
Oh, God. She hadn’t meant to do that.
“You have a lot of fucking nerve, Jor. Fucking nerve.” Tyler walked in the room, his gun on his hip and his sheriff’s badge gleaming in the light. She gulped. She knew he wouldn’t use his gun, but it burned a hole in her. She had a weapon of he
r own, and she’d used it in anger. What was wrong with her? “I should arrest you right now for what you did to Abby. You didn’t control your magic and you could have killed her.”
“Tyler…what you heard…” How was she going to fix this?
“No, shut it. I don’t want to hear it. Abigail has been nothing but nice to you. She already faces a lot of flak in this town because she doesn’t talk to everyone. She’s quiet, Jordan. Nice. Don’t you realize that? She’s your friend. Or was your friend. Because, after that little show, I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t join Stacey’s version of a welcoming committee and kick your ass out of town. I just might join her.” Tyler’s eyes turned cold as his anger radiated off him in waves.
“I don’t know what came over me, Ty.” She looked at the sheriff, who was also the easy- to-laugh ladies’ man. But she didn’t see that side of him now. No, the man who smiled and laughed was gone. In his place, stood a man blazing with pure white-hot anger.
“You could have fucking killed her. Do you realize that? You don’t have your magic in check, and you fucked it up. You might have killed the only woman who can stand to talk to you.”
Talk about twisting the knife, but she deserved it. Her insecurities about her identity were apparently greater than she’d thought. She was the worst of the worst and felt like something on the bottom of someone’s shoe. She didn’t deserve anything. Not Matt, not friends…not anything.
“Get your mind out of your own fucking pity party. I’m so tired of this, Jordan.” Tyler strode to the sink in the back and ripped open the cabinet. He got out some rags and a bucket then filled it with hot water and soap. He stormed back, the water sloshing over the sides.
“Help me clean up this fucking mark since you caused it. I don’t want Abigail to have to look at it when she comes back.” He started scrubbing the wall with a force that scared Jordan.
Who was this man? Not the laid-back guy who’d always had a smile for her.
“I’m so sorry, Tyler.”
He shook his head. “It’s not me who you should be apologizing to. I can’t believe you said that to her. She’d been nothing but kind to you. So what if she doesn’t date? It’s not your place to judge. I thought your place was to stand by her against the people who use tactics like the ones you just used, but apparently, I was wrong.”
“I don’t know why I did it.”
“Shut up. You do know why.” He scrubbed harder, and she joined him, her tears falling as she cleaned up the soot from her magic.
She’d never lost control like that before, and it scared her more than she’d like to admit.
“You need to get your head on straight, Jor. You walk around like you don’t care about what people say about you. But you do. If you didn’t, this wouldn’t have happened. You’re wound so tight your magic can’t come out and breathe. You don’t know how to control it because you don’t practice.”
She gulped, shame washing over her. “How would you know? How do you know so much about this?” Tyler wasn’t a witch, of that much she was certain.
“I don’t know about being a witch, but I do know about being responsible, and you’re not owning up to it. I know you don’t plan on staying here, and as much as that will kill Matt, I don’t want you here if you’re going to be a danger to my people.”
Jordan staggered back, hurt sliding through her. “What?”
“You heard me. Get your act together, Jor. One day you’ll have even less control than you had today and you’ll hurt someone, maybe even kill them. I don’t want it to be Matt or someone else I care about it. I love you like a sister, Jor, and I don’t want to see you hurt.”
Jordan ran her hand through her hair, her body tired from exertion and her emotions. “I don’t know why I reacted like that,” she whispered.
“You do know. You just need to figure out what you’re going to do about it.”
They cleaned the last of the soot off in silence, guilt over her actions eating at her.
“What am I going to tell her, Ty?”
He shook his head, his jaw set. “I don’t know, but you better make it good. She deserves more than what she’s getting from this town.”
Jordan nodded, her teeth biting into her lip.
“You do too, Jor. But right now? You’re not going to get it. Own up to yourself and maybe others will see what Matt does.”
He left without another word, and Jordan sank down into one of the little chairs. She’d almost killed someone she cared about because she couldn’t control her magic. She’d been afraid, afraid that she’d be asked to do something she didn’t want to do with a power she didn’t understand. The only people who’d never asked anything of her had been the Coopers…and Abby. Yet she’d over-reacted because she was a screw-up.
She closed her eyes, her body too tired to think. She needed to fix this with Abby. Then maybe fix herself, because when she moved away, she didn’t want to kill a stranger. And if by some stroke of luck she stayed, she didn’t want to kill someone she loved.
Chapter 7
“Damn it. Why isn’t there a book called What to Do if You’re Turned into a Ghost?” Matt slammed the thick volume shut as dust rose up from the old book. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and cursed again.
Reading old texts he’d borrowed from the library wasn’t getting him anywhere. For the past eleven years, he’d been researching what he could do to fix his problem. He snorted. Yeah, problem. What a small word to explain he was a freaking ghost five days a month. No matter what he read, though, nothing seemed to be close to what he dealt with.
There were legit texts that said the souls of the deceased had unfinished business left on this plane and therefore couldn’t move on. That sounded a bit like every movie he’d ever seen…but it had been worth a try so he’d tried to finish every unfinished piece of business he might have. Even though he wouldn’t have been quite ready to move on at his age regardless, he’d still finished his degree, bought his business, and tried his best to accomplish most of his goals. He’d even made sure he kept on his brothers’ good sides.
The fact that he hadn’t married, had kids, or resolved things with Jordan seemed to be the only major goals left untouched. But even then… would he move on? He wasn’t even sure he could have kids, and he wasn’t sure he should bring some poor, unsuspecting woman into his nightmare. So, he was pretty sure that, even though the texts had offered him a possible solution, it wasn’t the right path for him.
Other books said that he’d chosen this. He snorted. Right, like he’d have chosen to be connected to a building that no one wanted and which the entire town desired to tear down. He certainly wouldn’t have chosen to go through agonizing pain every month when he shifted or faded or whatever the hell he wanted to call it. No, he hadn’t chosen this. The texts that said he’d chosen this so he could watch over this plane or because he was too scared to move on weren’t right about his case.
He wouldn’t have chosen this for anything.
As he flipped through the pages, he started to doubt his sanity. Were there others in the world that he hadn’t known about? Other ghosts? What about other…things? He’d always known Jordan was a witch and had never questioned it. It was a part of her, and therefore, something he’d understood at the time, but he’d never really thought past that. Stupid really. In retrospect, he should have thought about past magic and what else went bump in the night.
But, nightmares weren’t real. At least that was what he’d always thought. Now that he was a ghost though…what if he’d been wrong? What else might be out there?
Everything he’d read pointed to their existence. But what did a ghost like him do?
No matter what he read, these books wanted him to move on. To realize he wasn’t alive anymore. That he was dead.
Funny, he didn’t actually remember dying.
But was he dead? He was alive for twenty-five days out of the month, so he couldn’t actually be dead. When he was in the real
world, he felt just as alive as he had before the incident. He could touch; people could touch him. He had feelings, so his body worked. What could cause him to be part alive and part dead? Why was he able to live in the real world most of the time, but was forced to live in the ghost world part of the time?
He clenched his fists and took a deep breath, trying to convince himself he was truly alive. He could breathe. His lungs burned, and he fought off the wave of nausea that always came whenever he thought about the fact that he was probably dead.
He didn’t want to be dead. He’d barely had a chance to live. He’d been dealing with this crap since he was eighteen and just now had the desire to actually make it past living from day-to-day. He wanted Jordan.
For now. Forever.
Or at least, he wanted to want Jordan. He couldn’t get past the betrayal of her leaving and her part in his predicament because, for all his research, he still had a pretty good idea that only magic could have done this to him.
And he only knew one witch that could have done it.
Jordan.
Was it mere coincidence that he’d turned into a ghost for the first time on the night she’d left town—and him?
He closed his eyes and tried not to think about that first night. He hadn’t even known she had left until the next morning. No, that night he’d been at the Marlow place, waiting for her. When he’d found out she’d left, he’d felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach then thrown him against the wall. He’d broken out in a sweat, his vision going hazy. Then he’d looked down at his hands…
He swallowed the bile in his throat then took a deep breath. After some time had passed, he’d finally been able to deal with the sensation and the pain of his body fading into nothingness, but the idea still scared the shit out of him.
What if one day he didn’t come back?
What if he faded to his ghost form and just…stayed there?
Okay, he needed to stop thinking about crap like that. It wasn’t getting him anywhere. He opened another book, rubbed his eyes, and re-read another chapter. It had occurred to him in the past that, if he’d just asked for help, he wouldn’t feel as lost as he did.
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