by Kayn, Debra
After checking out the stock and recording the brands, he'd hid out in the office waiting for her to leave. He never expected Devon and Brody to show up too.
Things were starting to become normal again.
He rose early every morning, worked with the horses, put Thunderbolt through his paces, while biding his time to attempt another ride. After the sun went down, he came inside and went straight to his wing of the house. His life was predictable and steady. Exactly how he wanted it.
Joan turned toward the stables as Devon walked off. His heart raced.
Her sunshine yellow blouse, along with her red hair, had her standing out from the crowd. He would have spotted her anywhere. No matter where he was, the ranch, the reservation, his bedroom, he saw her in the simplest things. The sun, the moon, the flowers.
She might not be there, but her spirit haunted him. Late at night, he could swear her scent permeated the room and left him tossing and turning for hours. More times than he'd like to admit, he'd rolled, reaching for her, only to bolt upright in bed, panicking.
He swallowed hard. Joan's absence was unbearable in the middle of the night.
Joan smiled up at Brody and Devon. He put his hand on the glass. He'd give his life to be back with them all.
The door opened behind him. He turned. A dusty face peeked at him, before the door swung open fully and Savannah ran for him. He opened his arms and caught her before she could wrap herself around his leg. Hefting her up, he smiled for the first time in days. Warmth filled him at the sight of Savannah's grin.
"How are you doing?" He took in the faded bruises near the corner of her mouth.
"Okay." She leaned on his shoulder and gazed out the window. "That your woman?"
He turned around and looked outside with Savannah. "Yes."
Not in a real sense, but Joan would always be the woman for him. The one he secretly wished could be in his life forever, loving him. He'd die a happy man for a week of her time, to lie in bed with her one more time to taste her sweetness. Unfortunately, he wasn't the right man for her.
"She's pretty and nice." Savannah stuck her hand down in the pocket of Trace's shirt. "She helped my nose."
Trace nodded. "Her name is Joan. She'll be working here soon. I want you to go to her if you need someone to take care of you. She can even call me, if you need me to come to you. Understand?"
Savannah threw her arms around his neck, and laid her head on his shoulder. He ran his hand over her slim back, her ribs prominent under her thin shirt. He squeezed his eyes shut. Appreciating the affection from someone who had every reason to shun the world, he held her. If he could, he'd whisk her away and keep her safe forever.
"You better go play and stay away from the stables and horses. This is no place for my little Lakota princess. You wouldn't want flies to start buzzing around you, or you might grow a tail like the horses." He gave her one more gentle hug and set her down on the floor.
He pulled a few dollars out of his pocket. "Go ahead and take this, and grab yourself some things to eat at the store. Remember what I said about Joan. I trust her and you can too. If you need anything…"
A clatter out in the hallway sent Savannah running toward the door. She peeked out first, and then disappeared from view. Trace wiped his hand across his face. Be safe, little one.
His thoughts conflicted with the fact that Joan wasn't part of his life anymore, yet he had no trouble pushing Savannah's trust toward Joan. Unsettled, he stood wondering what to do with himself.
How could he be relieved that Joan was available for Savannah, and in the next thought want Joan off the reservation? With a pride of his heritage drilled into him his whole life, he wanted to see his people succeed, and better their lives.
The same opportunities found outside the invisible walls of Lakota land offered more stability and wealth, but he understood the need to stay true to his ancestors. His people had fought for many lifetimes, and the clinic would help them continue bettering their life. If only he could guarantee those who needed assistance, would seek help at the clinic. If not, he'd failed again.
The last couple of days he'd made an effort to get along with Brody and Devon. He'd joined them at dinner and even sat in on one of their weekly business meetings. It was a start, but he still went to bed feeling disconnected from them. He no longer wanted to rely on any of their help, and he didn't know if that stemmed from being let down or them forcing him to take responsibility for his own actions.
Devon pushed through the door, and came up short. "Hey. I didn't know you were here. I thought you left this morning to get the paperwork done."
He shrugged. "I changed my mind."
"We're getting ready to leave for the day. You can follow us back if you're done. Maybe we can stop on the way home and eat. It's been awhile since we all went out." Devon leaned against the counter, scribbled a note, and turned back around. "Come out to dinner with us. It'll be like old times."
He glanced out the window. Joan had left, and it was safe for him to walk outside without running into her. He nodded. "Sure, I could eat."
Devon's shoulder's relaxed and he smiled. "Great."
Chapter Twenty-Six
The parking lot at Jim's Steakhouse took longer to navigate than Joan planned for and she ended up parking near the street. She'd forgotten that it was Friday night in her hurry to run home, change clothes, and bring Katie back with her to eat out with the guys. After making her excuses last Friday night to join the men from Lakota ranch for dinner, she'd finally let them talk her into going out with them tonight.
"Whoa, this place is crowded." Katie hurried along beside Joan. "Have you ever been here before?"
Joan snorted. "Not likely. I wouldn't even be able to afford dessert."
"I probably shouldn't have worn the boots, huh?" Katie fluffed her hair.
"It's too late now." Joan slid her purse off her shoulder, and opened the door. "Remember, mind your manners. The napkin goes on your lap, and whatever you do…don't cuss."
Katie rolled her eyes. "I'm not that lame."
"There are days I wonder…" Joan pulled Katie to her side.
The Katie that'd returned home was fighting her way toward adulthood. Her sudden interest in boys drove Joan crazy, and the way she went out of her way to appear sexy, tried her patience. Over all, she was just happy Katie hadn't lost her childish excitement for life, and seemed to get through most days without a sad moment.
Although, there were still the odd times Katie would mope around and cry for no reason and confessed to Joan that she wished Dad were still here to solve all her troubles. Overall, Katie was a good kid, the best sister, and Joan was glad to have her back in her life again.
A tall, beautiful woman approached them. "Table for two?"
Joan smiled. "No, we're meeting friends for dinner. I don't know whose name they made the reservations under, but they're all tall men with dark hair, boots, and—"
"Ah, the Lakota Ranch men. We know them well here." She trailed her gaze down Joan, and seemed to come away with the idea Joan was lacking. "Come this way, please."
Joan glanced at Katie, made a face behind the woman's back, making Katie giggle. She reached out and grabbed Katie's hand. "I'm glad we decided to come. This is good for us to get out and have fun once in a while."
"We? I've wanted to meet the men you've talked about since I got home. It's not my fault you keep them to yourself." Katie wiggled her eyebrows. "Maybe one of them is cute."
"Don't embarrass yourself, sis. They are way too old for you." Joan stepped from behind the woman, pulling Katie with her. "Thank you."
The guys all stood when they spotted her and Katie. Joan lost her smile. Trace was at the end of the table. She had no idea he was going to be here, or she wouldn't have come.
"Holy shit, you weren't kidding," Katie whispered.
Joan pulled herself together and leaned closer to Katie. "Sh. Act cool, sis."
A part of her enjoyed Katie's reaction. The men
had swept her off her feet the first time she'd met them too. It'd been exciting, scary, and all their attention gave her confidence as a woman. It was good for Katie to see that the opposite sex could be respectful.
"We've already ordered. I hope you like steak and potatoes." Brody hugged Joan and turned to Katie. "You must be Katie. I'm Brody."
Devon stepped forward and kissed Katie's cheek. "I'm Devon. Nice to meet you."
"H-hi…" Katie held her hand to her cheek. "This is wild. You're all Indians?"
Katie bit her lip, and threw an apologetic look to Devon.
He laughed. "Yep, the real deal. We're full-blooded Lakota."
"That is so frickin' cool." Katie pulled at a strand of her hair. "Much cooler than being part Irish and being stuck with red hair."
Everyone laughed and jumped into action. Brody walked Joan to the end of the table, and held out a chair for her, right across from Trace. She'd noticed Trace never took his turn welcoming Katie, and instead nodded his head when it came to Devon introducing the two. Then he'd slipped his uninterested mask back in place. His lack of awareness hurt. Not willing to let him see how much he affected her, she smiled.
"Hello, Trace." She quickly glanced away and spread her napkin on her lap.
His gaze pierced her soul. "Joan."
Wishing she could sit anywhere else, she glanced down the table. Brody had sat Katie between him and Devon, and her sister looked like she'd died and gone to heaven, where men were rugged, gorgeous and put on earth so she could bask in the glory of their attention. She smiled at Katie's shocked expression. This would be a night her sister would never forget. For that reason alone, Joan promised herself to stick around and put up with Trace's cold indifference.
"Which one of you has the horses?" Katie peered around the group.
"We all do." Brody sipped from his water glass. "It's a working cattle ranch, but we all take time to train horses too."
"That is so wicked." She leaned forward, put her elbows on the table, and seemed to remember where she was and folded her hands on her lap. "I want to give riding lessons when I graduate, and maybe have a boarding stable for people who don't have enough property to have a horse."
"Do you ride?" Devon leaned back in his chair, letting the waitress set down the plates in front of him.
Katie shook her head. "I've rode a few times with my friend, Jessie, but she had to sell her horse. I've never had my own."
"If you clear it first with your sister, you're always welcome to come out to the ranch and spend the day riding with us. We have a few mounts that are gentle enough for you." Devon leaned forward and winked at Joan.
"Really?" Katie pinned Joan with a look that said she'd do all chores for the rest of her life if she received permission to go to Lakota Ranch.
Joan laughed. "That's very kind of you all. I'm sure Katie would love to visit."
Picking up her fork, Joan tried to concentrate on her food. She kept her mind blank, but her body hummed with nervous energy. Over the delicious smell of the roasted potatoes, corn and juicy steak, there was another fragrance that left her shaking. A mix between wild grass found on the prairie and male testosterone she associated with Trace. She was aware of him staring across the table at her every time she lifted her fork.
Her feelings for Trace were as strong as ever. Time hadn't lessened the love she had for him. That's why his lack of communication hurt her so deeply. That's why she'd thrown herself into seeing the clinic open, and she kept her friendship with Devon and Brody. Trace mattered to her.
She worried that the direction they were both going would cut any special connection that remained to the quick. Sadly, she wasn't even sure if she mattered to him at all, or if he was able to understand the depth of love she had for him.
She'd had no idea why her decision to work at the reservation upset him. She would have thought he'd be thrilled. Instead, she became the enemy. In desperation, she'd ask each of the guys, but they stood by Trace with a vengeance and said it was up to her to talk with him.
Managing to finish half the food on her plate for appearances sake, she placed her silverware onto the plate and sat back. The food seemed to settle in her chest. When Katie finished her dinner, she'd make their excuses and go home.
She made a point to pay attention to what the others were discussing while she waited for everyone else to finish their meal, but she found she had nothing to add to the conversation. Katie was doing a fine job of keeping the talk flowing.
"Why don't you pick out dessert, Katie? We'll celebrate your being back home and able to join us tonight." Devon handed her the small menu.
She shook her head. "Oh, I couldn't choose for everyone. I wouldn't know what to pick." She passed the menu to Brody. "Here, you do it."
He pushed the menu back into her hand and winked. "Go ahead. We like everything. You can't make a wrong choice."
"How's the new car working?" Trace asked.
The food in front of him on the plate sat untouched. She cleared her throat.
"Fine," she said.
Trace lifted his brow. "You've got insurance on it, right?"
"Yes."
"You don't talk much, do you?" he said.
She ducked her chin and hid her smile. He'd remembered. His first few days after she'd started working with him were made up of one-syllable answers, and she'd done everything she could think of to get him talking more.
"How's your leg doing?" She pressed her hand against her chest, trying to tamper down the hope that came with him talking to her.
Her heart beat too fast, and she fought the urge to reach across the table and hold his hand. She missed their connection when they touch, where it was only the two of them and everything was perfect.
"Good." His lips tightened over his teeth. "Thank you for everything you've done for me. I didn't…" He glanced away and sighed. "I didn't get to tell you that. I appreciate what you did for me, more than I told you. With everything."
"Trace." She blinked rapidly, trying to dispel the moisture gathering in her vision. "I've missed you."
They stared across the table. She saw his breath catch, and his eyes softened. A tear tickled her cheek, but she was scared to move and break the moment.
"Hey Trace, did you hear what Joan named the clinic?" Brody wiped his mouth off with the napkin. "Hope Clinic. I think it's fitting, and describes our vision for our people."
Their intimate moment shattered like broken glass. Trace stiffened at the announcement. Joan held her breath, afraid every little inch they'd gained tonight had evaporated with the announcement. Instead, he stood.
"If you all will excuse me, I've got chores to do." He nodded at Katie. "It was nice to meet you, Katie."
"Nice to meet you too," Katie mumbled, glancing from Joan to Trace.
"Dinner's on me." He handed Devon a credit card. "Good night."
Trace walked through the room with his back straight, his head held high, and his long hair hanging down his back. Joan quickly wiped underneath her eyes. She recognized that proud Lakota strut for what it was, he was hiding his hurt.
She'd seen the same walk when his leg pained him and didn't want her to find out, when she dared to reach out to him, and when he'd told her to leave the ranch for the last time.
"Excuse me." She threw her napkin on the table, and followed Trace's exit. You're not leaving this time Trace. Not until I have my say.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The standing room only crowd waiting for tables to become available parted at the front of the restaurant as Joan approached. She stormed across the room and pushed through the swinging glass doors. She was tired of feeling sorry for herself, and refused to hang in limbo relying on Trace to get over himself.
"Trace…wait!" She jogged through the parking lot.
He stopped at the truck and turned around. She held onto the truck's door, not wanting him to leave. His blank expression said it all.
"Why?" She held her hand to her chest. "Why won't
you let yourself love me back?"
Seconds stretched into a minute. Trace finally turned and climbed up into the cab. She stepped forward, not allowing him to shut the door.
She needed closure. Going on wondering every day without any answers, believing what they had together would somehow return, left her an empty shell of her former self.
"Trace? Please. The least you can do is explain to me what I did wrong. I thought everything was okay between us. You were there with me, in bed, at the ranch, and enjoying yourself. I know you were." She waited, and when he still didn't say anything, she continued on, "You're making me mad. Would it be so hard to acknowledge me?"
His fingers curled around the steering wheel, and he stared straight ahead. "I hear you. I just don't know what to say."
"Say something. Don't you have any feelings? Aren't you hurting too?" She laid her hand on his thigh. "Please…talk to me. Don't shut me out."
Trace lowered his arm, and laid his hand on hers. He curled his fingers around hers. She sagged against the door. She'd missed the way a simple touch put her world back in proper order. The connection they shared stole her breath.
"I have to shut you out." Trace's muscles along his neck constricted. "I want to protect you, and it's the only way I know how. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, and if that means staying away, that's what I'll do."
"But, you are hurting me. Every day that goes by without you, is another day I've missed sharing with you, loving you," she whispered.
Laughter behind her made Trace let go of her hand. She glanced over her shoulder and found Devon and Brody walking toward them with Katie smack in the middle of them. Her sister was talking, her hands animated, as she smiled up at them.
She turned back to Trace. "Can we talk…somewhere?"
"Go on with your life, Joan. Be happy." He started the truck.
Joan stepped back, and Trace shut the door. Angered and raw from his lack of trying, she stepped forward and slapped her hand against the side window.
"It's not over, Trace. I love you." She walked beside the truck, until he stomped on the gas pedal and pulled away from her.
