by Wilde, Ora
Hayden was a very sociable person. I doubted if isolation was one of the consequences of the pain he had to endure.
Dr. Scott probably saw the unsureness in my eyes that she decided to elaborate further.
“Isolation doesn’t have to be a hermit-like existence,” she said. “Sometimes, even if he is surrounded by friends... he can still feel very lonely. He would build walls around himself, and he wouldn’t allow anyone in. He’s too pained... too afraid.”
“What is he afraid of?”
“To be hurt again. But more than that, he’s afraid to be unraveled... to come undone... to be exposed for who he really is... a little boy still grieving over the loss of the woman he truly loved.”
Was that the reason for his womanizing ways? His blatant disregard for the feelings of the girls he has hurt? His constant desire to win their hearts and his apparent disinclination to commit to them? The seeming aimlessness of his life? Were all of those his way of hiding from himself, because deep inside... he was angry and lonely and ashamed?
“Ms. Ellison, I’m telling you all of these because you’re the very first person to inquire about Hayden in almost a decade, and because of your relationship with him. I want to continue to help him, but I can’t. I trust that, with everything I have disclosed, you’d be able to understand him... guide him whenever he needs guidance.”
I nodded.
“He can be hardheaded at times,” she continued to say.
“Very hardheaded,” I agreed.
“Indeed... but you will have to be there for him during those times when he will need you the most. He will try to push you away. But you’ll have to find means by which you can aid him even if he doesn’t want you to.”
Again, I nodded even if I didn’t know how I’d be able to accomplish what she was requesting.
“Thank you so much for everything you have shared, Dr. Scott,” I expressed. “God knows how much you have helped me today. For quite some time, I was actually worried that my new stepfather was a serial killer.” I ended my statement with a chuckle, which she reciprocated.
“Well, thank you for visiting me, Ms. Ellison,” she responded.
As I was about to stand up and say my goodbye, however, a question came to me, one which I just had to ask.
“Dr. Scott, do you really have no idea at all why Hayden stopped visiting you? I mean... you’re a very approachable and kind doctor. It’s so easy to feel comfortable with you. Why would he refuse your help?”
Her reaction surprised me.
She bowed her head and fiddled her fingers nervously. She fell silent for a few seconds, before she turned to face me again.
“I... I made a mistake,” she answered. “I made a stupid mistake that, to this very day, I deeply, deeply regret.”
The somber tone of her voice made me fret.
“What mistake?” I asked, hoping that she’d provide an answer.
“I... I don’t want to talk about it,” she said.
“It doesn’t concern his father?” I wanted to know if Dr. Scott was somehow forced to do something because of an instruction from Hayden’s dad... something that she was strongly against but was compelled to carry out.
“Oh, no... no... dear God... no,” she was quick to assuage my fear. “I can’t say this enough, but Bill is a very kind man. He has a big heart. And he has sacrificed so much. He loves Hayden. And if Hayden knew what kind of a man Bill really is, he’d know how truly blessed his life has been. He isn’t even...”
She paused, as if she was shocked to realize that she was about to say something that she shouldn’t.
“Uhm... it’s alright,” I told her. “I’m just relieved... and happy... to hear that Bill’s like that.” I didn’t want her to jeopardize her professional standing more than she already has.
“Okay then. Thank you for your visit, Ms. Ellison.”
“No... thank you, Dr. Scott. You’ve shared so much to alleviate my worries.”
As I left his clinic, I relished at the discovery that my mother didn’t marry the next Son of Sam. However, I was haunted by a nagging feeling... the kind of feeling I always had when I was about to discover something that I shouldn’t be privy to... the kind of feeling that everything that I knew to be true was about to change...
Chapter 37
HAYDEN
“You lost your Hummer over a bet?!”
I haven’t seen him that mad before. Exasperated, yes. Frustrated, all the time. But seething with anger? That has always been my dream, and it gave me so much satisfaction that I have finally made him that furious.
“Hey, I almost won,” I said, as I handed over my bag to Barton. “Now, what did your mail-to-order wife prepare for dinner this time around?”
I saw the nerves on his temples throb with rage. He was trying his best to control his wrath, but he was at the point of breaking. Just a little more, I reminded myself.
“That is the single most irresponsible thing you have done in a long list of indiscretions you have committed,” he continued. “You have a flagrant disregard for everything you were blessed with.”
“Chill,” I replied. “It seemed like a good ROI. It was a totally winnable wager, were it not for one minor hiccup that ruined everything.”
Donnie didn’t reveal in his statement that the bet was about claiming the virginity of my new stepsister. I would’ve preferred it if he disclosed that fact, though. It would’ve driven my father insane.
“A bet is not an investment!” he screamed.
“Well, it can be good training for the career you have planned for me, father,” I answered with the cockiest smile I could muster. “I’m sure your good friend, Benson Hodges, would agree.”
He turned his back on me. He didn’t want me to see him at his worst. I was dying to see him like that. He probably didn’t want me to relish the moment.
He started to walk away, towards the stairs to retreat to his room where he would ponder on that instance when his only child caused him a great deal of humiliation and despair.
“So, you’re just going to fall back, just like that?” I mockingly asked. “You’re not going to cut off my credit cards? Rescind my trust fund? Ground me?” I chuckled at the mere idea of him confining me in my room. “You’re not going to, I don’t know, disown me?”
He stopped climbing the stairs but he didn’t turn to face me.
“Someday, son... you’ll grow up, be an adult, set all of the hatred and indignation aside,” he uttered. “I will wait for that. And when that day comes, I’ll be very proud of you.”
Then he continued on his way to his room, disappearing from my sight.
Fuck it!
After everything I’ve done, that was the best comeback he could give?
It made me believe what I’ve suspected all along, that he just didn’t care. He was too preoccupied with making money than being affected by my deeds. I couldn’t bear the thought that such retort gave him a sense of victory.
As was always the case, I set out to anger him, yet in the end, I was the one who was left frustrated.
“Barton!” I called for the butler.
“Yes Sir?” he asked as he came running towards me with a noticeable limp caused by the brittle bones of his old age.
“Do you have a fucking lighter?” I questioned as I drew my pack of Dunhills from my pocket.
He searched all of the pouches in his suit to find one. Finally, he handed over a white Zippo. I gently slapped his chest to thank him.
I went out of the house. The Hummer was parked in the driveway. Donnie surrendered it immediately as soon as the police confronted him. I didn’t steal it, he said. I won it, go ask Hayden. That idiot. He panicked so fast. I wish I was there so that I could’ve laughed at him.
He told the police everything. He had to. They suspected him as a carjacker.
He also told them, as he later on revealed to me, the truth behind the truth of our little wager. I never knew he was Candy’s cousin.
Wait. Was her name Candy? Or Cindy? Cindy, most probably. I’d rather die than date a girl named Candy. What kind of parent would actually name her kid like that?
Anyway, a vindictive girl was nothing new. Many of the women I’ve been with before have tried worse forms of revenge. One even threatened to distribute a sex tape we made. When I told her that it could be my ticket to porn stardom, she dropped that idea completely.
A scheme to teach me a lesson?
I eat those kinds of things for breakfast.
I lit up my cigarette and went to my favorite spot, just beyond the driveway, near the edge of the garden that offered a great view of Los Angeles at night... bright, dancing lights... skyscrapers that reached for the skies... a new moon that hovered the city. I sat on the grass to enjoy the view. It helped me relax. It fueled my imagination.
One stick became two. Two became three. I smoked and smoked and smoked until I lost count of the number of cigarettes I have lit up, but the thinning breadth of the pack informed me that I have consumed a lot.
Then she sat beside me. I knew it was her. Her scent of lilac and baby cologne was quite distinct.
“Hey,” I greeted her.
“Hey you,” she greeted me back.
“First time you came home later than I did,” I commented.
“It’s just been three days since we moved in. I’m sure there will be more nights when I’ll come home much, much later than you will.”
“Well, don’t make a habit out of it. A pretty girl like you in a city full of sex-starved boys? That’s a recipe for a sexual crime.”
“Ha! I don’t know what’s funnier... your sudden concern or calling me pretty.”
“Both, if I was actually telling a joke. But I’m serious.”
She fell silent as she looked at me. I could see her from the corner of my eye, though my gaze was still focused on the horizon.
“Is everything okay?” she asked worriedly.
“Everything’s just fine,” I said. “Why would you think something’s wrong?”
“You sound so... sulky.”
“Sulky? That’s hardly an adjective to describe me.”
“But you are. You aren’t your usual self.”
“And what’s my usual self?”
“A jackass.”
That actually made me cackle.
“Being a jackass is the same as being an asshole?”
“Uhm... not really. An asshole is a total jerk, mean in every way possible. A jackass is an asshole, though a little more playful.”
“I see. So...”
“So...”
“What does your friend think? Am I a jackass or just an asshole?”
“Friend? Which friend?”
“Your best friend Cindy.”
Terror strikes people in different ways. Some scream in sheer fright. Others skulk and pray for the best. And some, well... they just fall silent, lolling about the muck of their shame.
And for a good minute or so, Phoebe did not speak a single word. She just fidgeted on the grass, wishing she was somewhere else.
Chapter 38
PHOEBE
I stared at him in shock for what seemed like an eternity.
I wanted to say something - anything - but the only words that I’d be able to utter are fraudulent excuses, and I was so bad at lying. I’d just out myself as soon as I’d open my mouth.
How did he know?
We swore on our grave that we won’t tell anybody. Is it possible that Cindy broke our oath when she got the opportunity to gloat about how she... we... thought him a lesson?
“How is she, by the way?” he asked with that trademark smirk that I loathed and loved at the same time.
“C-Cindy? She’s alright she just got a B- on her math exam and she’s very happy about it because she thought she flunked it and she wanted me to celebrate with her sometime this week but I haven’t said yes yet so I don’t know if that will push through or not and -”
“You do realize the you’re talking way too fast again, right?” he commented, still with the cockiest of grins.
Damn!
“Don’t get too worked up about it,” he calmly said as he turned to look at the nighttime sky over the Los Angeles landscape. “I actually find it... amusing.”
He did?
“Imagine,” he continued, “concocting a plan to... what’s the phrase you used? Teach me a lesson? Then you lured me into making a bet, and all the while, I thought I was the one who was playing you. Well... surprise, surprise... I was the one who got punked... big time!”
“Uhm...”
“You know, I could mope about it... wallow in despair... make a big fuss about trusting and being betrayed... but hey! What the fuck is my life? A romance book?”
“Errrr...”
“The reality of it all is that what you did and what you tricked me into doing... it was a fun ride. A worthwhile diversion. And I’d like to thank you for it.”
Seriously? He wasn’t kidding? He wasn’t up to something vengeful by lulling me into a false sense of comfort only to stab me with a treacherous turn later on?
I bowed my head as his kind reaction made me feel more ashamed about the deed that I wittingly partook of. I played with his emotions, and that was never a good thing. It made me just as wicked as he was with the girls he toyed with before.
“But it cost you your car...” I mumbled.
“Oh, I got the Hummer back,” he answered as he pointed towards the driveway. “So... no harm done, really.”
It all seemed very odd. He was letting me off the hook so easily. That wasn’t how the Hayden Summersmith operated. There must be a catch. There should be a catch.
But then, I remembered the things that Dr. Scott revealed about him...
Deep inside, he’s always lonely...
He’s too afraid... too pained...
He constantly fears being unraveled... being made vulnerable... being exposed for the boy he still was, grieving over the loss of the most important woman in his life...
Maybe he chose to have that kind of carefree attitude. Maybe it helped him deal with the pain he continued to endure. Maybe that pain has numbed his heart, and transgressions - like the one I committed - didn’t really affect him that much.
Or maybe, there was really a catch... one which I have yet to discover.
My confusion led to the first mistake I made that evening.
“Hayden... I’m so sorry,” I said, my voice filled with regret. “How can I make it up to you?”
Of all the stupid things I could say to the Hayden Summersmith, I chose to use those words... duh!
He turned to look at me, his smirk became more intense... frighteningly exciting, seductively malevolent.
“Well... we do have a business we left hanging,” he said, as those damn irresistible dimples formed on his cheeks.
“W-What unfinished business?” I asked edgily.
He lunged at me with the quickness of a race car that lost its breaks. His mouth reached for mine, and his body followed suit. In less than a second, he was on top of me, his weight pushing me down on the grass where I was forced to lie. His lips touched mine... pressing... asserting... conquering..
With my eyes opened wide, I tried to speak, my lips escaping his mouth’s clasp.
“H-Hayden? Here?”
“Why not?” he answered, as I felt his mouth curl into a lustful smile.
“P-People... our folks... they might see... they will see...”
“No, they won’t,” he assured me as his lips continued to overcome my will.
He was right, though. The spot where we were at was on a slope that hid us from the house. We were lying down, and no one would be able to see us. Aside from Hayden, the only person I ever saw who wandered in that area were the two gardeners, and they only tended the grass in the mornings.
Still, I couldn’t be too sure. We were doing something bad... something scandalous... and that will always cause me to be paranoid.
&n
bsp; He bit my lower lip with so much passion, as if he was telling me how much he has longed for that moment and how much he has yearned for me. Then his tongue extended to touch my upper lip, wetting it, making it more slippery... smoother... more inviting for his trespass.
His tongue... his masterful, masterful tongue... the same tongue that, not so long ago, attempted to journey inside me... parted my mouth and reached for my own.
