“Laynie,” she says correctly. A sharp pain slices through my chest and my breath hitches in my lungs, but I hide it behind my polite smile. “I like saying Laynie better.”
“Okay, but only as long as Layne doesn’t mind.” Ace replies and looks at me. “It’s up to you. A lot of people don’t like nicknames, and it’s okay if you don’t.”
“I like Laynie. It kind of sounds like ‘Mommy.’ Doesn’t it?” River reasons.
I don’t think about what either of those names means to me. I don’t think about how my heart just shattered inside my chest, never to be made whole again.
“River can call me Laynie if she wants to—but she’s the only one who can.” I wink at River, firmly establishing the agreement that only the two of us are privy to.
“That’s right. She’s my Laynie,” River confirms with a huge smile. It’s impossible not to respond with my own smile.
We finish our meal with easy chitchat. River recounts the events of her day, including every dramatic detail of when the truck almost ran over her. While River regales us with her version of it, I feel Ace’s eyes on me like a heavy veil. Our eyes meet, and without verbal expression, I know what he’s thinking and feeling. Perhaps because my own emotions are still so raw is why I feel his so strongly.
“Layne.” His voice is thick with sentiment.
Instinctively, I reach over and squeeze his hand in an act of reassurance and comfort. “I know, Ace. You don’t have to say anything. I’m just glad I was there at that exact moment.”
He holds my eyes captive as his fingers wrap around my hand in return. The warmth from his skin is instantly transferred to mine and quickly spreads throughout my body. When it reaches my cold, broken heart, I have a moment of sheer panic and terror. I don’t want it to thaw for any man, for any reason. But there’s something about this man that makes my emotions swing from one end of the spectrum to the other.
This man could be dangerous to my heart, mind, and body—in every way imaginable.
“Let me help you clean up the dishes,” I stammer nervously.
Using that as my excuse, I pull my hand from his grip to start clearing off the table. For a moment, I can still feel his touch. The heat from his body. The texture of his calloused fingers. His inherent strength that’s undeniable and unmistakable. Then it all begins to fade away, and I’m reminded there’s more than just the physical connection two people share.
I don’t think about how lonely I am, how I’m dying a little more inside, and how much I crave an emotional connection. I don’t think about how that will never be a reality for me.
As I rinse our dinner dishes off in the sink and place them in the dishwasher, I bite my tongue to keep from asking the questions I really want to know.
Where is River’s mother?
Was Ace married to her?
Did he walk in and catch her with his best friend, too?
“Laynie,” River calls from directly behind me.
When I turn, the first thing I notice is her sweet smile. The second thing I notice is the plastic bowl she’s holding out to me. And lastly, I notice that bowl has a huge scoop of homemade ice cream in it. The sliding glass door is still open, and I’m embarrassed to admit I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t even hear them go outside.
“Here’s your ice cream. Daddy made it. It’s peach.” Her eyes grow big on her last word, telling me it’s a big deal to have peach ice cream. “This is yours.”
She hands me the bowl with a heaping mound of peach ice cream and a plastic spoon buried inside it. “If I eat over here too often, I’ll be as big as a house.”
River giggles sweetly and takes my free hand in hers. “Come outside with me.”
When we step onto the back porch, Ace is adjusting the container of homemade ice cream in the rock salt and ice. “You really didn’t have to do the dishes, Layne. Squirt and I have a system for getting them done.”
“It’s the least I could do after you did all the cooking. And did you really just call her Squirt?” I can’t help but razz him.
“What? I always call her Squirt.” He smiles, an innocent smile that a cherished little boy would flash for his mom when he just got caught pilfering an extra cookie from the cookie jar.
That smile will be my undoing.
Chapter Six
ACE
With my forearms on the back porch railing, I watch River and Layne together in my backyard. River drags her from one spot to the next—first to the swings and then to the slide. Then she has to show Layne the small koi pond and then the fire pit. Layne’s being a good sport by giving River the attention she craves and listening to every word she says like she’s the most important person in the world. Watching them together makes me feel like shit, because I realize how much River has missed having a real mother figure in her life.
Rose is great and she takes good care of her, but River is old enough to understand that, while Rose loves her dearly, she’s a babysitter and not a mother to her. Part of me feels bad for not having someone special in my life that River can bond with, but the other part of me screams “hell no” every time I even consider it. That part is the one that always wins, because River is the one who’ll suffer the most if it doesn’t work out.
She’s my one true love. She’s the one I’d defend with my life. Any sacrifice I have to make for her is more than worth it in the long run.
River walks to the storage shed and gets out two fishing poles. Granted, they’re both kid-size poles, but I can’t help but smile at my little tomboy. River and Layne work at attaching their hooks and putting the bait on before they cast their lines into the flowing water. Their hooks will undoubtedly get caught under the rocks from the spot they chose, and I laugh to myself as I start walking across the yard toward them.
In five, four, three, two…
“Daddy!” River yells as she stands and yanks on her line. “I got one, Daddy! I got one!”
“Yep, Squirt. You got one, all right. You got a big rock.”
“Not again,” she grumbles and her shoulders slump.
She hands me her pole and I walk up and down the bank, yanking on the line to try to free it without wading out in the water. As I make another pass by them, I overhear part of their conversation.
“I wish you were my mommy.”
“You’re such a sweet girl, River. Do you not get to see your mommy?” Layne asks. It’s not a trick to gain more information, I can tell that from her demeanor and her tone of voice. She’s giving River an out to answer with a yes or no, and she’ll leave it at that.
“No,” River sighs sadly. “Daddy says she’s like my guardian angel now. I can’t see her, but I know she’s always there.”
“I’m sorry, baby girl. I lost my mom, too.” Layne brushes a lock of River’s hair from her face. “She knows you love her and miss her, though.”
River climbs over into Layne’s lap, leans her back against Layne’s chest, and Layne’s arm instinctively wraps around River’s midsection. The whole scene makes my heart squeeze painfully in my chest. With her fishing line finally untangled, I join them at their grassy spot on the bank.
“What are you two ladies up to? Looks like no good. You both need a chaperone.” I try to lighten the mood, ignore the conversation I just heard, and steer it into a new direction.
River launches her little body at me from out of nowhere. I play along and let her tackle me to the ground. We roll around in the grass and I use my arms to protect her from the rocks and debris. As always, she ends up sitting on my chest and pinning my shoulders to the ground.
“You’re pinned! I won!” She laughs and it’s the best sound in the world to my ears. Her laughter and happiness are genuine. I know she misses her mom, but I do everything I can to meet her every need.
“Every. Time,” I complain. “You always beat me up. You’re a little bully.”
“Am not. You’re just a pansy.”
We play this game frequently, but today I tempor
arily forgot that we had company. Layne’s laughter reminds me that we have an audience and she just heard my daughter refer to me as a pansy.
“Time for a new game,” I announce to River. She gives me a challenging look, almost like she knows what I’m doing. I swear, this kid is too smart for her own good. “I’m hungry.”
“We just ate. You’re not hungry,” River replies suspiciously.
“I am hungry. Hungry…for some baby back ribs!” I growl.
River shrieks and jumps off my chest, intent to run from me before I have a chance to snatch her up. But she’s not fast enough and I have her in my clutches. Rolling her lengthwise in my arms, I draw her ribcage up to my mouth and start gnawing on her. She yells in between her laughs, “I’m not a corncob!”
“No, you’re not a corncob,” I agree. “Now hush, so I can enjoy my baby back ribs in peace.” With my mouth open wide, I lean in to start the tickling torture again and she screams in anticipation before I even touch her. “If you won’t be still, I can’t eat these ribs.”
“I know that, Daddy. That’s why I’m squirming.”
The three of us laugh and I put her down. “Fine. Just make me starve, then,” I chide her playfully.
She pats my stomach. “Looks like you eat enough, Daddy.”
With that, she takes off running toward the house, laughing hysterically because she just zinged me.
“I don’t know where she gets that from,” I say to Layne with all seriousness.
“No, I don’t have any clue either. Kids these days. It’s probably those cartoons she watches,” Layne deadpans before her smile covers her face. It reaches her eyes this time, and the once dim light in them grows brighter.
“Thank you for spending time with her. She probably gets tired of it just being her and me all the time.”
“She doesn’t seem to be tired of it at all. It’s so obvious that she loves you. You’re doing a really great job of raising her, Ace.”
I don’t know why I like hearing my name fall from her lips. I don’t know why my thoughts stray to hearing her say it very differently. On a breathless scream. In the throes of passion. With a primal need driving her into a frenzy.
“Thank you,” I manage to reply.
I think she just paid me a compliment, but my brain is too foggy from staring into the dark blue depths of her eyes to really process it. My gaze travels down the long strands of her thick blond hair. If I allowed myself to think about it, there are so many things I could fantasize about doing with her, my fingers in her hair, my name on her lips, my lips all over her.
If.
“I guess I should be going now,” Layne says softly. “Thank you again for the wonderful dinner and the delicious ice cream.”
“It was my pleasure, and the very least I could do as a thank-you-slash-apology.”
Even though I don’t want her to leave, I don’t have a good excuse to ask her to stay longer. I stand first and offer my hand to help her up. When she looks up at me through her eyelashes, the mixture of fear and desire are unmistakable. But the fear wins, holds her hostage inside, and I watch as she brings her emotions under control. She’s done that several times since she’s been here, though she hides it well.
She takes my hand and I feel it again—a slight shudder when we touch. It tells me she’s not as immune as she wants me to believe. Maybe she even wants to believe it herself, but it’s there regardless. At a different time in my life, she’d definitely be someone I’d be interested in getting to know better.
“Laynie,” River calls out as she runs toward us. “Don’t go!”
The slight grimace on her face is masked as quickly as it appears. “It’s getting late. Probably close to your bath and bedtime, too. Am I right?”
“But when we have company, I can stay up later.” River tries her best to persuade Layne to stay, but we all know she has to go.
“Would you like me to take you home?” I offer.
“No, thanks. It’s not far back to my cabin. I enjoy the walk.” She smiles affectionately at River before turning her beauty to fully face me. “We’re neighbors now. Don’t be a stranger.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’ve been in the South for a lot longer than a day.”
“I stayed close to this area before, a few years ago, when I was an intern working on a case. The people in that town often said that, and it always stayed with me.” She shrugs nonchalantly, but her demeanor tells me much more than she realizes. It stuck with her, it was important to her, and she felt like she was part of something bigger.
“Then you know my momma raised me to look after a lady. Since you won’t let me drive you home, I’ll give you eight minutes to walk back before I start calling to make sure you made it. At nine minutes, I’ll be in my truck looking for you.”
“I feel safer already,” she quips.
With a goodbye kiss for River and a small wave for me, she begins her walk back to the cabin next door. After checking to make sure she made it back safe and sound, I get River ready for bed and settle in to watch television before I drift off to sleep. My mind has different ideas, though, and they all revolve around the blue-eyed, blond-haired beauty next door.
* * *
It’s been a few weeks since our initial meeting and impromptu dinner, and I’ve seen Layne every weekday after work and at least a couple of times a day on the weekend. River has found a new friend and has some reason to convince me why she needs to see Layne every day, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Good thing for all of us, Layne honestly enjoys spending time with her. And I’m finding more and more that I enjoy spending time with Layne.
Long, blond hair blowing in the wind catches my eye as I drive past the river park. Before I realize what I’m doing, I’ve parked my truck and started my trek toward Layne. She’s walking alone beside the river’s edge, her eyes fixed on the flowing water, and she’s lost in her thoughts. The last thing I want to do is scare her—actually, that’s not true. The last thing I want to do is leave without talking to her.
“Are you following me?” I joke with her.
“Absolutely. You caught me,” she deadpans without looking at me. “I was here first, but I’m the one who’s following you.” When she turns to face me, her bright smile leaves no doubt that she’s playing back.
“It’s embarrassing, really, the way you stalk me. To save you from being labeled by the town, I guess I should do the gentlemanly thing and make it look like I’m the one stalking you.”
“Careful, or I’ll start to think you’re secretly a nice guy.”
“I am a nice guy,” I insist. “When I want to be.”
She grins at my self-deprecating jab and our eyes lock for several heartbeats. “Ah, you’re not so bad,” she replies softly.
She still seems to be wrestling with herself in a battle of wills between the fear that controls her and the powerful desire to be set free. Part of me wants to help her drop all her guards, but I can’t. I’m not the one to take her pain away when I’m still dealing with my own shit after what I went through with River’s mother.
This is a bad idea on every level.
“Want to take a walk?” I ask, completely disregarding my inner voice warning me to stop now.
“Sure.” She nods as we begin our stroll. “It’s so beautiful here. Have you lived here all your life?”
“Yeah, pretty much. I thought about moving away to a big city like, say, New York.” I cut my eyes to her to gauge her reaction. “But after River was born, I knew I’d never be able to rest because I’d worry about her all the time. So we stayed here. It’s worked out well, though.”
“She certainly seems happy here.”
“I think I made the right choice. My sister is here and River likes spending time with her. She’s spending the night with her tonight, actually.”
“It’s nice of your sister to take her and give you a break.”
When I saw her, I stopped to talk to her for a reason. It’s
time to man up and get to the point. “On Friday nights during the warmer months, the town council shows a movie projected on a big screen on that barge floating out in the river,” I incline my head toward it. “How about I pick you up at eight? We’ll grab something to eat and go watch a movie on the water.”
She deliberates for a moment, her internal struggle still waging that war, before she finally relents. “Sounds fun. I’d like that.”
“Don’t stand me up,” I warn. “I should get back to work now. Justin will wonder where I’ve been, and he’s worse than an old woman about gossip. How about we leave around seven to grab a bite to eat before the movie?”
“That’s perfect. I’ll be ready to go by seven.”
A few hours after I get back to work, I’m busy with the horses when my cell starts ringing. After the first thirty seconds on the phone, my day has turned to shit.
“What do you mean you can’t babysit River anymore?” I ask Rose a little louder than I should.
“Just for the next couple of months or so, Ace,” Rose explains. “My daughter is having a baby and she wants me to come stay with her in Austin to help out. I’m so excited to finally be a grandmother.”
“That’s great news, Rose. I just don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“Ask Layne to watch her. River jabbers about her all the time. She loves that young lady, there’s no doubt about that. I’ve heard all about her every day for the last several weeks since the first night she had dinner with the two of you,” Rose states.
She’s been dying for more information, something she can gossip about with the other old biddies around town. I’ve seen Layne every day for the past four weeks, spent time with her every evening until long after dark, but it’s always been with River there as our distraction, our buffer, our chaperone.
Absently running my hand through my hair, I concede. “I don’t know who else to ask with such short notice. I’ll ask her later tonight.”
“So you will see her again tonight?” Rose asks, but it sounds more like a statement of confirmation.
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