“Are you okay?”
She nods. “Yeah, I’m okay.” She pauses to collect her thoughts. “One of my friends from elementary school died a couple of years ago. I hadn’t seen or heard from her in years, but I was still very sad over her death. But I realized it wasn’t because I missed her, we weren’t even friends anymore. It was more like the death of an era in my life. That’s what this feels like.”
“Layne, baby. Do you think you should hear what he has to say? Get it over with once and for all so you can both have closure?”
“It looks like it’ll have to be that way, doesn’t it?”
“He came all this way and is staying long enough to give you time to accept it. Look, I don’t like the thought of you being around him at all, but he sounded sincere when he said there are things you need to know. If nothing else, use it to put the whole ordeal behind you once and for all.”
Chapter Twenty
Layne
I’ve been standing outside the door of Bobby’s hotel room for the last five minutes. Ace and I had a long talk the night after Bobby showed up, and we both think this is for the best. My hesitation in hearing what he has to say is simple. I’m not sure I care enough to want to know what it is. Would not knowing what he wants to tell me be better than knowing? I’ve been able to move on without knowing, and I have something much more with Ace than I ever did with Bobby. More love. More openness. More happiness.
Is there anything Bobby could possibly say that can give me more closure than that?
Time to woman up and knock on the damn door.
Within seconds, the door swings wide open and the hope in Bobby’s eyes almost makes me feel sorry for him. “Layne, I’m so glad you decided to talk to me. I would’ve come to you so you didn’t have to drive all the way out here.”
“It’s best that we do it here.” There’s no way I’d have this conversation anywhere in Oak Grove with all the prying eyes and bionic ears.
“Come on in and have a seat.” He steps back to give me room to walk into his suite.
The sitting area has a chair and a small couch, so I choose the chair. He sits on the couch in the seat closest to me, rubbing his palms together to expel some of his nervousness. “You said you have something to tell me. I’ll listen to what you have to say, and then I’m leaving. Understand this up front: I’m not here to reconcile with you.”
“First of all, I’m so sorry for what I did to us. Actually, sorry doesn’t even come close to describing how I feel about it. Regret consumes me—regret that I hurt you, destroyed us, and lost my one true love. I’m an idiot for not seeing what I had in you years ago, for taking everything we had for granted, and betraying you like I did.”
“I’m not here to torture you or make you get down on your knees and beg for mercy,” I reply. “For the sake of your own happiness, you have to let go of your regrets. It’s really guilt fueling it, but it’s in the past now. I’ve moved on and that’s exactly what you need to do, too.”
“Layne, I know you said we don’t have a chance at happiness together, but I know we do. This part may be hard for you to hear. God knows it’s hard for me to say. But it’s something you need to know before you decide to kick me out of your life forever.”
“All right.”
I take a deep breath and hold it until my lungs start to burn and force me to exhale and repeat. Bobby stands and walks over to the window, staring outside while I watch his profile. He clenches his jaw tightly, the muscles ticking and flexing in his cheek, then he releases a long whoosh of air to calm himself. Just watching him makes my anxiety kick up a notch.
“Fuck, this is hard.” He runs his hands through his hair before throwing them up in the air over his head. “Okay, here goes. When you were finishing law school and doing your internships, you spent a lot of time in the office with rich, successful men. They must have been hitting on you left and right. My career felt like it was stalling and I felt like a failure, like I didn’t measure up to those guys you were spending a lot of time with.
“By the time you asked me to get you pregnant because you wanted a baby so badly, I was at an all-time low. If I couldn’t even support myself, I knew I couldn’t give you the one thing you wanted most in the world. The longer it went on, the more depressed and desperate you became. Part of me started to blame you for our problems conceiving, because thinking it was my fault made me feel like even more of a failure. At the same time, part of me was also glad it didn’t happen because I wasn’t certain I wouldn’t feel trapped. Mainly, I was just selfish. I wanted things to stay the way they had always been. I just couldn’t let you go.
“Wait. Stop,” I demand. “Just fucking stop.”
Nervous energy, anger, frustration, and pure rage feel like bombs exploding in my chest. I want to lash out at him. I want to hurt him irrevocably. I can’t process everything he’s just said, much less hear the next part that begins with the day I caught him fucking my best friend.
My initial question has been answered. I know I could’ve lived without knowing all of this. Even with the affair, I could’ve eventually chalked it up to a learning and growth experience for us both. Though the end of our relationship was terrible, I still could’ve appreciated the time leading up to it, the years I spent with my first love. But now? Now it seems like one big lie, a farce, a sham, a con.
I don’t even know this man.
“Layne. Please let me finish. I’m sorry, I know this hurts you, but I have to tell you everything.”
I refuse to cry. I will not shed one single tear. I’ve given him enough tears to last a lifetime. The hardness in my gaze and in my voice leaves no room for doubt. “Make it quick. Get to the fucking point.”
“When Cyndi showed up at my apartment upset over her breakup with Brett, I thought you’d be close behind her. It never occurred to me that she was there to talk to just me. I assumed she called you first since you were her best friend and you told her to meet you at my place. She said you were working late with Daniel, the hotshot lawyer who could pass for a fitness model. My insecurities hit me full force because you didn’t tell me you were working late with him.”
“Because I wasn’t. That doesn’t even make sense that you’d believe that. You know that Daniel handles murder cases and other high-profile jury trials. You and I talked about that at length, and I explained why I wasn’t interested in handling those types of cases,” I interject.
“True, but she didn’t know that. If you told her you were working late with Daniel, I took that as code that something else was going on. I know I was completely wrong and I’m not making excuses. I’m just trying to explain what state of mind I was in at the time. Everything leading up to that day had killed my self-esteem, but thinking you were off with Daniel gutted me. When Cyndi made it clear she was interested and willing, I accepted her invitation.
“Brilliant. I’m sure you were ecstatic when she turned up pregnant. Did you ask her to marry you as soon as you saw the positive pregnancy test?” My sarcastic tone has reached a new level and my next words will up the ante even more. “Did it make you think you were a real man’s man since you knocked her up so easily when I couldn’t get pregnant after trying for two years? Were you thinking of her while you were fucking me?
“I don’t know why you think I had to hear any of this. Nothing you’ve said makes me want you back. In fact, it makes me even happier that you’re out of my life. I’m so thankful that I never got pregnant by you. By the way, I’m also very thankful I didn’t catch some fucking disease from you since you obviously didn’t use a condom with her. You’re a disgusting, pathetic excuse for a man. You and Cyndi deserve each other and all the mistrust, suspicions, and betrayals you’ll gift each other over the years. The only one I feel sorry for is your baby, the innocent one who has to live with the two of you as its parents.”
At some point during my rant, I apparently stood and crossed the room to yell in his face. But now I’m done here and want nothing to do with Bo
bby Shaw ever again. I turn on my heel and stomp across the room, my sights set on the door and my escape from this confined space.
“The baby isn’t mine,” he calls out from behind me. “She already knew she was pregnant when she showed up at my apartment that night.”
Why couldn’t I have just made it out the door before he added that part?
“Layne, I hate myself for even thinking this, but I have to tell you this part so you’ll understand the rest. After all our negative pregnancy tests, I was somewhat…relieved…the day Cyndi told me she was pregnant. A small part of me was glad there wasn’t something wrong with me after all. I mean, for two years we’d tried, and I thought I was a failure at that, too. But another part of me, the majority of what I felt, was that I was the lowest life-form on earth. She told me she was pregnant the same morning you found out about us.
“It doesn’t help, but I’d actually told her I couldn’t see her anymore after she gave me the news. But then she convinced me that you and I would be over anyway, and I needed to be a father to our baby. It wasn’t what I wanted at all, but I knew I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t accept my responsibility.
“How did you find out the baby isn’t yours?”
“I went to her monthly doctor’s visit with her. When he left her chart on the counter during her examination, I saw the date of her last period and the estimated weeks of gestation. After we left, I confronted her about it. Of course, she denied it at first, but I told her I’d demand an amniocentesis to prove paternity and she caved. She’s actually not sure who the father is, but she knows it’s not Brett. He didn’t trust birth control pills, so he refused to go without a condom. That’s why she and Brett broke up—he caught her with someone else.”
“Maybe Brett and I should start a club. We can call it ‘Bullet Dodgers’ and have T-shirts made.” My sympathy level for Bobby is in the negative double digits. “I can’t believe how blind I’ve been all these years. Apparently, I never knew the real you, just like I never knew the real Cyndi.”
“You do know me, Layne. You’ve always known me. I just lost myself. When you walked in and I saw firsthand what damage I’d caused, it killed me. Images of the pain in your eyes have haunted me every day since.”
“You know what? This whole charade you’re putting on is only pissing me off even worse. The only thing you regret is that you got fucking busted. Or I should say, you got busted fucking. Did you honestly think that telling me the baby isn’t yours makes it all better, would make me take you back? You’ve been fucking my former best friend! Why the hell would I want you back after everything?
“There’s nothing you can do to change my mind. I’m happier without you than I ever was with you. I’m in love with someone else, and the awesome part is, I know without a doubt that he’s in love with me. He openly shares his thoughts and dreams with me. I’ll never have to question his motives. We’ve already taken major steps toward our future, and we’re doing it together, like a couple should. You’re my past, and I’m leaving you there.”
The hotel is disappearing in my rearview mirror, far behind me, just like Bobby. Had anyone told me two years ago that this would be my reality, I would’ve called bullshit and had them locked away in a mental hospital. Today, I only regret not seeing the deception that was occurring all around me. Part of me wants to exact revenge on Cyndi for what she’s done, but I draw the line at assaulting a pregnant woman. Besides, she’s not worth the trouble it would cause me in the end.
The sudden urge to hear Ace’s voice is so overwhelming it’s akin to an addiction. Although, being addicted to Ace isn’t such a bad way to go.
“Hey, babe,” he greets my call. “Are you all right?”
“I’m actually better than all right now that I’m talking to you. I just had an overwhelming urge to tell you I love you.”
“I love you, too.” His voice deepens to what I affectionately call his bedroom voice. “Your talk went that bad, huh?”
“It was very eye-opening,” I deadpan. “I’ll tell you all about it tonight. I’m still somewhat in shock over the secrets he spilled today. But you were right about one thing. It definitely helped with closure, on my part anyway.”
“That’s some good news at least. After you give me the word-for-word breakdown, I’ll be more than happy to make you forget he even exists.”
“I’m so going to take you up on that offer,” I flirt. And it feels good.
A weight the size of an elephant has been lifted from my chest in the few minutes I’ve been on the phone with Ace. His voice makes me feel relaxed and excited. His touch makes me feel calm and aroused. His presence makes me feel protected and carefree.
He makes me feel. Like it’s my first time. Like I’ve never felt anything before.
“It’s not an offer, sweetheart. It’s my vow and my new goal in life.”
“Ace, I give you my word—after we finish talking about it tonight, his name will never come up again. Not in my mind, not in our conversations, nothing. If someone else brings him up, we’ll reply with ‘Bobby, who?’ and change the subject.”
“Will I feel the need to pay him a visit after you tell me everything?”
“No, my love. He didn’t touch me, try to kiss me, or anything like that.”
We chat for a few more minutes before we disconnect so he can get back to work. Ace told me last night that Justin took off work for a couple of weeks, so he’s acclimating a new horse to the facility alone. When I mentioned it was odd that Justin and Lily were both out of town for two weeks, at the exact same time, he pressed his lips together tightly and only hummed “Mmmhmm” as a reply.
Is it odd, or is it obvious? There’s definitely something there, but they’ll tell us when they’re ready.
When I reach the cabin, Zoe is waiting for me on the top step of the front porch. She bouncing up and down on her toes animatedly while waving a piece of paper in her hand. Her lips are moving a hundred miles per hour, but I’m not even out of the car to hear her yet. As soon as I open the door, I hear her excited words.
“I got in! I got in! The email came this morning! I got in!”
She throws her arms around my neck and makes me jump in time with her or risk being beaten to death by a very excited, very pregnant teenage girl. “Congratulations, sweetheart! I had no doubt you’d get in. I’m so happy for you, even though I’ll miss you like crazy.”
“I’ll miss you, too, Layne, You’ve been the best friend I’ve ever had. I’m just so excited for this clean slate opportunity. I can’t wait for a new start. Their school year starts later in September than public schools, so it’ll be well after the baby is born. This all feels like a dream.”
“I know exactly what you mean.”
Zoe glances at her watch and frowns. “It’s already time for me to go to work. On the bright side, I’m turning in my two-weeks’ notice tonight. I read that the baby can come at any time during the last four weeks of pregnancy and that most come earlier than the due date. I’m definitely hoping for earlier.”
“Do you want me to drive you to work and pick you up?”
“No, I can drive. I promise to call you if I have anything remotely close to a labor pain.”
“You know me too well,” I laugh.
After Zoe leaves, I take my MacBook to the couch and stalk the nursery images on social media for the perfect color combination. Once I enter the site, time slips away into a black hole, unseen, unheard, and unfelt. Before I realize it, I’ve eaten a whole bag of chips and a container of dip, and I have twenty-seven dream nursery pictures saved on my laptop.
With my belly full and my heart content, I close the lid on my laptop and sink down into the soft, overstuffed couch. Within seconds, my eyelids feel heavier than cement blocks and I slowly drift off into a peaceful nap. Time suspends in my slumber. Reality and my dream world intertwine, making my dreams so vivid that I’d swear they were actually happening.
In my dream, I know I’m flying through
the air and the feeling is exhilarating. Butterflies take up residence in my stomach and rapidly flutter up to my chest as my speed increases. It’s such a wonderful feeling of freedom that I don’t want to wake up and lose it. Off in the distance, there’s a shrill noise that’s disturbing my place of Zen and a voice that calls to me repeatedly. But I ignore them; it’s too nice here to give it up.
Chapter Twenty-One
ACE
The good thing about working for myself is there’s no one giving me orders, watching every move I make, or making my workday a living hell. The bad thing about working for myself is there’s no one else to blame when everything goes wrong. I’ve spent the better part of the afternoon chasing a rogue horse around the pasture. He’s jumpier than Frankie ever thought about being and much harder headed.
Since my partner decided to take an impromptu two-week vacation, I had to take care of all the business paperwork by myself after I finally got the new horse in his stall. It’s after nine o’clock at night by the time I leave the farm. I’m exhausted, starving, and in desperate need of a shower. My only plan after taking care of those things is to wrap myself around Layne and fall into a deep sleep for the rest of the night.
When I round the last curve and Layne’s cabin comes into view, every plan I have for tonight flies out the window. My heart stops beating, my breath seizes in my chest, and my foot turns to lead as it floors the gas pedal. My world stops spinning when I see the orange flames leaping straight up into the air from the roof in the back of the house. Layne’s car is in the driveway but Zoe’s is gone. With a quick glance toward my darkened house, I know instantly Layne isn’t over there.
“Layne.”
My truck skids to a stop in the driveway, and I make a mad dash for the front door. Black smoke has already started to fill the room when I bust through the door, screaming Layne’s name. After covering my nose and mouth with my shirt, I rush toward the stairs, afraid she’s in the upstairs master bedroom. Movement from the couch catches my eye and I come to a complete stop.
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