Hear Me Out, And Try Not To Laugh

by Ao Jyumonji

  Haruhiro and the others were, for sake of convenience, referring to it by the code name, NA. It wasn’t a particularly inventive code name. It was a new and unexplored area, so the acronym stood for New Area.

  It seemed that, so far at least, only Haruhiro’s party and the Tokkis knew of the NA’s existence. Or so he wanted to think.

  When preparations like casting Protection and summoning Zodiac-kun were finished, they proceeded through the hole in double file, like the day before, proceeding down the round tunnels to check the oblong rooms.

  They had already checked the first ten yesterday, so they only gave those a cursory inspection today. They showed no noticeable change, but glasses-wearing Tada noticed one thing.

  “It’s only by a bit each time, but the eggs are getting bigger the deeper we go,” Tada commented.

  “Now that you mention it, you could be right,” Haruhiro said, turning to take a peek.

  It seemed he wasn’t imagining it. Haruhiro had noticed something else.

  Someone had been watching him since morning.

  It was Mimori—no, Mimorin.

  But, well, all Mimorin was doing was looking at Haruhiro. She was expressionless, so it was impossible to tell what she was thinking, or rather, hard to imagine she was thinking anything at all. No, she had to be thinking something; she couldn’t not be. She was human, after all.

  Not that it mattered. It wasn’t hurting Haruhiro any. She was just looking. He just had to not let it bother him. It did make him wonder, though, you know...?

  “Hmm.” Tokimune showed his white teeth. “I get it. That’s a good trend, a good trend indeed. Well, I guess we’ll move on to the eleventh room.”

  And so, Haruhiro and the others stepped into the eleventh room. He wasn’t feeling tense at all until Zodiac-kun sounded the alarm.

  “...Kehehe... Ranta... The shadow of death is coming... Kehehehe...”

  “Huh? Cut it out with the ominous—” Ranta started to snap back at the demon as usual.

  Tokimune stopped right before entering the room and Haruhiro stopped, too. They glanced to one another.

  Everyone got ready for battle.

  Haruhiro laid the lantern at his feet, trying not to make a sound. I’ll go look, he signaled to Tokimune. Tokimune nodded.

  Just to be prudent, Haruhiro drew his dagger and entered the eleventh room using Sneaking.

  Because the ground wasn’t completely flat, it was hard to use Sneaking here. It required considerable concentration. The hard part was that with the walls covered in glowing eggs, it was difficult to progress along the walls. Haruhiro lowered his posture as much as possible, walking as far from the light source as he could, in the center of the room where it was darkest. He looked at the egg-coated walls.

  To my right.

  Something’s there.

  Going by its build and figure, it’s like a goblin. It’s pressed up against the eggs and looking this way. It’s scared...?

  The creature had been doing something here when it’d detected Haruhiro and the others. It had wanted to run, but hadn’t been able to, so it had stayed hidden, praying Haruhiro and the others wouldn’t come into this room. However, Haruhiro had in fact come in, so now it was cowering.

  He could tell that.

  “Hey,” Haruhiro said.

  The thing jumped a little and shook its head. It was apparently a real coward. But, that didn’t necessarily mean it wasn’t dangerous. It might have access to magic of some sort, for instance.

  Gotta strike the first blow, Haruhiro thought. That’s the only option.

  “Everyone, get in here! We’ve got company!” he called.

  The Tokkis piled into the room, followed by Kuzaku and Ranta.

  The creature was still cowering. It made no sound.

  Haruhiro shouted as he rushed towards it. “It’s on the right! Don’t kill it!”

  “Haruhiroooo...!” Tokimune shouted.

  When Haruhiro glanced back, Tokimune was throwing something. —Wait, is that a shield?

  “You’re in the way! Get down!”

  “Whoa!” Haruhiro got down, as ordered. Tokimune’s shield sailed over the top of his head, spinning as it went.

  It struck a solid blow. There was a painful-sounding impact, followed by a groan of pain, probably from the goblin-like creature.

  A number of people jumped over Haruhiro. By the time he got up, the Tokkis had surrounded that goblin-like creature.

  The goblin-like creature wasn’t dazed. It had fallen to the ground, both hands raised, as if to say, I surrender.

  Inui crouched down, bringing the lantern up to its face. A goblin... it was not. Its face and its entire body resembled a bat.

  “This guy’s a real ri-komo, huh,” Kikkawa said, having the same opinion as Haruhiro.

  Ri-komo, Haruhiro thought, translating it. Komori. He probably means a bat, I think.

  “Ohh,” Tokimune sounded impressed. “Well, let’s call this guy Ri-komo from here on.”

  What, we’re naming it? Haruhiro thought, startled. Ri-komo? Well, I don’t care.

  Haruhiro and his group naturally lined up behind the Tokkis. Ranta was the only one to trying to push in between Inui and Tada.

  “Ri-komo, huh,” Ranta said. “Hmm. You’re right, he does look like a bat. He looks weak.”

  “I dunno. You can never tell, yeah?” Tokimune said, crouching down next to the ri-komo. “Hey, Ri-komo. Understand? You... are... Ri-komo. I... am... Tokimune. Okay?”

  Ri-komo’s eyes were wide, and its entire body shaking. It didn’t look like it could understand what Tokimune was saying.

  Tokimune shrugged. “You don’t get it, huh. That figures. As for me, I don’t really want to suddenly up and kill you for no good reason, or be hostile towards you. Hmm. What to do...”

  “Abburoggurah,” Ri-komo said, or something like that.

  “Hmm?” Tokimune cocked his head to the side.

  “Gurabburoadah.”

  “Yeah, no, I don’t understand. I don’t speak your language, either. What? Calm down. Talk slowly. Maybe we can communicate?”

  “Aregoraburadeh, furaburaguraboradoh, zabaradiofuraburah.”

  “Man, I said to take it slowly—”

  “Foah!”

  Ri-komo suddenly tried to jump to its feet. But, it couldn’t do it. It never would.

  Because of Tada. The glasses-wearing priest pulverized Ri-komo’s head with a single blow of his warhammer.

  “The guy was hopeless.” Tada spun his warhammer around, resting it over his shoulder, then used the index finger of his left hand to adjust his now-bloodstained glasses. “Had to kill him. For now, they all die, all of them.”

  “Well, guess there’s not much choice, huh.” Tokimune stood up. “It’s kill-or-be-killed, and we can’t do much about it now that you already killed him.”

  “They batbaric, yeah!” Anna-san said, hopping up and down. “Batbarians! No! You supposed to laugh! I make pun on bat and barbarian, yeah?!”

  “Wahaha,” Kikkawa gave an obviously fake laugh for Anna-san. “Nice one, Anna-san! You’re a laugh riot! A riot laugh! Gahahahahaha!”

  “Heh...” Inui adjusted his eyepatch. “Funny...”

  “Really?” Mimorin was the only one who seemed doubtful. Though, that said, she was completely expressionless, and just tilted her head to the side a little.

  “W-Well, that settles that!” Ranta nodded. “Now what?! We kill anything that comes out! On the spot! Nice and simple! I like it! This is so my style!”

  Haruhiro looked to Kuzaku, Shihoru, Yume, and Merry. Kuzaku was dumbfounded. Shihoru, Yume, and Merry were all taken aback.

  Haruhiro gave a heavy sigh. “That was the right choice. Ri... Ri-komo...” Yeah, I really don’t like that name, Haruhiro thought, but it would have felt stupid to propose an alternative. “...it seemed like it was going to attack. We don’t know what we’re dealing with, so to protect ourselves, it’s safest to kill them, and I think that’s the better c
hoice.”

  “Man.” Tada clicked his tongue with distaste. “Why’ve you gotta say stuff that’s obvious?”

  Uh oh... is he looking to pick a fight with me? Haruhiro wondered. Could be. Not that I’m going to give him one.

  Haruhiro made a mental note that Tada was the fighting type. He’d had a vague sense before that he might be.

  It was hard to come up with a response. If Haruhiro, the leader, was too humble, the party as a whole would get looked down on. Though, that said, he didn’t want to clash with the guy.

  Regardless, Haruhiro accepted Tada’s glare. I’m not gonna back down was the one thing he had to show here.

  Now, what was next? What would he do?

  “It’s a culture thing, you know.” Tokimune interposed himself between Haruhiro and Tada, putting a hand on each of their shoulders. “We’ve got different cultures. Our party and Haruhiro’s, that is. We’ve got to, what is it? Accept we have our differences? And have fun together? Yeah?”

  “Oh, I have no problem with that,” said Haruhiro.

  Am I pushing back too hard? he wondered. But Tada seems like the type to relentlessly mock anyone he looks down on. I feel like that’s the kind of guy he is.

  “If we can have fun, I’ll have fun,” said Haruhiro. “But I think it’s no good for us to force ourselves to hold back.”

  “Yeah, it’s best not to force ourselves,” Tada said, licking his lips. “It wouldn’t last long, anyway. I can be very patient, though.”

  “Oh, can you?” Haruhiro said. “There’s a surprise.”

  “Oh, yes, I can,” said Tada. “You’ve got sleepy eyes, so maybe you’re just not seeing me right.”

  Haruhiro took a deep breath. That was close. I almost snapped there.

  “I was born with these eyes, and I can see just fine, Tada-san,” he said.

  “Oh, can you now?” Tada asked.

  “Yes. What’ll it be? Are we going to have fun?”

  “Oh, I’m having fun,” said Tada.

  “Me, too,” said Haruhiro. “Fancy that.”

  “Okay, okay, okay, okay, okayyyyy!” Kikkawa grabbed both Haruhiro’s and Tada’s left hands and forced them to shake. “There you go, all made up! Happy, happy, smile, smile! We’ve gotta enjoy ourselves! Yeah! Harucchi, Tadacchi, both of you!”

  Tada brushed Kikkawa’s and Haruhiro’s hands away, but he said no more.

  Haruhiro quickly gave a short bow. “Sorry. For getting a little too cheeky there.”

  “Nah.” Tada seemed to have been thrown off-balance by the apology, just like Haruhiro had been aiming for. “Well, it’s fine.”

  Haruhiro figured this was about as good of a resolution as he could expect to get. He knew he wasn’t the prideful sort, so apologizing and giving ground wasn’t that painful for him. However, if it was going to be a disadvantage to the party for him to do so, that changed things.

  Still, a high-handed attitude would only ruffle feathers. He needed to avoid conflict while also keeping up appearances. It was a pain in the butt, but he was the leader. He had to do it.

  Haruhiro subtly covered his mouth with one hand and sighed. True, it was a pain, but he also felt a sense of accomplishment. That was another way he was plain and boring, and it irked him.

  “Haruhiro!” a voice called.

  “Yes? Bwuh—”

  Wh-What? What just happened? Huh? Someone called my name? What is this? What is going on? I don’t get it. There’s a lot of people talking around me. Huh? What does it mean?

  What? Huh? Breasts? Are these breasts? Breasts? Around my face? My face is buried in breasts? But they’re not that soft, you know? Well, I’m not feeling them directly, I guess? There’re clothes in between, I mean? Is that the problem? What problem? I don’t know. I have no clue what’s happening.

  He was being hugged. By the giantess, Mimori. By Mimorin.

  He was being hugged now. Tightly, so tightly. Mimorin was taller than Haruhiro. So Haruhiro’s face ended up pressed against Mimori’s breasts.

  Mimorin put her arms around Haruhiro’s back and squeezed him tight. It was kind of suffocating. Mimorin was rubbing her face up against his head. She gave off a sweet smell that didn’t resemble anything he knew.

  Yeah, I dunno what to make of this, he thought, dumbfounded. That’s it, you know. More than I thought, more than I imagined—It’s like, what even is this? I expected them to be softer, squishier; to feel good, comfortable; for it to be a moving experience. I thought that’s what it’d be like. But it’s not. Apparently not.

  It hurts, and they aren’t soft or anything. My dreams—they’re shattered. I feel betrayed, somehow.

  Like, What? That’s all?

  Like, I thought it’d be better than this! Come on, this isn’t fair!

  “There, there,” Mimorin whispered to him.

  Yeah, say that all you want, Haruhiro thought. What is this?

  Seriously, what is this?

  What is thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis?!

  “You did your best,” said Mimorin.

  “...Huh?”

  “There, there.”

  Despite himself.

  Suddenly.

  Unintentionally.

  And without meaning to.

  Without thinking, or knowing why—

  —his eyes began to tear up.

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, noooooo! he screamed silently. What good is crying going to do? And, wait, what is this? It’s too sudden. What? What do you know? You couldn’t know anything. If someone who doesn’t know my circumstances says that to me, I’m just gonna be confused, and maybe a little angry, too. What is with you? Who do you think you are? You frighten me. Seriously. You’re scary. Sorry to say it, but you’re huge. Way too damn huge. Not that I’d actually say that.

  “Um, er, Mimorin-san...” he mumbled.

  “No. You don’t need the -san,” she said. “Mimorin.”

  “...Mimorin.”

  “What?”

  “Could you get away from me...?” he ventured.

  “Okay.” Mimorin backed away surprisingly easily.

  Well, good, thought Haruhiro. If she’d refused, he’d have had an even bigger problem.

  “Mimorin...” Tokimune mumbled, sounding uncharacteristically dumbfounded. “Mimorin, huh. I see. So that’s how it is. Haruhiro, huh. I just don’t get Mimori...”

  “Mimori’s sure got awful taste,” Tada said, snorting derisively.

  “Heh...” Inui had a look on his face like he’d just bitten into something unpleasant. “So, this is fate, is it?”

  —No, what’s supposed to be fate? Haruhiro backed away.

  Mimorin was looking down at him, her expression as blank as ever. She had no expression, but he could feel a passion in her gaze.

  “Whew.” Anna-san shook her head left and right. “Anna-san not really get it either, yeah. However, Mimorin, she loves bizarre and low-quality things, yeah?”

  “Bizarre and low-quality...” Ranta burst out laughing. “Wahahahaha! Yeah, Parupiro, quaint, that’s you, all right! I see, I see, bizarre and low-quality, huh! That’s why! I can accept that! Gwahahahahahaha! Congrats, you bizarre and low-quality thing!”

  “...Ehe... Ranta... You don’t even pass for low-quality... You’re lower than low-quality... Ehehehe...”

  “Oh, be quiet!” Ranta hollered. “Shut up, Zodiac-kun! You’re gonna make me cry, dammit!”

  “Uh, well,” Shihoru started hesitantly. “Haruhiro-kun, congrat...ulations?”

  “No, it’s not...” Haruhiro stopped. His mind went blank; he couldn’t find the words.

  “Hooooh,” Yume’s eyes went wide. “Yume doesn’t really get it, but it feels like somethin’ to be celebratin’.”

  “Congratulations,” Merry said, in a deadpan tone for some reason.

  “Grats,” Kuzaku said, suddenly bowing his head.

  “No, hold on, wai—I-I-Isn’t this weird?! It’s weird, right?! I mean, I don’t
feel anything—M-Mimori-san doesn’t either.”

  “Mimorin,” Mimori corrected him calmly.

  “Mimorin doesn’t really feel that way... either... You don’t, right? Um... What is it? Erm, you were consoling me? Encouraging me? Something like that? Out of that sort of... human love and compassion? Was it... that sort of thing...? It was... right?”

  “Love!” Ranta writhed with laughter. “Love! It’s love now! Loveeeeee! We’ve got love here! L! O! V! E! Loveeeeeeeeee...!”

  “You, just go die already!” Haruhiro spouted off. He knew it wasn’t a thing he should say, even in jest, but he didn’t feel all that bad for having said it.

  Haruhiro turned to face Mimorin. He didn’t have the courage to look her in the eye. It was too scary to look into her eyes right now. “That’s how it is... right? It is, yeah? Um... s-sympathy? Maybe? Or pity? That sort of thing...”

  “I want to raise you,” Mimorin said, plain as day.

  —To raise me? Like, lift me up, or something? No, that’s not it. Then what is it?

  “...Huh?” Haruhiro said.

  “You’re cute. So I want to raise you.”

  “Raise me—Do you mean... like, as a pet...?”

  “Yes. I want to raise you as a pet.”

  Haruhiro stared at her. “I-I can’t be your pet, you know? I mean, I’m human...”

  “Too bad,” she said regretfully.

  “Well, that’s that,” he said with relief.

  “But I won’t give up,” Mimori said forcefully. Then she sniffled.

  She’s kinda—Wait, are her eyes tearing up? I think so.

  “Someday, I’ll make you my pet,” she said.

  “...Oh, will you?” That was all Haruhiro could answer.

  What is this? he thought, dumbfounded.

  6. Welcome to the Realm of Dusk

  Twelfth, thirteenth, fourteenth, fifteenth...

  The searching of rooms continued.

  As they went deeper and deeper, the eggs really were getting larger, if only a little at a time. Comparing one room’s eggs with the next, the difference was more or less unnoticeable, but comparing the first room to the sixteenth, there was a great difference in the eggs’ sizes. While they might not have doubled, they were at least half again as big.