by P. S. Power
"I don't know a lot about family things like this, but if that's the truth, then you'll deal with it, right?" He didn't know if that was the case to tell the truth, but Tor had instantly accepted him into the family, hadn't he? That had been based on a lie, too, and even after Gerent had killed his grandfather, he'd treated him the same way as his other brothers.
After a bit, his face moving from red to white and then back to its normal pale color, Tor seemed to agree.
"That's sensible. Sorry, Dorgal, I didn't mean to be upsetting. We're friends, so this is happy news. I guess. Let's have cake?" He happened to have some conveniently enough, along with plates to eat it on. That worked pretty well, since it turned the little meeting into a party of sorts, for a while. Finally Tiera took him by the hand and moved him out the front door. He'd gotten some of the cake, a nice walnut thing with spices and a very delicate frosting. The sweet flavor was still on his lips, as the young lady took him down the hall a way and then opened an unassuming little door, just off the side of the main area.
She looked at him and then sunk to her knees. For a moment he wondered what kind of nefarious thing she had planned, and considered letting her actually do it, except that she just wanted to apologize for hitting him. It was slightly disappointing, he discovered.
"I was merely taken by surprise and wanted to protect Taman. That isn't a good reason for violence. Forgive me please. I know that I haven't yet earned such from you, but I hope that I'll be allowed to try, in time." She didn't work up any tears, which a really good apology would have had, but he didn't push it. After all, fake crying didn't mean sincere, did it?
He reached down instead, and then sighed.
"You probably want to get up. That's a bit too cute looking for me, and I'm your adopted brother... So..."
That got her to stand, gracefully, and giggle a little.
"I can see your point. So, are you really good with me merely debasing myself in public for a few hours? I can't help but think that trying to hit a foreign dignitary might just be an act of war."
He was one of those wasn't he? Countier Lairdgren as well as Baker. Neither were very high positions, but he still had them. Envoy to Earth, too, but she'd given him that job, so it probably didn't count.
There was a lot more involved in being him now than there used to. On the good side that meant things like cake and attractive women kneeling in front of him, so he'd live. Almost anything beat... Well, pretty much the entire rest of his life.
"That isn't a problem. I... I have some things to do on Earth, in the next days. I don't know if I'm going to be allowed to keep my current position. I have to kill some people. You mentioned acts of war? I don't think it counts, but..."
She already knew about what was happening, mainly, but asked for the rest of it. It took a while.
When he was done, she looked at him and sighed.
"We'll be fine then. Just, try not to enjoy it too much. Torture and murder... It can be addictive, if you let it. We have to make sure that we don't give in to it. Violence too. That's why I have to go and bow naked to everyone that passes tomorrow. Humiliating myself publicly. So that I learn not to let my natural tendencies show through too much."
It had the sound of wisdom to it, if that very surface kind that young people thought was deep. That didn't make it wrong, but only covered a tiny portion of reality. Not that he was some grand fountain of insight that way himself. Really, his best line was pretty much that it was better to try and fit in, if you could. That had been denied him so solidly before that he hadn't really thought much about it. Now he could see that being one of the group was powerful. Or, well, he'd always seen it, but not from this side of things. He'd just stood in front of a group of immortals and handed them work, like he had a right to do it. They all took it, too. They'd looked right at him, saw and heard where the words came from, and agreed to do it.
He started to mention that to Tiera when she kissed him. On the cheek, but warmly enough that he stopped talking.
"That's how it happens, you know. You come up with a few decent ideas, or ones that people think sound fine in the moment, at any rate, and then the next thing you know they all name you Queen and you have a job for life. If you aren't careful it will happen to you. Now, we should get back or everyone will think that we're having sex. That would look bad." She giggled like a schoolgirl and covered her mouth with a hand. "Because, I mean, we were supposed to be doing important things, not playing. I guess we could write doing that off to me being very thorough in my apology, but it seems a trifle overdone for this. I just tapped your shield a few times, after all. If I use that up for something that small now, what will I have to fall back on later when I really mess up?"
It was a point, so he nodded. The relationship there was more complicated than he really wanted to try and explain to her. He thought she was pretty, and would have probably had sex with her if it was solidly hinted at. Adopted sister, or not. The fact was though that she was more important than he was, and that meant dangerous. So far she was handling it well, but it was only a year or so into her rule here. What might happen in six years? Sixty? It made sense not to anger her, if he could help it, and being a bit remote from her made that easier to do, rather than harder.
It was very funny, but when they walked out of the little closet space, one that held brooms and other cleaning implements and supplies, he was set upon instantly. By Patty. She slid her arm around his and pulled until he walked back into the closet with her, making him spin comically, never having said a word to Tiera at all, just letting the Queen keep right on walking. She looked back and smiled, but schooled her face before turning and moved back toward the party that had started.
The door was shoved closed with a thud, and the dark haired woman in front of him stared into his eyes. Hers were a corn flower blue that didn't exactly match her decently dark tan skin. It was flawless now, he noticed, like all the long lived people. When they'd first met, it had been slightly mottled. Not a lot, but she hadn't been wearing much by the way of makeup. Now she didn't need it. Her lips had some extra red to them, but that was all.
Pretending that she'd pulled him into the space to kiss him, he leaned in, ready to laugh when she pulled back, but there was a touch on his lips, and she held him, arms going around his chest. He was nearly not ready for it, and hadn't been concentrating enough by half on the contact. That was a shame, since it might never happen again. Every time Gerent saw her, he knew that to be the case, now. He didn't know why, but he kissed her, hoping it didn't make her too sad. It was clear that she wasn't exactly happy, but she didn't try to struggle or scream. She just smiled when they finally came up for air.
"Did Tor do something to you? You weren't this bold before."
He thought about it for a while and then nodded, which got her to blink a few times.
"I think so? I don't know what exactly, but I feel mentally clearer than I used to. Things that were really hard before, like reading... I haven't been exactly practicing, but it's been getting simpler for me to do. Things like that. I might be calmer too. Less likely to get worked up over... Anything really. Less scared." It could also be wearing a shield all the time, but she nodded, as if understanding what he meant.
"Well, that all sounds fine. I was wondering... How long have you known Dorgal Sorvee? You let slip that you knew that Tim hadn't killed Rico..."
He looked at her and then around the pale lunar rock walls and floor that made up the space. There was a giant plate sized emerald on the ceiling, which produced light that was about as bright as the sun. No one watching or listening that he could see or hear, however. That meant safe, at least from other spies. Not the one in front of him however. Not unless he could get her to work for him somehow.
"We met a few days ago, in Vagus, when I took them their aid package. Why? Is this about his family being the Assassins Guild?" He tried to sound innocent and managed not to smile when she looked shocked.
"So you did hire them to
kill Rico. How? With Tor's gold? Not that he'd mind, I don't think, or... Did he do it?" She seemed interested in it, rather than frightened.
Gerent squinted and really considered lying to her about it.
Killing a sitting Baron pretty much meant people would be after him. Killers, soldiers and who knew what else, might be headed for him the second anyone found out. She was his friend however. The only person that he'd ever really loved. After a moment he hugged her again, still considering just holding his tongue on the topic. It was what he should do. What he wanted. The words slipped out anyway, betraying him.
"I killed him, Patty. You'd married Tim, to protect you from him, but if that fell through or anything happened, I had to make sure he couldn't harm you. Ever. So I snuck in and used a breath stopper on him, while he slept. He never woke up. It was very painless and peaceful." Unless all that thrashing around that he'd been doing had indicated that he was slowly suffocating, unable to draw breath, for nearly seven minutes. There was no screaming, so he was going with the idea that he'd passed peacefully.
He sort of thought she might hate him then, for being a killer, or turn him in, which could still happen, but she held him close and didn't even ask if he were telling tales to amuse her. He was good enough at that, but she just accepted his words. Nearly. After a bit she leaned into him, her lips straining upward to meet his neck.
Then she whispered.
"Why?" It was a soul rending thing. One that spoke of pain and loss, and hurt done to other people, as well as her. There was a gentle hint of moisture on his skin above the collar, and a scent of lavender from her skin.
That single word took him aback. Why? Why what? Why had he killed a man that he didn't know? Why would he admit to it now, like a fool? Why was he such a moron? The answer was the same for all of them, wasn't it?
"Because I love you, Patty. I know that after I failed you, over and over like... Well, you know. But I swore that I never would again. So when there was a new threat, I made sure it would never be able to come at you. That's why." What else could it be?
She went silent and still, pressed up against his chest with her own. It was a close and warm thing that he could barely enjoy, given that he was distracted. It lingered, since she didn't move, but the tension was just too much for him to really view it as fun. That was a shame, since he'd dreamed of someday having a moment like this with her. Alone, and close, with her not pushing him away in repulsion. Not that she ever had, but before, well, who would have blamed her for doing that? Certainly not him.
There was a shuddering inhalation, followed by several more before she took a small, but very real, step back from him.
"You didn't fail me, Gerent. Not ever. Not even once." There was a bit of shaking in her shoulders, which was probably a flash back to the cell, the conversation bringing to mind the large men coming, stinking of unwashed bodies and cheap booze, to rape her.
He didn't want to think about it either, but had to shake his head.
"That's kind of you to say, but I never stopped them. Not even once. For weeks they used you, and I... Wasn't enough. Not big enough, or powerful enough, to make them leave you alone." He felt small in that moment, even looking down on her.
Patty, who'd once been one of the biggest people he'd ever talked to, was smaller than he was now. She seemed strong, most of the time, but when she'd needed him to save her, to fight those men, he hadn't managed it. Not at all. They'd just beat him and raped his behind in front of her, in order to prove he was worthless. No matter how hard he tried, it wasn't enough.
Gerent knew that most people hearing his story worried about him being used like that first, but that had happened a lot in his life. Most of the time there weren't even words or threats first. Some merchant man, or more rarely, woman would just throw him down and do whatever they wanted to him. That it had never been a noble was simple to understand. They'd simply never met. His social circle was just too far below theirs to connect. Or so he'd thought.
When Patty had found him and claimed to be Ducharina Patricia Morgan, he'd thought she was lying to him. To impress someone. Not him, most likely, since large attractive women didn't have to break the law to do that. He wasn't that hard to please. Later, after they'd been caught, and he'd found out the truth, he felt even worse about things. The only thing saving him at all then had been the fact that, even if he wasn't enough, he knew that there was nothing else he could have done to protect her from those monsters.
He'd tried it all, over and over again.
She let a single tear run down her cheek and looked away. It was sad, but he knew that this was probably going to have to be the last time they met like this. Maybe at all. It was causing her pain and her life had to be better without him. She had friends here, and a husband. A real life. She didn't need a tiny and insignificant man mooning after her.
The old term got him to smile. He didn't try to explain, since she looked at him, baffled at first and then sad.
"I failed you, Gerent. You were my responsibility, and I led you into a trap. You would have never been there if it hadn't been for me trying to draw the Larval out. I used you as bait, without even asking, and then let things get out of hand. I was in charge. I was the noble and that meant that you were my responsibility. I let them... I..." She sobbed, and looked away, her voice going so low that he very nearly couldn't hear her, even as she pulled closer to him. "I was glad when they raped you. It meant that they weren't using me. One less man that time."
She sobbed then, and Gerent held her, which she returned, trying to say the words again, thinking he didn't hear her the first time.
"Shush. I know that Patty. It was the only thing I had that could help you." His words were very soft, and then they didn't talk. She just cried for a long time, standing there, in a utility closet. He looked around, a bit in wonder at the place. Trying to distract himself. Brooms, mops, buckets with wheels on them so you didn't have to carry the heavy water, and magic lights on the ceiling. It was probably nicer than what the King of Noram had.
Actually, he knew that for a fact, having been to his house before, more than once.
When she slowed in her crying, Gerent tired to change the conversation, pointing upward at the green stone light fixture.
"That looks like an emerald, only, vast. I should take one of those back with me tonight and buy a few counties."
She glanced up at it and then took a rag from a pile of them on a shelf near the back. Without shame she blew her nose, and used a dry corner of the old thing to wipe her eyes. Then she tossed it into a basket. Hopefully to be cleaned, later.
"I hear you there. It's a real emerald. Made in one of Tiera's Makers. Have you used one yet? They're pretty interesting. They make shopping easy enough. Just think about what you want and for the most part you get it."
"Um... I have used one, when I was on the Ranford? That was neat enough, though really we just turned stone into toothbrushes. We used the waste from the crew to make the rock first, then whatever we wanted. It was an extra step, but easier to store. I have one, but I haven't needed it for anything yet. The new food unit went over well though, at Tor's house? I was staying there, so I left them one of mine to play with." Not that he'd get it back at any time, but that was fine, as long as he had one with him to use on the ship.
They just chatted about things for a while. How Harmony was coming along and what she missed from home, which was mainly her family. He nodded at that one.
"That's something I can do, if you want? Set up a time for them to visit? I should be back in a couple of days. Maybe longer though. There are a few things to do before the schedule settles down. Then I guess my main job will be running people back and forth? Taking letters and all that? We should let people know when to have those ready by." He started to leave, but was pulled back by his sleeve. Gently.
There were no words, but she reached up and held him for a long time.
"I'm sorry. I wish things could have been different. You're o
ne of the best people that I've ever known. Maybe the very best person ever." It wasn't the same as saying I love you too, or even hinting at it, but he understood that, didn't he?
No matter what else ever passed between them, or what happened in the future, she'd always remember him being used in front of her like he had been. Feeling fear and happiness at the same time, because it was him, not her. She didn't have to tell him how she felt about that. He knew already. He felt the same way, if in reverse. She hated herself for how she'd felt, and he hated himself for not doing more for her. There was reciprocation there. He'd given, and she benefitted from it, as he'd intended. Just not enough.
It was his part in the scene to say something now, he knew. It would have been simpler, if he were angry with her. If he could say something trite, even, because he didn't care. Or even just let her off the hook? He doubted he was a good enough player to make that seem real, but he had to try, didn't he? To save her pain any way he could.
Smiling he took her hand and looked down into her lovely eyes. They glinted a bit, almost as if they were standing in a field, under the bright sunlight.
"The important thing is for you to just be happy, Patty. That's all I ever cared about for you. I'm fine. For instance, Petra is pretty great, in case you haven't noticed? I never thought that I'd even have a girlfriend in my life, much less a wife. I went from being in a prison, which wasn't that much worse for me than where you found me, to the Moon. I'm even a Prince here and have literally everything I ever wanted. Good food, people that look up to me... Let's not even start on that part! You can't imagine how big a thing that is for me. Plus, I think I found my real parents." He hadn't mentioned that part, since it didn't really matter. She suddenly stopped breathing, a questioning look on her face.
"What? Who? How?"
He told the story quickly enough for her to blink a lot and then go very silent. Finally she looked away and started laughing a little bit. He didn't get the funny part, but that was good with him. You didn't ask the audience why they laughed, you just tried to figure out how to get it to happen enough more times that they'd spare a bit of half rotten food for you.
