I tensed when the screen door slammed shut behind me. I knew he was gone, and that I'd never see him again.
My chest spasmed in pain as I released heaving sobs, bending over Evan's unconscious body. I placed my hand on his chest, and he shifted slightly. I sucked in broken breaths, trying to relinquish the pain, but I knew that would never happen... not after today.
Evan moaned below me. My body shook in agony and my insides began to splinter. It was excruciating. I could barely breathe.
"Emma?" Evan murmured, his lids twitching.
"I'm so sorry." I released an impassioned cry, a tear dropping onto his cheek. I leaned down, breathing him in with a brush of my lips against his―savoring his clean, sweet scent and the warmth of his firm lips before pulling away. "I don't know if you'll ever forgive me, but I won't destroy your life too." My heart fought for each beat as the pieces began to fall. "I love you," I breathed.
Easing his head onto the floor, I rose. My legs unsteadily balanced my broken frame. I faltered to the screen door and pushed it open. It took every ounce of strength I had to walk away.
"Emma?!" rang through the darkness, shattering me into a thousand pieces.
Epilogue
I slid into the silent vehicle beside Sara, and Carl backed out of the driveway. I stared out the window the entire drive, allowing Anna and Carl to converse in the front without comprehending a single word. Sara's presence pressed in beside me, but she made no attempt to speak.
When we pulled up to the airport drop-off, Carl removed the suitcases from the trunk while Anna awaited me on the curb.
"I'll ship the rest of your things once you're in your dorm," she told me, smiling kindly. She examined my face and gently brushed my cheek. "You don't have to do this, Emma. You deserve to walk down that aisle on graduation day with everyone else. I wish you'd reconsider."
I smiled lightly, knowing she only wanted to console me, but I was beyond reaching now. Everything was still and quiet inside me, impervious to the emotions that weighed on her face. There was nothing left. It had all shattered, leaving me hollow.
"I should get going," I replied, sliding one arm through the strap of my backpack. Anna hugged me and handed me my boarding passes.
"Call if you need anything," she urged and I nodded.
"Your advisor will be contacting you after you arrive to arrange for your final exams," Carl explained, rolling the suitcase over to me and setting the duffle bag next to it.
"Thank you," I expressed sincerely. He hesitated before giving me a brief, firm hug.
"You know where we are," he said to me before getting in the car.
Sara remained still, leaning against the SUV. I paused, but she hadn't said a word to me since I booked my flight two days ago, and I wasn't expecting her to now.
I picked up the duffle bag and rolled the suitcase after me, headed toward the check-in counter.
"Emma!" Sara yelled, jogging to catch up. I closed my eyes and exhaled in relief, stopping to wait for her. Her eyes were glassy as her brow scrunched in agony. "Don't do this. Please. This isn't what's supposed to happen."
I remained unaffected and smiled at her reassuringly. "It'll be okay."
"Emma, please!"
"I'll see you in a few weeks, right?" I confirmed, my eyes soft.
She swallowed and pressed her lips together with a nod. Then she grabbed my shoulders. Her words poured out passionately, “You're making the biggest mistake of your life. Don't do this. I know you're going to regret it."
I waited for her to let me go, and replied in an even tone, "I'll see you soon." I turned from her and walked away.
~~~~~
I pulled the key out of the door and tossed my backpack on the bed. I opened the small refrigerator to get a water, trying to ignore the fact that Lyle was in the room. Unfortunately, he was hard to ignore.
I froze with the door in my hand, recognizing the box on his bed as he shamelessly rummaged through its contents.
"What the hell?" I demanded, furious, slamming the fridge shut. I pulled the box off of his bed and inspected it.
"I was looking for a sweatshirt," he explained feebly. His invasion of my things wasn't new. He’d done it a lot in the past few months, but this was crossing the line.
"You're not going to find one in here," I scowled angrily. "Give me those." I snatched the pictures from his hands.
"Relax, Evan," he countered, flopping back down on his bed. "Who's the girl anyway? She's pretty hot."
"None of your business," I snapped, placing the photos back in the box, on top of the camera case I hadn't touched in months. I hesitated, removing the square envelope from the stack. I ran my fingers over my mother's name written in her distinct penmanship. A cold current filtered through me at the touch of the thick paper between my fingers.
The letter that was once sealed in this envelope changed everything. I never got to read it. But whatever she'd written to my mother kept me from following after her, forcing me to stay on the East coast while she escaped to California. No explanation. No good-bye. That letter changed my life, and I never saw a single word.
I set the envelope back in the box and paused before closing it, taking in the image of her laughing. Her laugh was infectious, lighting up her caramel brown eyes, creasing them around their edges. She reminded me of the picture of her father she used to have on her dresser.
I had to look away. I knew I was only torturing myself. She left. She left me here.
Just before I closed the box I realized something was missing. I looked around the room and spotted the sweatshirt hanging on the back of the chair at Lyle's desk.
"What the fuck, Lyle!" I bellowed, grabbing it.
"What would I want with a Stanford sweatshirt?" he defended with a roll of his eyes.
"If you touch my things again, I'll break your hand," I threatened. He didn't look up from his textbook, but I knew he’d heard me. The color flushed across his face.
I shoved the sweatshirt in the box and folded the flaps, hiding the image of her laughing at something I'd said. I slid the box into the bottom of my closet, next to the others.
"I don't get it," he muttered. "What's up with the boxes anyway?"
I closed the closet door, shutting away all of the reasons I was compelled to say, "I don't know if I'm staying."
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Writing may be a solitary venture, but publishing is not. There are so many people who are a vital part of the entire experience, whether it's providing emotional support and words of encouragement, or reading it through and freaking out when the ending is so far off the mark they virtually have a meltdown, or examining each sentence and every word until they are perfectly constructed. I may create on this tiny island, but I am surrounded by a vast ocean of friends whom I love, and I am in awe of their magnificence.
First and foremost, I must thank my ever patient and brilliant editor, Elizabeth. She has been the perfect partner, polishing my words until the gleam with pride. We complement each other so well, my words became hers and hers mine. She has the kindest soul I've ever had the privilege to be touched by.
Faith, my ever present voice of reason. If I ever doubt, she is always there to provide her much valued honesty and insight. I will follow her advice down the darkest roads, knowing I will end up exactly where I belong, safe and sound.
Emily, my sunshine and warmth when I need assurance that all is truly wonderful in the world. And the one to reel me back in when I've veered too far off the path. I will never get lost with her in my life.
Courtney, my bright eyed and brighter smiled friend, who can come up with the best one-liners that will keep me laughing for days. Attitude will get you everywhere, and by her side, we will conquer the world!
Amy, modestly brilliant, and I am thrilled that she was a contributor to our team, giving the story that something extra to make it spectacular.
These are the select few who read Barely Breathing in varied stages from its infancy to its nea
rly finished progression. But there were plenty of others who were there to listen, praise, encourage and celebrate with me along the way. I thank you all!
Lastly, I want to thank my truly incredible fans who have enthusiastically embraced me since I released Reason to Breathe. Your enthusiasm will forever inspire me to create words worthy of being read by you!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Rebecca Donovan, a graduate of the University of Missouri - Columbia, lives in a quiet town in Massachusetts with her son. Excited by all that makes life possible, Rebecca is a music enthusiast and an adventure seeker, willing to try just about anything once.
She is currently working on Out of Breath, the third and final installment of The Breathing Series.
View additional information about this project and upcoming works on her website, www.rebeccadonovan.com.
Table of Contents
Prologue
Epilogue
1. Try Again
2. Fireworks
3. Still Loved
4. "Home"
5. People Change
6. Lifestyles
7. Social Life
8. Intensity
9. Just Not Right
10. Distraction
11. All Better
12. "F" Valentine's Day
13. Overreaction
14. Under the Surface
15. Another Chance
16. Ready?
17. Freaked
18. Story Time
19. Waiting for Friday
20. No Such Thing as "Normal"
21. Drama
22. Inside Out
23. Boundaries
24. Happy Birthday
25. All Over Again
26. Disappointment
27. Lines Blurred
28. To the Extreme
29. Fatherly Advice
30. Unexpected Future
31. What If
32. In the Woods
33. Consequences
34. Confessions
35. Everyone Hurts
36. Restless
37. Into a Nightmare
38. Covering Up
39. Breathe for Me
40. Honest Truth
41. Power of Suggestion
42. Something To Hold On To
43. Spontonaeity
44. In the End
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Breathing 02 - Barely Breathing Page 45
