by Sara Gethin
I’m going past the bathroom. The door is closed. I’m listening by it. I think I can hear Mammy in the bathroom. She must have come home in the night. I’m very happy that she’s back but I’m not going to call to her through the door. She doesn’t like me to talk to her in the morning. I’m going past the bathroom door that is closed and I’m going past my bedroom. I’m opening the door to Mammy’s room quick quick.
I’m going in. ‘Oh!’ I am saying it because Mammy’s in the bed. She’s not in the bathroom after all. It must be Brick in the bathroom. I’m going into Mammy’s room very quietly. I don’t want to wake her. I’m looking for my letter. I’m looking under her bed. There are a lot of clothes under there. I’m trying to move them a bit. I’m trying to see my letter. It’s dark under the bed. It’s too dark to see. I’m going round the other side. I’m remembering the letter on the other side of the bed. On the floor. Mammy put it there after I showed it to her again yesterday. But it’s not there now. I think Brick might have taken it. I think he might have taken it into the bathroom.
I’m standing up. I can see through the hole in Mammy’s curtain. I can see Kaylee and her mammy. They’re waiting by our gate.
I’m running out of Mammy’s room. I’m running quietly. Brick is opening the bathroom door. He’s coming out. A stinky smell is coming out with him. He’s pushing past me. He’s going back to Mammy’s room. I’m putting my head into the bathroom. I’m trying not to take a breath. I don’t want the stinky smell in my mouth. I’m looking and looking for my letter. I can’t see it. I’m running downstairs and out of the front door. I’m closing the door very carefully. I’m running down the path.
‘It’s the trip to the zoo today, isn’t it?’ My words have come out fast. I’m taking a big big breath.
‘Yes,’ Kaylee says.
‘We’d better get a move on,’ Kaylee’s mammy says. ‘Or we’ll be late.’ We’re walking to school together. We are walking quite fast. It’s hard to walk as fast as Kaylee’s mammy. I’m having to run. Kaylee is too. ‘Come on,’ Kaylee’s mammy keeps saying. She’s saying it over her shoulder to us. She’s saying it over the click click of her boots. ‘Or you’ll miss the bus.’
* * *
We are not allowed to go to our classroom. Mrs Pugh Year Two is standing by the school door. She’s telling everyone to go to the hall.
‘Permission slip and twelve pounds fifty.’ She’s saying it to the children in front of us. She’s holding out her hand. She’s taking Kaylee’s slip and she’s writing on a piece of paper. Someone is making a noise. It’s Eddie. He’s shouting at Junior. Mrs Pugh Year Two is turning round. ‘No shouting!’ She is very loud.
She has forgotten to ask for my letter. I’m going into the hall with Kaylee.
We’re all sitting on the floor. We have to keep our coats on. We have to keep our backpacks with us. I haven’t got a coat and I haven’t got a backpack. I’ve got a brown paper bag. There’s an apple and a chocolate biscuit in it and sandwiches and some juice. I think it’s orange juice. I don’t like orange juice. Mrs Jenkins from the school kitchen gave me the bag. She’s given one to Carrie-Anne and one to Kaylee. She’s given one to Paul and one to Junior. She’s given some brown bags to children in Mrs Pugh Year Two’s class too. I don’t know their names.
Mrs Pugh Year Two has come back into the hall. She’s holding a big piece of paper. She’s reading things from it with a cross mouth. ‘I hope no one forgot wellingtons. Or waterproof trousers.’ She’s looking over the top of her paper. ‘Yes, Louisa?’
A girl is talking from the back of the hall. ‘I haven’t got waterproof trousers,’ the girl’s voice says. Everyone’s turning round to look. We are looking at the girl who hasn’t got waterproof trousers.
‘Well, your legs will get wet then,’ Mrs Pugh Year Two says, ‘when it rains.’ She’s looking at the piece of paper again. ‘And I hope no one has forgotten sun hats or sun lotion.’ She’s looking at us over the paper. ‘You don’t want to get sunburnt.’
The hall door is opening. Miss is putting her head through the gap. ‘The bus is here, Mrs Pugh.’
‘Thank you, Mrs Davies.’ Miss’s head has gone again. There’s a big noise in the hall. All the children are talking. ‘Quiet!’ Mrs Pugh Year Two is stamping her foot. The noise is going away. ‘Now, before we can get on the bus, I just need to check…’ She’s looking at her paper. ‘I need Eddie’s permission slip and someone else’s.’ She’s turning the paper over. ‘Tomos Morris,’ she says. ‘I haven’t had your permission slip either.’
Eddie is getting up. He’s waving a piece of paper. He’s running up to Mrs Pugh Year Two. He’s shaking it at her. ‘Eddie Edwards, don’t think you can behave like that on my school trip. Mrs Davies might put up with your nonsense, but I certainly won’t.’ She is grabbing the paper from him. ‘Where’s the twelve pounds fifty?’ She’s holding out her hand. Eddie is giving her some money. ‘And the rest,’ she says. Eddie is giving her some more. She’s sending him to sit down again. She’s looking round the hall. ‘Tomos Morris,’ she says. ‘Is he here? Put up your hand, Tomos Morris.’
I am putting my hand up. I’m putting it up slowly.
‘Where’s your permission slip?’ Mrs Pugh Year Two has a cross face. I am trying to say some words. ‘Speak up,’ she says with her cross mouth.
‘I don’t know,’ I say.
‘What?’ Her voice is cross now like her mouth.
‘I don’t know where my slip is.’
‘Don’t know?’ Mrs Pugh Year Two says with her cross voice. ‘Don’t know? Did you give it to your mother?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, where is it now?’
‘I think it’s under her bed. In the dark bit.’ Some children are laughing. I can hear Wes’s scratchy laugh. It’s coming from behind me in the hall.
Miss has opened the hall door. She’s coming in.
‘Well, you can’t come without a permission slip,’ Mrs Pugh Year Two says. ‘That’s the law. You’ll have to stay in school.’
My eyes are getting prickly. I don’t want to stay in school. I want to go to the zoo.
Miss says, ‘Has someone forgotten their permission slip?’
‘Yes,’ Mrs Pugh Year Two says. ‘A child in your class.’
‘Oh dear.’ Miss is looking at the children in the hall. She’s looking at all our faces. Some children are pointing to me. Some children are saying my name. ‘Oh, there you are, Tomos.’ Miss is saying ‘shhh shhh’ to the children that are saying my name. She’s coming over to me.
‘Yes, it’s Tomos Morris,’ Mrs Pugh Year Two says. ‘He’ll have to give his free packed lunch back, I suppose.’
Miss is holding out her hand. She’s holding it out to me. She’s helping me to get up. She’s putting her arm round my shoulders. She’s taking me over to the side of the hall. Mrs Pugh Year Two has told all the children to line up at the door. There is a lot of noise.
‘Did you ask your mum to sign the slip?’ Miss says. We are standing by the wall. We’re standing next to the big dragon. Our class made it out of scrunched up red paper. For Saint David’s Day. For Dydd Gŵyl Dewi.
‘Yes,’ I say.
‘Did she sign it?’ Miss is talking quietly. It’s hard to hear her. There’s a lot of noise in the hall. Mrs Pugh Year Two is shouting. She’s very loud.
‘I don’t know. I don’t know if she signed it. I don’t know where it is. It might be under her bed. It’s very dark under her bed.’ I am remembering the stinky smell in the bathroom. ‘Or Brick might have used it for toilet paper.’
Miss is biting her lip. She’s looking at the dragon on the wall. She’s looking at his long red tongue. Seren made the dragon’s tongue. I made a bit of his tummy.
‘And I haven’t got the twelve pounds,’ I say. I’m putting my hand in my pocket. My fingers can feel my coin. ‘But I’ve got the fifty pence. Is that enough?’
Miss is squeezing my shoulders with her arm. ‘Don’t you remember me tell
ing you, Tomos? You don’t have to pay the twelve pounds fifty. Not everyone has to pay, so don’t worry about that.’
‘I want to go to the zoo.’ I am saying it quietly. There are tears falling off my chin. I’m wiping them with my sleeve. ‘Please can I go to the zoo?’
Miss is squeezing my shoulders again. ‘It’s all right,’ she says. ‘I’ve got a spare permission slip. And I’ve got a plan.’
She’s getting a tissue from her pocket. ‘Don’t cry anymore.’ She’s giving me the tissue. ‘Wipe your eyes and go and line up with our class.’ She’s taking me over to the door. She’s taking me to Seren. ‘Look after Tomos for me, Seren,’ Miss says.
‘Oh, Mrs Davies.’ Seren is making a cross face. ‘I’m with Bethany.’
‘It’s just for a few minutes,’ Miss says. ‘While I go and do something. Bethany can look after Tomos too.’ Bethany is smiling at Miss. Bethany’s smiling at me now. Miss is putting her hand on my shoulder. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll sort it out. Put this on.’ She’s getting something from a chair. It’s the blue coat from the lost property box. ‘And before I go, I’ll have a word with Mrs Pugh.’
I’m standing with Seren and Bethany. I’m putting the coat on. Miss is talking to Mrs Pugh Year Two.
Mrs Pugh Year Two is shaking her head. ‘You can’t do that. We can’t be expected to chase after parents. Mr Griffiths won’t like it. And you can’t bother him now – he’s got the governors in his office. They’re talking budgets.’
‘I think Mr Griffiths would understand in the circumstances.’ Miss is saying it very quietly.
‘No.’ Mrs Pugh Year Two’s face is pink. ‘That boy has to stay in school. He’s had plenty of time to bring back his slip.’ Miss hasn’t heard her. She’s going through the hall door. She’s going fast. ‘Mrs Davies!’ Mrs Pugh Year Two is shouting it into the corridor. ‘Mrs Davies!’ She’s shaking her head at me. ‘Look at the trouble you’re causing, child.’ She’s making a boy hold the door open. She’s clapping her hands. She’s telling everyone to be quiet and follow her. She’s walking out of the hall like a very important person.
I am standing in between Seren and Bethany. We are waiting for it to be our turn to go through the doors. ‘Blow your nose,’ Seren says. Her face is still a little bit cross. I’m blowing my nose on the tissue Miss gave me. Seren is looking at my hands. ‘Where’s your packed lunch?’
I am looking round. ‘There.’ I’m running back to where I was sitting. I’m grabbing my brown paper bag from the floor. I’m running back to Seren and Bethany. They are waiting for me. It’s nearly our turn to go through the doors. ‘Am I going to the zoo?’ I say. I’m looking at Seren.
‘Maybe,’ she says. ‘If Miss sorts it out.’ She’s pointing her finger at me. ‘But remember your permission slip next time.’
We are going through the doors. We are following the children out of the hall. We are following them to the bus. We are at the end of the long line of children. We are waiting to get on the bus.
Mrs Pugh Year Two is standing by the steps. ‘Stop, Tomos Morris. Don’t you get on the bus. You may have to stay in school.’ Seren has stopped too. She’s telling Bethany to stop. ‘Not you,’ Mrs Pugh Year Two says. ‘You two girls can get on.’
‘We’re looking after Tomos,’ Seren says. ‘Mrs Davies told us to.’
‘And I am telling you to get on the bus.’ Bethany is going up the steps onto the bus. She’s looking back at Seren. Seren is not getting on the bus. ‘Get on,’ Mrs Pugh Year Two says. ‘I’ll look after Tomos.’ She’s making her voice sound kind. Her mouth is trying to smile at me. Seren is looking at her like she’s not telling the truth. ‘Get on, Seren.’ Mrs Pugh Year Two’s voice is cross again now.
‘Stay here and wait for Miss,’ Seren says. ‘And don’t move.’ She’s shaking her finger at me. ‘And don’t lose your packed lunch again.’ She’s going up the steps.
Mrs Pugh Year Two is getting on the bus too. I am the only one not on the bus. I’m looking for Miss. I can’t see her anywhere. I’m looking back up the path to school. I’m looking at the school car park. I’m looking everywhere. There are some people standing by the school gate. They’re waving to the bus. There are some people standing across the road too. But I can’t see Miss.
Mrs Pugh Year Two is at the top of the steps. She is making all the children listen to her. She’s telling them they must not sing on the bus. They must not leave sweet papers on the floor. They must not put their feet on the seat in front. They must not take their seat belts off. And they must not sing on the bus. They must not get lost at the petting farm. They must not take off their waterproof trousers if it’s raining. They must not take off their sun hats if it’s sunny. They must not be late for the bus when it’s time to come home because the bus driver is very busy. And they must not sing on the bus. No one must not spoil Mrs Pugh Year Two’s trip. She has spent a lot of time planning it. They must not spoil it for her. And they must NOT sing on the b—
‘Sorry to interrupt,’ the bus driver says. He doesn’t sound sorry. He sounds cross. ‘We need to get going. We’re already fifteen minutes late.’
Mrs Pugh Year Two has stopped talking. She’s looking at the bus driver. ‘We’re waiting for Mrs Davies, I’m afraid.’
I’m afraid too. I’m afraid Miss won’t come back. I am looking and looking and looking. And looking and looking and looking. I want her to come back. I want to go to the zoo.
There. At last. I can see her. She’s come round the corner. She’s walking down the road. She’s walking very very fast. She’s getting nearer and nearer. ‘Got it.’ Her voice is all blowy. She’s waving a piece of paper. She’s by the bus now. ‘Your mum’s signed it. Right, Tomos. Let’s get on.’
I’m getting on the bus. I’m getting on fast. She’s coming up the steps behind me. I’m turning round. ‘Am I going to the zoo?’
‘Yes.’ Miss’s face is pink and she’s smiling. ‘You are.’
She’s giving the slip to Mrs Pugh Year Two. ‘Tomos’s permission slip, signed by his mum.’
Mrs Pugh Year Two is grabbing it. She’s putting it with all the other pieces of paper.
I am remembering something. ‘Did Mammy shout at you?’ I don’t want Mammy to shout at Miss again.
Miss is shaking her head. ‘Shhh, shhh, Tomos. She was fine. Don’t worry about that.’
Wes is calling me. There’s no one sitting next to him. ‘Sit here.’
I’m sitting down next to Wes. I’m putting on my seat belt. ‘I’m going to the zoo.’ I am smiling and smiling and smiling. ‘I’m going to the zoo after all.’
‘It is not a zoo, Tomos Morris,’ Mrs Pugh Year Two says. She is walking down the bus. She’s checking that everyone has not taken their seat belts off. ‘It’s just a petting farm. There won’t be lions or tigers or any animals like that.’ Eddie has put his feet on the seat in front. She’s giving him a row.
‘Can we go now?’ the bus driver is shouting.
‘Yes,’ Mrs Pugh Year Two says in her loud voice. She’s making Miss sit next to her at the front of the bus. The bus is making a rumbly noise. It’s starting to move. The people by the school gate are waving and the people across the road are waving too.
‘Do you think there’ll be monkeys at the petting farm?’ I’m saying it to Wes and I’m looking out of the window. I’m watching the school going away. ‘I like monkeys.’
‘Yes,’ Wes says. ‘Lots of monkeys. And they bite.’
I’m holding my packed lunch bag. I’m holding it tight. It’s making a crinkly sound. ‘They bite?’
‘Yes,’ Wes says. ‘And there’ll be rhinoceroses.’ He’s looking in his backpack. He’s taking out a big bag of sweets.
We are going down my road now. Some people are standing by their gates. They’re waving to the bus and it’s going past our house but Mammy’s not by our gate. I’m trying to look through our windows. I’m trying to see Mammy. I want her to see that I’m going to the zoo. I’m looking and looking.
But the curtains in her bedroom are still closed.
‘And there’ll be crocodiles,’ Wes says. ‘At the petting farm.’ He’s putting a lot of sweets in his mouth. I can’t see Mammy. I can’t see her in our house. ‘And the crocodiles are huge.’ Wes’s voice is squeezing through the sweets in his mouth. It sounds all wonky. ‘They’re as long as this bus.’
Kaylee’s mammy is standing by Kaylee’s gate. She’s waving to the bus and I am waving to Kaylee’s mammy. I’m waving and waving and Kaylee is waving too.
Wes is twisting his bag of sweets. He’s twisting it round and round and he’s putting it back in his backpack. ‘And they run after you, the giant crocodiles at the petting farm.’ He’s putting his feet up on the seat in front and he’s taking the brown paper bag off my lap. He’s looking in it. He’s poking the sandwiches. ‘Yuck.’ And the apple. ‘Yuck.’ He’s taking out my chocolate biscuit. ‘And when they catch you…’ He’s looking at my chocolate biscuit. He’s taking the wrapper off it ‘…those giant crocodiles at the petting farm…’ He’s taking a big bite of my biscuit. He’s biting it in two. He’s pushing the other bit of my chocolate biscuit into his mouth ‘…when they catch you…’ He’s chewing and chewing and chewing and chewing.
He’s opening his mouth and he’s showing me all the bits of chocolate biscuit. Chocolatey spit is running down his chin ‘…they eat you,’ he says.
* * *
We’re at the zoo and everyone has put their backpacks in a special room for bags and I’ve put my brown paper bag in the room and I’ve zipped up my coat from the lost property box.
I am with Nadia and Kaylee and Rhys and I’m with Taylor and Eddie too and we are in Miss’s group and we are going round the zoo together and a man has given us little paper bags that are white and there are lots of bits in the bags and we must not eat the bits because they are for the goats in the field that we are going into and the goats are running up to us and there are lots of them. They’re quite big. Nadia and Eddie are screaming. They’re trying to run away. And the goats are chasing them.
