“Okay, you gave me the go ahead, so here goes, Liz. It’s not a pretty story I have to tell.” Martha set the coffee on to perk, and got out some biscotti’s. Her stomach felt like a fire had been set in it, but she paid it no mind.
Ulcers be damned, she thought as she sat across from her friend and began. “I’ve had a big break through and I am beginning to merge with my alternate personality now. I know almost everything, but it sickens me to tell it, and I fear it will sicken you, too.” She hesitated. “Lizzie, I’ve told you I had to see a psychiatrist. I have been for some time now. Remember what I said about something that happened in my childhood, causing problems for me now? Well, it seems something so severe happened to me during my first grade year that my mind created an alter personality, one that could withstand the horrible things that were happening.”
Lizzie nodded, reached out, and placed her hand on her friend’s shoulder to lend what support she could.
Martha went on to bring her friend up to date. “Actually, I am a criminal in some ways, though I feel no regret for my actions as Serena.” She uttered a small, tinny laugh, shrugged helplessly, and continued. “She was driven to do what she did! Actually she did what any of us would have liked to do, but can’t, as we are too civilized.” She clenched her fists and the knuckle bones shone white through her skin.
“Whoa, girl! Relax a bit. This stuff isn’t going away, so take your time in telling it.” Lizzie reached out to pat Martha’s hand before she went for the coffee.
She poured them each a cup and Martha took a sip. She couldn’t taste that or anything else with this weight upon her soul. Overwhelming though it was, in telling these bizarre things to Lizzie, she felt herself lighten a bit.
“How about Bob? Does he know what’s happening to you?” Seeing the pallor on Martha’s face, she exclaimed, “My God, Martha, what have you told him—how much?”
Tears sprang into Martha’s eyes. “He knows everything, Lizzie, and it’s the end for us. He couldn’t handle knowing the awful things I’ve done. The man was shocked beyond words. He said nothing—nothing Liz. He said he’d call, and I said I wouldn’t hold my breath until he did.” She uttered a weak laugh. “Look where I’d be if I did that—bluer than I feel right now.”
“Somehow, that doesn’t sound like the man you told me about. You don’t really know what he thinks. He never said, now did he?”
Martha shook her head. Her friend hadn’t been around last night to see the look of utter desolation in Bob’s eyes, or to hear the dull tones of his voice. He’d spoken to her, but in reality had said nothing, and even that had been forced. She knew their relationship was finished, and it felt like her insides were being torn to pieces. “Maybe I don’t know what he thinks, but what man wants anything to do with a woman who goes around castrating guys?”
“You didn’t see him last night. He was so quiet, Lizzie. He said no words of comfort. Not even a nice, ‘don’t worry, it’ll be okay.’ I’ve come away with empty arms and a broken heart from the best relationship of my life.” Martha let go then and sobbed for a long time.
Her friend waited patiently until the storm passed before saying more. “So, what else happened while you were Serena?”
How callous and nosey! Lizzie had long been a true friend but, right now, Martha had her doubts. “How can you ask that? Here I am suffering rejection, humiliation, and you want to know about her!” She couldn’t help herself, she suddenly broke into a laugh, and it felt good. “You brat! You know how to bring me around, don’t you?”
“Yes I do. You’ve wallowed in self-pity long enough. So now, what did you do as Serena that you haven’t mentioned yet?”
“If I tell you, you might go the way of Bob. But I’ll tell you anyway. Remember an alternate personality doesn’t usually think in legal terms as we do so she took an action or two that I’d have wanted to take, but would never consider. Remember the two child predators that got their gonads chopped?”
“Martha! Are you saying Serena did the deeds?” Reading the painful truth on Martha’s face, Lizzie gasped. “Are you kidding me? You—she—did that!”
“Yes, I’m afraid she did. I know they’re criminal acts, but I think it has to be the best thing I’ve ever done, even if it wasn’t really me.” Martha held her head up high, “I truly believe all pedophiles should be castrated. That’s the only way to stop them. You can talk about education, your mental aberration blathering, and all the rest of the modern politically correct psychobabble garbage, but those sick bastards never change their ways, and everybody knows it!”
She knew she was going too far but couldn’t stop herself. “They’re let loose to molest over and over again, until they torture and kill some poor little child. Then, maybe the authorities will decide to get serious. But it’s too late for that child and all the other poor kids who’ll never be the same.”
“Well dear girl, I had to ask. You sure laid it on me. Wow!”
Martha sighed. “Now you’ll turn your back on me and I’ll never see you again, either.” Her head spun with the sinking feeling she’d soon be all alone in her misery.
But Lizzie was grinning from ear to ear. “Don’t you worry about scaring me off. A man might find you a bit threatening, knowing what you’re capable of. I know you couldn’t help what you did and I’m one person who applauds you in that.” Lizzie had a sparkle in her eye. “Any more guys in your sights?”
“Lizzie!” Martha laughed. “Here you are—so good for me and look at me, I’m so wrapped up in myself I haven’t even asked how things are going for you these days.”
“Same ol, same ol. Boring. If I didn’t have you to liven things up, Martha, I’d go rat-traps, these days. Haven’t even got a guy on the string, but then, if I did, my husband might object.” She giggled. “Martha, you mentioned this place, The Paradisio. Why don’t we go there some night, you know, just for a look-see? We can sit way in the back where we won’t be noticed and watch the action. You make it sound like a crazy, kind of fun place. We’d have lots to look at. I’d like to go, just to see what goes on in there. My husband wouldn’t be caught dead in a place like that and might want to divorce me for going, but what the hell? We’d be together.”
“I don’t know, Lizzie, those days are over for me. I refuse to let the Serena part of me out like that, now that I know what’s she’s like.”
“Aw come on, what’s the harm in going just this once?”
Lizzie nearly begged, and Martha found she was a little curious herself.
What she remembered of the place seemed rather hazy. Maybe it would take her mind off things for a while. She shrugged. “Well, okay, Liz. We can go, I suppose. It’s a really sleazy dive. I remember that much about it in a hazy sort of way. Remember, I was Serena when I was there, and we aren’t all the way integrated yet. But, if you want to take a look-see at the place, just say when. I don’t have any more shifts this week.”
“Okay then, what does a person wear to a dive like that?”
“I used to wear high heeled boots up to here.” Martha pointed to her bottom. “Lots of garish make-up, and black leather, but no more, that’s not me.” She thought a moment. “Come to think of it, I have that stuff stashed around here somewhere. Some of it is in my closet, but there’s more stuff around here, I know it,” she said, realizing she had much more to discover about her other self.
“Why not dress that way, then? It’d be a blast, come on!” Lizzie’s eyes snapped and shone with excitement. “We’d fit right in.”
“I couldn’t dress like that. I’m a professional woman, Lizzie,” Martha murmured. “Of course, we wouldn’t want to stand out like a couple of church matrons either. We’ll have to work on our outfits.”
Her friend had the ability to bring out the fun in every situation, even one as dire as the one she was now embroiled in, and Martha treasured that quality in Lizzie. She felt her pulse race with a keen sense of excitement that she hadn’t experienced in a long while.
; “So where are some of those oversexed outfits of Serena’s?”
“Maybe in the garage, that seems familiar, somehow. Let’s check it out.” Martha led the way. In the garage her eyes lit upon the large, flat, plywood leaning near the neatly hung gardening tools. “Maybe behind this, I never knew why I bought this wood or when I bought it! I guess Serena did.” Martha gingerly pulled the heavy wood away from the wall and they peeked behind it.
“Look at this stuff!” Lizzie said as she grabbed up a blue duffle bag. “Man, this weighs a ton. What’s in here, anyway?” As she turned it up, the long beige colored sand bag fell to the floor.
“Oh no!” Martha gasped. “It’s really true—all of it! Look, here’s the sand bag I used to knock them out before I clipped them.” As this concrete proof of reality struck her, Martha looked at her friend. “Oh, Lizzie, I knew it was true, but this is so real. It’s actual proof of my guilt! What should I do now?” she asked, holding out her hands in appeal.
“Nothing, dear heart, nothing! What you did, you had to do. Those devils deserved everything they got. I’m so sick of being politically correct and worrying about the civil rights of people like Callahan and Garver! I’m glad you did what you did and protected how many more innocent kids? Don’t you ever wonder how many others you’ve saved by putting those two out of commission?” Lizzie huffed in anger. “Remember, they never stop. You know that!”
“Yes, I do know it, and for that reason, and whenever I see my poor, devastated grandson, Will, I cannot feel sorry for what I’ve done,” Martha said sadly. “That’s what I said to Bob, too, but he couldn’t handle it. He turned to stone before my eyes, Lizzie.” Tears streamed down her cheeks.
Lizzie hugged her. “Too bad about him, I kind of had the idea you had a good chance for happiness with that guy. Chalk up another one for the bad guys.” She turned back and dug into the rest of the contents behind the plywood. “Wow! A tramp wig, torn clothes, huge boots, and a regular theatrical make-up kit. You could be anyone with this stuff. How’d you learn all this, anyway?”
“I took a course in theatrical make-up and dress. At the time, I couldn’t imagine why I chose a crazy subject like that, but I guess Serena knew exactly why. Strange isn’t it, what happens to us?”
“Extreme stress can make almost anything happen. We know that well enough, don’t we?” Lizzie laughed. “You’re amazing Martha, you know that?”
“In what sick way are you suggesting I’m amazing?”
“How many people would like to do what you’ve done, but because of laws and convention, dare not? You dared. It’s the best thing ever and criminal or not, you have to come to terms with it.”
“If I come to terms with it, I’ll keep doing it.” Martha shoved the board back against the wall. “I should get rid of all this stuff. It’s incriminating to say the least. How can I do it? If the police were watching me at work, why aren’t they lurking around here, too?” She looked thoughtfully at Lizzie. “I might have someone following me. In fact, I’ll bet I am being tailed.” Her memory of the old maroon car came into her mind. “The next move I make, I’ll be on the alert. I’m taking Will to Biggie’s Burgers again. I’ll see then, if they’re watching me.”
They returned to the kitchen and Lizzie grabbed her bag to depart. “We’ll go out and have some fun, you just name the night.” She hugged Martha tightly. “Call me anytime, girl. I don’t know when anything this exciting has ever happened in my life.”
“Hey, how about my life!” Martha shot back.
Lizzie laughed as she hopped into her Caddy and drove away. After she left, Martha slumped into a chair, wishing Bob would call like he said. “Good thing I didn’t really hold my breath!” Depression and anger settled in as she thought about her untenable situation.
CHAPTER 28
Martha drove slowly to Jeannie’s home, all the while, carefully observing if anything or anyone followed. Eventually, she noticed the older maroon sedan a few cars back. I’ve seen a lot of that car the past day or two. If it’s the police, they could at least change cars now and then. When she turned into Jeannie’s, the car rolled past the house, too slow not to raise suspicion. “I’m not that stupid, you jerk!” She flung the words at the passing car and heard Serena’s voice in them.
Jeannie greeted her at the door. “Hi, Mom, anything, new?”
“Not really Jeannie. How’s Will?” Martha had had a bellyful of confessions and couldn’t face another round. “Is he ready to venture forth to Biggie’s Burgers again?”
“It comes and goes, moody, fits of temper, but he does play a little now and then. Maybe things are settling in too deep for us to see. I don’t know. And yes, he’s more than ready.” Jeannie looked closely at Martha. “What’s going on with you, Mom? Don’t play games with me. I see something dark and sad in your eyes.”
“Well, that’s more than I see. I’m fine, really, just trying to get a handle on being two people at the same time. It’s a bit of a tussle, working things out with someone who isn’t real, yet stronger than me, so they say. She likes too much make-up, that’s for sure.” Martha laughed, hoping to divert Jeannie’s prying attention. It came to an end when Will stormed onto the scene.
“Grammy, you ready? I am, let’s go!” His eyes shone with his eagerness to have yet another Bittie Meal thing.
Martha rolled her eyes at Jeannie. “Okay, get in the car. We’ll go to Biggie’s. Want to go to the same one, again?” Martha asked, wondering if he wanted to see the bully again.
“Yup, Grammy, I like it there.” Will sounded so normal, Martha wanted to cry with joy. Aside from that, she kept a lookout for the surveillance she knew would be close behind and snarled under her breath, “Now while I’m driving, I have to watch behind me too, so much for traffic safety—nosey bastards!”
They pulled in and ordered. The older maroon sedan she kept seeing had tailed her to the place. Watching out of the corner of her eye, she watched a portly man, dressed in jeans and dark sweater, come in and wait in line to order. She hurried Will to the play area, but had difficulty keeping her mind on him.
The anxiety of constant surveillance made her edgy and unsure of her next move. When Will ran off to play, she furtively glanced at the man. He didn’t look like a cop, but of course, he wouldn’t. It made her overly angry and the Serena part of her easily moved closer to the surface. Understanding the reason behind the venomous nature of her rage, she found relief in the knowledge that it wasn’t really her, now was it?
“No wonder I could do the things I did, if I felt that way. Serena, knock off the temper, okay?” she mused then wondered, Does talking to an alternate personality constitute talking to one’s self?
Martha’s mind turned to methods of eluding her tail. Will seemed very normal today, and she paid little attention to his behavior. Her thoughts were rudely interrupted, however, when an aggressive little blonde girl shoved Will and pushed him headlong down the slide. Martha heard his terrified screaming as he slid downward through the tunnel, before he shot out into the open. Crying hysterically, he searched for her and ran, crying, into her arms.
“Grammy, I want to hit her and bloody her nose. I want to—can I?” His face red with rage, Will stamped his small feet on the softly-textured matting that covered the play area.
“No, Will, we don’t ever, ever hit girls. You remember that?” An image of Joan M. flashed into her mind. They’d never allow Will to grow into a sadistic monster like that husband, Jimmy.
“But she needs it, Grammy.” He clenched his fists. “She does!”
“Maybe she does, but boys grow much bigger than girls, and a gentleman never hits a woman. Can you remember that, Will?” Martha watched Will to see if he planned to act aggressively toward the little girl in spite of her admonishments. She’d never allow it.
“I’ll try, Grammy. Can we go home, now?” His eyes filled with tears, which helped Martha see this episode as basically normal. He’d faced a lesson of life—one of many.
&n
bsp; “Sure, Will, we’ll go right now.”
They started for the exit.
“Excuse me please.” A pretty blonde woman held the offending child by the hand. “My daughter wants to speak to your little boy.”
Martha turned Will to face them. “This little girl wants to say something, Will.”
He cast his eyes downward and silently held his ground, his lower lip stuck out in a stubborn pose.
“I didn’t mean to puth you, little boy. I thorry, din’t mean it.” The little blonde girl held out her hand, and Will took it. He only nodded, and Martha thought he was ashamed of the tears that had formed in his eyes.
Later, as they drove home, Will said, “She’s cute, Grammy. But I wonder what she looks like down there?”
Martha saw him grinning as he said it and heard a sly giggle. Feeling sick and defeated, she hated the leering look she saw in his eyes.
Worried her grandson had formed an appetite too mature for one so young; she wondered how Jeannie would take hearing this latest report on Will. Anger shook her violently once again, but she calmed herself. “Will, you shouldn’t spend time thinking about things like that. She was a very pretty girl, wasn’t she?”
Will only nodded, but Martha felt a chill at the curious gleam in his eyes. “Callahan I’d do you all over again if I had the chance!” she muttered and gave no thought to the car following.
She ushered Will into the house, then turned to her daughter, barely able to control the anger she felt toward Callahan. “Jeannie, Will seems to have developed quite a curiosity about looking at the intimate parts of little girls. Would you let his therapist know about this latest concern? It worries me no end. God! I hate all this and I despise that evil molesting fiend more every damned day!”
“Mom, take it easy. The doctor said we might expect just about anything from him. We have to meet each event as it occurs.”
The Vigilante Page 21
