by Amy Metz
“I’d certainly put him on the short list.”
She looked up at Jack and playfully said, “I’ve got it. Caledonia and Penny didn’t like each other, so Penny put out a hit on Caledonia, but Caledonia found out about it and killed Penny first.”
Jack played along. “Then who tried to kill y’all tonight?”
She spread her hands, palms up. “The hit was all arranged before Penny’s death, so it went on as planned.”
“You do have a furtive imagination. You ought to write a book.” She settled back in, and he put his chin on her head.
“So in my column, you have my ex. In Caledonia’s column, you have her husband or Jimmy Dean or Louis.”
“That about sums it up, pretty lady.”
“What’s next?”
“Next, you roll over, and I rub your back until you go to sleep. And tomorrow we’ll stop in and talk to Johnny. He won’t be able to discuss a case, but he can listen to us.”
“Okay. I want to check in on Caledonia too, maybe first thing in the morning. I’m worried about her.”
“I’m worried about you.” Jack began rubbing Tess’s shoulders. The only sound in the room after that was Ezzie’s snoring.
Wynona was ashamed of herself. Two failed attempts. What’s wrong with me? Maybe this crazy little town is messing with my mojo. I told Zeke I’m just not cut out for this line of work. She shook her head in disgust and then picked up her cell phone when a text alert beeped. She didn’t even need to look; she knew who it was going to be from.
“I am not amused.”
She typed: “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. That woman has more lives than a cat.”
“You were supposed to be good.”
“I was.” She erased that and typed:
“I am.”
“This is you being good?”
She typed, “No,” pinched the bridge of her nose, and then added, “Believe me, I will prevail.”
“No. Put it on ice for the time being. Leave town. I’ll be in touch when I need you again.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to finish the job now?”
“I said I’ll be in touch,” was the curt reply.
Wynona waited, but nothing more came. She threw the burner phone in the garbage and flopped on the bed.
In the past year, she and her partner had killed more than ten people. Well, her partner had. There was the two-bit publisher, the mortgage loan officer, the bank manager, the moving company crew, the appliance technician, the owner of a flooring company and his team of installers, a lawyer, and those were just the ones she could name right off-hand. But Zeke had done those jobs. If only he hadn’t gotten killed. Now she was alone, and it was up to her. And she’d botched it twice. Not doing so good on your own, huh? Now the job had been put on hold or maybe even terminated. She cursed under her breath. Time to pack up and move on. I just hope that little punk is in hot water over the car incident. That would be a pseudo-happy ending.
She was proud of herself for framing him while she carried out a hit. Or tried to. What would Zeke have said? She shuddered to think. Now that he was gone, maybe it was time to pack it in. Look for a new career. She didn’t like this one anyway.
On her back, staring at the ceiling, she thought about how tired she was. So tired. Tired of being someone else, tired of always running, tired of trying to be the hard-hearted professional that she obviously was not.
Maybe this is a sign that it’s time to stop. I’m not Zeke, and I never will be.
Mama always said . . . Strong storms make deeper roots.
The morning after the accident, Caledonia had just seen Pickle and Peanut off when she turned around and saw Phil standing in the kitchen doorway holding a suitcase.
“What’s that for, Philetus? I didn’t know you were planning a business trip.”
“Why, it’s a suitcase, Caledonia.” He talked slowly, using a Mr. Rogers’ tone of voice. “It’s used for putting clothes in and taking them out of the house. People don’t actually have to leave town to use one. They might merely be leaving a house—and a wife—to be in need of one.”
Caledonia stomped her foot in frustration. “Philetus! Stop that foolishness and tell me where you’re going. Tell me right now.”
“Well, dear, I just did. I’m leaving you. I don’t rightly know at the moment where I’m going, but anywhere is better than here.”
“Leaving me? What on earth for?”
“You’ll be hearing from my attorney. I suggest you get one for yourself.” He had begun walking toward the door but turned back to her before he reached it. “And I’d enjoy living in this house if I were you because your days in it are numbered. You’re gonna want more than I’m willing to give you—”
“Excuse me? More than you’re willing to give? No. I want my fair share. I want what the law says is mine. Whatever happened to us working together to build a life and a family? It was just fine when I managed everything here for you, did everything for you. Now those contributions and my sacrifices are worth nothing? You took the best years of my life and let me be a slave for you in the name of love, let me raise your sons, and now I’m worth nothing?”
“Darlin’, when I get done with you, you’ll be lucky to afford a two-room apartment.” He walked out, leaving his wife standing in the middle of the kitchen, her mouth wide open. She sank into a chair.
Ten minutes later, the cell phone buzzing in her pocket snapped her out of her daze.
“Cal, it’s me. You busy?” Paprika asked.
Caledonia jumped to her feet and stomped. “Spice Girl, I’m so mad I could spit!”
“Why? What’s the matter?”
“Can you come over here? I need a friend.”
“I’ll be right there.” And she was. Paprika wasted no time getting to her friend’s house.
Caledonia poured two glasses of sweet tea with a wedge of lemon, and once they sat on the couch, she began talking.
“Philetus left me, Spice Girl. What am I gonna do?”
“He left you?” She leapt from her slumped position on the couch and clapped her hands once. “Well praise the Lord and pass the pudding.”
Caledonia looked hurt. “You’re happy he left me?”
“Honey, I am ecstatic. I’ve been waiting for you to leave him for years. So what if he’s the one who left? The point is, you are free from that jacka—I mean man. Free!” She pumped a fist and then saw her friend’s expression and curbed her enthusiasm. She touched her friend’s hand. “This really is a good thing, hon.”
“He said I won’t be able to afford anything but a two-room apartment. He said I’ll have to sell my home.”
“Of course he did. He’s trying to intimidate you from the get-go. Don’t you listen to him. We’ll get you a good lawyer, and Phil’s eyes will be opened. He’ll have to pay what’s fair. It’s the law.”
“I’ll have to get a job, but I don’t know what I can do. My career is being a mom. Who’s gonna pay me to do that? And what’s gonna happen to my babies when I’m not here all the time?”
“You are qualified for lots of things, California. You have a college degree, and you’re a smart, reliable, responsible woman. You’ll find something. And you’ll work it out with the boys.”
Caledonia shook her head. “I don’t have the confidence to go job hunting. I haven’t been to a job interview in twenty years. When you haven’t felt respected for years . . . When you’ve been made to feel unwanted, invisible, incapable, you don’t want to put yourself out into the world.”
“Just because he’s convinced you that you are no good at anything doesn’t mean you can’t go out and prove what you’re made of. Honey, I know it’s scary to leave your comfort zone to go out and possibly fail. But I don’t see you failing. I see you flying. You’ll see. God has put you through this for a reason. Now he’s bringing you out on the other side, and you’re gonna prove what a strong woman you are. You remind me of a meme I saw on Facebook or Pinte
rest or one of those online sites. It said, ‘You’re a diamond, dear. They cannot break you.’ That is absolutely true of you, California.”
She nodded. “I do think I’d rather live alone than with someone who makes me feel alone. You know?”
“I do know, sweetie. I saw that meme on Facebook too. Robin Williams said that.” Paprika hugged her friend. “Honey, I just know you are gonna be all right. Mark my words.”
“Well, I’m gonna need a plan,” Caledonia said with a placid smile. “And to help us with a plan, you know what we need?”
“Food.”
“Not just food. We need cookies.” Caledonia grabbed her friend’s hand, jumped up, and pulled her to the kitchen. “Cookies make everything better.”
“I thought it was cupcakes,” Paprika said. “Or pie.”
“Oh? We’ll just have to make all of them then.”
The first batch of cookies was in the oven when Tess came in. “Ooooh, something smells yummy in here.”
Caledonia went to Tess and hugged her. Over Cal’s shoulder, Tess peered questioningly at Paprika, who mouthed, “Phil left.”
Rubbing her hand in a circle on Caledonia’s back, Tess said, “Caledonia, are you okay?”
Caledonia pulled back. “I am a little numb, Betty. Phil left me. I guess my suspicions were right, huh?”
“Never question a gut feeling,” Tess said.
“We’re gonna sit here and eat cookies and make a plan. Join us.” Caledonia grabbed an oven mitt and went to the oven.
“I will for a bit. Jack and I are going to see Johnny about the accident. I just wanted to check on you.”
“Oh gosh, I clear forgot about last night with all that’s been going on this morning. Well, not forgot, but I pushed it to the back of my mind. I guess it got lost in there.” The women laughed together. Caledonia harrumphed. “You know that man didn’t even ask about my well-being this morning? He just waited until the boys were gone and up and left.”
“How are you feeling?” Tess asked.
“I’m actually feeling pretty good. How are you feeling?” She put the cookie sheet on the stove to cool.
“Sore all over. But Jack’s taking good care of me.”
“Go ahead. Rub it in,” Paprika said, and she and Caledonia exchanged a look.
“Don’t you worry. You’re both going to find good men. Even if you don’t, you’ll be fine as single women. I was okay. You will be too. But life does get lonely. Wait until the kids leave for college. Then you’ll be eating alone, and for me, that was the worst. Going to the movies or a play alone, gardening alone, cooking alone . . . I’m just saying it’s nice to have a companion to share life with, you know?”
“I know.” Caledonia sounded defeated.
“I wasn’t looking for a man when I met Jack, but he’s what I never knew I needed. Life before him was in black and white; now it’s in vivid color. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, it does. And I’m glad you two found each other.” Caledonia hugged Tess.
Paprika slammed her hand onto the table. “Come on, girls. Let’s get to planning.”
“In a sec.” Caledonia jumped up. “I need to run to the little girl’s room,” she said over her shoulder.
Once she was out of the room, Tess turned to Paprika. “I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been thinking about asking you something. Now that Phil has left, I definitely think it’s a good idea.”
“You were thinking about me? How come?”
“I’m worried about Caledonia. Maybe you and I could take turns hanging around until all this nonsense blows over.”
“Count me in.”
“I doubt the police force has the manpower to offer her any kind of protection. I’d like to talk to her about leaving town for a while, but I’d worry about her then too. I think she needs to have someone with her at all times. Maybe we could set up a schedule?”
Paprika pushed her hands in her hair. “Augh! This is all so weird. It cannot be happening.”
Tess reached for Paprika’s hand. “I feel the same way. It’s bizarre.”
“I wish we could do something.”
Tess had an idea. “Maybe we can.” Tess inched forward on her seat, bumping her knee on the table. She grimaced but kept talking. “You’re an IT brainiac, right?”
Paprika mimicked Tess, except for hitting her knee, and they both sat on the edge of their seats, heads together, whispering. “Well, my business card says Computer Safety Specialist, but I’ll take your depiction.”
“Caledonia told me there’s not much you can’t do when it comes to hacking into things.”
“That is true. What are you getting at?”
“On the off-chance Phil is involved somehow, I think we should try to hack into his emails. If he did have anything to do with these accidents,” Tess mimed air quotes, “maybe we can find something incriminating.”
“I can do that, but it’s not legal. I don’t know what we’d be able to use.”
“You find it first. Jack and I will take it from there.”
Caledonia came back into the room. “What are you two conspiring about, all huddled up in the corner?”
“We’re scheming.”
“Against whom?”
“Don’t worry. We’ll fill you in.”
“First, we need to get you a lawyer.”
Caledonia’s cell phone rang, and she said, “Be right back,” and left the room to answer it. Paprika and Tess were on their second cookies when Caledonia returned.
“That was Melba toast. She wanted to know if it was true.”
“How’d she hear about it?” Paprika screwed up her face.
“She told me that Philetus has already secured Louis as his attorney. Now what am I gonna do?”
“Boy, he doesn’t waste any time, does he?” Tess scowled.
“You’re gonna have to go to Tweedle Dee. That’s all there is to it.” Paprika chewed her bottom lip.
“But she hates me,” Caledonia cried.
“How do you know that?” Tess leaned toward her.
“I can just tell. The look in her beady little eyes. She’s horrid.”
“Well, personal feelings can’t come into play with professional business. A lawyer’s sworn to give the best legal counsel possible.”
“Is that true?”
“Yes. And you won’t have to see her that much. You can meet with her once and then communicate by email. And she really is a shark, Caledonia. She’ll be your best bet.”
“I suppose you’re right.” She took a deep breath. “It was a genius move though.”
“What do you mean?” Paprika asked.
“He hired Louis so I’d have to go to Dee Dee, with whom he just happens to be friends. He’ll have them both on his side. He’s covered his bases because he just can’t stand to lose.”
“We’ll be there with you every step of the way. We won’t let you get a raw deal.”
While Caledonia went to call Dee Dee’s office, Tess turned to Paprika. “What’s new with you?”
“Not much. I thought maybe Hank would call, but he hasn’t. I don’t blame him. Who’d want to be saddled with a woman and three kids?”
“Paprika, he’d be lucky to have you. Don’t you fret. We’ll find you a man.”
“Don’t bother. I don’t want one. They’re not worth the trouble.”
“Mine is.” Tess’s smile lit up her face. “And you’ll find one just as good.”
“Not in this town. I’m doomed.”
“Don’t give up on Hank just yet. He hasn’t seen the jewel that’s right in front of him.” Tess reached for another cookie. “Share this one with me?”
“Why not? And then let’s make pie.”
“I don’t think we’re gonna get much on the prints, Chief.” Velveeta stood in Johnny’s doorway in a kind of military at-ease stance.
Johnny looked up from the papers on his desk. “Elaborate.”
She entered the office. “First off, we didn’t find
much that was good enough for identification. And from what I can tell, there were only two different prints. It’s highly doubtful either one is the perp’s.”
“I tend to agree with that assessment. What about Louis and Jimmy Dean’s alibis?”
“You’re not gonna believe it, but they check out. Several people remember seeing the punk at the theater, and Louis’s secretary says the car wasn’t in the parking lot when she left after bringing him dinner. She says she remembers that because she thought at the time it was strange.”
“Good job, Officer.”
Velveeta turned to go, but Johnny stopped her. “Listen, Jack and Tess Wright are coming in. They said they want to talk. I want you in the conversation.”
“Sure. Anything special we’re talking about?”
“Jack said he’d fill me in when they got here.”
“I did and I will.” Jack and Tess stood in the doorway behind Velveeta.
“Hey, you two. Come on in. I didn’t hear Bernadette say you were here.” Johnny stood behind his desk.
“She didn’t. We told her we’d go on back because you were expecting us. Hope that’s okay.” Jack reached across the desk to offer his hand to Johnny.
Johnny took the outstretched hand and then kissed Tess on the cheek. “Sure. What’s all this about?”
Jack and Tess sat opposite Johnny at his desk, and Velveeta pulled a chair over next to them. Jack spoke first. “We’re worried about Caledonia and wondered if y’all were too.”
“You mean because she’s been involved in two violent crimes in less than a week?” Johnny puffed out his cheeks.
Tess laughed through her nose. “Yeah, that.”
Johnny glanced at Velveeta and then back at Jack. “Well, I can’t comment too much, but yeah, don’t worry. We’re on it.”
“Do you think she needs a bodyguard?” Tess asked.
“Possibly. But Goose Pimple Junction isn’t set up for that kind of operation. Maybe her husband could help out with that.”
“Her husband left her,” Tess said.
Johnny’s eyebrows rose. “When?”
