“So, you did it. You’re a lawyer.” I tried to break the ice but strangely felt as nervous as I did the first time that I summoned the guts to talk to her at The Mission.
“Yeah, and you did it too. You’re a famous musician.”
“Yeah, I suppose that’s true.” I couldn’t keep the grin off my face. “Still a geek at heart.”
“Hmmm. Well you seem to have overcome your shyness, Tyson. You’re quite the playboy now.” She looked directly at me.
“I won’t apologize, Zoey. You dumped me pretty spectacularly. And then put the nail in the coffin.” I sighed, slightly mortified that maybe she’d seen something I wasn’t proud of. On the other hand, it wasn’t any of her business.
Her voice hitched. “No, you shouldn’t apologize, I had no right to say that. All I ever wanted was for you to live your best life.”
“Look, it’s been many years.” I took pity on her, and on myself.
“I was so young and naïve, Ty. I’m so sorry that I made everything so fucking dramatic. It seems so stupid now. You deserved so much better after all that we meant to each other. I hope you can forgive me someday.”
“Zoey,” I spoke softly as I reached over, gently touching the top of her hand on the conference table, my bracelet grazing her skin. “Neither of us need to be forgiven. We were both young and did the best we could. Hopefully, we have evolved by now.”
“I honestly don’t know what to say to you, Ty.” She pulled her hand away and looked down at her notepad. “I never thought I’d be in the same room as you again either.”
“Fucking Carter.” I rolled my eyes. “Do you think we could talk, really talk about what happened someday? At the very least for closure? Not today, with all of these people around.”
Zoey regarded me pensively as if considering whether I meant what I said.
“I’d like that. I mean, I’ve owed you an explanation for years. I’m pretty sure about where you stand after your songs eviscerated me.” The corners of her lips curved up in a hint of a smile. This glimpse into the saucy girl I once knew made me unspeakably happy.
“I really never expected the songs would become so big. I wrote them after you left me that message. When I’d given up for good on us” I squinted, remembering. “It doesn’t matter. You were such an important part of my life, Zoey. It’s time for us to move on so things don’t have to be awkward between us or our friends.”
“Yeah.” She hung her head a bit, causing her shirt to shift. I caught a sparkle of a chain around her neck. The butterfly necklace. She still wore it.
“C’mon, it will be okay. Let’s put this stuff between us in the rearview mirror.”
My reaction to Zoey was surprising to me. I truly thought I was over her. Yet I was still so irresistibly drawn to her. Even stronger than before, almost like the magnets within us had strengthened over time. I had been determined to forget how great she and I were together. How she made me feel. Yet, in an instant I was right back at ground zero, which was terrifying but also exciting. Hopeful.
For now, I knew that I wanted to keep her talking to me for as long as possible.
“You’re right, of course. I know that Alex and Jace have hung out over the years.” Zoey cocked her brow.
“Mmm-hmm.” I knew they did more than that but didn’t know how much she knew.
“Yeah, they’ve become close, I guess. We didn’t see much of each other while I was in school but we’re tight when we are both in town.”
She chewed nervously on the end of her ballpoint pen, glancing between me and her notepad as if I’d combust if she held my gaze too long.
Her nervousness really surprised me. She’d always been so confident and determined. Even after hearing secondhand that she’d had it rough, I’d never believed it completely.
“Can we leave that discussion for another day? Today, is about my foundation, which I’m really proud of.”
“Oh! Of course.” Her body jerked back as if she were pushed, but she quickly covered up her shock with a polished professionalism. “You should be proud. Um, can we call Joe back in? Or are you going to go with another firm now that I’m involved? I’m happy to turn this over to someone else if you won’t be comfortable with me.”
“Of course not, if Carter vetted you and the firm then I’m good. I want you to stay. It gives us a positive reason to, well, reconnect as older and wiser adults I guess.”
“Of course, in a professional sense. Ethically I’d be your company’s lawyer.” Zoey’s lawyer mask was firmly back in place.
“Sure. Of course. In a professional sense.” I nodded, but her need to clarify our relationship felt like another rejection. Which stung. Now that I’d seen and spoken to my elusive butterfly, there was no way to deny that I wanted her again.
On the other hand, I finally felt stable in all aspects of my life. It would be a terrible idea to risk putting my heart or sanity on the line for her again.
Fuck it.
This witty, confident, stunningly gorgeous, and smart woman was meant to be mine. I knew it as surely now as I had eight years ago. Working with her was the best of both worlds. I’d have her in my life, but if I respected her wishes and kept it professional for the time being, I’d slowly win her over.
Sooner rather than later.
Chapter 11
ZOEY
Regret.
I couldn’t help but feel utter and total regret at losing eight years with Ty as we set up his foundation over the next few months. Working with him was an absolute joy. We slipped right back into our easy banter. I justified reasons to call or text him to get details for the legal documents I was preparing, but invariably our conversations stretched into other subjects.
My heart soared when Ty remembered my birthday and brought two cupcakes to my office, one with a “2” and another with a “6” candle. He seemed to enjoy talking to me, I looked forward to his calls and texts. Nothing was remotely romantic in these interactions, I was very conscientious of my legal role, but his communications became the highlight of my day.
My heart was in grave, grave danger.
Sometimes it felt like nothing had changed at all. His sexy, deep voice still gave me goosebumps, his goofy, dorky sense of humor was so endearing. It was impossible for me to deny that my fantasy was to once again be something more. Seeing that he still wore the bracelet I had given him for his birthday all those years ago only ignited my hope. The leather looked faded and worn. Even after I left him only hours after gifting it, he’d kept his promise never to take it off.
Other times, when he didn’t respond quickly, or in a way that was much more reserved and cautious, I would feel crushed. He could be cold at times, almost like he was protecting himself. I didn’t know if he acted this way as a coping mechanism for his fame, or if it was only with me.
Despite all our interactions during the time we spent setting up his foundation, he didn’t bring up getting together again. I didn’t either, even though I desperately wanted to clear the air and move on. Our past still blanketed us like a thick fog.
Unable to stop myself, I continued to troll him on Google and YouTube and could find no trace of the sordid videos and pictures I had seen years ago. Oh, there were plenty of smokin’ pictures of Ty. I devoured the promo shots of him. A Rolling Stone article featured several photos of him shirtless, his jeans riding low revealing the cut “v” of his stomach, looking directly into the camera with his piercing, blue eyes, chocolate waves floating away from him in an invisible breeze. In a Breitling watch ad, Ty’s gorgeous but unshaven, smirking face was shot in extreme close-up, blue eyes peeking at the camera from under his hair, a $20,000 watch on the wrist that he rested his chin on. The hottest one, in my opinion, was in People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive Issue where Ty was sitting cross-legged in front of a swimming pool in frayed, holey jeans, his long, slender toes peeking out as he leaned back on his arms, his head thrown back in laughter while his eyes crinkled adorably.
My hear
t literally yearned for him. This amazing, complicated but wonderful man had been mine, and I threw him away.
I counted my blessings for our easy, professional rhythm during the weeks that Rainier Arts Foundation dominated every hour of my day. His intelligence and insight about how he wanted his non-profit to run was intoxicating to the lawyer side of me. Not only did I respect the hell out of him, but I was also proud to be part of the team that would make his dream become a reality. It occurred to me that we had now been platonic “professional friends” for longer than we had ever been a couple. Which was weird.
Too soon, all of the paperwork had been filed, the organization infrastructure set up, employees were vetted and hired, board members appointed, and all the documents had been signed, sealed, and delivered. They needed to hire executive staff, and then my work would be done. For now, Ty was ready to launch and LTZ’s publicity team had been brought in to oversee the announcement of the Rainier Arts Foundation at some private event on his birthday in September.
I was feeling depressed because my official excuses to talk to Ty were almost over, when it was all I really wanted to do. Lost in my malaise, I nearly jumped out of my seat when my boss Joe knocked on my door.
“Zoey, we need to have a chat,” he began. My heart started beating wildly, I hadn’t been able to concentrate on work for many days now, so I braced myself for a reprimand.
“Sure, Joe.” I tried to sound confident. “What can I do for you?”
“I just wanted to congratulate you on the Rainier Arts Foundation, what a great client to bring to the firm. I appreciate it and wanted to personally thank you.” Joe set an expensive bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne on my desk and headed back out the door. “Now that the foundation is set up, I have some other client work I’d like you to focus on, but if you keep bringing in clients like that, you’ll be in line for partner in no time!”
Keeping a calm and what I hoped was a gracious exterior, I listened to Joe but realized that I had no interest in my other client work. The foundation had become what I looked forward to working on at the firm. Day-to-day interaction with Ty had been an added bonus. Now that was being ripped away. Disappointment at being removed from the project hit me like a ton of bricks. It had nothing to do with my career ambitions, it was because I was heartbroken all over again.
I had established the boundaries with Ty at the beginning, and Ty had respected them. With my work completed, there truly was no reason for me to hope that our renewed “friendship” wouldn’t just fade away into nothingness. Before Ty had come back into my life, I’d been singularly focused on the partner track at Finney Cooper. With Ty suddenly back in my life, I knew I wanted more. I’d been working non-stop and seeking validation, first from professors and now from my bosses for eight years.
My self-imposed purgatory had to end.
Spending time with Ty, who was so stoked about his foundation, made me remember what it felt like to truly be excited about my future. Not just going through the motions of achieving corporate goals. Staring out my window at the city well past nine p.m., contemplating what I wanted to do, I wondered whether it was time to make a drastic change.
With virtually no social life other than a handful of embarrassing online dates, there was no love in my life. My student loans were paid off, my apartment was reasonable, and with no other big expenses, I had a sizeable savings account. Maybe I could tough it out for a few more months into the new year. If I was careful with money, I could take a year off to figure out my next steps. Maybe I could finally go somewhere exotic with Alex.
The only person I wanted to talk to about all of this was Ty. With no professional reason to be in contact, it would have been inappropriate for me to call or text. He hadn’t reached out for a couple of weeks other than a text here or there with a quick question about the foundation. Summer was nearly over, and his birthday and announcement party were around the corner. Then it would probably be all over for us.
Again.
A few days later, I had fully resigned myself that it was already over when a beautiful custom-made VIP invitation for me and a guest arrived at my office. The launch party would be held at the newly renovated Space Needle Loupe and LTZ would play a special acoustic set for exclusive broadcast on Sirius. Only one hundred people would be allowed in. My assistant confirmed that Joe hadn’t been invited, which made me feel a bit smug after he ripped me away from my passion-project to finish and take credit for it himself.
My body buzzed with adrenaline. It was such an intimate affair; there would be no way to avoid the LTZ guys. Inwardly, I grimaced at how awkward it would be for me to see them. Worse, I had nothing to wear. My wardrobe was now basically funky business attire or sweats, nothing I owned would be fashionable enough for me to compete with the women Ty was now used to. Feeling inadequate, even with my invite in hand, I came up with a million reasons not to go.
A few days later, Ty texted me.
Ty: Hi Z Did you get the invite?
Zoey: Y
Ty: U should B there
Zoey: I’ll try
Ty: Not good enough
Ty: U should be at the party
Zoey: I’ll try
Ty: I’d be sad if u weren’t there. At least we will be working together now, did U ever think U’d be my lawyer? LOL
Zoey: I’m not anymore, I’ve been reassigned to some other projects
Ty: WTF
My phone lit up, Ty was calling, “What the fuck, he can’t do that.”
“He can, and he did,” I sighed.
“Who am I going to work with?” Ty growled.
“Well, it’s his firm and you’ll be in good hands with anyone, Ty. I’m just a third-year associate,” I rationalized, even though I was still salty.
“You were the one who did all the work, Zoey,” Ty fumed. “I’m going to have a word with him, I want you back on the project.”
“Ty, you’re already a success, more than a success. But, remember, I’m not in the same place professionally. I’m still just starting out. I may not be happy about it, but I can’t afford to burn any bridges this early in my career. Please don’t say anything.” I wanted to make sure he didn’t do something that would interfere with all of my hard work and sacrifice over the years.
“Ah, bab—Zoey. Fine, I won’t do anything to get you in trouble, I promise. But I’m not happy about it. Not at all.” Ty didn’t sound convinced.
I paused a moment; did he almost call me “babe?” I decided to throw out a fishing line. “If it means anything, I am super bummed.”
“Z, of course it means something. I was looking forward to seeing you more often.” Ty’s voice remained even, like he had no choice but to hold back.
“I was looking forward to seeing you too. I’m so grateful that we are back in touch and that things between us seem to be okay.”
“Zoey, for many years I wasn’t okay, but I am now. I really am.” Ty sounded a bit defensive.
“I mean, of course you’re okay, I didn’t mean to imply that—”
Ty interrupted me. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Right, of course. Well, anyway, I just wanted to say that working on the foundation has been inspirational.” My voice was weirdly high-pitched, almost like a fangirl and not a woman who had once seen him naked. A lot.
“Thank you,” Ty said almost tentatively, maybe picking up on my weird vibe.
I took a deep breath and decided that I had to clear out some of my cobwebs if I had a snowball’s chance in hell of attending the event. “The truth is, I’m nervous to see you play live. Seeing you again has brought up a lot of memories from when we were together. I know I don’t have any right, but you are—well, you—I’m just so sorry how I handled things. I listened to Carter, and it nearly killed me and now that we are, well, okay again I think that maybe he was right with his advice. Because, well you might never have made it this far with me holding you back.”
Yep. Babbling, apparently, was my strong su
it.
There was utter silence on Ty’s end.
“Are you there?” I asked meekly.
“Yeah.”
“I’m also not sure if I can face the guys after all of those songs.”
“Wow, um—” Ty stopped midsentence, paused and continued. “Z, I can admit that I was confused about seeing you again too. Seriously, don’t worry about the guys, they understand what happened. They got sick of me because I was a mess, but they never hated you. They still talk about the Dick’s burgers and pies you and Alex brought to the studio.”
“They do? Really?” I was genuinely surprised.
“Of course. Bottom line is, I’d like you to be there. Without you, I wouldn’t have realized a new dream.”
“That’s totally not true, um. But, what if your fans realize it’s me?” I couldn’t articulate my thoughts in a way that didn’t sound pissy.
“Oh. Oh. Right. I guess I’ve performed them so many times, I hadn’t even considered that you might be outed,” Ty murmured. “I never thought I’d have to face you singing those songs. Shit.”
“You hated me, and you deserved to hate me.” A tear suddenly escaped and rolled down my cheek.
“No, the opposite. I loved you. I fucking loved you, Zoey. You were my heart.” Ty’s voice choked up a bit. “You were my everything.”
“I loved you too. So much. I hope you know that. It’s also why I’m questioning whether it’s smart for me to be there. It feels like we are opening a can of worms. I mean, after you announce the foundation, we don’t have any reason to see each other.” I closed my eyes tight, squeezing tears out as I said the words, grateful that we were not having this conversation face-to-face.
Ty spoke gently and soothingly, “Zoey, of course we have a reason to see each other.”
“We do?” My breath caught.
“Yes. Look, I’m in the studio in LA until the day of the party but promise me you’ll be there. Bring Alex, she’s still friends with Jace so it will be fun. We will make it fun. Let’s stop taking all of this so damn seriously, for God’s sake, we were babies.”
ENDLESS: A Less Than Zero Rockstar Romance: Book 1: Ty & Zoey Page 12
