“You can take the first training session,” she continued. “No reason anymore for us both to be out there.” She wiped her palms across her apron. “I’ll take him this afternoon—”
“Grace,” he said, knowing he was cutting her off, but this couldn’t wait. “Don’t you think we should…” He paused and shrugged. “Shouldn’t we talk about last night?”
Finally she met his gaze. Her face wasn’t as pale, but the whites of her eyes were red, as if she hadn’t slept a wink last night, either, and his heart sank. “Do you remember what I asked you?”
Isaac almost laughed. “You asked a lot of questions last night.”
She sighed. “Do you remember that I said I would train Sin with you, but that was it?”
His eyes burned and his head throbbed, his hopes dissolving. “I do remember that.”
“Then please respect my wishes.”
Isaac pressed his hands over his throbbing heart. “But, Grace, I’m sorry—you don’t know how sorry I am for saying what I did. You have every right to not trust me right now, and I have no excuse.” He stopped to run a hand over his face. “You can ask me anything. Can’t we forget last night?”
She shook her head. “You still don’t get it.”
He didn’t get it. But still, as he looked at her, he wanted to tell her everything in his heart, all the tender, loving things he felt for her.
Grace dropped her gaze and was staring at the ground. “Don’t make this worse.”
Worse? How could this get worse?
It was like he’d lived a whole day but couldn’t remember what happened. Somewhere in that forgotten day, he’d hurt Grace Zook irreversibly. How and why he would’ve done that still wasn’t clear.
All he could do was stand and stare at her as she further explained how the training sessions should go that day and the rest of the week. Very seldom did it require them to be together.
“Fine,” he said, feeling too beaten down to fight anymore. She was done with him—their partnership and whatever else they might’ve had was over.
She moved Cincinnati into the pasture, getting ready to start her part of the training. Isaac knew he was supposed to leave her there alone, but he couldn’t. He stood outside the fence as she saddled the horse, then began dragging the trotting poles into place. One looked a little too far away from the others, but Isaac didn’t say a thing.
He also didn’t say a thing when Sin trotted over the poles perfectly, again and again. Nor when Grace got him going at a faster trot, posting him right down the middle of the poles. It was like they’d both suspected: Cincinnati was a born jumper.
He wanted to whoop and congratulate her, but he didn’t. Not that Isaac relished being purposefully ignored for a full hour; he just couldn’t get himself to walk away.
“Hallo!”
Isaac had to squint into the sun at the approaching figure coming from the road. He didn’t recognize the person at first, but when he got near enough that Isaac could hear his greetings to Grace, he realized it was Collin Chupp.
Isaac’s eyes automatically narrowed.
Grace sent Isaac a quick glance, then turned her full attention to Collin. He was there to bring a jar of his mother’s chicken soup to Eve—that much Isaac heard perfectly. Though why was a grown man delivering food when he should’ve been working? And why hadn’t Samuel Chupp reached out to Isaac’s friends in Silver Springs about the job for Collin out there?
They continued chatting. And although Grace wasn’t behaving toward Collin like she’d behaved with Isaac, happy and open and uninhibited, Isaac still didn’t like it. He didn’t like them standing together by Sin. He didn’t like how often she smiled at the boy.
“Do you know about the Lambrights’ get-together after the singing next preaching Sunday?” Collin asked her.
“Hadn’t heard about it,” Grace said. “Why?”
Collin shuffled his feet, while a ball of hot fire lit inside Isaac’s chest.
“Was just wondering if you’d like to go with me. I’ll pick you up in my open carriage and everything.”
Isaac felt his teeth grinding, ready to escort Collin Chupp all the way back home, by the scruff of his neck if necessary.
Then he saw Grace. Her lips were pressed together and her chin was tucked, the wind blowing strands of loose hair around her face. Ever so slightly, she shifted so her body was facing Isaac.
He already knew from the Chupp family and from Grace herself that she’d never gone on a date with Collin, no matter how many times he’d asked her.
“Okay,” Grace said. Her eyes glanced toward Isaac, then quickly away, but so strong was their connection that, for a moment, Isaac thought she was speaking to him. “Jah,” she added, looking at Collin next, “that sounds like a nice distraction from…from work.”
Isaac felt a rage under his skin like he’d never known before, and he was two seconds from doing more than escorting Collin Chupp away.
They probably settled on a time and place, and maybe chatted about the weather, but Isaac heard nothing more. Blood whooshed inside his ears, his pumping heart making his body weak and drained as he nearly pulled a fence post out of the ground with his bare hands.
Hadn’t he been the happiest of men less than a day ago? Hadn’t he been making mental plans for weeks about his future—their future? And now he had to stand there and witness Grace accepting a date from another man.
He heard them saying goodbye to each other, even saw when Grace looked over at him again, then quickly glanced away. Was she trying to hurt him? Had the whole scene been for his benefit to show that Grace was moving on?
He didn’t know anything anymore. Even Gott had gone silent as he stood at the fence, feeling like the biggest fool in Lancaster County.
Chapter Forty
Grace didn’t think she’d be able to get out of bed this morning, let alone do anything productive like put on clothes or train horses…or work with the man who had broken her heart. She pulled the covers up over her head and willed herself not to cry again.
Even though it had been only three days, hadn’t she cried enough?
It broke her heart anew when she remembered how shocked Isaac had looked the other night. How he’d chased her down the dark road when she’d jumped out of the buggy, needing to be away from him by any means.
Yes, he’d seemed shocked—and confused and distressed—but Grace had heard the things he’d said to Wade. It was better that she face reality now than weeks or months down the road, after she’d fallen in love with him even more.
Slowly, she got out of bed and went through her morning routine, halfheartedly, because half of her heart was gone. Neither Sarah nor Amos nor Daed said much to her when she went downstairs for breakfast.
When she’d come home after their date, much earlier than expected, the questions had begun. Luckily, Maam must’ve seen something in her eyes, because she’d told Grace to go right upstairs to bed. A while later, Maam had come into her room. She’d sat on the bed and let Grace sob into her lap, whimpering about how she’d had to end her relationship with Isaac.
Even now, while Grace attempted to choke down her oatmeal, she felt pressure building in her eyes and in her chest, making it hard to breathe as she replayed the horrible memories.
“My sister Esther’s little Bella is still down with a cold,” Sarah said as she started a new pot of coffee. “I’ve been meaning to pay a call but haven’t had the time.” She put one hand on her forehead and one on her stomach. “I haven’t felt myself in a few days. Maybe there’s something going around.”
“Why don’t you take it easy today?” Amos asked her, touching her arm.
“Wish I could,” Sarah replied to him. “But my list is longer than a donkey’s tail—just as ornery, too.” Together, she and Amos laughed at the little joke.
Somewhere inside Grace’s hea
rt, she was happy her brother and sister-in-law were getting along, but all Grace could do was stare blankly at the table in front of her.
“I do wish I could sit with Esther today,” Sarah continued, “just to make sure she isn’t feeling overwhelmed with an ill child and a bobbeil on her hip. Hmm, what to do…what to do… More coffee, Grace?”
Suddenly, Grace lifted her head. “I can visit Esther.”
“Oh?” Sarah’s voice was high and lilted. “Why, do you think you have time?”
Grace had to think about it. She certainly deserved a day off, and hadn’t Isaac wanted to “even up” their training time? The thought made her stomach drop. But not having to see him made her shoulders feel lighter, yet her heart was still heavy.
“I’ll leave a note in the stables for…Isaac.” Saying his name aloud and hearing how her voice trembled, made her head throb.
“Or I could talk to him,” Daed offered.
Grace looked at him. “Would you?”
“Sure.” He smiled. “Just leave it to me. I’ll take care of the other horses today, too, if you’d like. Are their training notes up to date?”
“You don’t have to do all that, Papa,” Grace said. “It’s quite a lot.”
Daed chuckled. “Well now, my mind may be halfway retired, but my body still knows what to do with a gaul.”
Grace felt tears in her eyes and a huge lump in her throat, but she refused to cry. She’d also refused to talk to her father about anything she’d overhead Isaac telling Wade. It was somehow okay to be angry with Isaac, but she was too much her mother’s daughter to disrespect her father.
“Danke, Daed,” was all she could get out.
She stayed in the kitchen longer than usual, waiting to hear the sound of Scout’s hoofs approaching. Even if she didn’t already recognize his gait, Grace would’ve known it was Isaac anyway, for he was the only man in Honey Brook who traveled by horseback.
Here they come, she thought, feeling the hoof vibrations like the beats of her heart. He’ll go past the house, let Scout into the back pasture, then he’ll head straight to the stables.
Daed was already outside waiting for him. Grace sat as still as a jackrabbit, but she heard only muffled mumbles.
Is Isaac disappointed at my absence? Upset? Sad? Relieved?
Thanks to her decision, it was none of her business now.
When Daed came back inside to fetch his hat, Grace didn’t dare look at him, though she felt his heavy gaze on her. She knew Sin would be working with the trotting poles in the front pasture. And yes, it might’ve made her the biggest coward, but when she left the house to go visit Esther, Grace took the long way by cutting through the back pasture, ensuring that she would not run into Isaac.
At last she was free. She took in a big breath, letting the fresh morning air fill her lungs. Other ailments could be helped by breathing good, clean air. Perhaps a broken heart could be, too.
…
“Grace, goodness, this is a surprise,” said Esther Brenneman after opening her front door.
“Sarah said Bella’s still under the weather and your hands are full.”
“Sarah said that?” Esther replied, tilting her head.
Grace nodded. “She thought you might want my help today.”
“Oh.” Esther smiled and opened the door wider. “Please come in, then. I’m always happy to have company.”
When Grace entered the house, the baby was down on the thick family room rug. “He’s crawling already?”
“Aye,” Esther said after a big sigh. “And he’s got the energy of his father. None of us can keep up with him.”
“What a…joy.” Grace felt her chest cave in as she spoke the words. She had little idea how it felt to be a mother. She’d spent time with Sadie, and had become almost as comfortable taking care of her as she did with her own younger sisters. Was that the same as feeling like a real mother?
“He is a joy,” Esther replied, luckily interrupting Grace’s thoughts, for a new lump sat in her throat at the thought of not teaching Sadie to work with her first pony, or how to sing “Come Thou Fount” or all the other things Grace suddenly realized she would never do.
“Have you eaten yet?” Esther continued. “We’re a little off schedule this morning. Bella was up early wanting breakfast, and I’ve already put her down for her first nap.”
“She’s eating, then?” Grace asked. “That’s good.”
“Jah,” Esther said after a pause, but then bit her lip. “I, uh, I think she’s on the mend—but I’m still so happy you came over. I love my family, but it’s nice to see a different face every once in a while. Tea?”
After chatting in Esther’s comfortable family room for a while, they moved into a back room off the kitchen. Grace knew Esther made soap to sell at Yoder’s store, but she’d never been witness to its creation. There were so many detailed steps in the process, yet Esther barely seemed to consult the recipe tacked on the wall.
Grace volunteered to hold the bobbeil while Esther worked, wondering at how natural she looked.
“What do you think of this one?” Esther asked, passing Grace a small bottle of oil.
“Smells wonderful.”
“Jah?” She smiled modestly. “I invented the blend myself a few months ago. The daffodils were in bloom, and I wondered what their essence would smell like.” She held the bottle up to her nose and took a sniff. “It’s strong, but I never use very much. It goes so well with the geranium.” She closed the oil bottle. “Luke even likes a drop or two in his morning coffee. I get up early to make it special for him.”
This instantly made Grace think of Isaac, and how they’d stood in her kitchen drinking coffee with brown sugar, then the brown sugar coffee she’d made for their trip to the mud sale. Before Grace could stop them, memories came flooding back…
The last time she’d seen him.
The agony in her heart hit so fast that she had to slam her eyes shut.
“I don’t know how you do it,” she said a moment later.
“Do what?”
She opened her eyes after willing away what she hoped were the last of her tears. “How do you… I don’t know… How do you do both?”
“Both?”
Grace nodded after taking in a deep breath. “You take care of Lucas and the children and your home. But you also do this.” She gestured at the stack of soap molds waiting to be filled. “It’s like you have two jobs—two lives. How do you do both?”
Esther watched her for a moment, then pushed the soap molds back, wiping her hands on her apron. “Easy answer,” she said. “I don’t.”
“But you do. I’ve been watching you for two hours.”
Esther rubbed her lips together, then pulled up a chair to sit across from Grace. “I can see how it might seem like it. Do I prioritize and organize and sacrifice? Jah. But so does Luke. He has a job and is a hands-on father and husband. Otherwise, I couldn’t do most of what fills my day. We’re a team in every sense of the word.”
Despite her efforts, Grace was blinking back tears, knowing they would spill over any second.
I thought we were a team, too.
“I’m not seeing Isaac King anymore,” she sniveled, needing to get it out.
“Oh? Were you seeing him?” Esther asked. When Grace lifted her teary eyes to look at her, Esther’s faux-inquisitive expression vanished. “I’m sorry. Of course, I knew you were interested in each other—even though we’re not supposed to notice things like that until after the engagement is announced.”
Engagement? Grace couldn’t help it now. She threw her hands over her eyes and let the tears flow.
“I think I love him,” she said, her heart beating faster and faster until she felt faint. “But he’s not the person I thought he was. I’ve…I’ve lost faith in him.”
“Oh Grace,” Esther s
aid, putting a hand on Grace’s arm. “Do you mind me asking what happened? If you want to talk about it.”
“Sure,” Grace said, wiping her other cheek. “I know it was early in our relationship, but I thought we were a good fit,” she began. “I mean, once we admitted our feelings, it all just happened. It was effortless.” She took in a shaky breath. “We spent so much time together training Cincinnati that I assumed he wanted…” She had to stop and press both hands over her heart, needing to catch her breath.
“What did you assume?” Esther asked, kindness in her voice.
“I thought he didn’t mind that I’d rather work outside than…” She let her voice trail off as she gestured to the baby in Esther’s arms. “We never talked about marriage, but why did he waste his time with someone like me if he wants a traditional wife and a proper mother for Sadie?”
“He told you that’s what he wanted?”
Weeping anew, she rubbed her eyes with her fists, so as not to evoke the pain of recalling what his exact words had been. “I can’t begrudge him for wanting that. I’m the odd one—the problem. Not even my father trusts me.” When her heart felt heavier than a bucket of oats, she added, “Do you mind if we don’t talk about it anymore? Makes me…” She couldn’t even finish with the word “sad.”
Esther reached out and squeezed her hand. “Whatever you want.”
While Esther went back to her soap, Grace did her best to play with the baby—which wasn’t so hard. She even fixed lunch while Esther finished up. Bella was awake now, and besides a slightly runny nose, she didn’t seem ill in the least.
“Roast beef sandwich?” she said when Esther came into the kitchen.
“Wow.” Esther grinned. “It looks delicious. Is this from the leftovers?”
“Jah,” Grace said. “I hope you didn’t have any other plans for the meat.”
“Only to reheat it over the stove then eat it the same way as last night.” Esther took a bite. “Delicious. Did you make this relish sauce out of that one last pickle?”
Grace chuckled under her breath, happy to be of help. “My mother taught me the recipe when I was just a girl.”
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