by Rachael Wade
“Exactly,” I said. “We’re running out of time.” Already I’d spent so much of that time riding on an emotional roller coaster, by the time I finally figured out what the hell I wanted, I was ready to fight for it. “I don’t want you to treat me like damaged goods. And I appreciate your concern, but there’s no need for you to have this aversion to sleeping with me. Unless you don’t want to be with someone who’s been— with someone like me.”
His eyes widened and he stumbled backward. “Camille.” He took a deep breath. “Do you have any idea how hard it’s been this past week? We’ve been all alone in the countryside. You’ve been prancing around in the sexiest pajamas I’ve ever seen. They didn’t make that stuff back in the day.” He let out a laugh, moved toward me. His hands on my waist, he shifted me backward, up against the door. “You don’t think I want you? Every second, of every day?” His sly smile lured me in.
“Well, I guess I understand …”
“Do you, really?” He kissed me, made sure he had my attention. “Do you understand that every time I do this,” he dragged his lips across my neck, “and this,” slid his fingers under the hem of my shirt, “that it’s torture?” He grazed my earlobe with his teeth, then skimmed my collarbone.
Breaking a sweat, I slipped out of his grasp and opened the door. I needed fresh air. “I, uh …” I cleared my throat. “You convinced me.”
“Thank you.” He grinned, all smug and sexy and annoying. His confidence as of late had become insanely jarring. Once he knew I was committed to being his, regardless of what he was, he suddenly seemed lighter, not nearly as hard on himself for coming into my world.
“You have got to stop doing that,” I exhaled, then stormed up the stairs to pack since he was insisting we go back to Paris. He wanted to marry me first, but he sure as hell wasn’t making the wait easy, and I resented that he was having a good ol’ time rubbing it in.
* * *
The decision had been made. We’d return to Paris to consult with Arianna and the resistance, to regroup after our unexpected escape from Amaranth and organize an attack against Samira. A carefree elopement would have to be reserved for another day. Soaring in Gavin’s arms, high above the troubled world, had become my new favorite way to fly since Joel first flew me across the Atlantic. Although since that flight, I had to do it sparingly. It was too physically exhausting for a human to travel at that speed over such long distances. Even so, a coach seat on an airplane just wasn’t the same anymore. So, much to Gavin’s disapproval, he took us on the relatively short flight from England back to Paris, and by the time we arrived, the lump in my throat had become permanently lodged there. The last time, Arianna threw us out of her apartment when she learned why Joel was in Amaranth in the first place: to save me. And here I was, once again hand in hand with Gavin, standing at her door.
Music blared in the background, some French new wave music I didn’t recognize but could tell it was my new favorite. Her gorgeous face appeared at the door and I gazed up at her, hoping my eyes said it all. I tucked my mousy brown hair behind my ear and swallowed.
One hand holding a drink tray, she sighed, her eyes on her drink in her other hand. She took a swig of it, sloppy like an old sailor. She didn’t look so hot. “I don’t hate you,” she said in a sulk, opened the door farther to invite us in. “I’m just heartbroken.”
“I understand. And I’m deeply, deeply sorry for your loss.” Looking down, I played with my coat buttons. My special coat. In Paris, with me on my adventurous travels yet again.
“Thanks.” When I heard her and looked up, she finally made eye contact with me.
“Did you invite the whole neighborhood?” Gavin asked, observing the handful of vampires that were packed into her apartment, drinking and talking, grouped together in clusters like high school cliques. I wanted to ask Arianna if we were really okay, but when Gavin changed the subject, I decided to take advantage of it and wait.
“Not the whole neighborhood, as you say. They are the strongest,” Arianna replied, waving her drink in their direction, “the ones I trust the most. You’ll have their full attention, don’t worry. But first,” she set down the drink tray, “I’m stealing Camille for a minute.”
Crap.
She led me to the kitchen and leaned up against the counter, took a second before she spoke. “There’s something I want to tell you.”
“Okay …”
“When I first met you, last time you were here, I mentioned that I never saw Joel again after my father forced me to leave Amaranth. Well … that happened over a century ago.”
I tucked my hands inside my coat pockets and nodded.
“You see, before Father took me away, Joel lived as a vampire on earth and would come visit me in Amaranth. My mother allowed him visitation rights because his mother, Marie, was her servant—that’s how I met him in the first place, he’d come to visit his mom. But even after Father brought me to earth, I did see Joel again. It’s just hard to talk about. To be honest … I like to pretend it never happened. I’m not sure what Gavin has told you, but I was born human, and was eighteen when Father took me away: when he sent me to live with Gavin and his family. Earth was brand-new to me. Complete culture shock. At first, Joel and I ended things because we couldn’t agree on how to handle our relationship on earth. But we couldn’t stay away from each other and … so I convinced him to change me.”
She reached for a glass from the cabinet and for some cool blood from the refrigerator, filling herself a glass and offering me some white wine. I accepted. As she handed me the wine, she continued. “When I realized I wanted to return to live in exile, wanted to be human again, I told Joel I wanted him to come with me. And that’s when he made his decision to stay on earth. So I left him and returned to my mother in exile.”
“Arianna, you don’t have to tell me all this. I know it’s hard to talk about him—”
“Let me finish. Please.” She took a deep pull of her drink and a deeper breath. “After that, I only saw him once. When I returned to live in exile. I waited for him at the gates, hoping. Finally Marie, his mother—”
I chuckled. “Yes, I’ve met Marie.”
Arianna nodded. “Yes, I’d forgotten. She came to me and told me to let him go, that he wasn’t coming. I didn’t know he was there, watching us. What she said devastated me. I left her standing at the gate and ran into the fog. I turned around and … he was standing next to her. I couldn’t hear him, the distance was too great, but I believe he was calling for me.”
“He came after all?” My voice squeaked, and I chased down my nervousness with a swig of wine.
“I … guess so. I think Marie wanted to be the messenger, but he showed up anyway. Eventually, the uprising happened and I decided to escape with the others. There was nothing left for me in exile, nothing else to hope for once I realized Joel would never join me.”
“I’m so sorry, Arianna. I know I can’t say it enough.”
She surprised me when she reached out her hand and placed it on my forearm. I pulled the wineglass from my mouth and chanced a peek at her eyes. I’d thought she looked tired before. Now she looked haggard, full of sadness.
“What I wanted to say was … I really don’t blame you for what happened. Joel always acted on his gut, did what he wanted if he thought it was the right thing to do. There was never any talking him out of it. I was taking my anger out on you but … it’s been myself I’ve been angry with all these years. He came to the gates that day—for what, exactly, I’ll never know—but I chose to walk away. Do you understand?”
“I think so.” I rested my free hand on hers as she stood there, holding my forearm still. “And I know what that feels like—to blame yourself. You have to forgive yourself and live with the choice you made, know it was what you thought was best for you at that time.”
“You’re right.” A sad smile painted her lips as she glanced across the room at Gavin. “My brother. You’re good for him, you know. You two have something Joel an
d I didn’t.”
Afraid to ask, I swallowed and did anyway. “What’s that?”
“No fear of vulnerability. No doubt you’ve both felt it, but it’s what you’ve done with the fear that’s made the difference. You chose one another over the safety you think you could’ve had without one another.”
I glanced down at my wine, thankful for its soothing quality. “Joel said you guys couldn’t compromise.”
She looked at me and let out a soft laugh. “Yeah, well. That too.” Surprising me again, she reached out, scooped me up and hugged me, whispering as she did, “Thank you for fighting for my brother. He needs you. You inspire him.”
“He inspires me,” I whispered back, holding her tight, thankful for the peace we’d made. I felt the weight lift and suddenly I could breathe again. “Can I ask you something … about Joel?”
She pulled back a bit. “Sure.”
“Gavin said something about Marie thinking you two were still together. And I know Joel thought you were still in Amaranth.… So why have you kept the truth from them?”
Arianna sniffled and let me go. “I didn’t want Joel to know I was back on earth after the uprising. Gavin, Gabe, and I all agreed to keep him in the dark, Gavin simply telling him I’d survived the war and not to worry about me. Joel informed Gavin that he’d cut ties with his mother shortly after the uprising, when they argued about who knows what. And after I escaped to earth, Marie assumed I reunited with Joel. And Joel thought I was still back in Amaranth with my mother. No harm done. Marie continued serving Samira to protect him. My mother promoted her,” she rolled her eyes in disgust, “marked her as an eternal servant, in place of Joel’s punishment for having a forbidden relationship with me. Samira did it for my sake, but she really just wanted him dead from day one. Anyway, it would’ve been too painful for us both to know where each other was, too tempting to see one another again.”
“Would that have been so terrible?” I secretly wondered if Joel ever guessed she’d escaped to earth when the uprising happened. He seemed convinced she was still in Amaranth when I talked to him last. Maybe he didn’t want to be found. Guess we’d never know.
“For me it would have been devastating,” Arianna said and nodded, pulling me from my reverie. “Nothing would have been the same between us, not after everything that happened.”
“Well, regardless of how things ended with you two, you both inspire me,” I said. “It’s not just your brother I admire—”
“What’s all this talk about inspiration?” Gavin came into the kitchen behind me, slipping his arms around my waist to nuzzle my neck.
“Oh, nothing, brother,” Arianna said. “Just girl stuff. Come on, let’s get this party started, shall we?” She refilled her glass and then walked to the living room, turned off the stereo and clapped her hands. “Okay, guys,” she announced, “they’re here.”
The chatter and laughter faded and everyone started finding places to sit or lean, then turned their attention to us. “Most of you know Gavin,” she motioned to him, then me, “and this is Camille.”
The room went silent.
“Way to kill the party,” I whispered, slinking to stand behind Gavin and her.
“I know what you’re all thinking,” Gavin said to the group. “But this was my fault. Not Camille’s. I got us into this mess, and to be honest, I’m glad it happened. It just brought the fight to our door sooner than we anticipated. If you think about it, that’s not such a bad thing.”
The room remained quiet until a short, red-haired girl spoke up. “Not everyone’s ready for this.”
“We’re putting our lives on the line for you,” another girl’s squeaky voice chimed in.
“Guys, stop.” Arianna stepped in front of Gavin. “We talked about this. Regardless of how we got here, it was going to happen. At some point, the day was coming, and we all knew that. The ‘how’ doesn’t matter. We’re all on the same side, remember? We’ve got to have each other’s backs, or none of us are going to make it.”
Some of the guests exchanged looks, and glasses clinked as they started mingling, sipping their drinks in between whispers.
“Two of our best friends are stuck there, waiting for us,” Gavin continued, speaking of Audrey and Gabe. “We don’t know if they’re dead, we don’t know anything. They’re our family. We have people we care about there, just like many of you do. What we’re going to need is energy, and a lot of it. I found a way to get us what we need, so we can take on the guards when we get on the other side. And Arianna and I have something that Samira wants more than anything in the world. We can’t give you all the details, but for a good reason.” He ran his hand through his hair, placed the other in his pocket. “When I encouraged the resistance, you all listened. You trusted me back then, and I need you to place that same trust in me now.”
Arianna broke the silence. “Gavin needs to know that we’re all on the same page here. No grudges, no secret agendas. A real alliance. If you’re not up for it, then get the hell out.” She crossed her arms, straightened her back. Her straightforwardness reminded me of Audrey, and my heart sank a little. But it wasn’t time to think about my best friend, or about the worst. I’d already spent a week away with Gavin, hoping Arianna would forgive me, waiting for her to help arrange a plan. The clock was ticking, and for all I knew, Samira or the guards could’ve killed Audrey and Gabe the minute we escaped Amaranth. So I had to go with hope, or I’d have nothing at all.
“So, what’s it going to be?” Arianna raised her voice, impatient, took one last sip of her drink before she slammed the glass down.
A tall guy with a thin frame and copper hair stepped forward, sought me out from my hiding place behind Gavin with his eyes, his expression kind and body language careful.
“We’re in,” he said, extended his hand. I accepted and stepped out from the shadows, to smile up at him.
“For whatever it’s worth,” my voice cracked as I tried to speak up and face the crowd, “I admire you all for doing this, and if anyone should help lead the way, it’s Gavin and Arianna. Don’t let me get in the way of what you all want.”
“I was Camille once.” Arianna moved closer to me. “A human in love with one of us. She’s brave. Don’t forget that. She went by herself and faced Samira on her own, saved my brother’s life. Give her a chance. Let’s do this for Joel, and for our freedom.” With short exchanges of a few more worried looks, the crowd finally raised their glasses and nodded heads. “To our freedom,” they all said in unison.
Arianna unfolded her arms, picked up her glass and smiled. “To our freedom. Let’s talk details after dinner, shall we?”
Seconds later, the music was turned back on, Arianna was off to the kitchen to work her magic, and the room was crawling with energy again. I watched her set up dinner—vampire dinner—blood, of course, pouring it from pitchers into tall, ornate glasses.
“Let me fix you something,” Gavin said, leading me to a vacant chair in the corner of the living room.
“She made real food, too?” My ears perked up, relieved.
He pointed to some bowls and trays arranged around the room. I hadn’t noticed them before. “You’re not the only mortal here, love.”
“I’m not?”
“Nope,” he said, laughing. “Friends of Arianna’s.” He discreetly pointed to a few intellectual-looking men mingling near the fireplace. “Good thing, too. The way everyone was looking at you when we first got here, I was worried you’d be the main course.”
“Ha ha. Very funny.”
“Stay put.” He kissed me, then moved through the crowd toward the kitchen. I huddled down into the chair, grabbed a few pretzels from the table and shoved them into my mouth, hoping no one would take me out before he returned with the food. Still hungry, I moved on to the peanut bowl, but stopped when I spotted a gorgeous girl coming toward me. She slithered through the other guests, her eyes glued to mine, a curt smile on her face. I put the bowl down, stared back.
She
was a girl next door’s arch nemesis: movie star hair, full lips, big chest, tiny waist. Eyes followed her as she made her way to me, the swing in her hips and tight-fitting dress capable of causing a car wreck. I sank into my seat a little farther, fascinated by her.
“Oh-là-là, I can’t believe Gavin hasn’t introduced us,” she said, draping herself on the table in front of me. “I’m Scarlet. Enchantée.” Her kitten eyelashes batted away, getting a workout. “I’m his ex.”
“Oh.” I leaned forward to offer her a handshake. “Nice to meet you, too.”
“I’m so glad he brought you to Paris. When I heard what was happening, I just had to meet you. We go way back and he’s told me all about you.”
“Has he?” I reached for my cigarettes. “I mean, I had no idea you were so close.”
“Well, you two have been pretty busy with this whole mess.” She giggled, took a cigarette for herself.
Mesmerized by the way the smoke rolled off her sensual lips, I wasn’t sure what to say next. Gavin hadn’t told me anything about any of his exes, certainly not the curvaceous seductress who sat before me.
“I’m so happy for you, though,” she broke my distraction. “It sounds like he’s crazy about you.”
“Yeah, he’s great,” I mumbled and gave her a shy smile, once more taking in her long chestnut locks and sultry, ruby red lips.
“Lucky girl. He’s amazing in the boudoir, n’est-ce pas?” She twisted around to peer at him, eying his backside as he stood next to Arianna in the kitchen, laughing, helping her serve plates and glasses. She took a long, slow drag off her cigarette—too long—eyes still on him. “So rough. It’s so pent up. I think that’s why it’s so good.” She turned back to me and winked.
“Excuse me?”
“Sorry,” she cooed, let some ashes fall into an ashtray, “we go way back.”
“Yeah, you said that.”
