Frustrated and exhausted, I rolled over and wrapped my arms around an extra pillow. My body felt numb while my emotions were all over the place. Part of me felt oddly content and comforted while another was exhilarated. I could not understand it. I did not know if the elaborate gift was possessed or evil or held some type of magic power. It was not normal. That much I was positive. The back of my brain was screaming at me to get rid of it, but the rest of me desired the power that it held to take me to a world that was so completely unlike mine.
I knew I could never speak of it to anyone and honestly, I did not want too. It was a powerful secret and an amazing escape into something unknown that I was so incredibly curious about.
CHAPTER 25
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
WALKING DOWN THE HALLS before class was more intimating than ever. Even with Jackson walking near me and Jenna beside me, all eyes were focused on me. Every head turned and stared, noticing the yellowing, green tinge that crept across my face and the hideous stitches that still lingered. I felt more self-conscious this morning than I believe I ever had in my entire life. I hated the way everyone stared, despite Jenna and Jackson’s constant reassurances that I looked great. I knew the two of them were just being kind.
Jenna was actually sweet enough to come over early and help me with my makeup in an attempt to cover the bruising. I knew she did her best, and it looked much better than anything I had done but I hated the staring.
I sat across the aisle from Jackson in Biology class, and he carefully slipped me notes throughout the hour, inquiring about how I was feeling and how my day was going. He made sure his hands went nowhere near me, as we both tried to be inconspicuous. It was sweet how concerned he was with my feelings and how people were reacting to me. He had come very protective in a romantic sense.
We sat across from one another in lunch because the chairs are too close together for us to sit next to one another. Our friends were gathered around, acting silly and behaving more like elementary school children than young adults. It was refreshing that things had gotten back to normal with the exception of the constant stares I was still receiving across the lunch room from Taylor. She would look at me then whisper to Dakota, and the two of them would start laughing out loud. I had to fight the urge not to punch her in the face.
As we walked out of the cafeteria, Hilary leaned in close to me. “Who the hell does she think she is?”
“I think we need to have a talk with her.” Jenna leaned in on the other side of me.
Jackson stayed behind, doing his best not to get to close at school, afraid of what the repercussions might be.
“I agree.” Hilary was clearly angry. “There are a few things I’d like to get straight with her.”
“Guys, let it go.” I stopped in front of my locker and turned to face the girls. “She’s the least of my concerns.” I turned the combination on my lock. “Jackson is mine; and she’s just going to have to accept that fact or I’ll just have to make it clear to her in a way that her tiny, little brain can understand it.” I started switching out my books, trying to calm down. I was so incredibly sick of that girl and her snooty friends thinking they owned this place.
“I like this new you,” Jenna said.
“And if you need someone to help you make that little wench understand, you know I’d be more than happy to help,” Caitlyn offered.
“Thanks. I just might take you up on that. Do any of you know if she’s coming to the party on Saturday?” I shut my locker.
“Of course. I heard she’s wearing a Playboy bunny outfit. She stated very loudly in first period that once Jackson sees her in it, there’s no way he’s going to give you a second look,” Hilary informed me. “I could probably get Cody to tell her that she and Dakota aren’t invited, but that runs into the whole team thing with Trey; and there’s already enough tension between Trey and Zak.”
“True.”
“Well, I wouldn’t worry about it. I have a feeling that things are about to change in a big way.” Jenna bumped up against me, laughing. “Now, we better get to class. I can’t afford another detention. Coach Smith was pissed the last time I got one and missed practice.”
I hated watching everyone get ready for the match when I wasn’t allowed to participate. My parents had agreed to allow me to sit with the team and attend practices this week, but I couldn’t play. I had never missed a match in all four years or the two I’d played in junior high.
I watched from the bench as my team hit the court. Sitting next to Coach Smith, I finally understood how frustrating her job truly was. I hated the fact that I had absolutely no control over what was going on out there on the court. It was such a helpless feeling.
I glanced up into the stands and saw Jackson sitting with my brother, Cody, and Zak. I wish I could be up there sitting beside him, but I had told him in our psychology class earlier that I didn’t think it was such a good idea. I knew we couldn’t sit close to each other like everyone else, and I didn’t want it to look strange that we weren’t. Knowing how quickly gossip spread around our school, people were bound to speculate that there was trouble in paradise.
For the first time this season, our team lost and Coach Smith was clearly upset. As soon as the final whistle blew, she placed her hand on my knee and whispered in my ear, “You’d better get well soon. We need you back on the court.”
She patted my knee before rising to gather the team and head into the locker room. I remained on the bench as the girls walked past me. I stayed silent, not knowing what to say to my teammates. Both Jenna and Caitlyn looked angry enough to hurt someone, and Hilary’s face looked like she was about to cry.
***
Jackson and I settled down on my front porch swing under the cover of darkness. The air had gotten cold and the temperature was now idling in the mid-fifties. The smell of autumn was thick in the air. I could smell the fireplace burning inside the house and thought how nice it would be to be sitting in front of it, but my father was lingering about in the family room, making that idea impossible.
There was a good two feet of space between Jackson and me that felt more a brick wall. I was feeling a bit sick to my stomach but was now getting used to it.
“I am sorry about the match tonight.” Jackson was looking down at his hands.
“Yeah. Me too.” I turned slightly in the swing to face him.
He glanced up and gave me a weak smile.
“What happened in lunch today? Why did you get up and leave?”
“I was tired of the looks from Taylor. She kept glaring at me, and I didn’t want to get up and confront her or, worse, for Caitlyn to, so I left instead.”
Jackson chuckled.
“What?”
“Taylor is nonexistent to me. I promise. You have nothing to worry about with her or any other girl, for that matter.” He started to place his hand on mine but quickly placed it back into his own lap. “You should know that by now.”
“I do. I just hate the way she’s always staring at you. Then she looks at me with that glare and whispers to Dakota, and they both start laughing. It pisses me off.”
Jackson let out a louder laugh this time.
“You are so silly, Jocelyn. She is only trying to get a rise out of you because she knows it bothers you. Do not let her get to you. You are a much better person than she is.”
“True.” I smiled and playfully flipped my hair over my shoulder.
“And you are so beautiful, Jocelyn. I could stare at you for hours.”
I could feel the blush rising to my cheeks. “Ditto.”
“Are you getting excited about this weekend? You know my mother is almost done with the costumes, and they look great. She really out did herself.”
“I imagine. She asked me yesterday if I could come over tomorrow evening for a fitting.”
“She is very talented with sewing.”
“Your mother is very talented in many ways.”
“Thank you. I believe so.” I cou
ld hear the pride in his voice.
“Why do you think that you have this effect on me when no one else ever has?” I was curious if he would be brutally honest with me, although I doubted it.
“I am not sure.” Jackson turned sideways to face me, leaning his arm on the back of the swing;.“But I have a few theories.”
“Such as?”
“I do not want to say. You will laugh.” His eyes sparkled, making me feel weak.
“I promise I won’t.”
Just then, my father poked his head out the front door, flipping on the porch light.
“Jocelyn, it’s nine-thirty. Time to come in. You have school tomorrow and it’s too cold for you guys to be outside.” He hung out the screen door.
“Okay, Dad.” Damn it, what timing!
“Say good night to Jackson.”
“Okay, Dad!” I looked at him, pleading for more time, but he paid no attention to my stare.
“Now.” His voice got a little stronger.
“All right.” I turned my attention back to Jackson. “Guess I’d better get inside.”
Jackson and I both stood up and hesitated.
“Good night, Jocelyn. I’ll see you in the morning,” Shane said in a teasing voice as Jackson made his way over to the porch steps.
I walked to the door, giving my Dad a playful, scorned look.
“I will pick you up in the morning. Sweet dreams.” Jackson waved as he descended the steps.
“Thanks, Dad. Could you have been a little more discrete?” I gave him a playful nudge as I passed through the door
“No.” He smiled back.
“Well, try!” I hollered over my shoulder as I climbed up the stairs.
Lying in bed staring up at the ceiling, unable to calm my thoughts, I couldn’t help but be immensely curious about Jackson’s theories. I wanted desperately to call him, but I didn’t want to seem anxious. I closed my eyes, knowing that I would have to wait until tomorrow evening, when hopefully, we’d be able to sneak some time alone to talk before I could possibly get any answers from him. Frustrated, I rolled over and flipped on my Buckcherry, 15 CD to clear my head.
CHAPTER 26
Friday, November 1, 1878
CLASSES TODAY AND YESTERDAY were canceled for what our school called fall recess. It allowed all the children to celebrate Halloween last night and recover from their antics and overdose of sugar today. For us who were now past that stage, it was a nice reprieve from having to get up so early for classes.
I lounged under the covers, watching the sun break through my curtains and paint my room with bright colors. I peeked over at the mantle, and the watch was leering at me from its box as if it was waiting for me. Eddie must have returned it when he stoked the fire sometime throughout the night.
I wondered if I had enough time to see if the magic was still there before Mimi came in to check on me. I seriously doubted it. I knew she would be here shortly and if she found me lying on the floor, blacked out, she would most certainly panic, causing an uproar in the house, thereby ruining my entire weekend. I could not risk exposure of what Jackson’s gift was doing to me. I did not understand it myself.
Jackson and I had traveled about the area of northern Chicago yesterday, looking at various homes. There were a few that we liked but none of them screamed “home” to me. In each of them, I tried to imagine what it would be like to live there with Jackson and build a home. I imagined the look of the furniture I wanted, how I would arrange it, everything. The biggest trouble we were having was in finding a home that was close to our families that would not feel so foreign.
Jackson wanted to go out again today in search. I was having difficulty imagining myself living somewhere other than this house that I had spent my entire life in. I felt safe and secure here.
I slowly climbed out of bed before Mimi came in to greet me. I wrapped my robe around me and approached the fireplace. Eddie had kept it blazing throughout the night, as he always did once the weather turned cold. I wanted so badly to reach my hand out and just pick up the silly ol’ watch. Half my brain was screaming at me not to, with the other inquisitive side was intrigued by everything it had to show me. Curiosity of the power this trinket held captured my soul. I turned my head towards the door at the sound of footsteps and quickly hurried out of the room.
William and my parents were already finishing breakfast when I arrived downstairs. The room was bright and cheery in the early morning sun. I sat down in my usual chair as Sarah brought in my eggs, bacon, toast and juice. She poured me a steaming cup of coffee from the corner kettle. There was nothing comparable to the smell of bacon and coffee in the morning to make you feel at home.
“Good morning,” I announced and I took a sip of my coffee. The heat immediately flowed through my body.
“Good morning, darling. Are you and Jackson going house-hunting again today?” my father inquired.
“Yes.”
“You do not sound so excited. Are you feeling well?” my mother inquired between sips of her own coffee.
“I feel fine. Just disappointed in the prospects we have seen thus far,” I assured her.
“I am sure you will find something to your liking. It takes some time. It is a good thing that you both decided to start looking early,” my father said without looking up from his morning paper.
“Yes. I suppose it is,” I replied, knowing full well that he was no longer listening to me. “Where is Olivia this morning?” I glanced over at William, who was still lingering on a piece of bacon while also reading the paper.
“Upstairs, still asleep.” He also did not bother to look up from his paper.
“Is she feeling all right?”
“Sure, I guess so,” he responded, still engrossed in the morning news.
“We need to talk about what alterations you would like to make on your dress now since Jackson has seen it. We will need to completely change the look of it.” Mother paid no mind to the men, as usual.
“Whatever you feel is necessary, Mother.” I did not have the heart to tell her about Emily’s gown. I knew there was no possible way that I could ever wear my mother’s dress but still, I was unsure how she would react.
I placed my napkin back up on the table. I had barely touched my breakfast but really was not hungry anyway. “Please excuse me. I need to get ready before Jackson arrives.”
***
Jackson and I spent the better part the day wandering around, looking at various properties. There was so much construction going on; and newer, more modern homes were going up everywhere. They were beautiful but not exactly what I wanted. Honestly, I was not entirely sure what I wanted but I knew it was not any of the homes I had seen thus far.
Jackson noticed that my attention was elsewhere when we climbed back into the carriage shortly before four o’clock. I felt drained and could not focus my attention on anything but that pocket watch in my room. I felt almost possessed by it.
“Sweetheart, are you all right? You do not seem very excited about any of the homes we have looked at today.” He took my hand in his ever so gentle way. His emerald eyes were full of concern, but I knew there was no way possible for me to confide in him about this.
“I feel fine, darling. I am excited about house-hunting, but my mind is just elsewhere is all.” I cuddled up closer to him on the carriage seat.
“Olivia said you have been acting preoccupied for the last several days.”
I pulled my caplet closer around me, acting innocent. “Really? I guess I have been.”
“Are you worried about the dress?”
I looked at him, confused. “The dress?”
“Your wedding gown. I know you let Olivia wear yours last Sunday, and now you do not have a dress for our ceremony.”
Oh. That dress. Of course. I offered him the best smile I could. “Yes, I am worried about the dress.” It was the perfect excuse for my behavior. I only wish I had thought of it first.
Jackson started the horses off down the pat
hway with a look of confusion on his face. “I do not believe that is it at all.” He shifted a little more towards me. “What is bothering you, Jocelyn?”
“Nothing. Honest. A lot has happened in the last couple weeks, and I am just enjoying the calm now.”
“Would you tell me if something was on your mind?” His inquisitive expression bothered me.
“Yes. Why would I not?”
“Not sure. Did you like your birthday gift? I noticed you never carry it with you.”
That is something I could never do.
“I love it. I do not carry it because I do not want anything to happen to it. It is so lovely.”
“I see.” Jackson turned is eyes back to the front.
We rode in silence for several minutes. There was still a slight chill in the air, but the warm sun on our faces helped a great deal. Jackson’s derby hat was pulled down enough that I could barely see his eyes.
“Do you ever wonder what the world will be like in another hundred years?” His question came out of nowhere and blindsided me.
“Not really. I mean, sure, it has crossed my mind before; but I have really never put much thought into it.” What an odd question.
“I have. I believe it will be totally different than the way we live now.” He held his eyes forward, making it impossible for me to read his expression.
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