Finding My Way

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Finding My Way Page 5

by Heidi McLaughlin


  “Our senior class prince and princess are…” I wish this moment wasn’t happening. It’s between us and our best friends. It’s not going to matter who wins; either Mason or I will be consoling our girls. I’ll be sad if it’s not Josie and me because I know how much she wants this. I faintly hear their names being called. It’s when I see Mason and Katelyn walking toward the podium I know.

  “And this year’s king and queen are Liam Westbury and Josephine Preston.”

  Josie and I make our way to the center where crowns are placed on our heads and she’s given a dozen red roses. Looking out into the crowd, her parents, the Powell’s and Mrs. Bishop, Katelyn’s mom, are all standing and cheering. They’re trying to take pictures from the stands. Mine are sitting front and center, with their heads down no less.

  All the girls are waving to the crowd as we’re being ushered back to our cars. Our driver opens the door and I help Josie in, keeping my hands on her waist. I can’t wait to see her in her dress tonight. She’s kept it a secret just so she can surprise me tonight.

  We loop one more time around the track before we’re through the gate and back into the parking lot. I hop out, holding her hand so she can step out of the car.

  “I love you, babe,” she says, kissing me quickly so I can get back to the field. I wink and smack her on the ass as I leave to catch up with Mason.

  Once inside the locker room, Coach goes over our strategy for the second half of the game. He wants to run a lot of pass plays and stay away from the ground attack. I feel Mason sigh next to me. I know he doesn’t like to think about the record, but I do. It’s always on my mind. It’s going to happen. The only way it won’t is if coach benches me.

  “Coach, the receivers are going to have to show me their numbers if they want the pass. I can’t get a mark that isn’t there.”

  He nods and repeats what I just said before excusing us back to the field. I lightly bump Mason with my shoulder hoping he waits for me. Because of tonight’s activities our half time has been about an hour long so we have to warm-up again. I stay back and wait until everyone leaves the locker room.

  “What’s up?”

  “Nothing, man.”

  “I call BS. Is this about the record?”

  He shrugs.

  I put my hand on his shoulder. “It’s gonna happen. I promise you.”

  Mason attempts a smile but it ends up being half-assed. “Are you getting looks?”

  He shrugs again. “Mostly II’s. A couple lower I’s, but nothing big.”

  I don’t want to tell him what’s waiting for me at home. I’m sure he knows and I’m not one to pour salt in open wounds. “They’ll come around, especially after you clinch that state leading rushing yard. You’re close. It’s going to happen.” That earns me a smile as we walk out of the locker room. I slip my helmet on just before our tunnel ends. I don’t want him to see the expression on my face because it’s my problem to bear, not his. I’ll get this done for him. It’s the least I can do.

  Chapter 11

  “Where are you going?”

  Why I stopped in the hallway to adjust my tie is beyond me. I survey my dad through the mirror. He has a cigar hanging out of his mouth, which means my mother is either passed out on the couch or she’s out with her friends. It’s the night before the Beaumont Homecoming Parade and while she may be a drunk, she’s every bit the socialite and wouldn’t miss being with the women gathering to watch the floats come alive. Maybe she doesn’t drink when she’s not at home, although I can’t blame her for her stupor sometimes.

  “Homecoming,” I inform him as I step away from the mirror. I don’t want to look at him, let alone stand near him.

  “And you think you’re going?”

  “Yes, I’m going,” I answer without hesitation. I walk into the kitchen and pull Josie’s corsage out of the refrigerator, smiling as I examine the tiny pink roses. This is our last homecoming in high school and it’s all too bittersweet. I shut the door to find Sterling scrutinizing me. He breathes deeply and when he exhales and I can smell Scotch on his breath, lovely.

  “Are you thick headed or just stupid? Help me figure it out here, son, because I’m certain I told you to get rid of that trash.”

  My blood boils as I step forward, my finger pointing in his face. “You–” I step back again and shake my head. “You don’t know shit about Josie. I’m in love with her. That in itself should be enough for you, but it’s not. You should care about my feelings. I don’t want a life like yours, can’t you get that through your head?” I brush by him, my shoulder bumping into his. He may be my father but I have no doubt I can take him down if I have to.

  I get into my truck and slam the door angrily, resting my head on the steering wheel to cool down. I don’t know how much more I can take of Sterling and his hatred for Josie. It might not be so bad if my mother stood up for me every now and again but she just tells me to do what he says. I know I can’t sit here any longer. We’re already late for the dance because of my game and it’s not fair to keep Josie waiting because of my douchebag dad.

  When I get to Josie’s I hop out and leave the truck running. I’m eager to see her in her dress. One knock and the front door opens with Mrs. Preston standing there, beaming. I walk in and she immediately straightens my tie. This is how tonight should be. My mom should’ve been there to do all of this for me.

  “Oh you look so handsome Liam.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Preston.” I lean down and give her a kiss on the cheek. It’s pretty sad that I can’t wait for her and Mr. Preston to become my in-laws so I can have a normal family.

  The clank of heels catches my attention. I turn and see Josie walking down the hallway. Her dress is black and, oh man, does it do things to me. There’s a slit strategically placed just for my hand, which reaches so far up her thigh that if she moves just right, I’ll be able to see my promised land. I continue to admire her as she spins in front of me. The back of her dress is black sheer lace. I know this from the many trips to the mall that we’ve made. She’s turned me into a girl. When she turns forward again I realize her neck is bare and I immediately realize that I need to rectify that. I should be buying my girl necklaces and bracelets, showing her that I love her.

  I step forward, our eyes lock. “If this is what you look like for a semi-formal I can’t wait to see what you wear for prom.”

  “Do you like it?”

  “I love it, Jojo,” I whisper as slide her corsage onto her wrist. “Are you ready to go?” she nods as I take her hand in mine. “Mr. and Mrs. P, I won’t keep her out too long.”

  “We know, Liam,” Mr. Preston says as he walks us to the door. It warms me that they’re so welcoming. Why can’t I have that at home? As we’re walking down her stone path, I stop suddenly.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Pictures, we forgot to take some.” I turn her back to the house and walk in, spotting her mom right away. “Can you take a picture of us, please?”

  “Of course, dear,” she says as she picks her camera up off of the table.

  Josie and I stand, arms wrapped around each other, posing. I know a few of the images are going to show me looking at her and those are the ones I want to keep.

  “I’ll take these to be developed tomorrow after the parade.”

  “Thank you.”

  We rush out of the house and to my idling truck. I open the door for her and she slides in all the way to the middle. I run around and get in, kissing her quickly before driving down the street.

  The school parking lot is jam packed, forcing me to park in the back. Not that I mind. It’s more secluded back here and that means more privacy for later. I don’t know how I’m going to keep my hands off her and away from that slit. She had to know something like that would drive me absolutely crazy with lust. That’s probably why she bought it, to test my resolve. Well I hate to tell her this, but my resolve has been gone for a very long time when it comes to her.

  “We better put these on
.” I place her tiara on her head, careful not to mess up her hair. I lean forward and capture her lips with mine. “My queen,” I murmur against her lips.

  “My king,” she replies as she sets my far from masculine crown on my head. I never wanted to be homecoming king, but I’d be anything she asked me to be if it made her smile, and this does so it’s worth it.

  We walk hand in hand into the gym. I have to give the student council credit; the decorations aren’t cheesy, but definitely dance-worthy. The theme is ‘Bring Back the 80’s’. I guess they need a revival or something. For me, though, I keep them around. The music is sexy and it’s the perfect mood enhancer.

  I lead Josie to the dance floor and take my girl in my arms. We start swaying to Open Arms by Journey. I glance around quickly and notice that most of the student body are either dancing or walking back to their tables. It’s the music. There’s something about a decade’s worth of artists that can take it slow with a love song or change the beat and make it a hard-core melody but still give you the same affect.

  My hands begin to wander over her body, from her back to her ass, to her back again. I don’t know how I’m going to go to college for four years and not see her every day. It’s going to kill me, both inside and out.

  The song switches to Purple Rain. This is the first song we ever danced to. I’ll remember our first dance for as long as I can. I held a girl in my arms, afraid to look at her. But when this song came on, I kissed her and made her mine.

  I slide my hand up the outside of her thigh, adjusting myself in the process. She glances at me with her beautiful blue eyes. They drop to my lips and back again as my hand moves into the slit of her dress. Like I said, this is what she wanted when she bought this bad boy.

  Her forehead rests on mine as our bodies move to the lyrics that Prince sings so passionately. I want her and she knows it, she wants me too. I can feel it in the way her body is pressed against mine. My fingers brush against her, moving what little scrap of fabric that she calls panties out of the way. I shield her as much as possible from prying eyes as my fingers dip into her folds. I stifle a groan when I feel how wet she is. Her head moves down to my neck, she bites me lightly as I increase my movements. She moans softly in my ear as she grinds against my hand.

  We need to get out of here before we get suspended for having sex on the gym floor or caught in the bathroom. I reluctantly remove my hand and take her hand in my other one. I pull her behind me, her feet shuffling to keep up. I take a chance and look over my shoulder, to make sure she’s okay with leaving and her eyes tell me she is. She’s biting her lower lip as she looks up at me with desire. I’m not stopping to talk to classmates as they call out our names. The tension is building and I need the release that only she can provide. I’m on a mission and her name is Josie Preston.

  “Get in” I demand as I open the passenger door. She does, moving in far enough to let me follow her. I throw my keys into the truck, only for her to put them in the ignition and turn on the radio. I don’t know what’s playing and I don’t care. Her and I are about to make our own music. I take off my suit jacket and pull my shirt out from my pants all while meeting her lustful gaze. My movements are rushed as I climb into my truck, my lips crashing against her with my crown falling onto my face. I forgot it was there. Josie removes it before she starts working on the buttons to my shirt. I pull my wallet out from my back pocket, taking a condom out before throwing it on my dashboard.

  “I want you, Jojo,” I unbutton my pants and sit back, slouching against the seat and watch as she hikes her dress up over her hips. I tear open the condom and roll it onto my shaft, eager for her.

  “Come here, Jojo,” I whisper against her lips as I pull her to me. This isn’t the first time we’ve had sex in my truck and likely won’t be the last. I enjoy the thrill of it too much. The tight quarters makes it feel more torrid.

  She moves her leg around me as I hold her hips in my hands. My fingers are digging into her, anxious for her and I to connect. “Leave it on,” I say to her as she starts to remove her crown. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Josie. God, how I want to see all of you right now.”

  “You can, Liam.” Josie slides the shoulder strap down, showing me her breasts. I lean forward, taking her nipple in my mouth. Her fingers dig into my scalp, urging me on.

  “I need you. Please I need you so bad, Josie.” I beg her to sit on me, to ride me. I need to feel our connection and know she’s not going anywhere.

  She moves ever so slowly. I growl when I feel myself enter her. Her hands grab onto my shoulders for leverage as she moves up and down. As much as I want to sit back and watch her work me over, I can’t let go. I put my head in the valley of her breasts and listen to her heart tell me that she loves me and that she’s never going to leave.

  Chapter 12

  No one has ever asked me what I want to do with my life. It’s been planned. I never questioned anyone’s intentions and I never thought to add my own two cents, for whatever they’re worth. Now I’m sitting in this office, with these ridiculously ugly drapes, the smell of stale smoke and a legend quarterback sitting in a king-sized chair because he’s let himself go after he retired from the NFL. That is not going to be me.

  But I can’t say that because my father won’t shut up. He keeps talking like the NFL is the only option that I don’t need a college education because nothing is going to happen to me. How does he know that?

  The man behind the desk wants me to commit today and if Sterling has his way, I’ll be signing before I leave here. Except I can’t and I seem to be the only one who knows this. There are rules and regulations and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some overzealous legend ruin my eligibility status. I’ve read the rules. I’ve watched the films. I know what I’m allowed to do and what will get me in trouble.

  I look down at my pants and remember what I was doing in them when I last wore them; they were around my ankles, just a few nights ago. I can still see her sitting on top of me, working us into a heated frenzy. She looked beyond sexy riding me with her tiara on top of her head. My very own queen.

  “What do you think, Liam?”

  My head jerks up at the sound of my name. “I’m sorry, what?” I don’t dare to look over at Sterling. I can feel his scowl already glaring at me.

  “What do you think? Are you ready to become a Tiger?” Tigers, oh yes. It’s all coming back to me now. My legit attempt to avoid coming to Auburn failed miserably. Because here I sit while my dad discusses my future with his alma mater, not giving a shit about what I think.

  I told my dad no, that Auburn was not on my list. He didn’t listen and booked me for a visit anyway. It wasn’t until we landed did I realize what he had done. And what am I going to do, call my mother? No, I can’t do that and he knows it. So here I sit, zoning out of a conversation about my future because right now I just don’t care.

  “Liam?”

  I roll my eyes and sit up in the chair. I run my hands down my pants. “I’m not sure what I think,” I answer as I clear my throat. “I’m eighteen years old and all I’ve known is football and I feel pretty damn lucky to have my choice of colleges, but with that choice comes a lot of responsibility. I think before I put my name down or verbally commit to someplace I need to know the teammates. I need to know that they’re one hundred percent committed to winning just as I am. I’ve never lost and I know that’s unrealistic when I get to college, but I want to win. I want the Heisman and a BCS Championship and if Auburn and Tennessee can’t offer me that, but Ole Miss can, I’m taking my game to Ole Miss.” Sterling stiffens next to me and I know that a lashing is coming. Maybe he’ll grow a set and hit me so I can beat the shit out of him. Honestly, I’m surprised he hasn’t tried yet.

  The coach sits back in his chair and rubs his chin contemplating the fact that I just told him if he can’t guarantee me everything that I want, I’m not coming here. I’m not going to sign my life away for four years without meeting the team. Without having some t
ype of workout with them. I know it can’t happen on campus, but I can definitely make time to meet them at the park for a little flag football.

  “You have a very vocal son, Sterling. I have to say, I’m shocked.”

  I bite the inside of my cheek and wait for whatever my dad has to say. He grunts and clears his throat.

  “The boy is foolish and doesn’t know what he wants.”

  I roll my eyes and keep my gaze on the orange carpet.

  “He’s dreamed all his life about being a Tiger. He’s just listening too much to these other colleges feeding his mind with empty promises. Don’t you worry, Hal, Liam will pick Auburn on signing day.”

  No, Hal, you should worry because I most definitely will not be picking Auburn on signing day. My dad thanks Hal and they promise to get together soon for a round of golf. It must suck having to kiss everyone’s ass all the time and while it should be my dad kissing Hal’s, it’s not. Hal wants me to suit up for him and that’s just not going to happen.

  The car ride is silent. I watch the scenery as we drive to the next university. The radio is on NPR or some other political talk radio that I care nothing about. I just want to go home, back to Beaumont and Josie. I wish she could’ve come with me on these trips, but since one of my parents has to be present I knew it would never happen. But having her here would make the decision so much easier. I’m going to ask her if she’ll apply to wherever I decide to go. I know it’s a long shot, but I don’t think I can be away from her. Not like this.

  I close my eyes and block out the noise from the road. My head rests against the window as he speeds down the highway. My life was supposed to be simple and I thought it was until recently. Now nothing makes sense. Last year if you’ve asked me about college, I could rattle off a million things I want to do with the NFL being my top priority. Ask me now and the answer is going to shock you.

 

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