by K E Osborn
Somehow I was able to get up the next day. It wasn’t until midday, but I dragged my sorry arse out of bed. Joseph and Danny stayed home with me, they were worried that I’d fall in a heap again, but I don’t want to go back to that dark place, so I pick myself up as best I can and make my way downstairs to see Danny and Joseph talking in the kitchen. I walk in and Danny sees me first. He smiles and looks at me with that sympathetic look only he can give which makes Joseph turn around.
“Hey, we didn’t think we would see you today,” he says walking over with his arms open. I nod and swallow a lump in my throat, just because I’m up doesn’t mean I feel like talking.
Baby steps Lia, baby steps.
He leans in and hugs me and I hug him back. It’s nice to know I have one person I can rely on to be there when he says he will. I realise what I’m feeling is resentment, not anger. I resent the fact that he played me like that.
“So, want something to eat, princess? Joseph’s made some killer brownies,” Danny says.
I shake my head and walk past them to the lounge room. I hear them both exhale, but continue on with whatever they were doing. The thing about Joseph is he knows me so well, that he knows when I need him around and when I need to be left alone. Being left alone is what I need right now. I feel stupid and I know I only have myself to blame for the state I’m in today, so I just need to be left to myself. I open the laptop and log onto Facebook. The first notification I see is from Anna saying she’s checked into the Hyatt in Monaco. I huff and shake my head. Then I start to wonder, maybe if I do some Google searching I might be able to find out where he was last night. I look over my shoulder at the guys and they’re both busy in the kitchen, so I turn back and open the search engine I type in his name and the date. Links start to pop up on the screen.
I look at the links and most of them say something with regards to brothers of Slayed trying to slay each other. I crease my brows and open the first link. At the top of the page, there’s photos out the front of some bar in Monaco with him holding Hux by the scruff of his shirt. He looks really angry. Then there’s more photos of him talking to a girl that kind of looks like Anna, it’s hard to make out and he’s running his hand through his hair. The next one is of him sitting at the bar with a stein of beer and tons of empty shot glasses.
Great!
So from what I can piece together he and Hux had a fight, Anna tried to calm him down and then he got drunk and forgot about me. Right, well I’ve seen all I need to see. I go to close Google when a thought comes to mind. I type in Google Alerts and sit and stare at the screen for a minute.
Do I really want to be alerted to everything that comes up on him?
I debate in my head I know that seeing images and articles about him every day is only going to hinder my addiction to him, but I can’t help myself. Any piece of him I can get is fine by me. I type in Colter Slade into the alert and get them sent to my email. I hear Joseph talking, which means he must be coming in the room so I slowly close the laptop so as to not look too conspicuous. He doesn’t notice and he sits next to me handing me a brownie and a cup of tea.
“A brownie for my brownie,” he says.
“Umm... what does that even mean?”
He smiles and shrugs. “I have no idea, but I’m gay so I can say stuff like that and get away with it. Tea for my tea?” he asks and I shake my head.
“You’re an idiot,” I reply and take a sip.
“Yeah, but I got you to talk didn’t I?” he asks blowing me a kiss and standing up and walking back to the kitchen.
Over the next week, my inbox fills with pings from Google Alerts, and the articles break my heart when I read them each day. They all talk about how his latest performances have been fueled by drugs and alcohol. He walked into the after party with white powder all over his nose and paparazzi were there to take the million dollar shots. He was found lying in the gutter in a street in Monaco two days after my breakdown. The police found him and took him in and he was found with a bag of Cocaine and he was charged with possession, but released with a fine as he had previously snorted most of it, so he only had a small amount on him. The image of his dishevelled hair and rugged face in his mug shot still haunts me. Rumours of Slayed breaking up after the tour are rife and people are leaving their concerts, because they’re saying that the brothers are fighting on stage and he is so off his face, he doesn’t even know what song he’s singing.
Rumours of Rob Luxley wanting to drop them if they don’t pick up their act are circulating. He’s a mess, and he looks it too. In all the photos of him, he’s always unshaven and his hair is dishevelled. He’s nothing like the rock God I knew, and even though I hate him, I’m so sad to see that his brother has led him down the path to drugs and alcohol again. I don’t think I can ever forgive Hux for that. All I know from what I’ve seen since the night he didn’t call, is that he is declining and rapidly. I just hope Johnny and Anna can try to talk some sense into him before he loses everything he’s worked so hard for. And for what? A white powder? What a joke!
I slam my laptop shut and huff. No more, I’m done. I can’t watch him ruin himself anymore. I make a conscious decision to turn off Google Alerts tomorrow and start a fresh new life without thinking about… Colter Slade. At least I can say his name now without bursting into tears. I’m finally going to leave the house tomorrow. I can’t sit in this condo for a minute longer than I have to and so tomorrow, I’m going out!
Joseph’s coming with me seeing as I haven’t been out of the condo since I got here almost two months ago. He knows what a big deal this is for me, finally leaving my demons behind and facing reality. I finally got a new mobile phone, which has a different number just in case. Daddy and Mum came over last night. Joseph couldn’t keep them out any longer and surprisingly there were no ‘I told you so,’ and no ‘you should’ve listened to me’. In fact, they didn’t say much at all. I think they were just glad that I was being looked after by Joseph. Danny wasn’t home luckily as Joseph still hasn’t told my parents that he’s gay. I think he’s more scared of telling them, especially Daddy than he was telling his own parents.
“You ready to go, sweetie?” he asks handing me my handbag and taking the keys from the kitchen counter. I nod and he takes my hand and we walk to the front door. I stop and stare at it for a second before he wraps his arm around my shoulders pulling me to him.
“It’s okay, I got you princess, every step of the way,” he says opening the door as he kisses my head. I look up at him as I hear a gasp. I turn around and see Anna and Johnny standing on the front doorstep of our condo looking at me like they think I’ve moved on with Joseph. My mouth drops open and my eyes bulge. My pulse quickens and I don’t know if it’s from sheer terror or utter excitement.
“Hi, can I help you guys?” Joseph asks as he pulls me tighter to him. I feel like time has stopped and I’m staring at my past.
“Yeah hi,” Johnny sticks his hand out to shake with Joseph. “I’m Johnny and this is my missus, Anna.”
“Hey, I’m Joseph. Um... do we know you?” he asks as I continue to stare at Anna who’s looking like she’s disgusted in me. The look on her face is breaking my heart.
“Um... you don’t, but Lia does. If this is a bad time we can come back,” Johnny says and Anna huffs.
“No, it’s fine. Lia you’re pretty quiet, are you okay?” Joseph asks looking down at me with his arm still wrapped around my shoulders and giving me a look of, ‘do you want me to kick them out?’ I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat and I can’t hold back the tears as I look at beautiful, gorgeous, Anna who’s looking at me with hatred and disgust in her eyes.
“Hey?” Joseph says cuddling me.
“Look, we’ll go. Sorry, we didn’t mean to upset you, Lia,” Johnny says and fear stabs at me that they’re about to leave. I look at Anna pleading with my eyes for her to stay.
“No, we came here for a reason and we need to carry it through, Johnny. I don’t care how upset s
he is,” Anna says, huffs and then folds her arms across her chest.
“It’s not like she’s upset because she misses Colt, she’s obviously moved on already with her ex no doubt,” she says with malice to her voice. I look up at Joseph and his face is stern.
“Excuse me? I don’t care who you are or how you know Lia, but you will not come to our house and treat her poorly when she’s having a hard enough time even getting out of the house. You have no idea what she has been through or the mess she’s been in since she left him. You’re obviously friends of his and the night he never called her, well... it broke her. Something inside my happy, loving Lia broke and that was Colt’s fault. Don’t judge a book by its cover, young lady! Yes, I may be her ex, but just because she’s living here and I have my arm around her doesn’t mean that she’s moved on. All she ever thinks about is that prick, and I’ve had to help put the pieces he broke back together, with the help of my boyfriend Danny. So, no don’t come in here all high and mighty accusing Lia of moving on, when she’s never gone in any direction other than the past. She’s stuck on Colt and she doesn’t need people like you waltzing in here trying to make her feel bad, when he was the one who fucked up. Not once, but bloody twice.”
Anna’s mouth drops open and then a small smile crosses her face.
“Holy shit, your ex is gay?” she asks and laughs. Johnny shakes his head and rolls his eyes.
“Hey, I’m standing right here. And what’s with the fact that the only part of that little speech I just gave, was the fact that you picked up the ‘gay’ part,” Joseph berates and Anna waves her hands at him like she doesn’t care, then she lunges toward me and grabs me from Joseph hugging me in the tightest bear hug known to man.
“Sorry, I doubted you, Lia. I was so angry when I thought you were back with Joseph. You should see Colt, he’s been a mess ever since you left, and even worse since he hasn’t been able to contact you—”
“Okay, stop right there,” I reply forcefully. Anna lets go and looks at me confused. “He may be in a mess right now, but that’s his fault. He was too busy to call me that night, or he just didn’t want to or whatever, and he was the one who hurt me. I don’t need to feel guilty for that,” I say crossing my arms over my chest defensively.
“Hey, no, that’s not what I meant Lia, and it’s not that he didn’t want to call you. Talking to you was the only thing keeping him sane—”
“Then tell me, why the hell didn’t he call me, Anna? I was finally going to talk to him. I’d built up enough strength to actually speak and he just didn’t care enough about me to even call,” I say as the memory of the betrayal and hurt I felt comes flooding back and I start to well up.
Anna shakes her head and holds me on the shoulders at arm’s length. “Lia, no that’s not what happened at all. Colt told Hux that he was talking to you every day and that’s why he was leaving to be in his suite all the time to talk to you. Hux thought it wasn’t healthy and that Colt had to move on, so, in Monaco we all went to a pub, club thing. Hux stole Colt’s phone from him without Colt knowing. When Colt was frantically searching for his phone, because it was time for him to leave and to call you, Hux stayed out of the way. Colt was frantic, and he even tried calling his phone from Johnny’s, but it was switched off. Hux was so off his face that he admitted he took Colt’s phone, turned it off and threw it in the street. Colt was so angry, he ran out the front of the pub and Hux followed yelling at him to let you go and that you were not worth it. Colt managed to get out to the street just in time to see a truck run over his phone. It was destroyed and so was Colt. He was a mess. Hux and Colt had a punch up out the front of the pub and the stupid paparazzi were there taking photos.”
So, that’s the pictures I saw on Google Alerts.
“Colt nearly beat Hux senseless, it’s only thanks to Johnny and Dingo that they pulled him off him in time. He was so devastated, and by this time he knew he was late calling you and he was a wreck. He kept blabbering on about how hurt you’d be and that you were finally going to talk to him. He was distraught. I gave him my mobile phone to call you, but when he rang, it just kept saying the call couldn’t be connected. He wanted to get on a plane and come and get you, but we all stopped him, me included.” I raise my eyebrows in surprise.
“Hey, it’s not that I didn’t want him to come and find you, it’s just that I thought you needed time to get over the fact that he didn’t call. Plus, he had a major interview the next morning… I wish... I’d let him come to you, then maybe he wouldn’t be beyond help right now,” she says with a sniff and Johnny holds her close as he shakes his head slightly.
“He still tries to call you know, every day. Even though, he’s completely out of it. He still calls your phone and his heart breaks every single time it says that your phone still can’t be connected. I figured maybe you blocked his number, but then when I rang it was the same. So, I figured maybe you changed your number,” she says biting her bottom lip.
“I did change my number, but that was only recently. When he didn’t call I got a little angry and upset and well… I went a bit crazy, and I threw my phone at the wall and smashed it, that’s why it would have been out of connection when he called.”
“Yeah, nearly taking my head off in the process,” Joseph chuckles as he looks down at me lovingly.
“Okay, well I think you guys should come in if Lia wants you to. We can sit down and you can catch up and I’ll make us a pot of tea. Okay, with you, sweetie?” he asks and I nod. He smiles and steps back so Anna and Johnny can come in.
We sit at the dining table and Anna sits next to me while Johnny sits opposite and looks around taking in the condo. Anna wraps her arm around my shoulders and leans in pulling me to her.
“God, I missed you. These last two months have been a shocker without you. The band’s falling apart and Hux and Colt are fighting nonstop. Dingo and Sia are keeping to themselves and Johnny and I are just trying to keep everything together. Unsuccessfully, I might add.”
I look at her in confusion. “What do you mean unsuccessfully?”
She frowns and Johnny’s look is one of devastation. I get a sinking feeling in my gut, that I’m not going to like what they say next as I watch the somber pair.
“The band is breaking up after the tour ends next week,” she says.
“What? Why?” I spit out looking at Johnny intently.
He frowns and shakes his head. “Colt, he’s not the same person since the phone call incident. This last week he’s gone completely off the rails. He’s high as a kite all the time and he spends all of his time alone. He’s a hermit and he doesn’t want to do it anymore. Dingo and I don’t think Slayed should go on without its lead singer, and Hux, well he’s in a world all of his own. Their mum would be devastated if she knew. There’s nothing we can do. We’ve tried everything. Colt just doesn’t want to be here anymore. It’s so bad that I’ve had to spend a couple of nights with him when he’s really depressed and watch that he doesn’t do anything stupid,” Johnny says.
I think I may have actually stopped breathing.
A world without Colt is like a world with no air.
I can’t believe he’s practically been on suicide watch. I rest my elbows on the table and force my head into my hands. My breathing starts again and this time it’s rushed and shallow. Anna rubs my back to try and comfort me while I endeavor to comprehend what Johnny’s just said. The tears start afresh and a small sob escapes me.
“Lia, he needs you. He knows that what you walked in on that night with Jessi was probably the worst moment of your life. He’s been beating himself up every second of every day since you left. He gave into temptation, but he never slept with Jessi. He hasn’t slept with anyone since he met you. Every time a fan girl hits on him, he just walks away. Lia, he’s so madly in love with you that it’s killing him. Being without you is literally going to be the death of him. Lia, I’m so scared that he’s going to purposely overdose or do something stupid. He thinks you and Joseph are
happily living together and that you don’t even think about him anymore—”
“That’s not true,” I interrupt. “I think about him… I never stop thinking about him... I set up Google Alerts just so I can keep track of what’s happening with him. Just to see what he’s doing, just to see him,” I say through sobs.
“Lia, if you have any love left, you have to fight, for both of you, because Colt has given up on everything. I know this is asking a lot, but we need you to come back with us to help Colt remember how to live. Without you, he hasn’t got long left, and I’m so scared Lia. He’s my best friend and I’ve known him since I was a kid. You’re the only person that can save him from himself…” Johnny says getting choked up and trailing off.
I shake my head. “I can’t, I’m not strong enough.”
“Lia, he’s going to die! He will be dead! You won’t be able to keep tabs on him through Google or Google Alerts or whatever because he’ll be dead! You won’t be able to…” Johnny stops as tears run down his face. I know if Johnny’s crying then it must really be as bad as he’s saying and that makes me want to puke. I’ve never been so scared in all my life.
I can’t lose Colt.
The world can’t lose him either.
“Please Lia, I’ll beg if I have to,” Johnny says wiping his tears away and taking Anna’s hand across the table.
Joseph looks at me and I can see that he’s worried. He sits at the end of the table and takes my hand.
“Lia, you know I’m not his biggest fan, in fact, if I ever see him the first thing I’ll do is punch him in his gorgeous face, but sweetie, you love him. You’ve never stopped, and from what I hear he’s lost without you. Now if you decide to stay here, I don’t want you to feel guilty because the amount of times and the way he’s continuously hurting you is unforgivable in my book. But if you choose to go, then I’ll support you, and if you need me to come with you I will. Just make a decision based on what you want and need, not what everyone else wants you to do,” Joseph says kissing my hand. I wipe away my tears and take in a deep breath, there really is no option. There’s no choice to be made.
