by Valerie Parv
He paused, consulting the folder again. His eyes bored into her as he continued, ‘Elaine Everson, a widow, already had a daughter, didn’t she?’
There was much more, but she barely heard it. Only a private investigator could have unearthed so much information about her family. Nausea came in waves at the thought of Ryan having her investigated as if she was some kind of criminal. She pressed her hands over her ears. ‘How could you? I won’t listen to any more of this. You have no right——’
The folder slammed on to the desk, the explosive sound making her jump. Alarm gripped her as he forced her hands down and held them at her sides. ‘I have every right. Where my children are concerned nothing takes precedence, certainly not your delicate feelings.’
His fingers bit into her wrists. She made herself focus on the discomfort. It was better than giving free rein to the sensations which his touch unleashed in her. He was so close that his breath ruffled her hair. In the lamplight his eyes were silvery, hard, unyielding.
‘Let me go,’ she insisted, marvelling that she could sound so composed when a storm raged inside her.
He released her, and straightened without moving away. His fingers raked through his hair, leaving trails in the charcoal strands. For some reason the sight mesmerised Terise. It was an effort to look away. She massaged her wrists pointedly, although no damage had been done except to her pride. ‘It seems Clair was right about you.’
Her comment rekindled Ryan’s anger. ‘Was she, now? About what?’
‘About how you treated her.’ A great aching chasm opened inside her as she said the words. How she had wanted them not to be true.
He moved then, stalking around the study like a caged predator. His circling movements brought him back to stand in front of her, his look accusing. ‘Exactly how am I supposed to have treated her?’
She swallowed hard. ‘Badly enough to make her drive away so recklessly that she was killed.’
‘You were here, then? You saw what went on in our marriage?’
The bitterness in his voice stung her. ‘Of course not. But when it all got too much she wrote and told me everything.’
His mirthless laugh sent goosebumps scudding along her spine. ‘I’ll bet she did. Did she also tell you she was supposed to be an orphan, with no family of her own?’
Long lashes feathered her cheeks as she looked away. ‘I didn’t know until you told me. She didn’t have to pretend. She must have known we would have supported her.’
‘You know she was pregnant when we married?’
‘I guessed as much.’
‘I’m not about to risk another accident.’ His words echoed through her mind. Suddenly she understood his refusal to make love without the proper precautions.
Unwilling admiration overtook her. In spite of everything he had stood by Clair and cherished the children, although their conception must have come as a shock. ‘It wouldn’t have made any difference to me,’ she assured him. ‘Clair must have known that. Anyone can make a mistake.’
‘But it wasn’t a mistake,’ he said, so quietly that she wondered if she was hearing correctly.
‘You can’t mean——’
‘I mean exactly what I say. Clair’s pregnancy was deliberate, to trap me into marrying her. She told me I had no need to take precautions because she was fully protected. I believed her—just as I believed her story about her background.’
Her mind whirled. What was he saying? ‘I can’t believe Clair would do something so underhand.’ Yet she couldn’t help recalling the times Clair had been flexible about the truth when they were teenagers.
‘Naturally,’ he said curtly. ‘You’re also prepared to accept her word that I mistreated her. What am I supposed to have done? Beaten her? Had affairs with other women? Neglected her? All of the above?’ He loomed over her again. ‘Come, now, I’m entitled to hear the charges against me.’
Terise stared dumbly at him. What did he expect from her? ‘You said yourself I can’t know what really happened,’ she said, her voice hoarse.
His glittering gaze impaled her, refusing to let her off the hook. ‘But you do know—or you think you do. I can see it in your face.’ He spun aside, crashing his flattened palms against the desktop in a gesture of absolute frustration.
She winced, feeling the impact as if it radiated up her own arms.
‘Well, I’m damned if I’ll explain myself to you. You can think what you like and die wondering. It’s no more than you deserve.’
His censure weighed heavily on her, although he was right—she did deserve it. He hadn’t denied Clair’s accusations, she noticed, and iced water trickled down her spine. More than anything she had wanted him to deny it outright. She bowed her head. ‘I was wrong not to tell you about my relationship to Clair,’ she admitted, ‘but what I did tell you was the truth.’
A dismissive gesture greeted this attempt. ‘Should I applaud your selective honesty? What did you hope to gain from your charade?’
His harshness lashed her. ‘I don’t know, and that is the truth.’ She lifted misty eyes to him. She had come with the half-formed idea of making him pay for Clair’s death. The last thing she had expected was to feel so confused, until she hardly knew her own mind any more.
If only she hadn’t fallen in love with Ryan, things would have been simpler. She would have found something—anything—to use against him, and the score would have been settled. She hadn’t counted on her own feelings getting in the way. Even now, in the face of his implacable anger, her desire for him was so strong that it rocked her to her core.
She bit her lip. It couldn’t be love, this tumultuous blend of needs and desires he aroused in her. She had always envisaged love as a gentle, inexorable force, which would carry her away to some paradisical conclusion.
Never had she pictured it as a tidal wave, sweeping her off her feet and carrying her help-lessly along, a heartbeat away from annihilation.
She shivered. ‘What was I supposed to do? When she wrote to me, she sounded so depressed and lonely.’
‘She always was a good actress.’ With mechanical movements he went to a decanter set out on a tray and poured a generous measure of whisky into a glass. His hand wasn’t quite steady, she noticed.
When he gestured to the decanter she shook her head. ‘You have to see it from my side. She was my stepsister—the only sibling I’d ever had. She wasn’t perfect, but I loved her.’
He downed most of the drink in a savage action. ‘I don’t have to do a damned thing. And stepsister is hardly a blood tie.’
Her shoulders lifted in a soul-weary gesture. ‘I don’t expect you to understand, but the relationship didn’t matter. I’d always dreamed of having a sister.’
He barked a harsh laugh. ‘And she took full advantage of it. I’ll bet you spent your adolescence fighting her battles for her, taking the blame for everything, while she sat back and allowed it.’
The bitter truth of the statement was like a dash of cold water. She felt moved to defend herself, although he’d come uncomfortably close to the truth. ‘I got a lot of benefits too, including a real family.’
‘You’re forgetting I was married to her. I suspect I knew her better than you did, because I don’t look at the world through rose-coloured glasses.’
Her temper flared. ‘And I do, I suppose?’ She jumped to her feet, needing to pace off some of her frustration. ‘Why are you doing this?’
‘You need a dose of reality to jolt you out of this Alice in Wonderland world you live in.’
It was better than the cold reality he preferred. ‘You’re the person to administer this jolt, are you?’ she demanded furiously.
‘Somebody has to, for your own good.’
She gripped the back of the chair with fingers which were white to the bone. She suspected that her face was a similar colour. ‘Your consideration for my welfare is touching but unnecessary, because I resign as of now. Is that what you wanted from me?’
She could hardly
believe how much the simple statement hurt. The thought of walking away from him, and from the twins, chilled her blood. Would she even have the strength to do it? She must. He didn’t love her. There was no place for her here.
‘If I told you what I wanted from you, you’d run a mile,’ he said. He gave a soft, humourless chuckle. ‘Don’t look so alarmed. Despite your stepsister’s warnings, I do have some scruples. Unfortunately they don’t extend to accepting your resignation.’
How could he expect her to stay? ‘You can’t stop me leaving,’ she tried, wondering at the same time if there was anything he couldn’t do.
Something unfathomable flickered in the icy depths of his eyes, as if he had read the unspoken fear in her. ‘Can’t I? Those two little girls in the other room might be a factor, don’t you think?’
She could hardly believe it. He knew that she loved Trudy and Lisa, and yet he wasn’t above trying to blackmail her into staying. ‘You’re despicable,’ she spat out. ‘How can you use your own children as bargaining chips?’
His shoulders lifted. ‘My children aren’t the bargaining chips. Your feelings for them are, and I’m hardly responsible for your feelings.’
‘But you aren’t above manipulating them to suit your own purposes.’
‘See it how you will. The fact remains that I require your services until I can find a suitable replacement.’
So it was as simple as that. It wasn’t that he wanted her to stay, only that he needed her to care for the twins until he found someone else.
The ache inside her increased until it was a physical pain, clutching like a tight fist around her heart. Everything he had said so far confirmed Clair’s accusations. Terise should have been happy that she knew the truth at last. So why did she feel as if an abyss had opened at her feet?
A shiver shook her and she closed her eyes. According to their contract she had no choice but to stay until he released her. But she could put some emotional distance between them—would have to if she was to survive with some shred of pride intact.
He had said that he wasn’t responsible for her feelings towards the children, shamelessly using them to bring her to heel. What would happen if he knew the full extent of her folly? If he knew that she loved him, what price might he not exact from her?
She started to turn stiffly away, a mask of professional detachment on her face. ‘Very well, I’ll stay until you can replace me.’ She was quite proud to hear the statement made with only the faintest tremor.
‘Until you can find enough evidence to hang me, don’t you mean?’
The mask vanished, replaced by horror that he had read her intentions so accurately. He wasn’t to know that she was no longer capable of doing anything to discredit him, no matter what she learned. It was a humiliating discovery. By falling in love with him she had gone over to the enemy, with no turning back. ‘I wouldn’t——’ she began haltingly.
‘But you meant to?’ The question was a deadly caress of sound.
She closed her eyes. ‘Yes.’
‘I thought so. All fired up with righteous anger, you stormed in here intending to expose me for what I am.’ It wasn’t a question. None needed to be asked. He read the answer in her defeated body language. ‘What will you do now, Terise?’
‘I don’t know.’ It was the truth. She had never felt so confused before.
‘Then I’ll help you to make up your mind.’
With the lethal grace of a hunting tiger, he moved towards her. She stood her ground, mesmerised, until his arms around her waist snapped her back to reality. ‘What are you doing?’
He pulled her hard against him, his hands wandering up and down her body as if she was a musical instrument that he could play with consummate skill. The moans which escaped from her throat did duty for the notes his questing fingers would have coaxed from such an instrument.
His mockery taunted her. ‘You’ve decided I’m an ogre without conscience. I may as well live up to your expectations.’
Her pounding heart and laboured breathing were the products of her fury at his behaviour, not of his nearness, she told herself. Her eyes were level with his mouth, which was set into a determined line. She licked her lips and swallowed hard. ‘You’ve already managed to do that successfully.’
‘Then why haven’t you run to the media with your story? It’s the sort of sordid thing they’d love. I can’t believe our confidentiality clause would be enough to stop you.’
‘Because I——’ She bit back the damning betrayal before she could say ‘because I love you’. ‘Because I’m not sure of my facts,’ she substituted hoarsely.
‘Perhaps you need more evidence.’
His arms tightened around her, and her nerves leapt as he claimed her mouth with ruthless thoroughness.
There was nothing gentle in the kiss. His mouth was hard and demanding, his teeth grinding against hers until her lips parted defensively. Then he plundered her soft palate with the skill of an expert, until her senses reeled and she clung to him, afraid that if she let go she would fall.
Shock made her keep her eyes open, and some part of her mind registered every plane and angle of his face and the dark, unreadable eyes devouring her. Then all conscious thought was eclipsed by sensation. Her pulse-beat raced and the blood surged through her veins like a thunderstorm. Never had she been so aware of her body as it pulsated in response to his demands.
Slowly she became aware of his reactions. It wasn’t all on her side, she realised dazedly. He had meant to confirm her worst suspicions about him, but somewhere along the line things had changed.
The rapidity of his breathing, the thunder of his heart against her breasts and the unmistakable evidence of his arousal were almost overwhelming. She felt dazed, unable to believe that she could exert any sort of power over him.
When he half carried her towards the Chesterfield sofa, she had no will to resist. No matter what he was, or what he had done, she wanted him with every fibre of her being. Whatever his motives, she was his—and had been from the moment they’d met.
So she was unprepared when he pushed her roughly on to the sofa and spun away. ‘Now do you have your evidence?’
He didn’t mean to make love to her. She hunched her shoulders and linked her shaking hands around her knees, feeling utterly empty inside. The places he should have filled would remain aching voids for all time, she feared. He had never intended to love her, only to make her pay for her suspicions. ‘A kiss proves nothing,’ she snapped, channelling her disappointment into anger.
His back remained to her and the shoulder muscles tightened. ‘You’d be surprised.’ He whirled around, his eyes blazing. ‘Yours proves that Clair stopped being the reason you stay here a long time ago.’
She managed to keep her gaze level, but was conscious of the burning patches on each cheek. How much had he discerned from her kiss? ‘If you mean have I decided not to do you any harm, then, yes, I have. Does that satisfy you?’ Desperately she hoped that it would. She wouldn’t be able to bear it if he guessed the reason.
‘Should I be grateful for your loyalty?’ he ground out. ‘If I’d known all I had to do was live up to your worst expectations, I’d have taken you to bed the day you arrived. It would have saved a lot of trouble.’ He looked suddenly soul-weary. ‘Go to bed, Terise. I’ll start looking for your replacement as soon as I return from Canberra, after the result of the trade assembly bid is announced.’
She was shaking by the time she reached the sanctuary of her room. Thankfully Maggie had already bathed the twins and put them to bed, sparing her any more interactions tonight.
Ryan might have kissed her to pay her back for her accusations, but her responses were another matter. They warned her that living under his roof until he found a replacement was going to be an exquisite form of torture.
When the phone shrilled at her bedside, she jumped as if stung. Her emotions were too raw to deal with anything more tonight, but letting it ring might disturb the children. She picke
d it up, immediately recognising Elaine’s voice.
She wanted to share her joy at finally meeting her grandchildren. ‘We must do it again soon,’ she enthused. ‘They mean so much to me, Terise.’
There was no easy way to say it. ‘I know, but it won’t be possible. I resigned my job today.’
After a stunned silence, Elaine wailed, ‘But that means I may never see Trudy and Lisa again.’
‘I’m sorry, truly. But things aren’t working out here.’
‘Maybe I should speak to Ryan for you.’
‘No, you mustn’t.’ The very idea filled her with alarm. It would be the final humiliation if Elaine told Ryan how she felt about him. ‘Promise me you won’t say anything?’
Tears threaded Elaine’s voice. ‘Very well. But it’s too cruel—to find my grandchildren and lose them in the same day.’
It was how Terise herself felt, although by far the greatest heartache came from loving and losing the children’s father. ‘I know,’ she said softly. ‘I wish there was more I could do, but there isn’t. I’m so sorry.’
‘Sorry isn’t an answer,’ Elaine said, sounding injured. Then, a heartbeat later, ‘But maybe there is an answer.’
‘Elaine, what are you——?’ But the phone buzzed with the sound of disconnection.
CHAPTER NINE
DURING the next few days Terise heard no more from Elaine. When she tried to contact her at the Menzies Hotel she was told that her stepmother had left. There was no answer when Terise rang the Queenscliff flat, which left her to wonder if Elaine had gone away somewhere.
Maybe it was for the best. The thought that she might decide to contact Ryan, in spite of her promise, disturbed Terise. Elaine was the only person who had suspected how Terise felt about Ryan. It was the last thing she wanted him to know.
Fortunately she saw very little of him. His time was almost wholly taken up with the final presentation for the world trade assembly bid in Canberra, in less than a week’s time.
