by Jo Leigh
He was the one on top now, holding her firmly down. She pushed against him but she couldn’t move. “Hey,” she said, wanting him back inside her. It was his expression that made her still.
“Wait,” he said, his voice low, as steely as his muscles. “Don’t you move. Not a muscle.”
She couldn’t look away, couldn’t avoid the intensity of his gaze. Finally, with no choice, she nodded.
He relaxed his hold and swung his right leg over so he was beside her. Taking a deep breath, he ran his hand through his hair, which formed into sharp spikes from his sweat. He got off the bed, and her disappointment turned to understanding as he grabbed his case off the desk and pulled out several foil-wrapped packages.
She felt like a fool. Of all people, she should know better than to make love without protection. Didn’t she warn her patients about that time and again? She’d lost it, that’s all.
Lost it.
It had never happened before. She’d never been so carried away that she’d let her survival instincts fail. What was he doing to her?
His weight shifted on the bed, and then his leg was over hers, and just as she’d done to him, he straddled her hips. He didn’t touch her, though. Resting on his knees, he was a scant inch above her body. She felt his heat, and she wanted him with a mind that was barely her own.
What he did next made her almost as angry as she was needy. He smiled at her, clearly so pleased with himself he wanted to crow.
“Fine,” she said. “You thought of it. I didn’t. So gloat if you want.”
“I’m not gloating about this,” he said, tearing open the packet.
“Then what’s that smile for?”
“Because I’ve got you exactly where I want you.”
She started up, pushing her elbows into the bed, but his hands came down, stopping her short. “Let me go,” she said, serious as a heart attack.
He shook his head, his smile fading, replaced with something that stirred her from her breasts to her center. “No.”
“Guy, let me—”
He cut her off with his lips on hers, a hard kiss, demanding, fighting her. Struggling.
Winning.
She hadn’t realized she was pushing against him until she gave up. The war wasn’t over, just this battle. Watching him sheath himself, knowing he was teasing her with his unhurried movements, she squirmed, wondering briefly if she was indeed losing.
When he was done, he pushed her legs apart with his knees. Her breathing quickened. His hands held her down, his legs controlled her movements. She was helpless beneath him, and that thought made her crazy, except that she knew exactly what he was going to do to her, and she wanted that as badly as she wanted to move.
Want overpowered will. She closed her eyes and forced herself to relax.
Guy felt her muscles grow lax underneath his hands. Her legs stopped pressing against him. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as she struggled to let herself yield to him. “That’s it, Rachel, let go,” he whispered. “Let it all go. All you have to do is relax, let me give you pleasure.” He leaned down until his mouth was just above hers, until her breath became his. “Let me make you come.”
She gasped, and he kissed her. Impressively. Controlling. That’s what this was about. Control, and he wasn’t about to let her win. She was his, and he would have her. Tame her.
Release her.
He reached down, guiding himself to the soft folds of her entrance. Pausing there, making her feel his power, he let her anticipation build and climb until he could feel her quiver underneath him. Then he entered her…as slowly as she had ridden him, the torment just as strong.
He wanted to plunge inside her, to hear her scream his name until she grew hoarse. But his desires were secondary to what she truly needed. Abandon. He wanted her to lose her mind, and he wasn’t above doing whatever it took to get her there.
When she opened her eyes, he held her steady with his gaze. As long as she continued to see him, he’d give her everything.
He pushed his hips, keeping to the slow, steady, killing pace. She closed her eyes. He stopped.
It took three times for her to understand. When she did, she cursed him, quite succinctly, but her eyes stayed open. And then it truly began. The war was almost over, and the peace would be one neither of them would ever forget.
As he moved faster, he was blown to the moon by the feeling of being inside her. He was shaking, he could feel it, and as he stared into her eyes, his peripheral vision caught a drop of sweat fall on the edge of her cheek. But he didn’t give in, and he didn’t stop. Well, he stopped for a while. Reveling in the sensation of being in her. Part of her.
But she was so trusting…
He began a new rhythm, pumping in, out, faster and harder, and then he wasn’t the one in the driver’s seat anymore as his body took over, guiding him, pushing him.
He felt her heels on his back, her legs squeeze his hips, and he was the one who lost it, who couldn’t hold back the cry that came from the middle of his soul. He kept his eyes open through sheer force of will, and Rachel…God, so beautiful…she never closed her eyes, never looked away, just maintained the connection even though he knew her body was wild with the need to explode.
It was close for him now, and nothing on heaven or earth could stop it. He felt the pressure build and build, and at the last possible second, he kissed her, and her mouth was open and she was bucking under him like a woman untamed. Her scream filled him until it became his scream and he was coming so hard he thought he might just die.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
RACHEL’S HEART finally slowed down after Guy had curled himself around her. He’d given her water, a pillow, and pulled the covers up over both of them, and then he’d wrapped her in his arms.
His breathing was deep and even, and she suspected that if he wasn’t asleep yet, he soon would be. She wanted to sleep, but her thoughts fired so rapidly, she doubted it would happen. The experience of making love with Guy was still too raw.
He’d taken her to a place she’d never known. Forced her to accede to his demands. Despite everything, part of her was still furious—the part of her that wanted control. But giving in had shown her so much. Almost too much.
What he’d said about her at the bar was true. She was terrified of the very thought of losing control, whether it was in the E.R. or the bedroom. Why? What would it cost her to let go of the reins?
Somewhere along the way, she’d come to believe that the loss of control was life or death. That if she let go for even a moment, all would be lost. She’d lose, she’d be weak.
Her father had told her time and again that she could never let anyone get the upper hand. He’d viewed his life as a series of battles, mostly losses, where anyone who had power over him was the villain. Whenever he’d lost a promotion, it was someone else’s fault. Someone who had more juice. A bastard who didn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.
God, how often had she heard that? Her mother had always agreed with her father. She’d given him everything. Her heart, her spirit. And on some level, Rachel’s father had despised her mother for it.
Maybe that explained it. Knowing that her dad took everything her mom had to give, kept her cowed, under this thumb, but reviled her for those very things, was the underpinnings of her own need. Rachel had been desperate for her father’s respect, and the only way she’d ever gotten it was by achievement. He had been fiercely proud of her accomplishments and contemptuous of her failures, so she’d dedicated her life to being the best.
He’d watched her when Molly had gotten sick, and he’d made no bones about the fact that her deep sorrow was a weakness that would be her downfall if she didn’t control it.
And she’d believed him. The fear of weakness had guided her every move. It had hardly been a choice. That attitude was so ingrained in her that she’d never considered an alternative.
Of course, she’d seen other people who didn’t live their lives as she did, and part of her
had categorized them all as somewhat pathetic. Except for Allie.
Allie was the exception, perhaps because Rachel had been witness to her happiness. Yes, Allie was successful, but her career was only a part of her life. She loved her friends, her family. She had outside interests, like music and dancing and her obsession with film noir. With Allie, compassion came first, everything else second.
Not that Rachel could become like her friend, but perhaps it wasn’t too late to have a broader view of the world.
When she’d let go in Guy’s arms, there had been a sense of freedom she’d never experienced in her life. To know that he would take the lead, that she was safe letting him guide her, that he wouldn’t hurt her…Even thinking those thoughts felt foreign and somehow bad. As if she were disappointing her father, whom she didn’t even admire.
Who was to say that she couldn’t make a new choice? That she couldn’t learn to ease up, to let someone else win? To relax and appreciate the people in her life, instead of just seeing where they fit in her personal hierarchy.
She touched Guy’s hand where it lay over her shoulder. Felt his warm breath on the back of her neck and his body pressed against hers. A wave of gratitude hit her so profoundly that tears fell from her closed eyes.
He was still her boss. There was no way they could have a relationship within the confines of the hospital. But this night, this awakening would be with her forever. If she let it. If she didn’t go back to the status quo.
The whole idea of change scared her. Especially a change so fundamental. But now that she’d gotten this glimpse of an alternative to the way she lived, it would be too uncomfortable to do nothing.
She just wasn’t sure she was strong enough.
RICHIE MONTGOMERY LOOKED just the same as he had the last time Guy had seen him. Medium height, dark, thinning hair, a beer belly that attested to his fondness for a good ol’ time. But his country-bumpkin appearance deceived many a luckless criminal. Richie was smart and thorough, and very little escaped his keen eye. Guy was pleased he was on board and that his determination to find Stan DiGrasso almost equaled Guy’s own.
“Come on back to my office,” Richie said, shouldering Guy aside to take Rachel’s arm. “If I’d known you were so pretty, I’d have kept you on the phone a lot longer.”
Rachel smiled and let Richie lead her into the small office at the back of the North Hollywood police station. He sat her down in one of the two wooden captain’s chairs, then went around to his own black leather chair behind the desk.
The top of his desk was neat, considering the amount of paperwork on the file cabinets, the in-and out-boxes, the bookcase on his right. And there were pictures, too, of his wife, his three kids, mostly taken on his sloop.
Guy sat down, his muscles reminding him of the night before. Not that he had been able to think of much else. My God, it had been—
“So I got some interesting information from a friend of mine,” Richie said, leaning back and folding his arms over his ample stomach. “Seems there was an adoption agency running out of Hollywood, near the Gower Gulch, that was closed down by the feds about a year ago. It was a sting operation, and the owners, Frank and Ellen Yoder, got out of Dodge before the indictments went through. They’re wanted for child selling, falsifying documents and child endangerment. A lot of the children they placed ended up having severe health problems that weren’t disclosed, and then there was the way they got their clients.” He shook his head. “It wasn’t pretty, I can tell you that. A whole mess of heartache from top to bottom, and no convictions.”
“The FBI has no idea where they went?” Guy asked.
“Not a clue. But they did find mentions of your Stan DiGrasso—mostly checks. There were a few addresses on him, but he wasn’t at any of them. The closest they got was last year, when an informant placed him in Tarzana.”
“We found that address,” Guy said. “In the files from L.A. General.”
“He’s not there now. But the man makes most of his money from dealing. Crack, heroin, meth, all kinds of goodies. That’s our best hope now. I’ve talked to some folks in Vice, and let’s just say there isn’t a cop in the county who hasn’t got an eye peeled out for this bastard, excuse my French, Rachel.”
“No problem, Lieutenant. It’s wonderful that you’ve done so much.”
“Not a problem. We all want this joker caught and put behind bars.”
“Is there anything else we can do today?” Guy asked. “We’ve got a few hours before we head back to Courage Bay.”
“Not a damn thing that I can think of. I wish there was. I know it’s easier when there’s something concrete to work on. Best thing I can think of is for you to get back to that baby. Make sure he’s okay.”
“I spoke to his doctor this morning,” Guy said. “Heath’s doing better. His kidney is functioning well, which was the biggest worry.”
“That’s great news. How about you let me take you out to a great little steak house I know. It’s just around the corner, and they have the best damn cherry pie you’ve ever tasted.”
Rachel gave Guy a look, a tiny nod. He knew she wanted to get home, but saying no to Richie now would have been a slap in the face. “Sounds great.”
“All right,” Richie said, his Mississippi accent still strong after all the years he’d been away. “We can take my car.” He stood up and walked over to Rachel. “And darlin’, you’re so damn pretty, I think I’ll run the siren the whole way.”
“MAYBE HEATHER’S DEATH has changed her, too,” Rachel said. They were an hour outside Courage Bay, and still talking about Heath and Tammy. She didn’t mind, but she wasn’t sure she could simply walk back into her life without saying something about last night.
“I don’t know. Tammy’s priority is still Tammy. I just can’t see her dedicating herself to a child with as many issues as Heath has. He’s going to be a handful, and she’s never been known for her patience.”
“Give her a chance, Guy. People can change. I believe that.”
He looked at her for a long beat before turning his attention back to the road. “I believe that, too. Funny, I never used to. But now…”
“What?”
He reached over and took her hand in his. “You were amazing last night.”
She looked down at their hands, not quite knowing how to react, surprised that she was pleased. “You played me.”
“Yes, I suppose I did.”
She looked at the highway, up at the darkening sky. “What do you want?” she asked finally.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do. You took a huge risk last night. You pressed when you didn’t have to. Hell, I made everything very easy.”
“Excuse me, Dr. Browne, but there’s never been anything easy about you.”
“Come on, don’t be evasive. You know what I’m talking about.”
“Yeah,” he said, his voice gentler. “I do. I suppose I had no business, but damn it, Rachel, what I said last night is true. I think you’re an amazing woman. I also think you don’t give yourself very much slack.”
“No, I don’t. I never have. It’s what’s made me a good doctor.”
“In part. I agree that discipline is important, and that there’s a line that’s fuzzy about giving everything to your patients. But it’s not all or nothing. At least, it doesn’t have to be.”
“I have a friend who’s always amazed me. She’s so balanced with her life, it could be written up in one of those women’s magazines. She has friends, a family she loves, a good job. She’s funny, she’s kind.”
“But?”
“But I never understood her. Allie’s always been a mystery to me. It was as if we were born on different planets. On mine, there was only winning. Only being the best.”
“And on hers?”
“Completely different set of rules. Rules I never figured out.”
“But you admire her.”
“For a lot of reasons. I just never thought I could be l
ike her.”
“And now?”
“I don’t know. I hope so. It’s daunting.”
“I understand more than I care to. This has been a mind-boggling week for me. But then, I’ve bored you about that enough already.”
“Come on. It’s obviously true-confessions time. Just talk.”
His smile was good. Honest. “I’m not ready to. Not yet. There’s still a lot to think about.”
“Okay, I won’t push you. But I’m here when you’re ready.”
“I know that, and I appreciate it more than you can imagine. One thing I will say is, I don’t expect anything from you.” He shook his head. “No, that’s a lie. I’m hoping for friendship. If possible, more than that. But I won’t push, either, and I won’t make it uncomfortable for you at work. It’s a tricky situation, and I wouldn’t dream of compromising your position. But know this, I’d like to see you.”
She slipped her hand from under his. “I don’t know, Guy. You’re still—”
“Your boss. I know that.”
“I don’t know what people would say if we were seen dating. It could be a pretty big mess.”
Guy nodded. “The pleasures of small-town life.”
“Courage Bay isn’t a small town.”
“The hospital is. And I’m very aware of what your career means to you. Trust me, Rachel. Nothing will happen that you don’t want to have happen.”
She should have been pleased, but she wasn’t. He’d left the ball in her court, which was exactly how she liked to play. But for once, she wished she didn’t have to make the decision. Because she knew that despite the night with him, there was nothing more important to her than her career. “Thank you,” she said.
He didn’t say anything. But she couldn’t help but notice how his hands tightened on the wheel. There was nothing to do about it. She couldn’t see them pursuing a relationship. Not now, not while they both worked at the same hospital. If there was a chance anyone would think she was with him for political reasons, it could destroy them both.
