by Sharon Kleve
The lady had a perfect Q-tip for hair. She quickly headed their way and said, “Well, good afternoon to you two. Are you newlyweds? You sure look all cozy sitting here by yourselves I wanted to mention there are little kids on this bus, if you know what I mean. Oh, and have a lovely day,” and then she scurried off to the front of the bus, where she came from.
“Steve, I’m thirty years old and I was busted for messing around by a Q-tip. How embarrassing is that?”
He laughed, and then said, “Honey, don’t worry. I’ll finish what I started when we get to the hotel.”
“Promise?”
“Absolutely.” Steve promised.
CHAPTER FOUR
If they thought Victoria, BC was in the holiday spirit, then The Butterfly Gardens were on holiday spirit steroids. Even the bathroom she used when they arrived had tasteful garlands strung from the rafters, and they must’ve shoved a Christmas tree in the ventilation system because it smelled great in there.
Their next stop,--was the Caribbean Flamingos; they were truly majestic creatures with their long beautiful pink necks. Corny stood in front of the shallow pond and thought, what a life, standing around all day on one leg and having everyone go “Ohh and Ahh” at you. They must have overheard her because the next thing she knew, she was getting an earful from a large male flamingo.
“Hey lady, get us the heck out of here Mon. It’s Christmas and we want to go home to the sweet old people. We love our quiet lake and they don’t clip our feathers there. We’d never leave but it’s nice to stretch every once in-a-while. The keepers here think we’ll fly away if they let our feathers grow and we would too. Our colony was nesting in a great big lake--not far from here. The old people would come and sit for hours and we’d preen for them. They’d get all dressed up in red and green clothes and hats with reindeer on them. It was the best place to live, but one night a large truck pulled up and we were shot with something that put us to sleep. The next thing we knew, we were being stared-at by a bunch of strangers talking in foreign we didn’t understand.”
What could she say to that request? “Of course, I’ll do my best to get you home for Christmas.” But what would she do with her extremely observant cop boyfriend during this relocation?
Steve was giving her that look, “I know you’re talking to the birds. What are you talking about?”
Corny said, “It’s complicated, they don’t want to be here and they want me to get them home.”
“And how do they think you can accomplish that?” Steve asked.
While pondering that thought she was happily rubbing her shiny new key again.
She figured if she could find something to occupy Steve’s time for a couple of hours, she could get the flamingos home and make a bunch of old people happy too. But first she needed to find out where the flamingos came from and if they were even wanted. It would be sad for them if they were relocated and the old people didn’t want them.
Steve was looking at the Butterfly Gardens directory and asked, “Corny, do you want to go look at the giant Koi fish next?”
“You know what, they have a big gift shop, why don’t I go do a little shopping while you go see the fish and we can meet back here in half an hour?”
“Okay, see you back here.” Steve replied.
In less than a minute she had a young male animal keeper in her sights. First she opened a couple buttons on her blouse--even though it was only 40 degrees out--and flashed some major cleavage. When the drool subsided she said, “Do you know where the flamingos came from?”
“I believe they were relocated from the Shornclifton Nursing Home, but flamingos aren’t my area of expertise. I’m in charge of butterflies. I could give you a private tour--if you want.” He looked way too happy about the private tour.
“Maybe next time, but thanks,” and turned to go back to the flamingos. She needed to find out how to get them out of their enclosure, when she found a way to get them home. She’s trying to stay positive.
“Hey Mon, you’re back. When are we leaving this place?” The male flamingo asked.
“First, I have to find transportation for all of you and second, how will I get you out of there?”
“The second problem is the easiest, our keepers think were dumb. The door is locked so no-one can get in, but the keepers can get out. We’ve practiced and we can get the door open. You just tell us where and when and we’ll meet you,” he said excitedly.
“Okay.” She said with a smile in her voice, if they could do that much she could do the rest. And then it came to her, the double-decker bus was out front and definitely large enough to transport a bunch of birds.
She Googled the nursing home on her cell phone, which gave her the location of Shornclifton. It was about a half hour drive in good driving conditions. She called ahead to make sure it was okay to return the flamingos and luckily the staff was ecstatic. When she talked to the lady in charge, she said, “One day they were out in the lake and the next day they were gone; it was very upsetting to the residents. Some of them don’t have a lot to look forward to and those birds made everyone happy. We have our own Christmas tree lighting ceremony every evening and it isn’t the same without the flamingos. Do you know why they were taken from our lake?”
“No, I found them at The Butterfly Gardens and nobody seems to know why they were relocated. If all goes well, I should have them to the lake within a couple of hours.”
“God bless you child. Drive safe. I’ll let the residents know they’ll get their Christmas wish after all; they’ll have their flamingos to Ohh and Ahh over for Christmas.
CHAPTER FIVE
It must’ve been Fate because right outside of the bathroom was a sign for the Cirque du Soleil, and they had a show scheduled in one hour. Corny was right on time and Steve arrived five minutes later.
“Steve look, they have a circus! Can we go and see it please? I’ll even buy the tickets.”
“Okay, are you sure you’re through talking with the flamingos? Don’t give me the ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ look either. I know you and your eyes dilate when you’re communicating with animals, like when you’re sexually turned on.”
“Geez, I had no idea that happened. The flamingos are homesick is all and I was trying to make them feel better. Come on, I want to make sure the show isn’t sold out and then we can get something to eat.”
She bought two tickets and said, “I splurged and got front row seats. This is going to be great!”
“You know, I’ve never met a woman who can eat as much as you and not gain an ounce.”
“I’m lucky; I have my mom’s metabolism. I’m sure one day I’ll have to watch what I eat but right now I want something sinful.”
“Oh Corny, you’re nuts, you know that?”
“Yes I am.” and they both laughed.
After he stopped laughing he said, “I’ll buy lunch then since you bought the tickets.”
“Great. Let’s go to the food court and check out the choices.”
Like everything else in Victoria, the food court was festive and smelled wonderful. She hadn’t realized until then that each area of The Butterfly Gardens was decorated in a different theme. The food court looked like a frozen garden, everything was white and it looked like it was covered in frost, but it wasn’t. How cool. Maybe she’d try that look at their house. She could say that now, their house
“Steve, it looks pretty busy in here; why don’t I find a table while you order a couple burgers and fries?
“Okay, but I’m getting off cheap with burgers and fries. We can get popcorn at the circus if you want.”
“Popcorn and cotton candy too please.”
She was lucky to find a small, two- person table; the place was packed. Steve had their lunch ordered and on the table in ten minutes flat. The place knew how to move the customers through, but maybe a little too fast--her burger was a little on the rare side, but it tasted good.
They walked around and looked at all the
exotic birds and Corny tried to ignore--their chatter. Steve might get confused when her eyes dilated and think she wanted a quickie, if she communicated with them. She didn’t come across anymore abducted animals; maybe somebody saw the flamingos one day and didn’t think that they liked it where they were.
CHAPTER SIX
Corny was so excited about the show; she ignored the rumblings--in her stomach. Steve insisted on buying a large tub of buttered popcorn, two diet sodas, and big bag of pink cotton candy for her. What was she thinking when she insisted on cotton candy?
They were literally seated right in front of the stage; which was great for Steve. (She unfortunately would be on the road with a bunch of birds during most of the show.) That was if her stomach settled down. What if she had food poisoning from the under-cooked hamburger? Wouldn’t that be her luck?
She hadn’t had a chance to tell the flamingos they were going home today and thought they might need to prepare the whole door opening thing. After a couple bites of popcorn and a big gulp of diet soda, she headed off to use another beautifully decorated bathroom. This one’s theme was Santa’s Workshop; no kidding…The ceiling had tasteful fake presents hanging from it and it smelled like sugar cookies, which made her stomach gurgle a little--not too bad, maybe she’d be okay after all.
As she was headed to the flamingo exhibit, she ran into the butterfly guy who was determined to get her phone number.
“Hey there, I’ve been looking all over for you, he said. I have a half-hour break; do you want a personal tour of my butterflies now?”
“That’s really nice of you but I’m not feeling too well. See you around.” She walked away as the gurgling was getting louder and louder.
When she was back at the flamingo exhibit, she told the male flamingo the plan, “Okay, I need all of you to meet me at the large parking lot in forty-five minutes. Can you tell time, I need you to be on time?”
“No problem Mon, our lives revolve around a time schedule. We’ll be on time.” The flamingo said confidently.
“Try not to attract a lot of attention, if that’s possible.”
“You got it Mon.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Corny made it to her seat in record time. The show was into its second act and Steve insisted she taste the cotton candy.
“Hey Corny, this stuff isn’t too bad. Try it.”
It melted on her tongue and made it down her throat and into her stomach. “It’s good, you’re right.” Then he put the cone-shaped container in her hand. He must have wanted her to finish it.
The next performance was a display of Aerial Hoop by a woman named, Habana. What she did with the hoops was unbelievable--flying through the air on a trapeze, while twirling large loops around her body in mid-air. It was so hypnotizing--Corny didn’t want to leave, but it was time to grant a Christmas wish.
“Steve, my stomach is acting up, and it’s not the cotton candy. I think it was the hamburger I ate.
“You do look a little on the green side, do you want me to go with you?”
“That’s the sweet of you, but hopefully I’ll only be a couple of minutes.”
Once in the parking lot she hadn’t considered how to break into the bus, which was a rookie mistake. Lucky for her the Canadians were trusting folks; the keys were left in the ignition. In the stolen Gray Lines Express bus she calculated it would take her about an hour to load the birds, drive to the lake, unload them, and return, before she and the bus were missed. The thing she never considered was she’d never driven a bus before but it had an automatic transmission, this should be a piece of cake.
Right on time, the flock of flamingos walked with exaggerated delicacy on stork-like legs into the parking lot. She started the bus and eased over to where they all stood on one leg waiting. The less time they were out in the open, the better for all of them. She opened the bus door and one by one they hopped up the steps and made their way to the rear of the bus. The bus had a really loud engine, which she didn’t notice when she was riding in it. It was freaking the birds out. She felt like telling them not to be messing around in the bus, but she and Steve were probably the only ones who did that.
Corny said, “Okay guys, keep your heads down. We don’t want the police pulling us over.”
She wasn’t sure what she would tell a cop if she got pulled over, and Steve would be mad if she got thrown in jail. She obeyed all the traffic laws and was making good progress. The flamingos were chattering about being excited and then they broke the news to her.
“Hey lady, we need a bathroom break real soon or you’re going to have a mess to clean up.”
She never considered they’d need to go to the bathroom while still on the bus. She wouldn’t have time to clean the bus if they pooped in it.
“What? You guys can’t wait another fifteen minutes?” Corny said in a desperate voice.
“No, sorry but we all need to go right now.” The bird replied.
Corny found a nice gravel driveway to pull into and one by one the flamingos did their business in an orderly fashion. If someone had been videotaping them, they would make millions off this.
On the road again, she requested they hold it until they got to the lake. When Corny pulled the monstrous bus into the Shornclifton parking lot, there were cheers and confetti – floating through the air. Wow, these people knew how to throw a party. Some of the elderly residents were in wheelchairs and others had canes, but it looked as though they were all in attendance when the bus arrived. Every one of the residents, plus the staff, had Santa hats on. They had a huge tree decorated in the middle of a beautifully manicured lawn and the lake was glistening, like it was waiting for the flamingos to return.
Loading and unloading wasn’t too bad; the old folks helped get the flamingos to the lake and they promised to keep a much closer eye on them from then on. For all her hard work, Corny was rewarded with several plates of cookies and a Santa hat. How was she going to explain the cookies and the Santa’s hat to Steve? Maybe she should be more concerned about being caught with a stolen bus.
Her stomach decided to let her know it didn’t like the undercooked burger and it grumbled and churned.
She said her goodbyes to the birds, “You guys take care now and have a wonderful holiday.”
“You did a good thing Mon, but how are you going to explain us being gone?”
“It’s a Christmas miracle.” because it was…
It had been the best vacation ever because everyone got what they wanted: her stomach finally settled down and she got a shiny new key to Steve’s house; the flamingos got to go home to their lake, and Steve got front row seats for the Cirque du Soleil.
Hopefully, Steve and The Royal Canadian Mounted Police wouldn’t be weren’t waiting for her when she returned. When she drove the bus into its parking area, she took a deep breath, and then looked around. It didn’t look as though the SWAT team was waiting for her--this time. She made her way to her front row seat and watched the end of the best circus ever, while fondling her shiny new key.
Steve knew Corny wasn’t in the bathroom all this time, but as long as she wasn’t in the hospital or in a Canadian jail, comma he’d sit there and enjoy the best circus he’d ever seen.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Corny moved into Steve’s house in record speed, while he had grumbled the whole time. Whenever another box was brought in he had said, “Corny, where did all this stuff come from? It wasn’t in your apartment.”
“My apartment was too small to hold all of it; I had most if it in storage.”
All it had taken was for her to show Steve the benefits of a live-in girlfriend and he had shut up real fast.
She had woken Christmas morning, in their bed, listening to Elvis singing ‘Blue Christmas’ and remembered their trip to Victoria. And then Corny thought that getting the flamingos home by Christmas saved them from having ‘The Flamingo Blues’.
Merry Christmas!
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If you enjoyed Flamingo Blues look for Darlene Panzera’s Me and Mr. Claus:
Me and Mr. Claus
A jingle of bells and a flurry of greetings erupted from the hallway and both Kristen and Ashley turned their heads. Through the glass walls of the office they could see Noah Goodwell making his cheerful happy-go-lucky rounds.
“I bet that relentless do-gooder has never had a bad day in his life,” Kristen complained.
Ashley smiled. “He’s always so friendly and nice.”
“Too nice to be genuine.”
“Handsome,” Ashley continued, and a dreamy look crossed over her face. “He’s very, very handsome.”
“Somewhat good-looking,” Kristen conceded. “Oh no. Here he comes.”
Noah poked his head around the door. “Hello ladies,” he said, wearing a bright smile. “Just want to wish you a good morning.”
“Good morning to you, too, Noah,” Ashley returned.
Kristen gave him a curt nod. His gaze lingered on her a second longer than Ashley. Then he left, and his voice could be heard greeting Mr. Holly down the hall.
