‘He’ll continue lessons at the school in the afternoons,’ Theo said, ‘but I’d see he was driven out to help you in the mornings first. Shall we have him begin next week? Good!’ she said as the farmer nodded. ‘Thank you, Mr Jamison, for giving him a chance.’
‘Be my pleasure, Mrs Ransleigh.’
‘Our thanks to your wife for the cider. It was delicious!’ Theo said.
‘Honoured to have you stop by, ma’am.’
They walked back to collect their horses, grazing in the nearby meadow, and a few minutes later, waved goodbye and set off towards Bildenstone Hall.
‘Pleased to have the business with Georgie settled?’ Dom asked.
‘Yes. If I can find places for the others at positions that interest them, doing useful things, I’ll be even more pleased. As Papa would be, too.’ She gave him a mischievous look. ‘Even if establishing a school for the orphans wasn’t exactly his dying wish.’
‘He’d be proud of you, Theo. I’m proud of you.’
She flushed at his praise. ‘As I am proud of you. I heard you mention to Jemmie that you might start breeding farm horses. Do you think that would hold your interest?’
‘The fascination of breeding is in studying characteristics, seeing which will transfer, which will not. If I ended up with an animal that would help more farmers feed themselves and their neighbours, that would be not so bad a result.
‘I think it would be a wonderful one!’
‘It is good to be well thought of by one’s wife.’ Even better to be loved, he thought. But with admiration, gratitude, and trust, love should soon follow...shouldn’t it?
‘You said you’ll have to go to Newmarket?’
‘Yes. On my last trip, I arranged the details of the sale with the stable manager; he’ll begin setting it up as soon as the horses arrive from Upton Park. I’ll need to go supervise it—and purchase the sorrels and trotters to start the breeding project.’
‘Will you be away long?’
‘Perhaps a week or so. Will you miss me?’
‘Very much.’
‘Maybe we should get ahead while we can, then.’ And maybe it was time for another try at seduction...
* * *
Halfway through the Home Woods, Dom pulled up his mount near a small stream that ambled along the east side of the road. ‘Shall we let the horses have a drink? We could sit there under one of those trees you so admire.’
She chuckled. ‘I’d like that.’
Dismounting under a large oak, they let the horses go to the water. Dom leaned back against the tree trunk, pulling Theo to him for a long, slow kiss.
‘Maybe it’s time to fetch the horses and get back to Bildenstone,’ she suggested, heat in her eyes as she trailed fingers down his chest to his breeches. He groaned when she touched him, already hard and ready. ‘It appears you’re definitely eager to return.’
‘Or we could stay. Isn’t there something erotic about the sibilant trickle of water over stone?’ he asked, reaching under the jacket of her habit to caress her breasts as he kissed her again.
For a moment, Theo responded, opening her mouth to him. But as he started on the buttons of her jacket, she pulled away.
‘No, Dom, not here.’ She pushed away from him and crossed her arms over her breasts, creating a distance between them that was like a sudden slap after the intimacy of the previous moment.
‘Loving under the stars was what started all the misery. That and Tremaine spying on us,’ she whispered.
Dom put out a hand to steady her. ‘You’re safe here, Theo. Not on foreign soil with threats all around. We’re on my land. It’s private. No army of reprobates to spy on us.
‘There might be a gamekeeper. If he saw me naked, he’d be so shocked, he might shoot himself.’
‘No, he’d think he’d seen a vision. A forest nymph. My forest nymph. I’ll not try to persuade you into this, if it makes you uncomfortable. But it’s not just that. These last few weeks, since our wedding, I’ve seen you smiling, as if almost brimming with happiness, and then you...stop yourself. The smile fades and you...turn inward. As if you think you don’t deserve to be happy. Life, love, is a gift, Theo. It’s too rare and precious to turn away from.’
‘I’m...frightened to trust it, Dom,’ she whispered. ‘If I let myself go and lost again, I’d be desolated. I can’t go through that.’
‘We can’t keep ourselves safe from whatever lies ahead,’ he argued. ‘Ponsonby was standing right next to Wellington at Waterloo when that cannonball took off his leg—and not a hair on Old Hookey’s head was even ruffled. Life is random, unpredictable—and never safe. Isn’t it preferable to embrace every joy while you have it, than to shut yourself off for fear of losing it? You’re the bravest girl I know. Don’t hold yourself back!’
When she shook her head and pulled away, exasperated and driven by need, Dom cried, ‘I love you, Theo! Can’t you see that? I know you care for me. Why won’t you let yourself love me back?’
‘Because I...I can’t! Not now! Not yet!’
‘I seem to remember a girl in a lane telling me “You could if you wanted to”.’ Angry, frustrated—why did she have to be so stubborn?—Dom continued. ‘You told me to look past my limitations, to all that I could still be. I can’t believe you don’t have the courage to try, after all you’ve suffered and survived!’
‘That’s right,’ she snapped back, ‘I have suffered and survived. By protecting myself—and carrying only the burdens I could handle!’
Stung, he said, ‘Well, thank you very much. I shall try very hard not to be one more “burden” you are forced to handle.’
Furious, Dom stalked off and threw himself on to his horse. He knew he’d said too much, but her ridiculous resistance made him so angry! And he loved her so much, he’d better take himself away before he said anything more.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Hands on her hips, furious too, Theo watched Dom ride off.
They’d only just settled the matter with Charles. Why did he have to push her to examine her feelings, looking for a declaration she was not yet ready to give?
Then, with a shock, she realised—he’d said he loved her.
Loved her.
And what did she do after that heartfelt declaration, but push him away!
Idiot.
He’d offered her his heart—shouldn’t she have the courage to accept it? She knew she trusted him not to hurt her, and as he’d said, nothing in life was sure. So why was she still so afraid?
Losing Marshall, finding herself alone, pregnant, unwed, had been a horror that had haunted her for years. But she’d faced other difficult situations since then—the loss of her father, the loss of her familiar place in the army, coming to an unknown land where she knew almost no one—without falling to pieces. Wasn’t it time for her to move beyond the trauma of that past?
Let it go, and embrace Dom fully?
Still, when she thought of saying words of love out loud—irrevocable words that couldn’t be taken back—a sudden panic made it hard to breathe.
She couldn’t do it, not yet. He had to give her a little more time.
She sighed. In any event, she needed to apologise. He’d professed his love, and she, basically, had rebuffed him. It took only a moment’s reflection to realise how she would feel, had she confessed her love for him, and he’d pushed her away, claiming he wasn’t prepared to take the risk of loving her.
She felt like she’d been punched in the stomach.
Sick and shaky, she collected her grazing horse and looked around for somewhere to mount.
Once again, she found nothing at all she might use as a mounting block.
It looked like she’d face another long trudge home.
* * *
Nearly
two hours later, she arrived back at Bildenstone, hot, disgruntled, and more than a little annoyed with herself. She’d call for a bath and refresh herself before she went looking for Dom. Maybe put on something cut low in the bosom, to distract him, while she apologised and before she showed her contrition in a way he would most appreciate.
Maybe if she kept him too exhausted and satiated from lovemaking to think, he’d be content enough not to press her about the other.
Feeling better, she gave her horse to a groom outside the stables and proceeded on to the Hall.
‘Wilton, where is your master?’ she asked as he opened the door for her.
‘I expect he’s halfway to Hadwell by now, mistress.’
Theo stopped short. ‘Hadwell?’ she echoed.
‘Yes, he told me he hoped to be well on the way to Bury St Edmunds by nightfall, and from thence to Newmarket soon after.’
‘He...he already left for Newmarket?’
‘Yes, ma’am. He did tell me to beg your pardon on his behalf for leaving so suddenly. A messenger came from his stable manager at Newmarket this afternoon, saying all the stock had arrived and requesting his presence there as soon as he could manage it.’
‘I see,’ she replied, her recently revived spirits taking a sharp downward spiral.
‘Shall I send Nancy up to you?’
‘Yes, please,’ she murmured distractedly.
Up in her room, she stood, looking out the window. Towards Newmarket.
She knew he was angry when he’d left her by the stream. But she still couldn’t believe he’d left without waiting to speak with her, or attempting to repair their quarrel.
She must have wounded him even more than she’d thought.
She never thought she could wound him that badly. He must care very deeply.
She’d wanted to bathe, apologise, and make it all up to him.
It appeared all she’d be getting was a bath.
* * *
Five days later, Theo still had no word from Dom. She busied herself completing the transfer of her belongings from Thornfield, and checking in at the school, but always with a sense of looking over her shoulder, listening for hoofbeats.
She’d thought she was self-sufficient, but suddenly there seemed to be a tremendous gap yawning around her where, a very little time ago, there’d been none. She’d expected to miss Dom, especially after parting on such an ill note, but she found herself missing him much more than she’d dreamed possible.
When had he become so important to her well-being?
Wilton wanted to know when she wished to schedule the party for the tenants—and she wanted to consult him. She needed to set up a training program with the blacksmith for Jemmie—and she wished to ask his advice. Miss Andrews had a question about some stories she might read to the children—and she automatically thought about asking him for recommendations.
Dinners, sitting at the small formal table alone, were wretched, and even evenings spent exploring the magnificent library didn’t cheer her.
Nights, of course, were the worst. A few weeks of anticipating the unparallelled bliss she’d found in his embrace quickly made her entirely resentful of having to sleep alone. Nor had she ever slept as well as she did after his sweet and thorough loving.
After not resting well at night and missing him continually by day, she soon became short-tempered even with Charles.
To travel as far as Newmarket, he’d be gone at least a week, she thought disconsolately.
All she knew for sure, was when he got home, she meant to give him a welcome, and an apology, he would never forget.
* * *
Later that same day, Dom rode towards Bildenstone. He should have remained at Newmarket another day or two; there were still horses from Upton Park not yet disposed of, but once he set up the purchase of several Norfolk trotters and Suffolk sorrels, so anxious was he to return to Bildenstone, he turned the rest of the hunters over to his stable manager and set out.
He’d hated to leave Bildenstone without speaking with Theo—who delayed so long coming home after their quarrel by the brook, Dom knew she must have been even angrier than he’d thought.
His fault, all of it. He’d pushed her too hard, too soon. So what if it took another month, or two, or a year, until she trusted him and trusted their life together enough to admit she loved him? He knew she did, on a deep level that connected them in spirit as passionately as the union they made between their bodies.
He shouldn’t yearn so much to hear her say the words, when her tender touch showed how much she cherished him every time they came together. And in the meantime, he should be thankful for the blessing of having claimed her as his wife, when, but for divine intervention in the form of Jemmie, he might have lost her to someone else before he could begin to woo her.
He hoped, despite his abrupt departure, that she’d not still be angry when he returned.
He was bringing her a gift, which might help him redeem himself. He smiled. At the least, it would give her a new project to work on.
Never again, he promised himself, would he be impatient with her.
* * *
It was mid-afternoon by the time he turned down the lane to Bildenstone. Finally reaching the manor, he left the horse to find its own way to the stables, too impatient to wait any longer.
‘Wilton, where is your mistress?’ he asked as the butler admitted him.
‘Welcome home, sir! The mistress rode over to the school today.’
‘Is Master Charles with her?’
‘He and his nurse were going to Thornfield to gather up the rest of the young master’s things. Shall I bring you some refreshment?’
‘Later,’ he said. He’d go clean up a bit, then ride out to meet Theo. ‘Would you tell Cook I’d like something special for dinner tonight?’
‘‘I’ll let her know, sir,’ Wilton said, bowing.
Though nearly writhing with impatience to see Theo again, he thought it best not to meet her all covered in mud. Trotting up the stairs, he called for a footman to bring him hot water.
* * *
A half-hour later, cleaned and changed, Dom had a fresh horse brought round and rode off towards the school. It would be better to meet her in private to apologise, so he might gauge her mood, he thought as he urged his gelding to a canter, but he was too impatient to wait until she returned and they could have some guarantee of privacy.
Then, with a leap in his heart, he heard the clip-clop of approaching hoofbeats. As he looked over the next rise, he saw the familiar bay mare in the distance. Thrilled beyond measure that it was Theo, he pulled up, waiting for her to meet him.
‘Dom!’ she cried, making his heart exult at the unmistakable joy on her face. ‘I’m so glad to see you! Was your Newmarket trip successful? If you’d let me know you were coming back today, I would have been at Bildenhall to meet you!’
‘When we finished early, I came at once; I didn’t want to wait long enough to send a note. It was bad enough that I had to ride off without seeing you after my hasty and ill-advised speech by the brook!’
Her face flushed. ‘I thought I’d made you angry, and I was heartsick, for the quarrel was just as much my fault as yours.’
‘No, I pushed too hard, Theo. I love you, will always love you, and I’m willing to take whatever you can give me. Having you as my wife is the most important thing to me.’
With a huff of frustration, she said, ‘How dare you declare all that to me on horseback, where there is nothing I can do about it! We’re not far from the stream. Shall we ride there and let the horses drink while we finish this conversation?’
‘Lead on.’ He gestured.
Continuing without further speech, they soon reached the old oak. Dom dismounted and hurried over to catch Theo as she slid from the s
addle. He pulled her to him, their kiss of greeting long, slow and sweet.
Dom held her against him, savouring her violet scent, her warmth and nearness, the reassuring thud of her heartbeat against his chest. ‘How I missed you, Theo. I’m so sorry we parted after angry words. Will you forgive me?’
‘Of course. I missed you too, oh, so much! Your absence showed me how vital you’ve become to me, for I felt I’d lost a piece of myself with you gone. I suppose it crept upon me so slowly, I didn’t notice—until you weren’t there beside me. The man who makes me laugh and understands how important my orphans and my son are to me and stimulates my mind and eases my anxieties and has supported me through every obstacle I’ve faced since we met. Who gives me the most exquisite pleasure I’ve ever known or dreamed of. What an empty shell my life would be without you!’
After that stirring speech, he just had to kiss her again. ‘My darling Theo, how could I exist without you? The girl who challenged me in the lane to be more than I thought I could be, who sat on my wall in the rain until I was forced to deal with her, who believed I could accomplish whatever I chose to do, even as I now am—and is making me believe it, too. I thank God every night that my father built a stone barn in the south pasture.’
Then her mouth was on his, demanding, her hands at his chest, untying his neckcloth, seeking skin beneath, her torso rubbing against his erection. She broke the kiss to ease him out of his jacket, free the buttons of his trouser flap, and moved his hand to tug at the jacket of her riding habit.
He stopped her fingers and broke the kiss. ‘Are you sure, Theo? I don’t want to force you into anything you don’t want.’
‘I want this now.’ She breathed against his lips. ‘This land belongs to you. I belong to you. I know you won’t let either of us come to harm.’
* * *
The Rake to Reveal Her Page 25
