“Are you all right?” Indigo said, leaning forward beside me. I guess she had noticed my clenched jaw. “You seem down. Is everything okay?”
“Nothing is okay!” I snapped, instantly regretting my tone. None of this was her fault. “Sorry, it’s just that everything sucks, and by everything, I mean everything.”
“Oh, come on now,” she replied. “When life gives you lemons, what do you do?”
“Throw them away.”
I had never liked that dumb saying.
“No, you don't, you make lemonade,” she said. “If you throw them away, you end up with nothing. At least with the lemonade you have something.”
“What if life doesn’t give you any sugar to make your damn lemonade?” I said, probably a bit more gruffly than I meant to. “Then you’re just going to have a glass of sour lemon juice.”
“Wow,” said Indigo. “I wish Luke was here to say something profound from a video game and make you feel better.”
“He does have a knack for doing that, doesn't he?” I said, finally cracking a smile.
“Hey, you have a Chinese guy here, words of wisdom can flow from my mouth too, you know,” Sonny joined in. “Lao Tzu ... Confucius ... fortune cookies, pick your poison. What’s bothering you, Isaac?”
I took a second to think about it.
“Sadness over the ones we lost, I guess ... and also Samara, Mark, and John ... oh, and not to mention killing someone with my bare hands. That about sums it up, I think.”
“Look, I know it doesn’t help, but you said it back at the garage. Chen wasn’t going to quit until one of you was dead, and I, for one, am glad you came through.”
“Me, too,” said Indigo, as her hand found mine. Sonny glanced at us, and I felt myself blush before he quickly looked back to the road.
“Alright, how about this for words of wisdom then ... ‘Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak, whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break,’” Sonny said.
We were all watching the road. The headlights lit up the snow as it drifted to the ground and I was thankful that it wasn’t me driving. Luckily, it wasn’t too thick on the road though.
“Who said that? Confucius or Lao Tzu?” Indigo asked.
“Neither one,” Sonny laughed. “It’s from Shakespeare. It means that you should talk about what’s eating you up inside before it consumes you.”
I told them about Sarah then. Both of them had heard me talk of her before, Indigo more so than Sonny because I had told her of Sarah’s death during one of our long conversations, but this time, I told the whole story. From the first time Luke and I had seen her, held captive by the looters, until she had been killed by the pack of feral dogs.
I don’t know whether it was the stress of what had happened earlier, or whether it was just plain exhaustion, but by the time I had gotten to the dog attack, I was on the verge of tears, and they started to flow as I described our group tending to her in front of the fire.
“None of that was your fault,” Indigo said, putting her arm around my shoulder. “I know it hurts to lose people, especially those people you feel responsible for. But sometimes, especially now, bad things happen, and it’s not your fault.”
I nodded and took my hand away, and she put hers into her lap.
“What about Karen?” I asked her. “I don’t just feel responsible for her; being the leader, I was responsible for her, and yet she’s dead, as well.” I glanced over at Sonny. “Because of my decisions, I endangered all of you in the back of the truck and we are lucky that only one of us was killed by the fire from that roadblock.”
“Everybody in the truck, front and back, knew that we were going to be at risk when we left the academy,” Sonny said. “Karen more than most, because her boyfriend had just been killed. She told me she didn’t think we were going to make it, and sadly in her case, it turned out to be prophetic.” He took his eyes off the road for a moment to look at me. “Instead of thinking to yourself that your actions cost Karen her life, you need to understand that those same actions saved the lives of the rest of us.”
“But she trusted me to keep her safe, you all did.”
“No, don’t you see? That’s where you’re wrong,” Sonny said. “We trusted you to try, nothing more. We accepted the risk when we loaded up into the truck. We could have stayed at the academy if we chose to, but if we had, we’d now be dead at the hands of the Tigers or the Chinese.”
“About that,” I said, running my coat sleeve across my cheeks to dry up the tear tracks which were quickly icing over. “When Chen was trying to get into the academy, he said you owed him and honor demanded you uphold your vows to him. You were a Tiger once, right?”
“Not really, but when I first moved to Worcester, I befriended a couple of them who were interested in the martial arts. While I was hanging out with them, Chen, as their leader, would sometimes give me gifts, and he seemed to think that because of the gifts I now belonged to him. The guy was a complete psycho with little grasp of reality, you saw that for yourself. But he was like that, even before the Flu. I finally had to cut ties with the Tigers that I liked because I couldn’t stand the guy.”
“Was Jack one of the Tigers you used to hang out with?” I asked.
“No, Chen's little brother Jack used to try to get me to teach him Kung Fu all the time, but I always turned him down. There was something a little off about him; he was too much like his big brother, I think. He just wanted to learn Kung Fu to be able to hurt people, not for self-defense.”
“It just had to be him I killed when Luke and I rescued Indigo,” I said.
I felt some guilt for setting off the whole chain of events when I killed Chen’s brother, but the alternative ... leaving Indigo at their mercy, didn’t bear thinking about.
“Sad,” Sonny said, shaking his head. “But not very shocking, given his role models.”
“What about him and the people you’ve had to kill since?” Indigo asked me; I guessed she was playing counselor. “Are their deaths still bothering you too?”
“A little,” I admitted. “But not as much as I expected them too. Not as much as failing to protect Sarah or Karen. I think I can accept that I’ve killed for the right reasons, in self-defense or to protect others and I’m okay with that. It’s just that Chen ... well, that was different, more personal somehow.”
“As long as it bothers you, at least a little bit, I think you'll be okay,” Sonny said. “It’s when you stop feeling anything about killing that you’re in trouble.”
“What he said,” Indigo agreed, giving my shoulder a squeeze of encouragement. “From my point of view, I’m glad this Jack guy ... and his brother, for that matter, are no longer in the world.”
“Well, one good thing came of all of it. I got to meet you,” I said to her, managing to crack a true smile for the first time since we’d left the gas station.
“And that’s that,” Sonny said.
“What’s what?” Indigo and I both asked at the same time, and my smile grew.
“We just passed the sign that says ‘Welcome to New Hampshire,’” Sonny said. “We made it out of Massachusetts at last.”
“Well that’s something,” I said. “Thank God for small victories.”
“I agree, though perhaps we shouldn’t be popping open the champagne just yet,” Sonny said. “But we’ve made it further than I actually expected us to when we left. If things keep breaking our way, we might just make it to Drake Mountain to see if there really are survivors there.”
“You have champagne?” Indigo asked, teasing.
“Ha-ha,” Sonny said.
“You’re right, there’s a long way to go. Not to mention we aren’t 100 percent sure there really is a safe haven waiting for us. We shouldn’t get our hopes up,” I said.
“Since I’ve met him, Captain Grumpy Pants here has shown he is pretty down on the whole notion of hope,” Indigo said, motioning toward me with her head. Captain Grumpy Pants? “Do you have any wise wo
rds that might help him overcome his fear of hope, Sonny?”
“I don’t know, let me see ... how about, ‘hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.’ That comes from Lin Yutang.”
“Who’s that?” Indigo asked. “I’ve never heard of him.”
“Lin Yutang was one of the most influential Chinese writers of the 20th century,” Sonny said.
“Well, Ben Franklin, an influential American, once said ‘he that lives on hope will die fasting.’ It doesn’t matter how many roads are made if the people making them are never going to get anywhere,” I said, still smiling though.
“I see that you can make some claim to knowing the profound thoughts of those who have come before, as well,” Sonny said, with a short laugh.
“Not so much,” I replied. “I wrote a report about witticisms from Poor Richard’s Almanac in my English class last year though, so I can pull a handful of those out if I need them, but that’s about it as far as my famous quoting goes.”
“Ah, well, perhaps someday you’ll be able to match my profound wisdom,” Sonny said, smiling. “I’m going to have to slow down, the snow’s falling so much harder here. I think there is a rest stop coming up pretty soon now; do you think we should stop to stretch our legs and let those in the back use the facilities?”
“Not just those in the back,” Indigo said. “I could use a pit stop myself.”
“Yeah, we’ll stop,” I said, looking out at the blowing snow. “But we can’t stay too long. We’ll stretch, use the bathrooms, and then get on the road again.”
“Sounds good to me,” Sonny replied, moving over into the far right lane so he could exit when it came up. No more than five minutes later, he was pulling off.
The rest stop had a small gravel parking lot, two cinderblock restrooms, and a snow covered picnic area. There were three picnic tables and a covered brick barbecue. Sonny pulled the truck up in the parking lot close to the restrooms. As soon as he turned the engine off, I opened my door and ran around to the back of the truck before pounding on the door.
“We’re at a rest stop,” I called. “Anybody who has to use the facilities or just wants to stretch is welcome to do so.”
I unlatched the handle and pushed the rolling door part way up before a hand grabbed it from inside and helped pull it up. The filtered moonlight revealed Ben’s smiling face.
“I thought you’d never ask!”
13
A sleepy Luke and I searched the men’s bathroom. We kept the crossbow and pistol at the ready and searched every stall with our flashlights, making sure that nobody or nothing was lurking there to endanger those who needed to go. While we were doing that, Allie and Indigo did the same thing in the ladies’ block, Indigo armed with the revolver I’d given her and Allie with one of the Chinese assault rifles we had. Sonny was waiting in the truck, not wanting to risk turning off the engine. He would go when we were done.
“You know I only have to pee because you woke my ass up, right?” Luke said, shining his flashlight into the final stall.
“Sonny wanted to stop, and I thought it would be a welcome relief to you guys, too.” I said. “I know there is no heater back there ...”
“There are no gigantic wind tunnels caused by missing windows either,” Luke said, stepping into the last stall and began to relieve himself. “Heat or not, so far my ride back there has been toasty compared to the time I spent in the passenger seat of that truck.”
I picked a stall and entered, putting my pistol on the square toilet roll dispenser. I looked up at the cobwebbed semi-open ceiling as I did my business and was nearly through my long awaited whiz when a yell from outside made me jump and pee over the rim of the toilet.
“DON’T MOVE!”
It was Sonny.
Almost immediately, a girl screamed but was immediately drowned out by the deep roar of what could only be an animal. Shit! Adrenalin shot through my system as I desperately finished and pulled up my zipper. I snatched up my gun and ran out of the stall; Luke was already ahead of me and disappeared through the door outside.
The sight that greeted me was surreal. It was Allie, frozen to the spot just outside the door to the other cinderblock building, holding the assault rifle in quivering hands as she raised it and aimed at the black bear just a few feet in front of her.
Now, I know black bears are supposed to be smaller than grizzlies or brown bears, but this one had reared up on its hind legs and looked massive in the small clearing. It was roaring at Allie and, I have to admit, I was glad I had recently relieved myself because that angry bear was terrifying.
I aimed my pistol at it and saw Luke do the same with his crossbow.
“Don’t shoot!” a desperate voice called from our left. Indigo had crept up behind Allie and now had a calming hand on her upper arm. “Don’t shoot him.”
I had no idea if the bear was a him or a her, and I’m not sure if Indigo did either, but the bear stopped its display of aggression and seemed to be weighing up its options now that it was faced with so many of us. Ben and Brooke were near the back of the truck, Brooke staring in fascinated horror at the wild creature.
“What do you suggest we do if we’re not going to shoot it, Indigo?” I asked, genuinely hoping for a non-violent solution to our big furry problem.
“I think we should make a lot of noise, all at the same time, to scare him away. You should fire your gun in the air. That should do it.”
It was almost comical, but the bear seemed to be listening to her, its big brown eyes never leaving her. I definitely didn’t want to kill it ... him.
“Okay, after three, make all the noise you can. If it goes bad, run away as fast as you can and Luke and I will take him down. Okay?”
Everyone agreed in apprehensive whispers and I could see Sonny looking at me, from where he sat in the truck with the door half open. He nodded in approval.
“One ... two ... three ... now!”
Everyone roared, sang, and yelled at the bear. Next to me, Luke was doing some crazy American-Indian dance and hopping from one foot to the other as he waved his crossbow wildly over his head. In another time and place, I may have burst out laughing but, as if to emphasize the gravity of the situation, the bear again roared, took a step back, and fell to all four paws before swinging his head from the girls, back to us, and then to Ben and Brooke.
I believe he may have found Luke’s overenthusiastic dance particularly threatening, because he turned back to us and bared his teeth. I knew instantly he was going to charge and I fired my gun over his head at the exact moment Sonny punched the horn of the truck. The next two seconds were the longest of my life. The bear froze where he was, his big eyes now on me.
I lowered my gun until it was pointing at his forehead. Time seemed to slow and I could hear my heartbeat in my ear. I began to squeeze the trigger as the horn continued to blare in the cold night ... then it was over.
The bear turned and trotted off into the trees lining the rest stop as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Gone. As simple as that. I exhaled slowly, my breath pluming in the frigid night air, and slowly lowered my weapon.
“Did you see that?” Luke asked incredulously as the others walked over to us. “Why the hell isn’t he hibernating?”
“He is winter walking,” said Indigo. “They do that sometimes.”
“Thank goodness,” said Ben. “Well, I don’t know if it was the gunshot or your silly dance that got the better of him, but I think we dodged a bullet there.”
“Yeah, I don’t think it was the dancing though, that just seemed to make him madder,” said Brooke, and we all laughed as Luke gave an encore.
We spent another 10 minutes at the stop while everyone had their toilet breaks. Sonny was the last to go as I stood by the driver’s door of the idling truck. I snuck a look at the fuel gauge. It was under a half a tank full now and I hoped it would be enough to get us close to Campton. Ben approached,
gazing up at the sky as he walked.
“Well, with all this snow and the cloud cover, at least we know that they won't be tracking us by satellite, hey?” he said, joining me while his twin sister was in the bathroom. “Might make it easier to track us on the ground though, you think?”
“If it keeps snowing like this, there is a decent chance that it’ll cover our tracks by morning,” I replied.
“God willing,” Ben said. Yeah, as if God cares. “Are you planning on staying up front?”
“Unless somebody else really has a burning desire to replace me up there,” I said. “It’s cold and miserable, but does have the advantage of having windows to look out of.”
“I plan to keep my place in the back of the truck,” Ben said. “Brooke mentioned the same. The supplies are secured better this time, and hopefully there will be no careening off military vehicles and barricades in this next portion of the trip.”
“Well, Sonny actually has a driver’s license, so there’s a better chance of avoiding such things. Better than with me behind the wheel, at least.”
“Don’t beat yourself up about it, mate, you were doing the best you could, yeah? And you managed to get most of us out of there alive and in one piece.”
“Thanks, Ben. That means a lot to me, knowing how you all feel ... people keep telling me I am being too hard on myself.”
“You are, but that’s a part of who you are and what makes you a good leader,” he said, clapping me on the shoulder. Brooke emerged from the female toilets and began limping toward us. Ben glanced over his shoulder.
“I’m going to go help Brooke back to the truck. Talk to you later, mate,” Ben said, as he walked over and offered her his arm to lean on.
I could tell she was still troubled by her twisted ankle and I worried it might cause some complications later in the night or the next morning when we finally abandoned the truck. It made me conscious of my own injuries. Apart from my stinging cheek, which Indigo had put Band-Aids over, and some general stiffness and sore ribs, I felt surprisingly okay.
America Falls (Book 2): On The Run Page 9
