by Simon Haynes
"Clearly they failed."
"Oh, they didn't even get started. One of the idiots knocked over a lamp in his quarters."
"But the gates are half melted, and the walls are marked with soot."
"You're not from these parts, are you?"
Father M shook his head.
"Well, that damage dates from many years ago. A marauding dragon used to attack the city on a semi-regular basis, and every time we repaired the gates it came back and melted them again."
"So they stopped repairing the gates?"
"No, they killed the dragon. Unfortunately, the mercenaries charged them so much to complete the task, the city has been bankrupt ever since. No money to fix the gates, and not so much as a cracker to pay for a fire brigade."
"Might I say something, without seeming insensitive?"
"Sure."
"You seem very well-spoken for a person of low birth."
The man shrugged. "I'm not. I'm the mayor."
Father M's sharp mind instantly recalled one or two message scrolls concerning this very individual, and he uttered a silent oath. He'd been hoping to cash in from those particular scrolls, but this man looked like he could barely afford a square meal. "Times are hard indeed, if you cannot afford robes of office."
"These are the robes of office," said the mayor, glancing down at his sooty, worn-out clothes. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I should probably be getting back with another bucket of water." He stood up, but before he left he gave them all a curious look. "By the way, what are you lot doing in my city?"
"Us? Oh, er, nothing."
"Hmm. Just don't stir up the dragons, okay?"
"Sure. Anything you say."
"When you find a tavern, tell them I sent you. They'll treat you a little better."
"Thanks!" said Father M, and the party headed towards the buckled city gates.
Bypassing the burning buildings, where dozens of people were throwing buckets of water, and dozens of others were cooking steaks on spears, they entered the town proper.
The city of Last Hope was a frontier town, clearly, and there were inns and taverns everywhere they looked. Nestled in between were supply stores selling mining equipment, and exchanges where prospectors could sell gold, silver, and those little stones with sparkly bits in which might or might not be valuable.
Then Father M stopped in surprise, for he'd spotted a store full of magic items. "By the gods," he murmured. "It seems prohibition has yet to reach these parts. That is useful. Nay, that is very useful indeed."
Meanwhile, Clunk had been taking everything in with a critical eye. He'd already spotted numerous building code violations, and many of the inhabitants had a very lax attitude towards health and safety. From the huge, out-of-control fire, he deduced that little would remain of the city unless someone invented, and then constructed, a water pump … and quickly. Leaving the others standing in the main street, he hurried into a mining supply store, where he gathered bellows, wax candles, rolls of fabric and more, while the owner watched with open mouth. Once Clunk had gathered everything he set to work, slitting the fabric into long strips, then frantically rubbing them with the candles until the weave was packed with soft wax. Then he took up a needle and thread, and sewed the strips of fabric into neat tubes, each the size of his wrist and many yards in length. His fingers blurred as he worked, churning out tube by the yard, and when he was done he joined the tubes, forming a pipe which he knew would reach the stream.
Next, he fashioned a filter from wire mesh, and then he took three pairs of bellows and joined them, adding a simple one-way valve and a short length cut from the pipe he'd made earlier.
The final task was to take a metal shovel, break off the head, and pull the wooden handle free of the haft. This left a metal nozzle, which he fastened to the end of his hose with a couple of nails worked through the metal and fabric, bending the ends over to secure them.
Finally, he was ready, and he bundled everything into a handcart and raced from the shop. The owner gazed at the scraps of fabric, broken shovel, leftover nails and fragments of candle, and started writing up an invoice.
Clunk handed the nozzle to Hurm, with instructions to point it at the fire. Then he hurried towards the stream, feeding out the pipe on the way. He passed several people with buckets, who looked at him like he was crazy, but he ignored the lot of them.
When he reached the stream he set the triple bellows down and took up the short feeder pipe. Without hesitating, he pushed his face into the water and sucked in as much as he could manage, before spitting the water into the bellows to prime his makeshift pump. He repeated the process until the bellows were full of water, then dropped the feeder pipe into the stream and gave the bellows a gentle squeeze. They creaked from the strain, but the pipe leading to the city began to swell, and Clunk increased the pace once he was sure the whole thing wasn't going to burst. Water sprayed from one or two joints, and in the distance he saw Hurm jump like a startled fawn as the fabric pipe writhed in his hands. Stunned, the fighter stared into the empty nozzle … just as the first stream of water gushed out. Hurm went down in the dust, which quickly became mud, but Millie grabbed the hose and directed the stream of water onto the flames. As Clunk pumped away, and the water flowed, the flames were slowly doused. Finally, they went out, and the blackened buildings smoked and smouldered and hissed. The people cooking steaks on their spears looked disappointed, but soon vanished to find another fire.
There was a loud cheer, and Clunk looked around to see dozens of people surrounding him. They threw their buckets aside and applauded him, and he nodded and smiled as he accepted their thanks. The hood of his cloak had long since fallen off, but if the residents of Last Hope were surprised by his appearance, they didn't show it.
"A feast," said the mayor, clapping Clunk on the shoulder. "A feast for our saviour." He lowered his voice. "It sounds grand, but we've only got cheese and bread, I'm afraid."
"It's very kind of you," said Clunk, and he led the cheering citizens through the gates. Millie smiled at him, still holding the hose, while Hurm stood nearby, coated from head to toe in sticky mud. Father M regarded the robot thoughtfully, and from his expression he was not pleased at someone else getting all the attention.
Clunk didn't care. Lots of unpleasant things had happened since he'd arrived in this curious land, but now, at last, he'd done something helpful. It was a start, and more importantly, it might encourage these people to help him in his quest to get home.
Tiera's Lament
Now that you've come to the end of book one
You must purchase book two to continue the fun!
Yes, it's a fantasy trilogy which means lots of money
But at least this series is both cheapish and funny.
Sing!
At least this series is both cheapish and funny!
© Tiera of the Grey Mountain people
The story continues in A Butt of Heads …
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What's next in the Robot vs Dragons series?
A Butt of Heads
When rulers go to war, their armies better measure up …
Out now!
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Simon Haynes was born in England and grew up in Spain. His family moved to Australia when he was 16.
In addition to novels, Simon writes computer software. In fact, he writes computer software to help him write novels faster, which leaves him more time to improve his writing software. And write novels faster. (yWriter)
Simon's goal is to write fifteen novels before someone takes hi
s keyboard away.
Update 2018: goal achieved and I still have my keyboard!
New goal: write thirty novels.
Simon's website is spacejock.com.au
The Hal Spacejock series:
Hal Spacejock 1: A Robot Named Clunk*
Hal Spacejock 2: Second Course
Hal Spacejock 3: Just Desserts
Hal Spacejock 4: No Free Lunch
Hal Spacejock 5: Baker's Dough
Hal Spacejock 6: Safe Art
Hal Spacejock 7: Big Bang
Hal Spacejock 8: Double Trouble
Hal Spacejock 9: Max Damage
Available now in ebook and paperback.
* Also available in Audiobook
New from Simon Haynes
The Secret War: Raiders
1. Raiders
2. Frontier
3. Deadlock
Available from mid-2019 in ebook and paperback.
The Harriet Walsh series:
Harriet Walsh 1. Peace Force
Harriet Walsh 2. Alpha Minor
Harriet Walsh 3. Sierra Bravo
Available now in ebook and paperback.
New from Simon Haynes
A Portion of Dragon and Chips
1. A Portion of Dragon and Chips
2. A Butt of Heads
3. A Pair of Nuts on the Throne
Available now in ebook, paperback and audiobook
Simon also writes the Hal Junior series for children:
Hal Junior 1: The Secret Signal
Hal Junior 2: The Missing Case
Hal Junior 3: The Gyris Mission
Hal Junior 4: The Comet Caper
Available now in ebook and paperback.
Maybe you love my work, and you want to know how I wrote it.
Or maybe you think you can do better!
Either way, this straightforward guide should prove really useful:
How to Write a Novel by Simon Haynes
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Short Fiction by Simon Haynes
A Piece of the Action
Billy's Book
Catch of the Day
Loss Leader
No Reply
Off Course
Produit d'appel (French)
Sleight of Hand
The Desolator
The Project
Thonn Day
Updown
Yard Fail
Copyright
This is NOT a free ebook
You are not allowed to
• Distribute this ebook by any means, nor store it in a public retrieval system for others to access.
• Modify this ebook, nor distribute derivative works based on the content or characters.
• Offer this ebook for sale, nor bundle it with other goods or downloads.
Dedication
I'd like to acknowledge Ian, Mary, Jonathan, Tony, Kathy, Emmery and Dennis, … thanks for the feedback and proofing!
This novel is dedicated to the very first person to pre-order it. Yes, they ordered a copy on June 16 2018, two full months before the estimated release date. You're a legend! (And I appreciate your faith in me …)
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
