Nick phoned her later that morning and they agreed to meet for a quick lunchtime drink in a coffee-shop in town. Rachel reached the shop first and was sitting at a table in a little alcove towards the rear when Nick arrived. She was amused to see that he looked a bit sheepish and not a little tired as he slipped into the opposite chair.
‘Are you angry with me?’ he asked at last after the waitress had brought them coffee and blueberry muffins.
‘Why should I be angry with you?’ She raised her eyebrows.
He shrugged. ‘I just thought you might be. I...I hadn’t planned for that to happen last night...it just sort of did, that’s all.’
‘You can’t beat a bit of spontaneity,’ said Rachel, stirring her coffee.
‘Probably not,’ Nick agreed, and Rachel smiled to see he looked relieved.
‘I thought you might be thinking that I took advantage of the situation,’ he said after a moment.
‘It could be argued that I did the same,’ she replied coolly.
‘Well, whatever.’ Nick raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. ‘I think we were both taken unawares by the strength of emotion.’ He paused, staring reflectively into his cup for a moment, then, without looking up, he said, ‘What I’m not sure about is where we go from here.’
‘Good point,’ Rachel agreed. ‘I’m not sure either.’
‘It’s what you want to happen,’ Nick went on. ‘I’m well aware that it’s different for you than for me.’
‘In what way?’ She frowned slightly.
‘Well, I’m unattached,’ he replied, ‘although having said that anyone who takes me on has to take Lucy as well, but you, well, you are already in a relationship—’
‘Nick, we need to talk, I know that,’ said Rachel interrupting him. ‘I don’t mean just like this, here over a cup of coffee, but properly, at length. Our relationship failed once. We need to recognise why and to make sure that if we were to try again the same thing wouldn’t happen.’
‘Fair enough,’ he said agreeingly, ‘and you’re right—this is neither the time nor the place.’ He glanced at his watch. ‘In fact, I have to get back very soon. You wouldn’t believe the amount of paperwork that is generated by a case like this.’
‘I can believe it,’ Rachel replied dryly. ‘My job is very much the same. And, yes, you’re right, there isn’t time now to discuss all we need to.’
‘I just wanted to see you,’ said Nick. As he spoke he reached out across the table and covered her hand with his, his gaze meeting hers.
‘I know,’ she said softly. ‘I wanted to see you as well.’
‘I needed to prove to myself that I hadn’t dreamt last night.’ His dark eyes suddenly sparkled with amusement.
‘Well, if you did,’ she replied, ‘I was in the same dream.’
They parted soon after that with a promise that they would meet soon to discuss the future.
* * *
The next few days were incredibly busy, however, leaving Rachel little time to think about her personal life, let alone do anything about sorting it out. Then, one afternoon when she was about to conduct an antenatal clinic, she was waylaid by Julie who told her that her appointment had come through to see a gynaecologist.
‘That’s good, Julie,’ Rachel replied. ‘And don’t worry, we’ll soon find out if there’s any reason why you haven’t been able to conceive. If there is, hopefully it can be put right and then it will be you attending my antenatal clinic.’
‘Oh, I hope so, Rachel,’ said Julie fervently, ‘I do hope so.’
The clinic went on until quite late in the afternoon and Rachel had only just returned to her room when Julie rang through to say there was a gentleman in Reception, asking to see her.
It was Nick, thought Rachel with a stab of excitement. She hadn’t seen him since their snatched lunchtime drink a few days before, though he had phoned her on a couple of occasions, late at night, promising that he would see her again soon. Quickly she left her consulting room and almost ran down the stairs, so great was her haste to see him again. When she reached Reception, however, the man who turned from the window to greet her wasn’t Nick at all.
‘Jeremy!’ she exclaimed, stopping dead in her tracks in shock. ‘Whatever are you doing here?’
‘Well, that’s a fine greeting, I must say,’ he said. ‘I just thought I’d pay you a surprise visit, that’s all. Isn’t that allowed?’
‘We said no contact...’ Rachel began, but, aware of the curious glances from the staff, she swiftly checked herself. ‘But now that you’re here...’ Reaching up, she kissed him on the cheek.
An hour later they were sharing a meal together at the house in Cathedral Close.
‘Were you intending to stay?’ Rachel asked a little uncertainly.
‘No,’ he replied, without looking at her. ‘I have to go back tonight.’
‘It’s a long way to come just to say hello and to have supper.’
‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘Actually, Rachel,’ he went on after a moment, ‘I don’t think this is working. Do you?’
‘What isn’t working?’ She stared at him, wondering what he meant. Ever since he had arrived she had found herself wondering what she had ever seen in him and what was the best and kindest way to tell him that she no longer wanted to continue with their relationship.
‘This trial separation,’ he said.
Oh, God, she thought wildly, he wants me to go back to him now. What in the world can I say to him to let him down lightly?
‘Really, I don’t think it was a very good idea in the first place,’ he went on.
‘Maybe not, but—’
‘No, please, Rachel, let me finish. Either a relationship is over or it isn’t. A trial separation is a foolish idea that merely prolongs the agony of splitting up, and prevents the couple concerned from getting on with their lives.’
‘Well, yes,’ she agreed, then stared at him, seeing his expression change and noting that he seemed to have difficulty looking her in the eye. Knowing him as well as she did, she said, ‘You’ve met someone else, haven’t you, Jeremy?’
‘Well, not exactly that,’ he hedged, running one finger around the inside of his collar, ‘but I have to say it would be nice to think that if I wanted to ask someone out I could do so without feeling guilty...’
‘You’ve met someone else,’ she repeated.
He stared at her then his shoulders slumped slightly. ‘Well, actually yes,’ he said at last. ‘There is someone I’d like to go out with. She—’
‘It doesn’t matter, Jeremy,’ Rachel said weakly, ‘it really doesn’t.’
‘No?’ he said uncertainly.
‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘Because I think you are absolutely right. This trial separation thing was a bad idea, we should have had the courage to call it a day.’
‘I’m sorry, Rachel, really I am. We had some good times, didn’t we?’
‘Yes, Jeremy, we did,’ Rachel agreed, and to her faint surprise she found that she meant it. ‘But...don’t feel badly about wanting to move on, because I want to do the same.’
‘You do?’ He stared at her for a long moment then he frowned. ‘Is it your policeman?’ he said at last.
‘What makes you ask that?’ Rachel’s eyes widened slightly in surprise.
‘Just a hunch,’ he said. ‘You told me once that you’d had a relationship when you were living at home with a guy who went on to become a policeman, then when we talked on the phone that night you said the local DCI was picking you up to take you somewhere or other—I just wondered, that’s all.’
‘It may not come to anything, Jeremy,’ she said guardedly. ‘It’s sometimes a mistake to try to go back.’
‘Maybe.’ He shrugged. ‘On the other hand, if you don’t give these things a try, I guess you’ll never know.’
* * *
‘You’ve done what?’ Georgie stared at Rachel in astonishment. It was the following morning, a Saturday and Rachel’s day off, and she’d wal
ked over to the Reynolds’ home, where she’d found Georgie in the garden, raking leaves.
‘I’ve finished with Jeremy,’ Rachel repeated, ‘although, technically, I suppose I should say he finished with me first.’
‘For goodness’ sake!’ Georgie collapsed in a heap on a wrought-iron garden seat and stared up at Rachel as if she could hardly believe what she was hearing. ‘Whatever happened?’
‘He came to see me—last night,’ Rachel replied, perching beside Georgie on the seat. ‘It was strange really because I’d already made up my mind to finish the relationship but he beat me to it. He said he thought the trial separation was neither one thing nor the other and he couldn’t see much point in going on with it. What he really meant was that he’s met someone else.’
‘So what did you say?’
‘I agreed with him,’ Rachel replied with a shrug. ‘Then I made him feel even better by going on to say that I had also found someone I wanted to go out with.’
‘No need to ask who that is,’ said Georgie with a sudden chuckle.
‘Yes, well.’ Rachel shrugged again, then, seeing Georgie’s expression, she gave a rueful smile. ‘You were quite right, Georgie—I was besotted with Nick Kowalski once, a long time ago, and really nothing seems to have changed.’
‘And what about him?’ asked Georgie curiously. ‘Does he feel the same way?’
‘I think so, yes.’
‘You don’t sound too sure.’ Georgie frowned.
‘If I’m really honest, there’s still a part of me that’s urging caution,’ said Rachel. ‘I think it has something to do with the way he just dumped me before without a word of explanation. I suppose I’m afraid that if he did it once he could do it again.’
‘You have to talk to him about this, Rachel,’ said Georgie emphatically, ‘you really do. You were both very young when this happened—maybe he thought he was too young for a long-term relationship, or maybe there was some other explanation, but you’ll never know unless you ask him and give him a chance to explain.’
‘No, I guess you’re right.’ Rachel paused, reflecting for a long moment, then she looked up again and she said, ‘But that wasn’t the only reason I came over.’
‘No?’ Georgie looked up quickly,
‘I came to tell your dad that I’ve had a call from Edward Drummond’s secretary to say they’ve had a cancellation next Tuesday so he’ll be able to go and have an angiogram and echocardiogram then.’
‘That’s wonderful, Rachel.’ There were sudden tears in Georgie’s eyes. ‘But, please, tell me again, what exactly are these tests for?’
‘Well, the angiogram lets us see if there are any blockages in the arteries and the echocardiogram lets us listen more fully to the heartbeat.’
‘And if there is a problem,’ asked Georgie anxiously, ‘if the arteries are blocked, what then?’
‘There is a procedure called angioplasty where a balloon is passed through the arteries and a stent put in to keep them open,’ Rachel explained. ‘If that fails, there is always a bypass operation, but let’s not jump the gun here. Let’s get the tests done first.’
‘Thank you, Rachel,’ said Georgie. ‘You’ve been so good to Dad.’
‘Not at all, it’s all part of the service. Now, let’s go and tell him, shall we?’
When Rachel left the Reynolds’ after talking to Harvey and reassuring him, she decided on a sudden impulse to walk across the park to the new complex of flats where Nick had told her he lived. She didn’t for one moment imagine he would be there—no doubt he was working, or if he did have some rare time off then he would probably be planning to spend it with Lucy.
It was a glorious morning. A mist, which had lingered, had cleared to reveal a cloudless blue sky against which the trees, resplendent in their autumn finery, were etched with fine delicacy. Underfoot the fallen leaves were damp with dew while the shrubbery was festooned with spiders’ webs that glittered in the sunlight.
To Rachel’s surprise Nick opened the door almost immediately after she’d rung the bell. There was no disguising the astonished delight on his face when he saw her there. ‘Rachel!’ he exclaimed. ‘I had a feeling this was going to be my lucky day—now I know it is.’ He was casually dressed in sweatshirt and jeans and his feet were bare, his hair wet as if he’d just stepped out of the shower.
‘Nick, I’m sorry to turn up unannounced...’
‘Not at all—come in.’ He stood aside to enable her to enter the hallway of his apartment. ‘To what do I owe the pleasure?’ he asked softly as she brushed past him.
‘I...I wanted to talk to you,’ she said, ‘to tell you something and...to ask you something as well.’ A delicious aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the air and she lifted her head instinctively. ‘That smells good,’ she said.
‘I’ve just made it,’ he said. ‘Come through to the kitchen.’
She followed him into a sunny room that overlooked the canal and was connected through an archway to the main living area of the apartment. ‘This is nice,’ she said, looking around.
‘Well, it suits my purpose, at least for the time being,’ he said as he lifted two mugs from a cupboard and set them on a tray.
‘I thought you might be at work today,’ she said, watching him pour the coffee into the mugs.
‘Don’t you think I’ve earned a day off?’ He grinned.
‘Well, yes, but...’ She trailed off then said, ‘And then I wondered if you had Lucy with you.’
‘I’m seeing her later on.’ Lifting the tray, he added, ‘Let’s take these through and sit in the window.’
She followed him into the living area where he placed the tray on a pine table in the bay window. They both sat down on canvas director-style chairs and Rachel leaned forward to admire the view of the canal. ‘This is a glorious spot,’ she said, as a brightly painted canal boat drifted slowly past the window. ‘It’s hard to believe now that the canal was the scene of such violence...’
‘That’s true,’ Nick agreed. Leaning back in his chair, he said casually, ‘You haven’t had any more messages or anything, have you?’
‘No, nothing—but, then, I wouldn’t, would I, if this is the same guy?’ She paused. ‘You do think it’s the same guy, don’t you, Nick?’ she added anxiously.
‘Yes, he’s not admitting anything, but everything points to it being him.’
‘Was he the man in the red bandana?’ asked Rachel tentatively.
‘We think so.’ Nick nodded, his expression grim. ‘A red scarf was found on his houseboat.’
‘Poor Kaylee.’ Rachel shook her head. ‘It hardly bears thinking about.’
‘Rachel...’ Nick leaned forward slightly. ‘I’m pretty certain it won’t happen because, as I say, everything points to him being our man, but if you do get any other communication of any sort I want you to ring me immediately—do you understand that?’
‘Yes, of course I do.’ She was silent for a while, cradling the mug of coffee in her hands, warming them. The only sounds were those of ducks on the towpath below the window and the faint sound of music being played in another apartment.
‘You said you had something to tell me,’ said Nick at last, ‘and something to ask me.’
‘Yes,’ she said slowly, ‘that’s true, I do.’ She paused, reflectively staring at the coffee in her cup, then, looking up again, she said, ‘I’ve had a visit from Jeremy.’
His eyes widened. ‘When was this?’ he asked.
‘Last night,’ she replied. ‘It was just a fleeting visit. He came down to tell me that he didn’t think the trial separation is working and that he thought we should end it.’
‘He wants you to go back to him.’ Nick’s voice was dull, devoid of emotion, but the expression that crossed his features was one of pain.
‘No,’ Rachel replied, ‘quite the opposite really. He wants to be free so that he can get on with his life, as he put it, which I rather gathered means he wants to go out with someone else.’
&nb
sp; Nick stared at her. ‘And how did you feel about that?’ he asked softly.
‘He did me a favour, actually,’ Rachel replied, ‘because I’d already decided I was going to end our relationship. There was no point going on with it, Nick, it really had run its course.’
‘So that presumably leaves you free as well—to get on with your life,’ said Nick, and there was a catch of excitement in his voice now.
‘Yes,’ she agreed, ‘I guess it does.’
‘So...?’ He hesitated and looked at her.
‘I said there was something I wanted to ask you as well,’ said Rachel slowly.
‘Yes,’ Nick agreed, ‘yes, you did.’
Rachel swallowed, for some reason nervous now that it had come to the point, maybe a little afraid at what she might hear, what Nick’s reasons had been for ending their relationship without so much as a word of explanation. ‘It’s about us...before...’ she said at last.
‘What about us...before?’ His eyes narrowed slightly.
‘About how it ended.’
‘I must admit I’ve wondered about that as well.’
‘What I don’t understand is why you ended it without any explanation—’
‘Why I ended it?’ He stared at her.
‘Yes, Nick,’ she said, ‘you...just stopped writing. I...I didn’t know what to think.’
‘Well, did you expect me to go on writing?’ His eyes widened slightly. ‘I mean, you made it very clear that we were finished, that you’d met someone else, that you’d fallen in love and that you no longer wanted to hear from me.’
‘What?’ Rachel stared at him in astonishment. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she said at last. ‘I never told you that I’d met someone else and I certainly never said we were finished or that I didn’t want to hear from you again.’
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