by Wendi Zwaduk
“Say it.” She placed her hand on his. “Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together.”
“I can’t see you anymore.”
She scurried off his lap and toppled onto the ground. “What?”
“Honey, there’s so much you know about me, but you don’t know me.”
“Tell me?” She stood and finger-combed her hair, unsure of what else to do. Gulping air to breathe, she began to pace. The same old fear reared its head. Something she loved, something she wanted couldn’t be hers because of her past or her profession. She shook her head. She wasn’t going to crumble until she’d heard everything. “Start at the beginning and tell me whatever the hell is going on because I really need to know what the fuck is happening.”
Ramon’s confidence withered but he continued to look her in the eye. “I need you to run. Far as you can away from me. I’ll bring you down and you’re a good girl.”
“Ramon?” Jude took a step back and the world around her faded to nothingness as the severity of his words washed over her. “What are you saying?”
“My goddamned name isn’t Ramon. It’s Drew. Detective Drew Alwyn. The body you found was Sergeant Randy McCall, otherwise known as Slade McMann. He was one of my best friends and he’s dead. I’m supposed to be outing Tiny and his drug trade, not everything else.” His voice cracked. “Finding you, being with you, loving you—that wasn’t part of the deal, but I’m not upset it happened.”
Jude shoved both hands into her hair and backed farther away from him. She stared out at the skyline and forced the tears to remain at bay. Corey’s ridiculous remarks hadn’t been so ridiculous after all. He’d known about Ramon-slash-Drew, the cop. She tapped her foot with nervous energy. All the things that had happened, all the lies, the shams…
Astra and Slade-slash-Randy hadn’t had to die and all along Ramon had known… Drew had known… Whatever.
“Jude?”
She wrapped her arms around her body and drew a long breath into her lungs, letting it out slowly. “You lied to me.”
“I can’t help it, sweetheart.”
“Don’t call me that.” Bile rose in her throat and her stomach churned. First he said he loved her and now he told her he was a cop who knew Slade. Could he have saved Astra? Shit. What would happen when Tiny found out, if he didn’t know already? She’d be next in the dumpster.
“Jude.”
She turned around and stared at him. The rough-around-the-edges man she’d fallen in love with looked back at her, but the love she’d felt wasn’t the same. All the things she’d kept bottled for so many years mixed with the anger, frustration and sadness. She balled her fists. “You knew and let me…service you. Like here. Was it to let Tiny see kink? Make him think what we were doing was real?” God, please don’t say it… She covered her mouth with her hands and leaned against an air duct. “Whatever we were to you, it wasn’t an act to me.” The breeze whipped a lock of her hair across her brow. “It was never a joke.”
Ramon closed the gap between them and tipped his head. “I kept getting rid of the cameras because I cared about you. Still do care. Jude, Tiny’s trying to ruin your life. What you do in your own room is your business—not his.” He smoothed a lock of her hair from her face. “I don’t regret what happened between you and me. What we did was once in a lifetime.”
Her heart splintered in her chest and the unshed tears finally slipped down her cheeks. “You say that now. What is the truth, then? Pity? To fit in and say you fucked a topless dancer?”
“Nothing like that. I saw you one night when I was casing the Silver Steel and couldn’t get you out of my head.” A smile curled on his lips, despite the rough tone in his voice. “You’ve invaded my dreams. I have a drawing I did of you, too. From memory.”
Jude covered her face in her hands and dropped to the gravelly surface of the roof. The one man she shared a definite link with, and it was all about to go to hell.
“Everything else that’s happened has been because I wanted it to, not to have a good cover or to pull the wool over your eyes.” Drew knelt next to her and twined his fingers with hers. “When I said I loved you, I meant it. I’m scared you’re going to get hurt because of me.”
She drew air into her lungs, despite the burn. If he had to do this, had to walk away in order to do something greater than the both of them, then fine. Her pride would mend later. Jude stood and brushed the dust from her jeans legs. “I’m going downstairs—alone.”
“Okay.” Drew rose to his full height and nodded once.
She placed her hand over his heart. A final gesture for a broken love. “You never met me.”
“Babe, don’t do this.”
“Don’t?” She pulled her hand away and clenched it against her chest. “I fell in love with you…then you tell me not to see you. Now that I’m breaking as cleanly as I know how, you don’t want it? Come on. Which do you want? Me to leave, or me to stick around until the sting is over? I’m trying to make this a little easier on the both of us by doing what you want.” She stared out over the smattering of rooftops. “I’m trying.”
“Part of me wants you to run as far away from me as you can so you don’t get hurt. The rest of me wants you right on my side, helping me kick his ass straight to jail. You mean too much to me to put you in any more danger.” He wrapped his arms around her from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. “Look, I think we can pull this off if you trust me and do what I tell you.”
“Damn it.” She wiped the tears from her cheeks. She didn’t have much choice. Either way she’d lose him. At least they’d go down working together. “What do I have to do?”
“You’re going to go downstairs. Get ready for work like normal, drive in and pretend we’ve had an argument. Slam doors…scream if you want. I’m an asshole and you don’t care about me any longer.” He turned her around in his embrace. “If Tiny asks, I broke your heart and you want my head on a platter. I won’t buy your goodies or something. Anything. He’s wise to me and I can’t dick around any longer. The team wants to move, whether I’ve got my love life in order or not.”
“He’ll kill you.”
“Nah, I’ll make the buy. He’s dying to sell to me, to break me in. I’ll say I’m trying to get over you.”
“And this will work? You’ll be safe?”
“Just hate me for now. I can’t tell you the rest.”
She closed her eyes. Simply hating him wasn’t going to be enough, but with her heart in his hands, she had no choice. “I’ll do it, but we’re through.”
Chapter Eleven
Ramon threaded his fingers together behind his head and waited outside Tiny’s office. The last four hours had been sheer hell. Each time Jude danced, he yearned to cover her up and take her home. Seeing the venom in her eyes, real or rehearsed, didn’t help. He tapped his foot. If things went to pot, he needed her to know he really cared. Stupid or not, he pulled his cell from his pocket and wrote a text message.
Corey cleared his throat and stepped beside the open door. “Mr Balthazar will see you now. Weapons?”
“You know I do. Standard issue for the club.” He flashed the gun in his shoulder holster. “Be prepared in case someone gets fucked up.”
“I’ll take it.” Corey waggled his fingers. “Standard procedure in case someone fucks things up.”
Ramon fought the urge to hesitate, to draw his weapon on Corey. It wasn’t justifiable. He hadn’t been fired upon first. Fuck. He slapped the gun into Corey’s hand. “Happy?”
“Very.”
With Corey behind him, Ramon entered Tiny’s office. Unlike the shabbiness of the club, the wood-panelled room spoke of money and prominence. Cherry moulding and wide mirrors adorned the wall behind Tiny’s desk.
“Like that?” Tiny stood and offered his hand. “Decorated myself. I like to think I’ve got a knack for design. But that’s not why you’re here, to admire my style. I hear you’ve been an asshole to one of my girls.”
“We split
.”
“Uh-huh.” Tiny nodded and folded his hands. “Judy is hard on the heart. Not as hard as some, but I can see where you’re coming from. She’s not one to walk away from. You had someone on the side?”
“I liked my blow better than her. She got pissed.”
“Now, why didn’t I know you had the habit?”
“I keep it quiet so I won’t get the sack.” Ramon glanced over his shoulder. “I shouldn’t while I’m on duty, but I need some stuff. I’m hurtin’ bad.”
“From me?” Tiny’s eyes shimmered. Delight? Greed? Ramon wasn’t sure, but his hackles rose.
“Corey, let’s get this boy one of the best.”
“Affirmative.”
Panic skated up Ramon’s spine. Affirmative? Fuck. He opened his mouth to speak, but a blinding light flashed before his eyes and what felt like a spike ran straight through his brain.
“Only the best.”
Ramon swayed on his feet. He had to stay awake. Had to bring this bastard down. Had to… His knees weakened. Had to keep his eyes open. He blinked as his vision blurred. Had to…sleep…
* * * *
“Wake up, pretty boy.”
A heavy foot kicked Ramon awake. His head throbbed. How long had he been out? The floor made a lousy bed and his muscles tightened in response. Fuck the façade… If he made it out, he wanted to be remembered by his name, not his damned cover.
“You’re hurtin’, but you ain’t a pussy. Get up.”
Drew swayed and forced himself into a sitting position. Crimson flowed into his eyes. Fuck…fresh blood. He wondered if Jude had got his message and was on her way to the station. He needed her to be. In his mind, a fuzzy image of Jude appeared in a flowing white dress. Curls cascaded around her face and down her shoulders. She smiled and held her arms open. ‘I’m trying,’ she said and nodded her head. ‘Stay okay.’
Nothing like asking for the moon and stars from a fantasy…
“Do you really think I’d let you die that easily, Alwyn? Yeah, I know you’re a goddamned cop.”
Drew’s eyes barely focused on Balthazar and his sharp tone.
Thwack!
Drew looked through his own blood at Balthazar, who’d used the pistol once more as a club. He felt delirious and couldn’t begin to form words. Teeth were definitely loose from the repeated impact.
“I can’t find your buddy, but Carlie told me he’s here. You coppers never work alone.” Balthazar laughed. “Guess she found your old lady… She wasn’t impressed and said you traded down. Too bad because Carlie had the hots for you, even if she’s a cop, too.”
Through a blackened eye, Drew glared at Balthazar. He remembered Carlie’s penchant for drugs. There was the link. How did he not see her using? Right—he was supposed to be high. Damn it.
Balthazar continued to laugh at Drew. “Your old lady can’t save your lousy hide,” he cackled. “You’ll be dead by morning. I hope she looks good in black. Maybe I’ll stop by for another dance.”
Drew wanted to beat the hell out of Balthazar. What had he done to Jude? Knowing Jude had ever given Tiny private dances soured Drew’s stomach.
A black and white vision of Jude wiggling her hips for Balthazar invaded his mind. Dressed only in a thong, Jude fondled and caressed herself while the dealer placed money at her feet. Drew wanted to scream her name. Private dances were part of the job, yes, but that knowledge didn’t make the visual in his head any easier to take.
Thwack!
Drew’s temple burned. Balthazar’s voice broke him from the nightmare. “Who is your partner? Nester isn’t here. Tell me if you want any chance of living through this… I will use Judy Blue Eyes against you. She’s a decent piece of ass—not great, but decent and she’ll look absolutely fucking fantastic in the compactor with Astra and Slade.”
Drew’s facial expression stayed as blank as possible with a broken jaw and a black eye. The tape remained in place, reducing his ability to answer. Inside, he seethed. Drew closed his eyes and tried to shake the feeling of disgust. He didn’t want to think of Jude dancing for anyone but him. She wasn’t a toy for sharing—she was his Jude and much more than a so-called decent piece of ass to be killed because Balthazar demanded blood. Damn it.
Drew wanted to scream. He wanted to fight. He wanted Jude.
Balthazar stopped laughing long enough to study Drew. “Alwyn, you know, we aren’t that different. We both take scum off the street. Mine are junkies and yours are strippers. Maybe you should’ve quit the force to work for me. You two could’ve been very happy together without risking your jobs.” He kicked Drew once more, leaving him in a crumpled ball on the floor.
“Spend your next few hours praying. God’s the only one who can save your fucking soul now,” Balthazar thundered and locked the door.
Drew fought the urge to sleep. Irrational thoughts moved into his brain. He pictured Jude laughing and lounging with Balthazar. The taste of iron in his mouth brought Drew back to reality. Jude wouldn’t want anything to do with the dealer.
I need to stay alert.
Drew tried like hell to remain vigilant, but his injuries were too extensive and he succumbed to sleep. His last thoughts were of Jude.
I love you, babe…
* * * *
Drew awoke to voices. He didn’t know where they were coming from, only that they were growing louder. How long had he been out this time? Bits and pieces of the conversation sounded like plans. Drew strained to comprehend the words, thankful to be alive. Or was it an argument? He wasn’t sure.
“Shit. They’re storming the joint. Knock off the fucker. They won’t mess with us if we knock him off.”
“I’m not having a cop-killing on my record.”
“He ain’t no cop.”
Drew’s ears perked up and his head throbbed.
“I’m not taking him out.”
“He ain’t worth the needle.”
Seconds passed in silence. Someone was in the process of planning his execution. Drew saw nothing in the dark. Seconds turned into silent minutes filled with dread. Had Jude helped? Did she know about Balthazar? Had they killed Jude? God…Jude.
For a split second, Drew forgot what Jude looked like and that scared him the most.
The sound of gunshots rang in his ears. Garbled voices sounded like surrender, but Drew couldn’t be sure. A loud crack against the one wall sent debris crashing down on his nearly prone body. Drew strained to hear more gunshots and shouting. Were they giving up? Did Balthazar have Jude? He prayed they wouldn’t hurt Jude.
The gunfire wasn’t in his room, but getting closer.
At that instant, Jude’s face came into sharp focus. Relief washed over his body. If Drew was about to die, at least his last thoughts would be of her.
More gunfire thundered around him. Who’s shooting? He prayed the bullets wouldn’t hit him—he needed to get home to Jude. Moments later, Drew saw a shaft of light under the door. “You check in there! He’s gotta be around here somewhere! Come on—I can’t lose him like this. I won’t!”
Drew recognised the voice. Mateo. His mind whirled. Was Jude far behind? Was she safe? Was she dead?
A clunk on the door increased the light in the room. Figures piled into the small space. Mateo began to fling debris around the room. His face lost all colour when he saw Drew. “Get in here! We got an officer down,” he screamed. “Drew? Drew, talk to me.”
Drew wanted to reply. With his jaw broken and tape sealing his mouth, it was impossible. Instead, he lifted his head and the room span. Nausea washed over his body. It was all too much, too soon. Once outside and properly medicated, Drew would gladly spill his guts. Right now he wanted out of the house and into Jude’s arms.
“Officer down! Officer down. He’s still alive,” Mateo screamed and knelt next to Drew. He untied the cord from Drew’s wrists and gently unpeeled the silver tape. “I don’t know how you got through this, but I’m proud of you, buddy. They got Balthazar in custody. He gave up after a bullet to the r
ight shoulder, courtesy of yours truly.”
Drew took a deep, ragged breath while Mateo continued his questions. “How did you get to her? She said a text… You loved her or some shit. Where’s the phone?”
Weakly, Drew opened his coat. The cracked device dropped to the floor with a clunk. He grunted a reply and leaned his head on the floor. It hurt to breathe. Everything hurt.
Mateo grinned. “It was damn stupid, but it got you out. I applaud you for it.”
As Mateo spoke, the stretcher arrived with Lieutenant Wallace in tow.
“Good job, officer. Good job, both of you. Get him out to the ambulance,” Wallace instructed as the paramedics entered the room.
Drew’s head lolled on his shoulders. If he died from the damned beating, he wanted to see Jude first.
Outside, Jude paced next to the ambulance. The urge to scream caught in her throat. An armed officer stood guard next to her. Time ticked by so slowly, she felt things reverted to slow motion. She knew there was nothing she could contribute and the desire to help riddled her with nervous energy. She shoved her shaky fingers through her dishevelled hair, then scrubbed them over her face.
Please let him be okay. God, please save him. Then she’d kick his butt.
What seemed like an eternity passed before she saw any movement outside the house. Police officers escorted fifteen or so men and women in handcuffs out of the establishment. Jude wondered if it was over. She looked for Drew among the upright individuals.
A barrage of gunshots split the air. Her heart twisted in her chest and her breathing stopped. Were they shooting at Drew? Was he shooting at them?
Jude sank to the floor of the vehicle. He was dead—she was sure of it.
Lights flashed and sirens blared. Through the chaos, she saw a large man with an enormous tattoo on his scalp leave the premises in handcuffs. He looked familiar.
That tattoo…a tribal design with a biochemical style monogram…
Oh, God. Her boss, Tiny Balthazar, drug lord extraordinaire. He’d tried to kill Drew.
