by Vicky Owen
I still can’t believe it. Can’t believe she never told me that she knew him before, and now she won’t let me tell anyone else. Not even Sam knows.
Almost on autopilot, I search for the band’s account on Twitter.
The blurry first picture snapped of Cerys with Jake in town is buried way down in their feed now.
But there’s something far more interesting near the top.
Tram House. Tonight. Come and hear some new music we’ve been working on. Tickets nearly sold out!
Posted twenty minutes ago.
Tram House isn’t a big venue. It’s small. Intimate, even. There probably aren’t any tickets left, but I still check their website.
I shouldn’t buy them even if there are. Cerys must be going. I can’t just crash. She hasn’t even mentioned it.
Besides, I have no money.
I put my phone on the table to avoid the temptation just in case there actually are tickets left.
Cerys is almost certainly going. And how is she dating the lead singer?! My brain just can’t process it. And why is it some big secret? Shouldn’t she be singing it from the rooftops?
I would be. Well, maybe not. But only because I’m not sure my parents would approve.
They don’t really approve of anything about me.
My phone vibrates. Another message. Another guy.
And still no Sam or Cerys.
I open the app back up.
His photo fills my screen and he looks…young. Far too young to have a dating profile.
I scroll down. He’s claiming to be twenty-three. I snort at the ridiculous lie and scroll further to read his profile.
Just started college. Not actually 23 but app wouldn’t let me sign up with real age (16) ;)
Oh no. Yikes.
Delete delete delete.
Shaking my head, I put my phone on the table and sink back in my seat. Twenty-three…
I’m going to be twenty-three after Christmas.
Time is running out. Time to come up with a plan to not go into teaching.
I considered taking another gap year. Buy myself more time to work out what I actually want to do with my life. But I need the money.
I don’t want to be a teacher. I really, really don’t. I’ve only applied because I can’t think of what else I could do. Which is a terrible reason. And I’ve already been given an informal offer from the school I volunteered at before summer. They said they’d pay for my training if I did it direct with them. A School Direct course rather than a PGCE. It would be salaried and everything. The PGCE applications are just a back-up in case the informal offer falls through.
Every time I think about it I feel sick. Trapped.
Gotta grow up sometime though.
I wish I was more like Cerys or Sam. More focused. They’ve both known since first year what they wanted to do. Even with the gap year I took between college and uni, I’m still not entirely sure.
I’m not sure I’ll ever be sure.
A voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I look up to see Sam and Cerys approaching.
‘Hey,’ I say, pleased they’re here to distract me. ‘Thank God you’re here. I’m starving, but I couldn’t risk losing the table by going to order food.’
Sam sits while Cerys, looking distracted, tosses her bag onto a chair. ‘What do you both want? I’ll get it.’
‘Ooh, OK. Chicken wrap and one of those little packs of chocolate biscuits. Thank you.’
Sam orders a veggie burrito and Cerys wanders over to join the queue.
‘So,’ I say as Sam reaches into her bag, ‘how was the practical?’
‘Awful. Spent the entire morning separating out lipids, then accidentally squirted the teeny-tiny sample all over the bench.’
I fail to suppress a laugh and she raises her eyebrow at me.
‘Sorry,’ I say, looking down at my phone in a feeble attempt to hide the grin I can’t erase.
She pulls a large purple file out of her bag, already stuffed with notes but somehow not falling apart like all of mine are. ‘How were the insects?’ she asks. It takes me a moment to understand.
‘Oh! The lecture. Yeah, it was OK. Still makes me feel weird and edgy seeing them magnified on the slides.’ A shiver runs through me at the thought.
Sam smiles and uncaps her highlighter, opening her file and flicking through until she finds whatever she’s looking for.
She starts highlighting.
‘How are medicine applications going?’
Sam doesn’t look up. Just keeps highlighting important sections of her notes and handouts. ‘Oh, I don’t know. I haven’t heard anything. I know it’s early, but some people have interview offers already.’ She pauses for a moment and looks up. ‘Sorry I’ve been so distracted these past few weeks. Just really need to get the best possible mark this year.’
‘That’s OK,’ I smile, putting my phone back down. ‘I understand.’
‘But you’ve already got an offer for teaching,’ she says, worry showing on her face.
I don’t know how to tell her that I wish I didn’t.
‘We’ll try and do something together soon. Cerys too. I never see her any more.’
Sam raises an eyebrow. ‘But you live together?’
‘Yeah but ever since she started dating Jake…’ I trail off, realising I may have said too much as Cerys approaches the table.
Crap.
Sam looks at Cerys.
Oh well. ‘Was just telling Sam that I never see you any more since you’ve started seeing Jake.’
‘Who’s Jake?’ asks Sam as Cerys sits down.
‘It’s only been two weeks. Ish.’ Cerys’ tone is nonchalant.
‘And when you’re not with him, you’re in the library or writing reports.’ Saying it out loud makes me realise I really do miss hanging out with her. With both of them.
‘Who’s Jake?’ No one has answered Sam. I really want to tell her. She should know. The three of us are best friends. I hate keeping something from her.
‘He’s no one. Just some guy.’ Cerys looks over at me and I raise an eyebrow.
‘What about that guy from the shop? Lee or something?’ Sam says.
‘Oh, Liam. Forgot all about him.’
I snort involuntarily. Of course she has. Any woman would. Liam versus Jake? No contest.
Sam, oblivious to the identity of the specific Jake being talked about, looks at me for a moment before turning back to Cerys. ‘Really? I thought you were interested. He seemed nice.’
Argh, this is unbearable. We can’t keep this from Sam.
Screw it.
‘Musicians are way hotter though. Right, Cerys?’ She looks over at me and I hold her gaze, determined not to lose my nerve.
Sam finally notices something. ‘What’s going on?’
I wait for Cerys to confess, but she’s not going to. She’s too stubborn. I try to think of a way to get her to say something.
Of course. The gig.
And we haven’t really spent any time together this term.
‘How about,’ I say slowly, briefly wondering if this is a good idea before deciding to go ahead anyway. I miss my friends. ‘How about the three of us do something together tonight?’
‘I can’t. I’m going to a gig.’
‘Wouldn’t happen to be No Reckless at Tram House, would it?’ I try, knowing full well that must be the gig she’s going to.
‘No Reckless are playing Tram House? Bit of a small venue for them, isn’t it?’ Sam hasn’t made the connection.
Cerys just shakes her head at me before breaking into a smile. ‘Of course you would know.’
I laugh. I’m not really expecting to go. I just want her to confess to Sam. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not planning to crash.’
‘Crash what?’
‘Actually, maybe you should come. Both of you.’ Cerys smiles.
‘Really? Does that mean we can tell Sam?’ I grin.
‘Tell Sam what?’ Sam has long since put dow
n the highlighter.
‘Oh fine,’ says Cerys.
I turn to Sam. ‘Cerys is—’
‘Not so loud!’
‘—dating Jake Norton.’
Sam frowns, completely underwhelmed. ‘Who?’
I take a deep breath. ‘Reckless’ lead singer.’
‘What? Shut up,’ she says, turning to Cerys. She nods in confirmation. Sam looks perplexed. ‘But…why? Guys in bands…they just treat women like we’re something to be used up and thrown away when a newer, shinier one comes along.’
Cerys takes a moment to respond and her cheeks flush. ‘We’ve known each other since we were kids. Jake’s not like that.’
Suddenly it’s clear why she’s not shouting it from the rooftops.
Our food arrives and Sam gives Cerys a kind but skeptical look.‘I’m sure I read somewhere about him being the worst one in the band for it.’
‘Actually, that’s Harry. The bassist.’ I take a bite out of my wrap, unsure why I’m coming to the defence of some guy I’ve never met. For Cerys, I guess.
‘And the other two are in relationships,’ Cerys says.
‘Just the one now. Luc and his girlfriend recently broke up.’ And he’s sleeping with every woman that crosses his path now, too, I add silently. Not that I’m envious or anything.
At least Cerys is adamant she’s only having fun. Although I’m not sure I believe her.
And we’re watching them tonight. Good music and seriously hot eye candy.
But as I swallow my food I can’t help silently agreeing with Sam’s assessment.
Well, at least I’ll never have a rock star boyfriend to leave me. One less thing to worry about.
THREE
Luc
‘HARRY!’
Felicity erupts into giggles yet again as Harry whispers something into her hair, her hands gripping his shoulders as she bites her lower lip. She’s sitting on his lap on a brown leather sofa. Her eyes scan the room before settling on Jake, our lead singer. Harry says something else to her, too low to make out, and her eyes widen before she slaps him playfully.
‘Liar!’
‘It’s true,’ he responds, loud enough for us all to hear this time, looking over at Jake. ‘He’s got a girlfriend now and everything.’ Jake looks up from his phone and frowns at Harry. ‘But you can’t tell anyone,’ Harry continues, turning back to Felicity and lowering his voice again. ‘It’s a secret.’
Felicity mimes a closed zip across her lips before bursting into laughter again as Jake’s frown transforms into a glare. The phone in his hand lights up and he stands to answer it, walking away from the squeals of Harry’s latest arm candy.
‘That’s probably her now,’ Harry says to Felicity as she watches Jake cross the room. Gethin, lounging in a wide armchair, looks up from his own phone, raises an eyebrow and shakes his head.
‘Luc,’ a voice from my right starts, ‘there’s someone out front for you.’ A member of the venue staff stands next to me, looking at the list of names we gave them when we arrived. ‘Candy?’ He says slowly and with not much certainty.
It takes me a moment. ‘Oh. I know. OK.’ I stand to leave. The petite blonde from earlier in the week. Really regretting my rash decision to invite her tonight. Not sure I’m in the right frame of mind to be dealing with a fan, what with all the Hayley stuff hanging over me. She’s still convinced we have a date tomorrow night, despite the fact that I’ve told her I’m not going. Just thinking about it gives me a headache.
‘We’ll join you,’ Harry says, walking over with Felicity.
‘Already?’ she says, her voice rising in protest.
I’m already following the staff member through to the entrance of the backstage area.
‘Just want to get you a good spot in the audience so you’ve got a clear view of me,’ Harry’s saying as the two of them follow behind me. Smooth, Harry. But I know the truth.
‘Here we are. Uh, Candy?’ The guy is clearly still not convinced that’s her real name. Candy comes into view. She’s looking down and fussing with the hem on her skirt as we approach. At the sound of her name she looks up, her face flushed pink. She breaks into a smile when she sees me and I take a deep breath.
Just a few minutes with a fan, I tell myself. It’ll take my mind off the Hayley mess.
‘Hi!’ she gushes as I draw closer, and then her eyes drift slightly to my left. ‘Oh my God, you’re Harry!’
Harry draws level with me, Felicity clinging to him jealously. He nods, smiling. ‘Candy, right?’
She nods enthusiastically.
‘Cool.’ He gives me a look before disappearing in the direction of the waiting audience with Felicity.
‘Oh wow,’ she breathes, ‘this is crazy. I can’t believe this.’
I offer her my arm. ‘Wonder what your friend would have said to Harry,’ I tease.
‘Yeah, I still can’t believe she did that. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what that was all about.’ She takes my arm and we start heading back where I came from. ‘And now we’re on a date. I hope she doesn’t hate me.’
What? I frown and look at her. She’s not really my type. This is definitely not a date. Not even close.
‘Yeah, I know,’ she waves her hand. ‘I know.’ She looks up at me. ‘We’re not doing anything wrong. Exactly. You’re right.’ She smiles.
I try to think of the words, but I don’t really know how to say that she’s got the wrong idea. And I know it’s my own fault.
I extended her an exclusive invitation.
I offered her my arm.
And she’s really dressed up, I suddenly realise, looking at her tight skirt and shimmering vest top.
Fuck’s sake.
‘Oh, is that Jake Norton?’
Candy’s oblivious to my dilemma, pointing ahead of us. I look up to see Jake approaching. Beyond him there’s a short blonde talking to Gethin, our lead guitarist, and someone else—someone taller—obscured by Gethin.
‘Hey man,’ Jake says, eyeing Candy before looking back up at me with narrowed eyes. Who’s this?
Oh. Right. ‘Jake, Candy. Candy, Jake.’
‘Hi,’ Candy beams, clinging tightly to my arm. Shackled to me. At least she’s nice.
‘Candy?’ Jake frowns.
‘Is that Cerys?’ I say, trying to deflect. It’s hard not to feel bad for Candy, having everyone question her name constantly, but she barely seems to notice.
Jake takes a minute before shaking his head slightly. ‘Uh, yeah. Come meet her.’
He turns and heads towards Cerys and Gethin. Candy and I follow and, as we approach, Gethin steps aside slightly, revealing an honest-to-God model behind him.
Tall. Killer curves. Long, almost black hair, cascading over her shoulders.
Tight red fabric clinging mercilessly to an hourglass body.
As we draw closer she laughs at something Gethin says.
Sexy. Almost husky.
‘Girls,’ Jake is saying, ‘this is Luc.’
Her eyes, hidden behind long lashes and almost as dark as her hair, meet mine.
‘And Candy,’ a smiling voice from my right arm adds.
Damn it.
‘Right. Candy.’ Jake pauses, looking at her for a moment, still unsure what to make of her, before continuing. ‘Luc, this is Cerys and Lexi.’
‘Lexi?’ I ask. ‘As in, Alexis?’
She nods, and I swear her cheeks redden just a touch.
‘Alexis,’ I repeat slowly. ‘I like it.’
She smiles and looks down, long dark hair falling forward to hide her face.
‘And Candy is presumably short for Candace?’ Gethin says.
Oh yeah. Forgot about Candy.
Jake pulls Cerys aside and I silently wish for Candy to let go of my arm.
Lexi is looking at me again while Candy responds to Gethin. Their voices fade to a blur of white noise as I lock eyes with Lexi.
Wide eyes. Like a rabbit caught in the headlights.
She’s s
tarstruck, I realise.
‘So, how do you know Cerys?’ Like I care. Just want to hear that voice again.
‘She’s my flatmate.’ She speaks softly and low. ‘We’re in uni together.’
‘Oh yeah? What are you studying?’
‘Biology.’ She looks down again. She didn’t seem this shy with Gethin.
‘Well that’s pretty cool.’ I’m enjoying this. The inability to hold my gaze for more than a few seconds. It’s sweet.
‘Nah. Not as cool as drumming,’ she says, lifting her head and smiling slightly. Her voice a bit louder this time.
Part of me feels bad for not reassuring her in some way, but another, more primal part of me is enjoying the power of knowing I’m having this effect on her.
‘We’re not dating!’ Jake’s voice suddenly interrupts from across the room, causing the entire backstage area to hush. Candy’s grip on my arm loosens slightly, and both Lexi and Gethin turn in the direction of Jake’s yelling.
‘We’re just friends. She’s not my girlfriend.’ He’s talking to Harry.
And fucking things up royally.
Cerys, tiny next to him, shifts from foot to foot.
Harry tilts his head at him and crosses his arms across his chest. ‘So, what, you’re just friends who fuck?’ His voice is quieter than Jake’s, but still clearly audible in the now-silent room.
No, don’t…
‘Yes!’ Too late.
The colour seems to drain from Cerys’ face, but she nods at Harry.
The room holds its collective breath, waiting for something. Waiting for Jake to make it right.
‘One minute!’ someone calls out eventually. That’s our cue.
Low chatter starts back up, rising quickly.
Cerys is walking back to us. Fast.
As she approaches, I swear I can see tears in her eyes.
Before I have a chance to say goodbye, Cerys takes Lexi’s arm and marches her through to the stage, to the audience. Lexi looks back, helplessly, just for a moment. Even as she’s being dragged away she manages to walk with a wiggle, her dress just as tight around her ass as it is around her waist.
They disappear around the corner.
Great.
Thanks Jake. You fucking dick.
‘Oh wow,’ a small voice from my arm breathes.
Candy.
