by Vicky Owen
‘The red dress. There’s an article comparing me to her online somewhere. Probably more than one.’
And I look like a freaking giant compared to her. Naturally.
He frowns. ‘It’s just a dress. And you look amazing in your one. You never seemed to care what the press said before now. What’s happened?’
I exhale. ‘I didn’t. I don’t. It’s just some girl in uni brought it up and showed everyone and I look really stupid and weird and like some kind of stalker now! Like I’m trying to become a replica of your stupid ex.’
I pause for him to respond. But he doesn’t. His expression is unreadable.
‘Why not the black dress?’ I try. ‘The one I wore on New Year’s Eve?’
He sighs. ‘What’s this really about?’
Pulling my hands from his, I cross my arms and look away. ‘I don’t even know what we’re doing,’ I say quietly.
‘I thought we were having fun,’ he offers.
‘We’re having an argument,’ I shoot back, looking at him again.
‘Over someone I don’t ever want to see again,’ he says.
I shake my head. ‘I feel like some third wheel in your break-up.’
‘But Hayley isn’t with me. She’s got nothing to do with us.’ He pauses and waits for my response. When I say nothing, he adds, ‘She and I broke up months ago. She’s not even trying to be with me any more, for fuck’s sake.’
His words are a surprise. I thought she still wanted him back. ‘What? Since when?’
He looks down briefly. ‘She sent me a text on New Year’s Day. She’s accepted it’s over.’
‘I…why didn’t you tell me?’
He runs a hand through his hair. ‘Because it doesn’t matter.’
‘Of course it matters! You made me go to that event and talk to the press and put me in front of all the paparazzi for nothing.’
He narrows his eyes. ‘For nothing?’
I have a horrible realisation. ‘It’s the only reason you messaged me after that night. And the only reason you’re still talking to me now. Isn’t it?’
‘No,’ he says deliberately, ‘I’m still talking to you because I like you, you dumbfuck.’
I ignore the insult. ‘Not initially, you didn’t.’
Luc doesn’t say anything.
Regretting my choice of words, I try again. ‘You just wanted me to…you just wanted to hire me.’
I want him to tell me I’m wrong. That he did always want me.
‘You seemed like you could use a hand,’ he says instead. ‘And there were already pictures of us online. It made sense.’
I’m not sure what to say for a moment. I look down at my food, rapidly cooling now.
Definitely can’t eat.
I steel myself and look directly at him. ‘So you didn’t even like me?’
‘Of course I fucking did.’ Luc looks away again. Longer this time. ‘I just didn’t know if it was a good idea.’
I feel sick but press on regardless. I have to. ‘If what was a good idea?’
‘To get involved. To see you again after that first night.’
‘Because I threw up?’ I speak quickly, before I can stop myself from asking what I need to know.
He shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. Again. ‘You just seemed like you were a bit all over the place. Like you needed to sort yourself out.’
We look at each other. His blue, gold-flecked eyes bore into mine.
I feel like a dumb kid sitting opposite him.
Some dumb, stupid girl. Exposed entirely and I didn’t even realise it.
I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. Feel the heat of shame covering my face.
He saw right through me. Saw the mess. And didn’t want any of it.
Who can blame him, though?
He made me his fake girlfriend out of pity.
I push my chair back and stand slowly.
Slow enough for him to say something. To stop me. To tell me he’s kidding.
And he doesn’t.
‘I need to go,’ I say quietly.
He opens his mouth to speak, but I suddenly don’t want to hear it.
And, for the second time, I leave the diner humiliated.
TWO HOURS LATER, I sit on the edge of my bed, loosely holding a letter in my hand. Someone slipped it under my bedroom door for me so that I would find it when I got back.
Probably Mylo.
It’s from one of the universities I applied for a PGCE at.
It’s thin.
Offers are usually thick, aren’t they?
My other hand holds the phone to my ear.
‘I should have told you sooner. About Hayley, I mean,’ Luc says on the other end of the line.
This is the first time we’ve ever spoken on the phone.
‘Yeah, well. I’m sorry I’m such a…’ I stare at the unopened letter, searching for the right word. ‘A clusterfuck.’
Luc laughs, deep and sexy, down the phone. ‘You’re not a clusterfuck.’
‘You said as much. That you never wanted to see me again because of it.’
‘Didn’t stop any of this from happening though, did it?’ he asks.
I shrug, even though there’s no one here to see me. ‘Guess not.’
‘And I’m not trying to make you look like her.’
I don’t respond to that one.
‘You really did look fucking amazing in that dress, though.’
I lay back on the bed. ‘I don’t really love all the press attention.’
‘Yeah, it’s shit isn’t it?’
‘So why take me to that thing?’ I demand.
‘I wanted you with me. It was selfish of me,’ he admits before pausing. Then: ‘Are you saying you didn’t enjoy any of it?’
‘That’s not the point!’ Of course I did. It was extremely hot. I dig my finger under the flap of the envelope to distract myself from the all-too-welcome memories of Luc’s hands on me.
He laughs at my protesting. ‘OK, OK. Look, it’s Valentine’s Day next week. How about we do something? Just the two of us. No press.’
I sit back up as the envelope opens fully, tipping the letter onto my lap.
Expecting two rejections, I cautiously pick up the letter and speak at the same time. ‘Like a couple?’
May as well pull the plaster off in one awful go.
My heart thumps in my chest.
‘Yes,’ Luc replies simply. ‘Like a couple.’
Dear Ms Johnson, we’re pleased to inform you that you are invited…
I’ve got an interview offer. February 25th.
I can’t believe it.
I scan down the page.
It’s best to apply for funding immediately, before waiting for an official offer. We offer the following grants and scholarships for those…
I might not even have to worry about money. Or ask Luc.
It’s not excitement. Just relief. But that’s enough. It’s more than I could have expected.
‘Lexi?’ Luc’s voice cuts in.
‘Yes? Yes! Valentine’s Day sounds good,’ I smile, my pulse slowing to a more normal rate.
An interview offer and Valentine’s with Luc. Like a couple.
It’s almost perfect.
Just need to nail this interview.
Almost perfect.
Almost.
TWENTY-NINE
Luc
‘WE COULD HAVE spent the night at my place, you know.’
Valentine’s Day.
I follow Lexi through her student flat to the kitchen. She’s wearing flimsy pyjama shorts and a vest top. Her ass looks amazing.
‘Your place? Thought it was Harry’s place,’ she teases.
‘Only temporarily.’ Not that I’ve actively looked for a while. Should probably get on that. ‘Besides,’ I add, settling the bag I’m carrying on the kitchen counter, ‘he’s out. Would have been just us.’
‘It’s just us here, too.’ Lexi looks in the bag. ‘Ooh, wine
.’ She pulls the bottle of red out and sets it down before peering in the bag again. ‘And DVDs!’
‘And I thought we could get takeout?’
Lexi grins for a second, but then a more serious expression takes over her face. ‘Luc, I’m sorry about the other day. I was just freaking out after what Shannen said.’
‘Who’s Shannen?’
‘Girl in uni, in one of my group projects. Saying you only went for me because I was dressed like Hayley.’
I can’t help snorting with laughter. ‘Fuck no. Jesus. You’re nothing like Hayley.’
Lexi nods, looking down.
‘Shannen sounds like an idiot.’
‘Yeah.’
I reach out and pull her into a hug, then pull my head back to look at her. ‘I’m sorry about the dress. I didn’t think. Well, maybe I did, but not about Hayley. I was thinking about how fucking hot it is on you.’
Her cheeks turn pink and I pull her into a kiss, pressing my lips against her soft mouth. She responds needily, and I consider just carrying her to the bedroom this instant. To hell with movies and wine and food.
My phone vibrates in my pocket and Lexi obviously feels it too. She pulls back to allow me to check it.
‘I’ll boot my laptop and we can order? I’m starving!’
So much for forgoing food for sex.
Not that I’m not hungry, too.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and there’s a message on the screen from Harry.
Shelly wants to meet Lexi first. Told her she’s cool but Shelly wants to see for herself.
Great, I type back. I’ll speak to L. Will get back to you. Thanks.
I press send and get a reply before my screen fades out.
No problem.
‘What are you grinning about?’
I look up at Lexi, sitting on the sofa now. Fuck, I want her. And now she can come on tour with us. ‘Nothing,’ I say.
She raises an eyebrow but turns back to her laptop screen. ‘So, what are we thinking?’
‘That I want to fuck you in your own bed finally.’
‘Luc! I meant food.’
I walk over and pick her up with ease, tossing her over my shoulder. She squeals and wriggles and laughs.
‘Luc!’
‘Food later. Right now I need to eat you.’
She laughs as I carry her through the hallway to her bedroom and toss her gently onto the bed, pulling her to the edge.
I hook my fingers over the waistband of her shorts and pull them down over her thighs.
No panties. We look at each other, and I realise she didn’t notice the other thing in the bag.
A smaller bag. Lingerie. To make up for the panties I tore in two in the limo in London.
Well, that can wait. As can telling her about the photography thing.
I toss the shorts aside and pull her hips to me. She gasps as my mouth makes contact with her perfect, wet pussy.
‘Alexis.’
She moans and I look up at her just as she bites down on her lip.
‘You’re always so wet for me.’
‘Well…obviously!’ she manages between breaths. I laugh and she runs her fingers into my hair, gripping it.
Pulling me into her.
Fuck, it’s hot.
I let her body take over my senses, as she lets my tongue take over hers.
Can’t wait to have her with me every night when we’re on tour.
I unbutton my jeans, ready to fuck her hard once she’s come on my face.
Her juices fill my mouth and slick my lips as I lick her. Teasing her with my tongue.
I let one hand rest on her soft, flat stomach. Her scent and the sounds she makes are intoxicating. I can’t get enough of her.
For a moment, I glance up at her. I can’t see her face fully from this angle, but she’s fondling her breast with one hand, her vest hitched up so her perfect tits are visible. My cock twitches at the sight of her touching herself, and I inadvertently groan in response.
And then she’s coming. Her cunt wetter as it tightens. Her body jerking in response to my movements.
This time, I don’t stop when she’s done.
‘Oh, Luc, I—’
She falls silent as I stop for a split second. Then I press my lips and my tongue against her again.
And she comes for a second time. Harder. Faster. Louder.
And I’m aching for her.
Once I know she’s done—once I know she’s satisfied—I stand, dropping my jeans. Dropping my shorts.
I find a condom.
‘Wait,’ Lexi says, sitting up, her vest dishevelled.
I pause as she reaches for me, her hands cupping my ass cheeks as she pulls me towards her. She takes the condom from me and tosses it aside.
‘You’re so big,’ she says quietly. I’m not entirely sure who she’s talking to—me or my dick?
Before I can respond, she parts her lips and runs her tongue along the length of my cock.
Now it’s my turn to gasp.
She smiles in response, then takes me into her mouth, covering the base of my cock with one of her hands, digging her fingers into the flesh of my thigh with her other one.
‘Fuck. Lexi.’
She strokes me with her lips, her tongue. She’s good.
There are so many more things I want to do with her. To her.
She moves faster, and I can feel myself building to a climax.
Watching her work her mouth on me, I stroke her hair gently and run my other hand through my own hair. ‘Fuck. I’m going to come.’
Without stopping, she looks up at me, and the way she looks at me pushes me over the edge.
I come hard.
And, like a good girl, she takes it all.
Fuck.
‘WHICH MOVIE SHALL we watch?’
Lexi grabs the bag from the counter and brings it over, sitting on the floor in front of the TV.
I click confirm on our order for pizza. ‘I don’t mind. Hot Fuzz?’
She looks at the others for a second before deciding. ‘Yeah, OK. Wait, what’s this?’
Lexi reaches into the bag, finally noticing the smaller, more feminine bag inside.
‘Happy Valentine’s Day,’ I say, closing the laptop and getting down on the floor with her.
Her eyes widen. ‘But I didn’t get anything for you.’
‘Yeah you did,’ I tease. ‘In the bedroom.’
She blushes a little and looks at the bag. ‘What is it?’
‘Something I owe you.’
She frowns, frees the ribbon holding the handles together and peers cautiously inside. ‘Oh wow,’ she says, pulling three pairs of red, black and pink panties out. Lacy and tight. ‘They’re pretty!’
‘They’ll look even better on you.’
She giggles, shy, batting at me with her hand. ‘Thank you,’ she says, kissing me. ‘Mmm, you still taste of me,’ she says. ‘Wine?’
‘Sure.’ I stand up.
‘I’ll get it,’ she says.
I head to the kitchen anyway. She finds a corkscrew while I find some wine glasses.
‘Actually,’ I say, watching her open the bottle, ‘I’ve got something else for you.’
‘Another thing? You’re making me look terrible!’
I laugh. ‘This is as much for me as it is for you.’
‘Oh?’ She pops the cork out of the bottle. ‘Oh!’ she suddenly adds. ‘I forgot to tell you. I had a letter the other day. Here,’ she hands me the bottle, ‘you pour this.’
I pour the wine while she dashes to her room.
‘A letter?’ I call after her.
She comes back in, holding a thin white envelope. ‘Yep. Look.’ She hands it to me, picking up a glass of wine and taking a sip while waiting for my reaction.
I take the letter from the envelope and catch a few words.
Interview.
PGCE.
Offer.
‘Teaching?’ I ask, still scanning the page.
February 25.
‘Yeah, and I can get funding,’ she says, pointing to the bottom half of the letter. ‘I think I should take it.’
I try to read the whole thing, but my brain just isn’t computing. I fold it back up and put it in the envelope. ‘But you don’t want to teach,’ I say.
‘I want something stable and secure.’
I sigh. ‘But you don’t want to teach,’ I say, emphasising the words.
She frowns. ‘I need something. This works. Why do you care so much?’
‘Because I care about you!’
She puts the drink down. ‘I thought you’d be pleased that I’m sorting myself out. That I’m getting my shit together.’
‘I wanted you to come on tour with us.’
That stops her.
For a moment I think that’s all it’ll take to change her mind.
Nope.
‘And what about when it all falls apart and I have no career?’
‘It won’t.’ I wonder about the confidence in my tone. ‘I want you to shadow our photographer.’
Lexi sighs. ‘I told you. I’m not good enough for that kind of thing. And even if I was, the competition is insane. So I’m back to square one.’ She shakes her head. ‘It’s like you’re trying to mould me or something. First the dress and now this. And the ice skating! What about when it’s all over and you’re gone?’ Her words come thick and fast, reminiscent of that night in town. ‘What about then?’
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ I say. ‘I don’t want to change you. I want to make you happy.’
She shifts from one foot to the other, wrapping her arms around herself, looking down. ‘And when you don’t want to make me happy any more? Will you hire another girl to get rid of me?’ She looks up. ‘I want to have some independence. And this—teaching, I mean, even though I’m not crazy about it—seems like the best option to me right now.’
‘And why not photography?’ I try. ‘Our photographer thinks your photos are great. She just wants to meet you first.’
Her expression softens a little and she hesitates. But then she shakes her head.
‘Because it’s dependent on you.’
‘I’m already funding whatever it is you want to do. That’s part of the deal.’
‘The deal?! I thought we were together now.’
‘We are. You know what I mean.’ I’m really fucking this up. How the fuck did this even happen?
