“Maggie?”
“Yes?” He’d caught her staring. She smiled while valiantly fighting the color that rose in her cheeks.
“I was just saying that I just stopped in to grab some lunch and hoped you wouldn’t mind me joining you.”
“No, not at all. This isn’t really much of a lunch place though.” She looked toward the counter. There was a glass case holding croissants, bagels, and juice. “I’ve always operated under the assumption that it existed purely for the pleasure of those, like myself, who are addicted to this highly enjoyable, legal stimulant.” She raised her coffee mug and took a sip.
He smiled. “I’m an addict too, and I agree with you. Their lunch menu isn’t much to brag about, but coffee and a bagel are about all I need. I see you still write everything out by hand.” He motioned towards her pen and legal pad.
She looked at the yellow paper covered with her cursive rolling neatly along the lines. There was something more artistic about the craft of writing to her when done by hand, like a sculptor with his tools.
“I do. I like the feel of the pen. Seeing it in my own writing also makes me feel like it’s more mine.”
“I remember in high school how all of us would be typing away on papers and projects and there you sat with your notepad and pen. We thought you were a little crazy, but you’re now a working writer. What did we know, huh?”
She squirmed at the topic of the good old days. A subject change was a good idea. “How are things at work?”
“They’re going well, thanks. We’re designing a new building in San Francisco, the one you read about in the paper. It’s a big project, and a lucrative one for the company. I still own it with my brother. Our main office is in Portland, but we opened one in Silver Bay when I moved back.”
“How is Jack?”
Josh smiled. “The same. Crazy. Fun. But he’s a hard worker. A great business partner.”
The tiny teenager behind the counter with dyed fuchsia hair and a diamond stud in her nose called his name.
“I’ll be right back.”
Maggie watched him walk away. The athletic swagger he had in high school remained, as did his physique. His immaculately ironed navy dress pants and white button down shirt only made him more attractive. Feeling the blush begin to rise again in her cheeks, she focused on her legal pad until he returned. A slight hint of his cologne hit her when he sat back down. It was the exact same kind he’d worn in high school. It was hard to believe that one scent could cause the memories to come flooding back like a tidal wave.
“Maggie, are you okay? Is something upsetting you?”
She popped her head up a bit too fast. “No, not at all. I was just going over something I’d written, and I’m thinking it’s not going to work. That’s all.”
“If my being here is bothering you, I’m okay with sitting at another table.”
The look in his eyes said otherwise. “No, please stay. It would be nice to have the company.” She set aside her writing and placed her coffee mug in front of her.
He spread cream cheese on his bagel. “When are you headed back to Seattle?”
“Probably right after Christmas. I took the rest of my personal time to be able to wrap things up here.”
“Is there something wrong, Maggie? You’ve said before that you have things to work out here before you leave.”
She took a deep breath and looked out the window.
“Maggie, I told you, I am here for you. Please let me know how I can help.”
His blue eyes stared intensely at her, his brow furrowing the way it always did when he was concerned. Her tummy did a flip. Good Lord. One look from the man and she was lost. Or found. Both concepts made her dizzy. It was a wonder she was able to answer him.
“I …I’m fine. Really. I just need to sell the house. I can’t afford to keep it.”
“Is that all that’s bothering you?” He leaned forward, his attention focused on her.
His blue eyes filled with concern for her. He always could read her. Always sense when she wasn’t telling him everything. At first it had unnerved her a bit, but then she’d come to rely on it. Rely on him. She hadn’t relied on anyone since. Left for Seattle and never looked back, determined to make it on her own. But the weight of carrying the world herself was beginning to exhaust her, she had to admit. And having Josh here again, sitting across from her, wanting to know more, reminded her how much she missed it.
But something inside held her back from telling him about the letters. She just couldn’t go there yet.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say more.” He winked and sat back in his chair.
“Don’t try that old charm on me,” she teased.
He drank his coffee and smiled.
“Would you like to have dinner with me?”
When she didn’t answer, he kept talking, a little less confident than he had been moments before. “I would love to cook dinner for you at my house, but if that makes you uncomfortable, then we can go to a restaurant. It’s your call.”
She could hear the nervousness rise in his voice at her silence. He continued talking.
“I’ve been cooking more and I guess you could say it’s become a hobby of sorts for me. I’ve already used my parents and sister as guinea pigs enough, so I thought…”
“I would like that.” Where her voice came from she wasn’t sure, but she was grateful it showed up.
His confidence returned and an enormous grin crossed his face. He finished his bagel as they talked about what time she should come over.
They said their good-byes and she watched him leave the coffee shop. Maggie couldn’t help but giggle a bit at the smile that never left his lips as he walked out the door and down the street toward his office.
She looked back down at what she’d been writing. Jibberish, for the most part. Writing always helped her work through things. Mapping out her thoughts on paper put them in order somehow.
What had happened to her? She used to be fun. She used to have fun. Now she ambled through life going through the motions. Working most of the time. Not connecting with anyone meant no pain, right? No one to see her the way her dad saw her. Worthless, never doing anything right.
She thought being back in Silver Bay would tear her down again like her father did. Instead, she was reminded of the girl she used to be. The girl Josh saw when he looked at her. The girl she wanted to be again.
Chapter Eleven
‡
Maggie’s nerves about dinner hit her in the gut when she reached Josh’s front door-step.
Kate had come over earlier to help her pick out an outfit to wear.
“Something nice, but not too dressy,” she said as she fluttered around Maggie’s closet, spraying her bed with various arrays of clothing. “Something you look fantastic in but not too revealing…” She settled on a pair of black pants, high-heeled boots, and a burgundy sweater. Any shade of red had yet to fail Maggie, so she agreed.
Not long after Josh left the coffee shop, she’d broken out in a cold sweat and wondered what in the world made her say yes. It had felt good to talk to someone, to him, about some of her problems, but a full-on date with just the two of them? Her palms were sweating at the mere thought of it.
She knocked and as he opened the door, instead of absolute fear and terror, she was overwhelmed with a sense of coming home. He was wearing a dark blue, button down shirt, un-tucked, with jeans and had a bright red tea towel slung over his shoulder. The smell wafting from the kitchen was fantastic.
“Hey there,” he said. Her feet stuck to the pavement and wouldn’t move. Seeing her hesitation, he stretched out his hand. “You can come in. I promise to be nice.”
She took his hand and let him lead her into the house. It was a small place but incredibly gorgeous, down to every last detail. He had designed it, of course. He took her coat, hung it on the coat rack, and closed the door.
“Your house is truly beautiful. It must have been fun to design somethin
g for yourself.”
He put one arm out to direct her to the next room as his other hand settled gently on her back to guide her forward. The warmth of his hand on her was not lost. She felt it in every inch of her bones. They walked together through the small dining room into the kitchen as they talked.
“Actually it was nice to do something for myself. People are always changing so many things on a project that it gets frustrating sometimes. Building this house taught me to be more patient with my clients, and it was great to design specific things that I truly wanted.”
In the kitchen, he had set two place settings for dinner on the center island. One bar stool sat on the end and one to the right of it. Candles burned in nearly every corner of the kitchen and a John Mayer CD played in the background.
“It’s beautiful.”
“Thanks. I thought we could eat in here. It’s one of the largest rooms in the house, mainly because I wanted to get serious about the cooking thing. I also know that no matter how hard you try, when you have guests over, you always end up in the kitchen.”
As he moved around her, he said, “Please, have a seat. I’m just finishing up here. Can I get you something to drink?”
“Yes, just water would be great.”
She sat down, thanked him as he poured water into her glass, and watched him move from stove to sink to the island again, humming and enjoying himself. The quiet was not uncomfortable by any means, but peaceful.
“What are you making, may I ask?”
“Of course you may ask. You’re going to be eating it, I hope.” He shot a sly smile her way. “It’s an Italian dish with rigatoni, Roma tomatoes, various cheeses, and arugula mixed in. It’s rich but good.”
“I thought you said I get to be another guinea pig like your sister and your parents? Have you made this dish before?”
Did he just blush? In the soft light it was hard to tell.
“Okay, confession. I’ve made this dish before. I just really didn’t want to screw up this evening and certainly not right in front of your eyes. That’s hardly the impression I want to make.”
“I think we’ve known each other way too long to worry about impressions, don’t you?”
He thought for a moment and with a smile, nodded in agreement.
“How is your sister, by the way?” Maggie asked.
“She’s doing great, thanks. She’s due to have her third baby soon. She has the two boys already, so they’re glad this one’s a girl. She loves being a mom and she’s good at it.”
It was quiet again for a little while. Maggie slid off the barstool and began nosing around. John Mayer’s voice singing about clarity floated through the air. She looked at photographs on the refrigerator, mainly of Josh’s nephews and his family. Aware of his eyes on her, she turned and asked if she could look beyond the kitchen.
“Help yourself. I would give you a tour, but I need to keep an eye on this dish. Time sensitive, you know.”
“Ahhh. I think I can find my way.”
She wandered around the corner and down the hall to the living room. It was dressy, but cozy. Nice modern furniture, but with that masculine touch that made it feel truly lived in. A large black recliner sat off to the side by a coffee table and magazine rack. Remote controls along with books and glasses sat on the table.
A quick glance as she passed by his bedroom’s open door showed her how it was decorated similar to the living room, masculine and simple.
She came back to the kitchen and resumed her place on the barstool, while Josh poured a pot full of noodles and water into a colander in the sink. He looked up.
“Find anything interesting?” he teased.
“Actually, yes,” she countered. He put down the now empty pot and turned to face her directly.
“Really? What exactly is that?”
“Well, I didn’t know that a hard-working, classy guy, such as yourself–” he bowed his appreciation – “would actually own a lazy man’s recliner.”
This sent him into a fit of laughter. “I didn’t realize that having a comfortable chair was the equivalent of being lazy.”
“Well, with me it is, anyway.”
He stopped laughing. “Is that because of your dad?”
“Yeah, it is. I think because he spent half of his life wasting away in that chair, I don’t have a high opinion of them.” She picked a grape off a plate in front of her and ate it, thinking while she chewed. “Maybe that’s awfully judgmental of me, but that’s the way it is.”
He nodded and resumed his cooking. He finished mixing the pasta and served them both.
“Okay, be honest with me now, what do you think?”
She took a bite and made him wait an excruciating amount of time while she let the flavors dance on her tongue. A mixture of Italian spice and sweet, it was pure heaven.
“It’s fantastic,” she said. “I truly think this is better than ninety percent of the restaurant food I’ve ever had. You should open up a restaurant of your own. That might be fun.”
“No, I have a day job. This is my hobby. But I’m glad you like it.” He took a bite himself. After a moment or two he said, “What about you?”
“Should I open a restaurant?” she said, teasing him.
He laughed. “No, I know you love writing, but what are some of your hobbies?” His smile made her heart skip. “You used to like sports. Any time for that up in Seattle?”
“Not sports, really. I still love to hike, though, and bike ride.”
“Yeah, me too.”
They sat for a while in comfortable silence, enjoying the meal. Eventually, she caught him watching her.
“What is it?” Oh Lord, please don’t let it be something like arugula stuck in her teeth.
He put down his fork and crossed his arms over his chest. She noticed the Omega watch on his wrist and was thinking about how he had great arms when he said, “I’ve always been honest with you.”
“That’s good to know.” She was teasing, but her heart rate sped up. Where was he going with this?
“So I’m going to say that I wish you’d stay in Silver Bay. I think I know better than anyone that being here is hard for you. So I understand if you don’t. But Hannah wants you here. And so do I.” He leaned forward and took her hand in his. “You know you can trust me, Maggie, don’t you?”
She nodded.
“Good. And I want to be here for you.”
His tenderness only made it harder to fight the tears she was trying to swallow. A part of her wanted to tell him everything, but she just couldn’t seem to form the words.
Of course she could trust Josh. She’d never stopped. She just wasn’t sure yet if she could trust herself. Her bruised and battered heart wasn’t much to offer him.
He got up from the barstool and began putting pots and pans in the sink. “I’m glad you’re at least going to stay in Silver Bay through the holidays.” The sad tone of his voice tugged at her heart.
She should say something. She wanted to be straight about where they stood, but it had been such long time since she had done anything like this. “Look, Josh. I really enjoy being with you, but I’m a little rusty at relationships and worried a bit about…”
“Our past and going too quickly, is that it?”
She sighed. “Well, yeah. That about covers it.”
He sat down again on the barstool. “Maggie, I don’t know where you get this idea that I deserve better. Because all I want is you. All I have ever wanted is you.”
Another brick from the wall around her heart crumbled and fell. His blue eyes held hers captive, years of longing swirling in their depths. She wanted so much to love this man again. To trust him with her heart completely.
He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, his touch sending a jolt through her system. “But I’ll tell you what. If you agree to hang out with me some and trust me as your friend, we can take the rest as it comes. Deal?”
She swallowed. Hard. “Deal.”
“Now, let’s move into the living room where we can sit and talk some more. My backside is missing its lazy chair and can’t wait another moment longer.”
Chapter Twelve
‡
Journaling at the coffee shop, Maggie struggled to concentrate because of the awful music playing on the radio. The singer sounded like a pelican being strangled. On top of that, it was a Christmas song. Not that she had anything against Christmas music, but this particular song was overplayed and overdone. With last night first and foremost in her mind, it was hard for her to focus, so she came to the coffee shop to journal in quiet. No such luck.
Kate entered the coffee shop, plopped down in a chair across from her and said, “Okay, two things. One, how did it go last night and two, what the heck is that music they’re playing? I thought this was supposed to be a place you can come to relax and settle down, not get your spine all in a bunch.” The girl behind the counter turned the dial on the radio and changed the station.
“Does your magic always work so quickly on people?” Maggie teased her.
“Yes, as a matter of fact, it does.”
“Good to know.”
“Okay, now that point two has been dealt with, what about point one?”
“Point one? Oh yes, the infamous date last night.”
“Yes, and you are failing miserably at your attempt at being sly. Spill it, kid.”
As if by some sixth sense, Hannah walked in the door. Kate followed Maggie’s gaze, turned back to her, and said, “See, my magic powers are in full force today.” She waved Hannah over to the table.
“The moment of truth is upon you, Mags,” Hannah said as she sat down. “I want every last detail. Don’t leave anything out.”
“Geez, you guys act like I spent an evening with someone famous.”
“Honey, you spending the evening with the Hemsworth brothers would be as boring as watching the History Channel compared to who you were with.” This was from Kate.
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