Eric
“Are you sure this can’t wait?” Lena asked, her step stuttering as she eyed the silver Focus parked in front of her house. “I mean he might be hanging around naked and then we’ll walk in and—”
“Why would Landon be hanging out in your house naked?”
Lena’s face twisted and she shook her head, fiddling with the zipper on her bag as if she couldn’t get it open to get out her keys.
“Come on, now I’m really curious.”
“He’s probably not, but,” she closed her eyes, “they didn’t know I was here Saturday night, and I saw a little more than I needed to.”
Eric covered his mouth and laughed—he could picture the look on her face, which made it even harder to stop laughing.
A floorboard creaked inside, and the door popped open. “I was beginning to wonder what the hell was going on out here,” Landon said, “but I see you found who you were looking for.”
“I did.” Eric slipped a red-faced Lena under his arm and pushed her toward the open door.
“Well,” Lena grumbled, “at least I don’t have to make the awkward introduction.”
Lena led the way to her bedroom while Landon settled on the couch and pulled his tablet into his lap. Eric tried to take in all of the details of the tiny house, looking for more clues about his Loner, but the stark rooms left little to go on. Even her bedroom was minimalistic, aside from the stuffed penguin that sat at the foot of the bed.
After dumping her clean clothes into the hamper, Lena opened the closet and pulled out another outfit. “So, uh, exactly how many days am I supposed to be packing for?”
“A couple,” Eric shrugged. He wasn’t even sure what the next couple of days would bring. He opened the top drawer to her dresser.
“What are you doing?” Lena shoved a shirt into her bag and stomped over, as Eric pulled out a black thong.
“I think you’d look good in this.”
She crossed her arms. Her face was red, but she looked like she was fighting back a grin.
Eric turned his attention back to the drawer, but Lena stalked up behind him. “Are you going to be picking out all of my underwear?”
“Keep up the snark, Loner. How does your ass feel?” He heard her take a step back, and knew without looking that she was probably rubbing a sore ass cheek at the thought of reliving the experience.
“Here,” he handed her a few things from the underwear drawer, “finish packing the rest of your clothes.”
Without another word, Lena finished packing her bag and zipped it closed.
“Where do you keep it?” Eric asked, and the instant her gaze met his, it was evident that she knew exactly what he was talking about.
“Under the bed.”
“That’s sanitary.”
“It’s in a box, and it is sanitary. I keep it clean.” She closed her eyes and inhaled slowly, then dropped to her knees and fished out an engraved wooden box. Holding it in both hands, she stared down at it then turned and sat on the bed.
Eric sat down next to her, brushing her hair back and kissing the slope where her neck ran into her shoulder.
“You’ve seen every other part of me. I may as well not hide this,” she whispered and handed him the box.
Slowly, he popped the lid open, knowing that in a strange way, this was the most intimate thing she’d shared with him. As his eyes fell on the silver blade, he heard her breath hitch beside him. He drew her closer and started to replace the lid, but she stopped him. Her shaking hand removed the antiseptic and gauze pads, picked up the blade, and pulled free the plush bottom of the box revealing a thin stack of papers and pictures.
A baby picture. A smiling young girl with her face buried in a sunflower. The same girl standing between a woman and man. The final picture captured a teenage Lena, young Jeremiah, and another dark-haired girl he didn’t recognize. A piece of notebook paper was folded beneath the pictures.
“Please don’t read that.” Lena shook, resting her head on Eric’s shoulder. “I wrote it to my parents when I was eleven. Never sent it though. They never wrote to me, so I figured—” she shrugged.
Eric held the box while she replaced the contents. Then, he kissed her forehead and held her until she steadied and looked up at him. “Can I ask something, about Sam?”
“About him not being my father?”
Lena nodded, “I wondered if I misheard something.”
“No, my biological father was never around. Sam has been since I was seven, and for a long time I set out to be the biggest pain in his ass I could possibly be. But then, I realized that was no fun, because he never let it get to him.” He rubbed his cheek against the top of her head, wanting to ask her what his mom had said to her after lunch. It had to have been something—after the two of them were alone putting away dishes, Lena barely spoke another word. But he couldn’t bring himself to add that extra bit of pressure right now, even though he knew it’d be better address sooner rather than later.
The front door closed and Lena straightened. For a few seconds they heard two male voices in the next room, and then approaching footsteps. Eric turned to see Jeremiah fill the doorway.
“I just talked to Leslie.”
“Oh.” Lena’s fingers curled against Eric’s thigh.
Jeremiah nodded to Eric. “Can you give us a few minutes?”
“He can hear it,” Lena said. She slid the box onto her pillow and stood to face Jeremiah. “He already knows about everything else, so you may as well save me the trouble of bringing it up again later.”
Eric heard Jeremiah close the door and walk around the bed, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Lena. She rubbed the back of her neck, then shoved her hands into her pockets. “I hadn’t planned on coming home today.”
Eric tilted his head, hoping he was misinterpreting, but somehow he managed not to stand and move toward her.
“I’m glad I did,” she said, meeting his eyes. “I wanted to put it off because I was afraid of how everyone would react, but I had a panic attack this morning. Leslie’s husband wasn’t supposed to be home until the weekend, but he came in this morning. I didn’t know he was there and he snuck up behind me.”
Shit, Eric thought.
When Lena froze and didn’t say another word, Jeremiah took over. “He’s fine. He has a bruise on his side, but Leslie explained. No one is mad at you, Lena. Just worried. It’s been years since you’ve had a reaction that bad.”
Eric glanced toward Jeremiah, then pulled Lena to his lap. Jeremiah didn’t have to point his blame at Eric directly—Eric already knew a good portion of it rested on his shoulders. He’d set out to get behind her shield but some defenses run so deep, there’s no way of knowing when to safely stop pushing.
For two weeks, Eric fought to balance the push and pull, but he hadn’t counted on a major interference that was out of his control.
“Don’t blame Eric,” Lena’s words ripped him from his thoughts. She straightened her back and returned Jeremiah’s long, quiet stare. “Finish school, get a job, escape in a book. I learned to go through the motions without having to stay connected. I got in the cycle of locking everything away until the emotions piled up, and there was only one way out.”
She paused and turned to Eric. Her eyes sparkled, as if she was about to cry, but of the emotions he could see playing out on her face, sadness wasn’t one of them.
“You,” she sighed, relaxing against the support of his arm. “It’s like I watched you bust through the front door and scatter my pieces all over the floor. And, of course, you couldn’t just let me sweep them away. I’m still trying to figure out what to do with the mess, but I’m actually dealing with it now. ”
He squeezed her warm body and pressed his lips to her jaw—now that they were here in her room, her smell seemed off. A different shampoo that seemed more perfume-heavy than usual.
Lena looked to Jeremiah, opened, her mouth, then closed it again. “I’m sorry.”
He blew out a breath. “Don’t apologize
. I’ve watched you go through half a dozen counselors.”
Lena stood and closed the distance between herself and Jeremiah in a couple of steps, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her face to his wide chest. Eric smiled, then looked away, rubbing his palms on the front of his jeans. He heard the two continue their chat on the other side of the room, but watching them together reminded him how much he missed Elise. While Jeremiah had been here for Lena, Eric had kept his distance, not wanting to come between his sister and her husband. They had butted heads over opposing viewpoints, but recently Eric began to wonder if there was more to his dislike of the man—things he hadn’t wanted to see before.
He wandered to the other side of the room, giving Lena and Jeremiah a few moments while he gathered his own thoughts. When his phone buzzed in his pocket, he had been so lost to the world that he jumped. The message simply read 15 minutes.
“Dad and Charlie are going to beat us home.”
Lena nodded and finished packing up her things.
Jeremiah eyed the wooden box as Lena shoved it back under her box spring. “Then, I guess it wouldn’t do any good to ask you if you wanted to have dinner with me and Landon.”
“Another day,” Eric promised. “Maybe later this week if you want to come over, have dinner, and don’t mind a seven-year-old running around.”
Jeremiah chuckled and nodded, holding out his hand to Eric for a shake. “Whatever you’re doing to help,” he glanced at Lena, “I guess I don’t need to tell you to be good to my sister.”
“But you want to. And I understand.”
***
Sam and Charlie were waiting on the stoop by the time Eric pulled into the drive. Eric cut off the engine and set the brake, watching Charlie’s head perk up when Lena opened the passenger door.
“Prepare to be bombarded,” he warned her with a smile.
She giggled. “Charlie I can handle.”
Eric grabbed her hand before she could climb out. “Before we go to bed, you’re telling me what Mom said to you.”
He expected a hint of hesitation—at least—but she pressed her lips into a smile and nodded. “Okay.”
Charlie met Eric as soon as he was out of the car. “Grandpa took me for—” he snapped his mouth closed and looked back.
Eric scooped him up and gave Sam a glare. “Grandpa better not have spoiled your dinner.”
Charlie’s mouth twisted, then he shook his head. “Is Lena staying for dinner?”
“Yep.”
“Good,” his eyes lit up and he slid to the ground. “Can we draw until then?”
“You can draw. I need Lena’s help in the kitchen.” Patting Charlie’s head, Eric linked his arm around Lena and herded them both toward the door.
Sam looked them over and chuckled, patting Lena’s shoulder as he passed by. “Watch out for those boys, dearie, no telling what they can get into.”
Inside, they all kicked off their shoes and Eric sent Charlie up to his room to draw, then led Lena to the kitchen where he picked her up and plopped her onto the counter, watching her squirm a bit on her apparently still sore ass.
“So, why do you need my help if you’re just going to sit me on the counter.”
“You make for a nice visual while I cook.” He filled a Dutch oven with water and placed it on the back burner to boil, then he put a roll of hamburger in a skillet to brown.
“Fancy shmancy.” Lena said when he pulled down a box of spaghetti. “We usually just boil the noodles and pour on a jar of sauce.”
“Well, that’s no fun.”
“When I was a kid, I always pulled a chair up to the stove to help Mom cook. I haven’t thought about anything like that for a long time. It’s funny how we usually remember the bad more than the good.”
Eric stirred the hamburger, then left it to sit and brown, moving to stand between Lena’s knees. “How often do you have the flashbacks?”
“More when I’m stressed. I had one Sunday morning—started as a dream, but when I woke up, I couldn’t get out of it.” She tried to turn away, but Eric pulled her chin to face him.
“It’ll get better.” He wiped away a stray tear and kissed her forehead, before having to return his attention to the hamburger.
“I should warn you though,” Lena kicked her foot across and tapped his hip, “last guy I slept with totally switched teams.”
“Somehow I doubt that had anything to do with you. Besides, Cade and I have teamed up on a few occasions, and I’ve never had the urge to skip the girl.”
“Geez, you two,” she covered her splotchy red face.
“You’re blushing,” he teased. “You can’t say you didn’t enjoy it.”
“No, I can’t. But… in front of all those people….”
“You weren’t complaining at the time.”
“No, I wanted to prove I could do it,” she swallowed the words, then finished quietly, “And, I wanted them all to see that I was yours.”
“And you are.” He chopped at the hamburger with a spatula and stirred it around so it would brown evenly. “You up to telling me what Mom said?”
She shrugged. “Basically that my being around was bad for Charlie. He needs stability—which I’ll give her, but….”
“But?”
She dropped her head and scratched at her thumbnail. “Like you said, if we’re honest with him, I think he’ll understand.”
Eric rubbed then patted her thigh. “It might even be good for him. Plates are in the cabinet next to your head. Can you grab a couple?”
Lena nodded, twisting so she could reach the plates without leaving her seat, then holding them out, but when Eric tried to take them, she didn’t let go. “You said you could help me work past the fear. I want to do that.”
“It won’t be easy and it’ll take time.”
“I know,” She released the plates and he sat them next to the stove, taking her hand as she continued. “But at least with you, I kind of know how to handle it. If I’m randomly getting triggered by someone sneaking up behind me….”
“I’ve snuck up behind you, and you let me sleep behind you.” Patting her leg one last time, he went back to preparing the spaghetti before the meat started to burn. “What are your limits?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never really tried to work past it, so I don’t know when or if I’ll freak out, but I want to try. I don’t want to sit and analyze it or I’ll talk myself out of it.” She slid off the counter as Eric began carrying the plates to the table.
“We can’t do anything with Charlie here, so we’ll make a plan tomorrow while he’s at school.”
Lena
Lena woke up the next morning with a knot in her stomach. Tackling her fears and triggers didn’t seem as brilliant as it had the night before, but she was tired of living with the fear, and something had to be done. Eric got up before her, pulling on his clothes to get Charlie ready for school and put him on the bus, but Lena lounged in bed for a while before heading downstairs to the smell of cooking bacon.
“I figured you’d appreciate bacon,” he winked, “and coffee.”
Lena hummed and headed straight for the coffee pot. “You really are figuring me out. Is it okay if I borrow your shower after we eat?”
“Sure.” He handed her a plate with bacon and perfectly sunny side up eggs.
“You’re quite the cook.”
“I’ve done a lot of kitchen experimenting in my time as a bachelor.”
After he plated his own food, he sat down to join her. “Did you change your shampoo over the weekend?”
“Um,” Lena squinted up, taken off guard by the question. “I used my travel shampoo while I was at Leslie’s house. Why?”
“Just smells different.”
Lena laughed, popping her egg yolk with a piece of bacon. “Unless I take a bubble bath, I usually just use baking soda, but I didn’t feel like putting in the effort there. The travel shampoo was handy.”
“So, you give me strange looks over makin
g fresh juice and you don’t even use shampoo?”
“Yes, Master Rusty, that’s how it goes.” She bit the inside of her cheek as she glanced to the side to see his reaction.
“No, little Loner,” he pulled her seat closer and wound his fingers in her hair, angling her face toward him.
“Not a fan?” she squeaked out.
He glared for a minute and she dropped her eyes. “Finish your breakfast, then go take a shower. The baking soda is above the stove.”
“Yes, Sir.” Her heart pounded, but strangely, the knot in her stomach had faded, replaced with something hot and pleasant.
***
After her shower, Lena found Eric sitting on the couch in the living room with a laptop propped up on the arm.
“Feel better?” he asked, closing the laptop and moving it to the table. He flexed his finger for her to join him.
She expected to take her place on his lap, but he patted the cushion next to him and turned his attention back to the computer.
“You’re purposefully torturing me, aren’t you?” She pulled her feet onto the couch, and wrapped her arms around her knees, but as soon as he snapped the laptop closed, she regretted opening her mouth.
“You have a tendency to push until you get somewhere and then dig in your heels. What’s bothering you, and don’t say it’s me answering emails.”
Her foot bounced against the edge of the couch. “I just feel antsy.”
“And you want a distraction?”
Lena sighed, relieved that he understood until she studied his face. His lips were set in a line, and his eyebrows arched up.
“I’m not getting off that easy, huh?”
Eric finally cracked a smile. “How about you just tell me what you’re antsy about instead of trying to run from it?”
She shifted in her seat, thinking about her last punishment for running, but when he put his arm around her shoulders, allowing her to snuggle against his side, it all came pouring out. “I worked my ass off to graduate and get that job. I liked having the security and knowing that I could take care of myself, and now it’s gone. My ex-boyfriend is hooking up with my roommate and staying in my house for some reason, which just makes it awkward to be there. And, there’s all that stuff I asked you to help me with last night.”
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