The lift door opened and they charged up the hall. He fumbled with the key and then they were inside, alone finally. No barriers. For one split second they looked at each other, standing apart, breathing hard, and then he caught her in his arms, pressing her against the wall, kissing her mouth like he wanted to devour her.
His lips slid down her throat while his hands moved to cup her breasts. Ally had been yearning to feel his hands on her ever since that day down at Circle’s End. And she wanted to touch him. She reached for the buttons of his shirt, fumbling, until his chest was bare. She pressed herself against him, tasting the skin on his neck and then his shoulder, as she peeled the shirt slowly down his back.
He was trembling. “Oh Ally,” he breathed.
She felt his hands at her sides, gathering her dress up until her thighs were exposed. She hooked one leg around him, pressing her pelvis hard against his. Ally was almost dizzy with wanting him. Matt groaned, pulling her dress up over her head, tossing it aside. Then he tugged impatiently at the catch on her bra, pulling the straps over her shoulders and letting it drop to the floor. He paused for a moment, staring at her. Then he reached for her breast, gingerly. Ally drew her breath in sharply as he touched her. He looked into her eyes and then bent to kiss her, drawing her hard against him again. They clasped each other close, revelling in the sublime sensation of flesh against flesh.
Suddenly he lifted her off the floor and swung her around to the bed. They fell together, writhing, struggling free of the last of their clothes, until he was inside her, surging through her, filling her up. Ally cried out, an exquisite, almost unendurable spasm engulfing her whole body until she could hardly breathe.
And then it was over. Matt slumped against her, their bodies limp, glistening with perspiration. Ally lay sated, catching her breath. Matt’s face was buried into her neck. She stroked his hair gently, looking down at their limbs all entangled, wrapped around each other. No one had ever made her feel like that. Ever. Maybe it was because she’d been so frustrated, she didn’t know. She didn’t want to analyze it, but it scared her a little.
Matt shifted his weight off her, leaving one leg across her. He lifted his head to look down at her, his eyes dewy. He stroked her hair away from her face. Then they smiled at each other.
“You’ve done that before,” Ally murmured.
“Not for a while. Was it too fast?”
“Don’t worry, I was way ahead of you,” she grinned. “It was building up all night, after all.”
His expression became serious. “It’s been building up all year.”
Ally stared up at him as he lowered his head to kiss her. Not so frantic this time, the urgency had passed. His lips were tender, lingering against hers. After a while he laid his head on the pillow next to her, his eyes searching hers.
“Ally,” he said softly.
She shifted onto her side, facing him, expectant.
“I love you.”
Ally felt a shiver run through her. “You don’t have to say that.”
He frowned faintly. “I know.” He brought his hand up to touch her cheek. “That’s not the response I expected.”
She sighed, turning onto her back. “How do you know?”
“Know what?”
Ally looked at him. “That you love me?”
“I just do.”
She pulled a face.
Matt propped himself on one elbow. “What, don’t you believe me?”
“It’s not that, I just don’t understand,” Ally sighed. “I told you, I’m not even sure about the idea of being in love. How do you know when you love someone?”
“Nothing’s simple with you, is it?” he said, but his tone was gentle. He reached for her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. He kissed them, then held her hand against his chest.
“I must be in love with you because you drive me crazy and I still want to be around you all the time.”
“That’s big of you,” she smirked.
“And you’ve got a smart answer for everything, haven’t you?”
Ally’s eyes widened, looking up at him.
“It’s true. You’re so strong-willed, you don’t want to let anyone do anything for you. And you think you’re always right.”
“Stop, please, I don’t think I can take all this flattery.” She stared up at the ceiling. So much for romance.
“But you see, then you smile and your whole face lights up, and I go weak at the knees.”
Ally glanced sideways at him.
“You’re funny, and you’re smart. And I love every minute I’m with you, and when I’m not, I can’t wait to see you again. All the conversations in my head are with you.”
Ally didn’t know what to say. She didn’t have a smart answer for that.
“I think I remember when I fell in love with you,” Matt went on. “You came running out the back door at Birchgrove with that gorgeous hair flying behind you, and your big green eyes shining, ready to start work.”
Ally was amazed. She always thought she was ordinary, but he didn’t make her sound ordinary at all.
“That’s when you fell in love with me?” she said in a small voice.
“Well, it was when the fantasies started, at least,” he grinned. “Especially once you picked up that belt-sander.”
Ally smiled shyly. “So why didn’t you do something sooner?”
“Oh Ally, are you kidding?” he grinned broadly.
“Okay, I know you asked me out in the first place—”
“Repeatedly,” he reminded her.
“Yeah, yeah. But, I mean after the wedding. I thought something was happening, and then you seemed to back off. You didn’t even call me when you came back from your holiday,” she said forlornly.
He kissed her hand again. “Ally, every time we were getting somewhere, you ran away like a frightened rabbit. I thought something shifted that day, too. But I wanted to be sure. If I’d made a move and then left for two weeks, you could have changed your mind by the time I got back.”
“So you played hard to get?”
He grinned. “It worked, didn’t it?” He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. “Besides, I realized something while I was away.”
“Oh?”
Matt took a deep breath. “I’ve always felt there was, I don’t know, something missing, even when Sharyn and I were still together, when things were okay. I still felt alone, deep down.” He paused, considering her. “I don’t feel that when I’m with you. Only when I’m away from you.”
Ally tried to swallow down the lump in her throat, but tears filled her eyes. He stroked her cheek.
“What’s the matter, why are you crying?” he said gently.
She shrugged. “I used to feel that too.”
“What about now?”
She cuddled in close to his chest. “Just give me some time to get used to all this,” she murmured. “I’ve never been in love before.”
He lifted her chin so he could see her eyes. “Neither have I.”
Sunday morning
Ally woke slowly, taking in her surroundings, blinking at the sunshine streaming into the room. She could hear the shower running, and she looked at Matt’s pillow, the puckering in the sheets where his body had been. She rolled over onto her back, stretching lazily.
What a night. They had made love again, and again, it seemed to go on forever. Ally had never felt so aroused. Oh, she’d had orgasms before. Bryce had always been very methodical about that. He knew exactly what to do, and Ally had always known exactly what to expect.
Sex had been purely physical till now, she realized. But this time it felt like Matt had reached inside her, touching that place deep within, a place that had shut down a long time ago. Maybe she’d never let anyone this close before. Ally felt like she’d opened herself up to him, and now she was exposed. She felt vulnerable, and a little afraid.
She heard the shower stop, and a moment later Matt came through the door, a towel draped around his hips.
>
“Hello sleeping beauty.” He smiled indulgently at her.
Ally remembered last night, remembered falling asleep in his arms. She wanted to hold him again.
“Don’t I get a good morning kiss?”
He looked around at her, contemplating. “I’ve got to meet Beck in half an hour. I don’t think it’s safe to come over there, I might never get away.”
“Chicken!”
He grinned and walked over to the bed, sitting down and leaning over her. “Hi.”
“Hi,” she returned quietly. His hair was still damp, and there were droplets of water on his skin. Ally reached up and pushed a lock of hair away from his forehead. She wished he didn’t have to go and meet Beck. She had a feeling that things wouldn’t be the same after they left this room.
He leaned down to kiss her and she held onto him tightly. She didn’t want to feel afraid, she wasn’t frightened of Matt.
After a while he pulled back, staring into her eyes. “I didn’t know whether to wake you, you were sleeping so soundly.”
“That’s okay.”
“But I probably won’t have time to drive you over to Meg’s now,” he continued. “I could ring Beck…”
“No, it’s a bus ride from here! I’ll take my time. Wander around a bit.”
“You’re sure?”
“Of course!” Ally insisted. “You go and have a nice time with Beck.”
He kissed her on the forehead. “She’s going to be thrilled, you know.”
“About what?”
“You and me,” he explained. “She’s been hoping this would happen, ever since she met you.”
Ally felt her stomach churning.
“You’re going to tell her?”
Matt looked down at her, frowning. “Is that a problem?”
“No,” Ally hesitated. “It’s just, like I said last night, I’m still adjusting to this.”
“So you want to keep it secret?”
Ally could see the look of confusion, maybe even hurt in his eyes.
“You’re making it sound so dramatic!” she chided. “I just need some time. Okay?”
She looped an arm around his neck, drawing him down to kiss her. She didn’t want to hurt him.
“I have to get dressed,” Matt said reluctantly, getting up. He tossed a notepad and pen onto the bed. “I’ll need Meg’s address if I’m going to pick you up.”
“Oh sure.” Ally rolled over onto her stomach, propping herself on her elbows. When he was dressed, Matt came over and sat down on the bed. She felt his hand on her bare back, then scooping her hair out of the way, massaging the base of her neck.
“I’ll give you her phone number too, just in case,” said Ally, trying to concentrate on writing it down. She felt his lips on her shoulder, as his hand traveled down her spine, lingering on the small of her back, before sliding under the sheet.
“Matt…” Ally warned softly. “You’ll be late.”
He groaned, resting his head on her shoulder. “It’d help if you put some clothes on.”
She smiled, rolling over and pulling the sheet up under her chin. “What time will I expect you?”
“Probably around four, okay?”
She nodded. “What time do I have to be out of here?”
Matt looked at his watch. “Not till eleven, it’s only just after nine-thirty. You can take your time.”
He bent down to kiss her. “Love you,” he said softly, close to her cheek.
“See you later,” said Ally.
She watched him leave the room, smiling back at her before he closed the door quietly behind him. She picked up the phone on the bedside table and dialed Meg’s number.
“Hello.”
“Hi, it’s Ally.”
“So, where did you get to last night?” Meg cooed. “As if I don’t already know!”
Ally sighed. “It’s not what you’re thinking.”
“Oh?”
“Yes, I stayed here in the apartment with Matt, but it has two bedrooms.” Lie number one.
“Oh, come off it, Ally! Why would you stay at all if there was nothing going on?”
“We took Beck out for supper.” Lie number two. “And Matt had a few drinks.” Technically the truth. “He couldn’t drive and there were no taxis about.” They’d managed to find one. “It was easier if I just stayed here, in the second room.” Liar, liar.
“Didn’t he try anything?”
“He fell asleep snoring.” Whopper.
“Don’t tell me he’s gay or something?” Meg said, disappointed.
“He’s not gay!” Ally chided. “Anyway, I just rang to say I’ve got a few things I want to do while I’m in the city, so I’ll be there later, probably three or so.”
“Are you avoiding me?”
She hated that—Meg could read her like a book, and that was exactly why Ally was avoiding her today.
“Of course I’m not avoiding you!” she insisted. Lie number … she’d lost count. “Look, how often do I get up to Sydney? And it’s getting close to Christmas, I just wanted to start on a little shopping.”
“Okay,” Meg sighed dramatically. “I guess we’ll see you when we see you then?”
Ally hung up. Great, now she’d lied to her best friend. The day was going downhill rapidly.
* * *
Ally didn’t set foot in one shop. She didn’t even notice if the Christmas decorations were out yet in Martin Place. The city felt alien to her, gray and intimidating, too rushed. She drifted in a daze down to the Quay and along the promenade to the Opera House. There was a market set up in the forecourt. Tourist fodder. Ally remembered a Japanese word she’d heard once for this stuff. Chindagu. It meant “useless things.”
She walked past the stalls, not seeing anything, irritated by the people who dawdled in front of her. She usually loved the Opera House, she could sit and gaze at it for ages. Today she sat on a bench with her back to its imposing sails, staring at the water.
She hated this feeling. She had made love all night to a wonderful man. A man who said he loved her. So why did she feel like running away? Why was she so terrified?
Ally walked through the Botanical Gardens and up past St. Mary’s Cathedral, then across Hyde Park. She was heading toward Taylor Square when a bus pulled up at a stop just in front of her. She realized that it was heading east, so she jumped on.
She loved the beach, and living at Bondi had been her happiest time with Bryce. When the bus swung around into Campbell Parade, the street was clogged, the carpark full, the beach covered in bodies. Ally slipped off her shoes and picked her way between the people stretched out on their towels, baking in the sun. Hadn’t they heard of skin cancer? Or the hole in the ozone layer? Premature aging? Their brains were obviously as fried as their bodies.
The water was still cold at this time of the year, Ally realized as it lapped around her feet. She wandered along the shoreline until she joined the esplanade. It would take her farther south, and she really should have started heading north, toward Meg’s. But as she walked around the rocky outcrops Ally started to breathe easier. There were still a lot of people around, and they all seemed to be in a hurry: power walkers, couples pushing three-wheeled jogging strollers, skateboarders, people of all ages whizzing by on those odd little collapsible scooters. But at least here she could look out at the expanse of the ocean, smell the fresh salty air. She didn’t feel so hemmed in.
Between Bronte and Clovelly, Ally found a relatively quiet spot where she could sit for a while. She glanced at her watch. One o’clock, only a couple more hours to fill in.
What was she doing? She should be at Meg’s, playing with Harrison, spending time with the friend she hardly got to see anymore. But she was already confused enough. Meg’s sadness was just a reminder that nothing lasts forever. People hurt each other, they leave, they destroy the ones they’re supposed to love.
It was easier to be alone. Lonely, but safe.
* * *
Ally knocked on Meg’s d
oor after three o’clock. She was exhausted. She realized she’d been walking for hours, roaming the city like some lost soul. Ally seriously wondered if she wasn’t a little crazy sometimes.
“I was starting to give up on you!” said Meg as she opened the door.
“Sorry.”
“And just look at the armfuls of shopping!”
“What?” Ally frowned.
“I thought you had Christmas shopping to do?”
“I do! I did!” Ally lied. She wasn’t going to start counting again. “I’m having it all home delivered.”
“To the Southern Highlands?”
“Yes,” she insisted. “David Jones delivers anywhere.”
“But why would you do that?”
“Because I didn’t want to have to lug it around with me all day.” If only Meg didn’t keep asking so many questions, Ally wouldn’t have to keep lying. “Can I come in, please?”
“Oh sure,” Meg stood back and Ally walked through the door.
“Where’s Harrison?”
“He’s with Chris this weekend.” Ally could hear the sadness in Meg’s voice. “They should be here soon, Chris knew you were coming.”
They walked out to the kitchen.
“Do you want a drink? Something cold, or a coffee?”
“I’d love a coffee.”
Meg plugged in the kettle and leaned back against the bench. “So how’s things?”
“Fine, everything’s fine,” Ally nodded. “Busy, you know, but fine. Good, even. Why do you ask?”
Meg frowned at her. “It’s not an inquisition, Al, just a friendly conversation opener.”
Ally nodded. “Oh.”
There was an awkward pause.
“So what’s going on with you?” Meg asked eventually.
“Ah, now the inquisition?”
“Okay, if you don’t want to tell me…”
“There’s nothing to tell,” Ally shrugged. “Listen though, before Chris gets here, how are you?”
Meg sighed. “The same.”
“The same as what?”
“The same as the day he walked out.” She paused. “Only worse.”
“Why worse, what’s happened?”
She groaned. “Nothing, that’s just it. Two months have passed, and we’re no closer to a resolution. We’re not even anywhere near a resolution.”
Call Waiting Page 41
