by Alex Wolf
“Wh-wh-what can I do for you, ma’am?” says Rick.
That’s more like it. “Do you know who Cole Miller is?”
Rick nods again.
I let go of his shirt and he falls back in his chair, gasping to breathe. He palms his throat, but his eyes are still wide.
I point my index finger right in his face. “You find his mother. Immediately. I want it done by the end of the day, got me?”
I checked at the shelter she was staying at earlier and they said she hasn’t been back since yesterday. I know she’s out spending Cole’s money and I’m sick of this shit. She wrecked him and gets to go out and have a little shopping spree? I don’t fucking think so.
“Does she have an address?” Rick says, his voice a little hoarse.
“Do I look like a dumbass? Like I wouldn’t look in the white pages and Google her name first?”
He winces a little. “Can you give me any other information to go on?”
“She’s been living at a shelter.” I rattle off the name. “And she just stole like thirty grand in cash. That’s all I know.” The only reason I know that is Cole told me once that he keeps cash in the wall in case shit ever hits the fan, like a zombie apocalypse or something. I thought it was silly at the time, but not now.
“She did what?” says Dex.
“Look, Harlow, I know you want to help Cole out, but I can’t use firm resources on this, and Rick’s time is valuable to the firm.” Decker takes a step toward me.
I turn to him. “It’s happening, fuckface. And to hell with your resources. He’s doing it for free.”
“I am?” Rick’s eyes widen.
I turn back and glare at him.
“Totally am. Pro bono, boss, I don’t mind.” He says it so damn fast it’s almost impossible to make out his words.
“Good answer, Rick.” I turn around and the brothers are all staring at me.
It’s awkward and weird and I don’t like the way they’re looking at me. I don’t like the fact I had to come here and do this. As much as I hate the way Cole treated me, as bad as I want to punch him right in the dick for crushing me like that, I know if he doesn’t get a chance to confront her, it’s going to eat him up inside forever. He deserves answers. She needs to be held accountable for this, or he might never get over it.
I don’t want him to live with even more pain. I love him. He’s such a good man with such a big heart who has overcome so much.
“Are you okay?” Dex leans down a little, still a little gun shy about getting close to me.
I nod, but I know I don’t look it. I’m on the verge of cracking, and I’ll be goddamned if I let any of them see it. I know I’m acting like a neurotic mess right now, because there are feelings coursing through me that I didn’t even know existed.
“Is Cole okay?”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t think he is.”
“Does he know you’re here?”
I shake my head. “No, he doesn’t want anything to do—” I cut off my words because I feel like my throat is closing off when I try to say them. I’ve never cried in my life, ever. Not once. I have to get the hell out of here. “Look, we’re done, but he needs help. He doesn’t think he does, but I’ve never seen him how he was.”
“Did you try the police?” says Decker. “File a report?”
“I thought your man here was better than the police? And you think they have time to track down a homeless thief for a billionaire? They have more important shit to worry about.”
“Oh, I’m better than the police, trust me.” Rick stands up.
“Where the hell are you going?” I burn a hole in his face with my eyes.
Both of his hands shoot up, like take it easy, fuck. “To hit the streets. Don’t worry, I’ll find her by the end of the day, and I’ll call you.”
“Thank you.”
He walks out, and I turn to my cousins.
I exhale a huge sigh and the enormity of what I just did socks me in the chest. “Sorry, I just… This was the only thing I knew to do.”
Before I know what’s happened, they all have me in a hug. It feels so damn good. I love these guys so damn much and it’s exactly what I need right now.
“We’re family. We always have each other’s backs,” says Decker.
They all let go and Decker puts a hand on my shoulder. “You working today?”
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“Why don’t you set up in a conference room here. We have everything you need. And we can discuss the shit you’re doing for us. You’ll be here the second Rick finds something.”
“So you can keep an eye on me?” I glance up at him.
“So you can be around people who love you,” says Donavan.
I finally nod. “Yeah, that’d be nice. Thanks.”
As we all walk out of Rick’s office, I turn to Deacon. “Why the hell are you here? Didn’t you just have a baby?”
He snickers. “Quinn kicked me out of the apartment.”
“Were you driving her crazy?”
“Yeah, I was trying to get all kinds of Bears and Cubs shit for the nursery and asking questions about every little thing about breastfeeding and vaccinations.”
We take a few more steps. “That seems good, like you want to be involved.”
“Yeah, I think she just wanted a little break from me. It’s all good, gives me a chance to get caught up on a few things anyway. Plus…” His eyes light up and he swipes through his phone. “She sends me pictures like every thirty minutes. Look!” The way his eyes light up when he stares at pictures of Delaney is just what my heart needs right now.
No, what I need even more is for me to stare at pictures of Delaney. I yank his phone from his hand because I can never see my baby cousin fast enough. “Awww, she’s literally the best. I love her so much. Look at her little hands.”
I know I’m a hardass, and these guys are responsible for making me that way, but one look at little Delaney and I turn into a pile of mush. She takes my mind away from everything, all my problems.
Deacon scrolls through a few more pictures on our way to the conference room, showing me all of them he has, and there are hundreds if not thousands.
We get to a small, empty conference room and Decker gives me the wifi password and shows me where everything is.
He walks off and barks at a woman who I’m assuming is Quinn’s replacement. Tate walks by, freezes when she sees me, then pops in through the door.
Last year you couldn’t get Tate and Donavan in a room together, and now they’re like best buddies. It’s weird.
Donavan’s eyes light up like a little boy who gets to tell a story before everyone else. “Fuck, Tate, you missed it.”
I shake my head. I know what’s coming.
Tate glances to me then back to Donavan. “Missed what?”
“Harlow stormed into Rick’s office and he nearly bricked his pants.”
Tate smiles her ass off. “Good, that pervert deserved it.” She sighs. “He’s lucky he’s so damn good at his job, or we’d have fired his ass a long time ago.”
Donavan nods. “Yeah, he’s like a misogynistic superhero.”
“So, how long do you think it might be, before he finds her?” I try not to get my hopes up as I ask Donavan the question.
“I’d say a few hours at most.”
My eyebrows quirk up. “Seriously?”
Donavan nods. “Yeah, maybe faster, as scared as he looked. I think I saw the grim reaper in his eyes.”
“What’d you have to promise him in return?” asks Tate.
“Huh?” I stare at her like she’s an alien. What’s she insinuating?
“Rick never does a job without bartering for something.”
I snicker. “I told him and the boys I’d bury their asses in the ground if it didn’t get done.”
Tate reaches over the table and fist bumps me. “Nice.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Cole Miller
I can’
t believe I made it through this shit show of a day. It’s six and the traffic sucks, but at least it gives me some time to think a little. I glance over at my phone. I still can’t bring myself to call Harlow. Every time I try to do it, all I can picture is the look on her face, especially when she saw the holes in the wall.
I know she’s not afraid of much, but she looked scared. I can’t remember the last time I failed at anything, but I failed at this relationship, and just—fuck.
Before I left the office, I called my general care doctor and asked for a referral. Told him what happened. He said calling him was the right thing and a good step—sounded hopeful. I just don’t know how anyone could fix my fucked-up brain, not now, after all this time has passed. I had to do mental health evaluations to fight in WMMA, but it was always the bare minimum, and those guys were just trying to certify me to fight. They weren’t digging down deep into the shit I have going on.
I have to try this, though. Even if Harlow and I are finished, I can’t live like this, knowing that’s still inside me and could happen again.
I get out of my car and head up to the elevator. My phone burns a hole in my pocket, knowing the call I still need to make. It’s been almost a day now. What’s she even thinking? How is she feeling? I’m pretty sure I destroyed her, telling her to leave like that. I know she won’t sit around and cry over what happened. She probably won’t even sulk, it’s not her style, but I know she has to be wounded.
I get off on my floor and head to the door. When I turn the key, the door’s already unlocked.
What the fuck? Did I get robbed twice in forty-eight hours? Goddamn it!
I push the door open, look up, and freeze in my tracks. The keys fall from my hand and clank around on the tile entryway.
My mother is sitting there, on my couch, with her head in her hands, bawling her eyes out. There’s a stack of cash on the coffee table in front of her. I take two more steps, and my heart squeezes so damn hard in my chest I think I might be having a heart attack. It literally feels like an elephant is sitting on top of me, smashing me into the ground.
Harlow’s there, her arms folded over her chest, in one of her usual black dresses, glaring down at my mom.
Harlow’s head slowly turns to the side and she stares right at me. Those light blue eyes that used to warm me up instantly, damn near turn my veins to ice. My entire body aches, just seeing her.
Mom looks up, sees me, and bawls even harder.
“What is this?” I walk into the living room.
Harlow’s face is cold and unwavering, but I can see her hands trembling.
She stares for another long second, then marches past me.
I try to step in her way, but she shoulders right by.
At the last second, before she gets to the door, she turns around and glares right at me. “Now, we’re done.”
Before I can respond, she disappears into the hallway.
I glance back and forth at my front door, then my mom. After a few long seconds, I sprint toward the hall. I catch Harlow just as she’s about to get on the elevator and pull her back.
“Let go of me.” The words come through her teeth and she yanks her arm away.
“I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m so sorry.”
She looks away at the wall, like she can’t even stomach the sight of me. I see a hand go up to her mouth, but she won’t show me her face.
“Can I just talk to you for a second?”
She steps on the elevator and turns back. There’s a tear sliding down her cheek and her face is bright pink. “I gave you an entire day to cool off and think about things.” Her voice cracks, and she shakes her head. “You didn’t do shit. It’s too late for that now. Goodbye, Cole.”
The doors close and all the air leaves my lungs. I stand there, in a daze, trying to process what she just said. Finally, it hits me and it’s like the whole building is collapsing on top of me. I can’t breathe, I can’t move. I think I might be having some kind of episode.
She’s gone.
I did this.
I could blame it on my mom, but I know it’s my fault. It’s all my fault and all I want is Harlow back and I can’t have her now. Some people say things they don’t mean, like the sky is always falling. They make empty threats.
Harlow is not one of those people. She meant every last word when she said it’s too late. My hands ball into fists and I want to ram my head right through the wall, but that’s what got me in this position in the first place.
I gasp, trying to breathe and it feels like all the blood in my body rushes into my face; I can hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears. Eventually, I take a few deep breaths, because I have to deal with my mom. She’s still in my living room.
What the hell am I going to do?
Don’t flip the fuck out and punch things again, that’s a start. Just talk to her.
I know that’s what I need to do. Just take one thing at a time. Fix this, then take care of my other business.
It’s like my shoes are filled with concrete as I walk back to my condo. When I walk in, Mom is still sitting there on the couch.
I walk over and take a seat beside her. She bursts into tears again.
I look straight ahead and shake my head. “Why?”
“I-I-I don’t know.”
“Yeah, you do. Tell me.”
“I-I-I’m sorry.”
“Not good enough. I deserve to know the reason.”
She gasps a few times, trying to catch her breath, then says, “I was just sitting around here, and I don’t know. I got bored and I just, did the only thing I know how to do, started snooping around. I found the safe, then found the key in your desk and it opened, and I saw the money…”
“Was it for drugs? Do you have a drug problem? I don’t understand what’s going on.”
She finally turns to look at me and bursts into tears again. “I’m sorry. I just…” She pauses. “I’m sorry for letting you go all those years ago. I loved you. I promise I did. I just wasn’t any good for you, Cole. I promise I wasn’t. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.”
“I forgave you for that. I meant what I said before.”
She shakes her head. “I didn’t deserve it. I don’t deserve how nice you’re being to me. You should hate me. I would hate me.” She buries her face in her palms again.
“So you were punishing yourself?”
She doesn’t respond to my question, just sits there.
“Don’t you realize how selfish that was?”
She glances up at me. “What?”
“You might’ve punished yourself, thinking you weren’t worthy, but didn’t you stop and think of what that would do to me? Did you ever consider me when you made any of your decisions? Or was it only about you?” I stand up, my jaw clenched, and I yank the money off the table and walk over to the safe. “I would’ve given this to you. I don’t give a fuck about it.” I lower my voice.
She continues crying, but good. She needs to know that what she does affects more than just her.
“Did you even need it?”
She shakes her head.
“Harlow won’t talk to me now.” I know she’s not completely to blame, but it still wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t shown up. “It’s my own goddamn fault, but still.”
I walk back over and sit down by her.
“I’m sorry.”
A million thoughts go through my mind. All of them are about Harlow. I was so damn selfish, not calling her or trying to explain anything, and now she wants nothing to do with me.
“Mom, look at me.”
She moves her hands and her eyes roll over to mine.
“You can’t stay here anymore.”
She nods. “Okay.”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t want to know you.”
“What?”
“Yeah, this is salvageable, but it’s going to take a long time. It’s not going to be easy.” I put a hand on her shoulder.
She reaches up and smothers
my hand with hers.
“I think I know what you need to do.”
“What?”
I nod. “You need to forgive yourself.”
She nods again, then stands up, and walks to the door.
I get up and follow her.
She takes a few steps toward the elevator.
“Mom?”
She turns around and wipes a tear from her eye. “Yeah?”
“I’m not going to call the police or anything. I have all my money back.”
“Thank you.”
“Just… stay in touch, okay?”
She nods. “O-okay.”
Then, she walks the rest of the way to the elevator.
Just like that, I’m alone again. It fucking hurts, bad.
Chapter Thirty
Harlow Collins
I’m at home, on my couch, watching Sleepless in Seattle.
I’ve been on a chick flick marathon, and these movies are such fucking bullshit. This stuff never happens. They just met up on the Empire State Building, and I want to throw the remote through the screen.
“Fuck you, Hollywood.” I bite a huge spoonful of ice cream. “Spreading lies!”
God, who am I right now?
I glance down at my phone. No missed calls. I glance back up at the screen as they kiss, and a tear slides down my cheek. I wipe it away with my shoulder.
“Goddamn it, Cole Miller!”
I burst into tears and I absolutely abhor myself right now. How did he do this to me? Turn me into this? I don’t fucking cry!
My hand comes to my mouth and I bawl, staring at the TV screen. He can fight the toughest men in the world, and he couldn’t fight for me? He didn’t even try. How could he tell me he loved me and then do this shit to me?
The worst part is, I just want to hear his voice. I just want him to touch me one more time. I felt so safe when I’d wake up, wrapped in his arms. It was a security I can’t even describe and one I never wanted from any man, but now that I had a small part of it, it’s all I want.
Doesn’t he know he could show up right now and I’d probably take him back? I’d make his life hell and yell and scream at him, threaten all kinds of bullshit, but all he has to do is kiss me once and I’d be helpless.
