by Pat Flynn
I send it to my entire address book and bingo! That’s what I get in the mail the next day – one Instant Scratch-It bingo ticket.
It takes a long time to scratch and even longer to figure out if I’ve won or not. Eventually I find out that the answer is not.
The next day I get no scratchies and think that maybe someone is intercepting my mail, like Kane. But then on the third day, it happens. When I get home from school I’ve got so many letters that the mailbox couldn’t hold them all. Mum said that the postman had to come inside and dump the letters on the kitchen table, and then he stayed for a cup of tea and complained for an hour about getting attacked by magpies and dogs. Mum said that if he stayed any longer she was going to start attacking him herself, and let me tell you, that would have been much worse for the postman.
Just after I start scratching, Belinda and Simon join forces and do a commando raid on my room.
They reckon they deserve something for helping me. I whack them with pillows but they’re armed with high-powered Nerf guns, and they take off with half of the scratchies.
‘Hope you lose!’ I yell at their backs.
A few minutes later I hear whooping and hollering, so I go to Belinda’s room to check it out. Between fits of laughter they tell me that they both scratched winners at the same time. Simon got $200 and Belinda $250.
I tell them I’ve won $250,000, and walk out.
But I was lying. After an hour of scratching all I’ve got is twelve bucks. I’ve still got about 50 tickets left but my arm is killing me. I think I’ve got scratchies elbow.
I’m about to offer Simon money to help me scratch when I come up with an idea. Grabbing an old pair of ice-skates from the shed, I put one on and start skating over the scratchies.
It works like a charm, except when I skate too hard and slice one in two.
Darn!
An hour later I’m done. Hundreds of scratchies have earned me a total of … $87. Talk about rigged. Still, it could be worse, and there’s no reason why I shouldn’t keep getting scratchies for the next few years and win lots, lots more. No reason at all.
Until I check my email.
*
At first I smile because I can see that it’s my own email sent back to me. It’s really getting around.
But then I notice that the title is different.
THIS IS A FAKE! DO NOT SEND SCRATCHIES!
Far out! It’s been fiddled with!
Underneath is a large photo of me. I’m on my bike, and below the photo it says:
ONE THING IS TRUE. TONY ROSS IS HANDICAPPED. CHECK OUT THE HAIRCUT!
And there it is, me with hair that’s blow-dried and jagged and poofed up like fairy floss. It’s even worse than I remember.
Under the photo are comments like:
What an Emo!
and
The biggest loooooser of all time!
and
That’s so funny! ROFL
My first thought is: Who the heck is Rolf?
My second thought is: How could Lacey do this to me?
As I’m trying to figure out what to do, I get another email. It’s from Ashleigh.
I need to talk to you. Can you come to my place right now?
I’m not sure what to do. She probably wants to kill me in person. But I decide to take a chance.
I grab something from my underwear drawer, mumble something to Mum about being home later, and jump on the bike. It’s crunch time.
Ash opens the door when I arrive. ‘You’ve got some explaining to do.’
‘Yep,’ I say. ‘You see—’
‘Not here. In my room.’ She turns and starts walking down the hall.
Phew, I think. Gives me a bit of time. I had no idea what I was going to say after ‘You see’. But as I’m walking past the closet where I once locked Ash and me in while we were making out, I start having second thoughts. Devo could be in her room, behind the door or under the bed, waiting to kill me.
I think about turning around and running out, but I can’t. This is my date with destiny, only her name isn’t Destiny, it’s Ashleigh.
I sit on the chair and she sits on the bed. No sign of Devo. Yet.
‘I know about the video,’ she says.
‘Oh.’
She must have seen the email and realised that people know she gave me the worst haircut in the history of hairdressing.
‘Lacey called me up. She told me what happened.’
‘She did?’
Uh-oh, I think. Who knows what Lacey said? It could be even worse than the email.
‘And I must say, Tone, it was hard for me to believe.’
‘It was?’ This doesn’t sound good.
‘Yep. When she told me that you asked her to film the haircut because you wanted to show the world how great it was, I was gobsmacked.’
I know how Ash felt. I’m gobsmacked right now and I don’t even know what the word means.
‘But then when I remembered what you said about the men at the council holding you down and shaving off all your hair, it started to make sense.’
‘That’s good.’ And it was, because it was as clear as mud to me.
‘So is that what happened, Tone? Did you really love the haircut like Lacey said? Or did you hate it? You can tell me, I just need to know the truth.’
Ah, the truth. It’s a funny word. Kane says to never tell girls the truth, only what they want to hear. And he does pretty well with the chicks. What should I do?
‘Well, Ash …’
She looks at me with puppy dog eyes.
‘That haircut …’ I start blinking really fast. ‘… was the best thing that ever happened to me. When those mean council dogs shaved it off I was shattered. And then when you didn’t believe me it was like a kick in the goolies.’
I put my head in my hands and peek at her through the gaps in my fingers.
She looks horrified. Maybe I went too far with the word goolies?
‘I’m so sorry,’ she says. ‘I should have known not to listen to my mum. She can be such a cow sometimes.’
Yes! She bought it hook, line and sucker.
‘Yep,’ I sniff miserably. ‘You’re right. She is a cow.’ Before I go any further, I need to know something. I stop snivelling. ‘So, umm, where’s Devo?’
Now it’s her turn to get watery eyes. ‘I … I broke up with him.’
‘Really? That’s terrible.’
Yes! Awesome!
‘What happened?’
‘Well,’ she says, ‘he kept giving me really expensive gifts. It was like he was trying to buy my love, you know?’
‘Yeah. Of course I know.’
‘I want someone to love me here.’ She pats her heart. ‘There’s only one guy I’ve ever felt that from.’
‘Who?’
She points in my direction, and I turn to make sure there’s no one behind me.
There is. Buddy Franklin flexes his huge tattooed arms at me, but I reckon I could rip him in two. Especially as he’s only on a poster.
‘I know that my mum and all my friends told me to never, ever, ever give you another chance,’ Ashleigh continues, ‘but now I think that what they all said about you can’t be true.’
‘What did they say?’
‘That you’re a total loser.’
I shake my head. ‘I’ve been mister-judged my whole life. It’s so unfair.’
She gestures me over to the bed and I sit next to her. Cool.
‘I think that anybody can make one mistake,’ she says. ‘Even a big one like breaking up with me.’
Oh. The dumping thing. I was hoping she wouldn’t bring that up.
‘Yeah. I’m sorry about that,’ I mumble. ‘I … umm … liked you so much I think I got scared.’
‘That’s sweet. So, Tony
Ross, do you have something to say to me?’
‘Yep.’ I hop off the bed and get down on one knee. ‘Ashleigh …’
She looks at me expectantly.
‘… would you like to go to the monster truck show with me?’
She laughs. ‘Well, I was hoping for an apology, but …’
She reaches down and touches my arm. ‘I think you deserve another chance. Even though I hate monster trucks, I’ll go.’
I’m happy she said yes, but I hope she’s joking about hating monster trucks. That could seriously damage our relationship.
We hug. She feels warm and soft.
‘One more thing,’ Ashleigh says. ‘If you ever dump me again, I’ll tell Matt and his friends to hurt you really, really bad. Okay?’
She’s smiling and I hope she’s joking, but I’m not sure if she is.
She gives me a soft, slow kiss and my doubts fade away. Who cares? I’ll never want to dump her again. I’m sure of it.
*
The next day I walk to Kane’s house, but it’s not Kane I’ve come to see.
‘Why?’ I ask Lacey when she opens the door.
‘Why what?’
‘Why did you tell Ash all that stuff?’
She shrugs.
I think I know the reason so I go ahead and say it. ‘You were feeling guilty for sending the photo to everybody, weren’t you?’
Her shoulders straighten. ‘It wasn’t me. Someone hacked my phone.’
It doesn’t take me long to figure out the prime suspect. ‘Kane?’
She nods. ‘He denies it, of course …’ She looks away, then back into my eyes. ‘I’m sorry I ever took that stupid video. When I saw the photo online, I wanted to make things right.’
‘Thanks,’ I say.
‘How’s things with Ashleigh now?’
‘Really good. We’re going out again.’
‘That’s cool.’ She says. ‘Although …’
‘What?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Tell me.’
‘Aww …’ She looks at her feet. ‘I was just thinking that if it didn’t work out between you two then I would’ve …’
She stops.
‘Would’ve what?’ I ask.
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘No, tell me, Lace. Come on, we go way back, remember?’
It’s true. I used to double her on the back of my BMX bike.
‘Okay.’ She bites her lip. ‘I … would’ve liked to try the kissing thing. With you.’
I’m shocked. This is Lacey, Kane’s little sister talking! The girl I’ve known since she was in nappies. ‘Since when did you get so grown-up?’ I ask.
‘Since ages ago. I’ve been waiting for you to catch up. Look, I better go before I embarrass myself any more. See you, Tone.’
‘Yeah. See ya.’
She closes the door and a strange feeling comes over me. It starts slow but builds like a wave until I can’t ignore it anymore.
What if Ash isn’t the right one? What if it’s Lacey?
Far out!
Lunchtimes from Hell
I’m perfecting the latest skill I’ve learnt in SOSE class – going to sleep with my eyes open – when I’m rudely awoken.
‘Tony! Are you listening to me?’ says the teacher.
‘Yes, Miss.’
‘Well, what did I just say?’ She has her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.
‘Ummm … You said, “Tony, are you listening to me?”’
Kids chuckle. Miss Mason sucks air through her nose. But before she can turn it into nasty words, the bell rings.
I run out the door as she yells something about history homework, but it’s already history to me.
It’s handball time.
On my way to the courts, I pull a sandwich from my bag. You can’t play good handball on an empty stomach. I wonder what topping Mum has slapped on this time. Peeling back the bread I can hardly believe what I see. Vegemite and banana!
Cool. For once, Mum gave me what I asked for.
Gavin Fox falls into step beside me.
‘Heard what happened to Kane?’ he says.
‘What?’
‘He got detention.’
Yes! I think. Without Kane I’m a shoo-in to become King. Sucker!
‘What’d he do?’ I ask.
If anyone would know, it’s Gavin. He spends so much time with his ear to the ground it’s got grass stains.
‘He got caught inside the girls’ toilets.’
I prick up my ears. Kane may be one of my best mates, but gossip like this is gold. It means I can use it against him when I really need to.
‘How do you know?’ I ask.
‘Kristin told me. She heard it from Belinda, who got it off Damien Parton. He heard it from Kane’s own mouth.’
I take a bite of my sandwich. ‘What was he doing in there?’
‘Writing on the toilet doors.’
‘What was he writing?’
‘Dunno.’
‘Probably his own phone number,’ I say.
We chuckle.
We’re close enough to the courts to hear the sweet thud of ball against cement when Ashleigh Simpkin steps in front of me.
‘Tony, we need to talk.’
Normally, a girl wanting to talk to me would be a good thing. Especially as she’s cute, nice, and a good kisser – not to mention my girlfriend. But having received four Instagram photos, three instant messages, two notes and one email from this same girl in the past 24 hours, I hesitate. I never thought I’d say this, but I think I’d rather play handball.
‘Tony. Now. In private, please.’
I shrug to Gavin and he keeps walking. It may be my imagination but I reckon he speeds up. Without me or Kane, he’s got his best chance ever of becoming King.
‘What is it?’ I ask.
‘Well, I’ve done something really cool.’ She puts her hand on my arm and goosebumps pop up like toast. I must admit, it feels good.
‘Yeah? What?’ I’m thinking it’s two tickets to see MegaKiller, or even better, two tickets for the next monster truck show that’s coming to town. The last one was wicked.
‘Well, you know how we agreed that we need more quality time together?’
‘Ummm … yep.’ I remember no such thing, although I’d better not tell her that. Not if she just spent twenty bucks on me.
‘Well, I’ve signed us up for those lunchtime cultural enrichment activities.’
‘You did what?’
‘Yeah, it’ll be really fun. Today is reading and writing group, tomorrow’s public speaking, then environment, and then social justice.’
I’m speechless.
‘I thought we could have Fridays off to do our own thing,’ she adds.
‘Gee, thanks.’ My voice drips with sarcasticness.
She mustn’t notice because she beams. ‘No problem.’
Yes, there is. This is not what I had in mind when it came to the whole girlfriend/boyfriend thing. I imagined us hanging out once a week – kissing in the back row of the movies on a Friday night. If she still needed more time with me then I’d let her watch me play handball.
Hey, I am good.
But spending my precious lunchtimes with the geeks – reading books and going to meetings about how to make the world a better place – is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. I’m about to tell her this when I get a better idea.
‘I gotta go to the can,’ I say.
‘Hurry up, Tone. The meeting starts in, like, five minutes. I’ll meet you in the library.’
‘Yep. See you there.’
Even as I say these words, I don’t really believe them. It’s not that I don’t like Ash, it’s just that going to the library at lunchti
me is against my religion. The Rossy-thinks-lunch-is-for-resting-your-brain religion.
On my way to the toilet I walk past Lacey, Kane’s little sister. She’s hanging out with a group of girls from the younger grade. They giggle as I approach, probably because they think I’m hot.
I stop for a quick chat. ‘Lace.’
‘Hey, Rossy. Whatcha doing?’
Lacey and I go way back so I can tell her the truth. ‘Trying to escape from the GF. She wants me to go with her to book club.’
Lacey pretends to stick two fingers down her throat. My thoughts exactly.
‘One thing I know about you,’ she says, ‘is that you’re no nerd.’
‘You got that right.’
‘Ashleigh’d know that too …’ Lacey’s baby-blue eyes stare into mine. ‘… if she was the right person for you, that is.’
My stomach starts krump dancing. It’s been happening a lot lately and I don’t know why.
One of her friends giggles. ‘Look, he’s staring!’
‘Am not,’ I say, dragging my eyes away.
By the time I reach the toilet my decision is made. I’m gonna have to break up with Ashleigh. I unzip in front of the trough, trying to think of what excuse to use. I’m leaning towards … It’s not you or me, it’s just the way things have to be … when a hand grabs my shoulder from behind. It makes me jump, which affects my aim.
‘Hey!’ I yell. My shoe just got wet.
‘Scare ya, mate?’
I can’t see the face but I know the voice. It’s Devo, Ashleigh’s ex. He’s older, bigger and richer than me, and everyone says he’s still got a thing for Ash. She dumped him to go out with a real man. Not that I’ll be telling him that while he’s got his hand on my back and I’m facing the urinal.
‘Been looking for ya,’ he says.
‘I’m a bit busy, mate. Can we talk later?’
‘We’ll talk right now,’ he says, squeezing my shoulder.
It hurts. ‘Fair enough.’
‘I can’t believe Ashleigh chose you. She’s smart, pretty and cool, and you’re not.’
I’d like to argue but it’s hard to feel tough when your fly’s down.
He continues. ‘Now, I could be bitter about losing Ash and just beat you up. Or, even better, I could threaten to beat you up unless you break up with her.’
Yes! I might just be the luckiest bloke alive. Talk about a good excuse for dumping Ashleigh.
